Regretfully Yours...
He was right. She was a sex kitten; forceful and generous and very in control of what she wanted. The marks left on his back were proof of that. They had sex twice that night finally falling asleep after showering together just after 3:45 a.m.. She was fierce - passionate even - and yet it would never be more than just sex to Jack. So what if it was their second "date"? To them it was about exploring, learning and getting to know each other. Jack was just gratified that he could finally sleep with someone without having to envision Carter every time he closed his eyes. Staring at the stuccoed ceiling, he exhaled a breath he didn't realize he was keeping in. To say he was conflicted was putting it lightly. Each day he would let go of Carter a little bit more. Her ice grip on him was starting to melt away. His laugh, time and antics no longer belonged to her – he owed her nothing.
He was happy with Kerry. And he no longer felt guilty about having someone in his bed, just pissed that he hadn't let go sooner. He was getting over her the only way he knew how - by pushing her farther away from him; it was something he needed to do. If she ended up hating him then he would feel less guilty about treating her the way he'd been. It had been a rough transition -- staring up at the ceilings on restless nights he would often find comfort in the thought that maybe one day Carter would be lying next to him staring at the textured wall together. He spent many nights like this. But this time it was different. Kerry had shown him that much. Even in his state of pain and turmoil, he was able to steal a few hours of happiness for himself. She kept him sane in the short time they'd been together. She kept him real. She was real, he was real and them together was real. There was no room for interpretation or false hopes. There was no fabricated love affair with unspoken words or misunderstood glances.
Did it hurt? He tried to fight it – tried to shut it out the way Carter so easily shut him out. He could only imagine what Daniel had to say about the entire thing and was momentarily glad he didn't have to. Daniel would undoubtedly find a way to blame him for the entire situation. But he missed him. Even if having him back meant hearing all the shitty things he's done in the past few weeks, he would gladly choose having Daniel over not. Daniel stated the obvious. And although he hated to admit it Daniel was right most of the time.
As he drifted off to sleep, he glanced over at Kerry lightly stroking her still-damp hair that fell over the pillow. The smell of her scented shampoos would no doubt linger in his bed linens. It was the first time in a long time that he remembered enjoying another woman's company. Jack was heartless at best with all the others; he would pick them up at bars, fuck them senseless and then send them packing before the night was through. Not that any of them complained, but Kerry was different somehow. And he liked her. He promised himself that if things ever got serious with her that he would somehow break it off before he screwed it up. She was a good kid and somehow he was delaying her progress towards finding the oh-so clichéd Mr. Right. He was being selfish and he knew it. He would miss having her around when she finally did come to her senses. Kerry deserved better - not some old worn out soldier who was hung up on a woman who didn't reciprocate his feelings...who silently led him on for so many years before replacing him altogether in one swift moment with the three letter word "yes."
Was he being unfair to Carter? No. He was treating her the way he treated everyone else on the base - like they didn't matter to him. His job was to keep himself detached and that is exactly what he was doing. No one received any special treatment - least of all her. He would push her away and hopefully keep her away for the short time he had left at the SGC. Jack looked forward to his upcoming transfer. He'd be closer to Kerry and hopefully would be in a position to start over.
Kerry groaned and rolled into his warmth mumbling "go to sleep" as she nuzzled under his chin. Her damp hair was cold on his chest and as much as he tried to fight off the need to sleep, he slowly lost that battle drifting off with his red head - his little sex kitten - in arm.
to be continued...
Author's Note: Hey guys, so it took me a while to decide whether or not to make this chapter long and basically split into two sections or to just make them into two shorter separate chapters. I decided to keep the sections separate that way the events make more of an impact. As always let me know what you think about the chapter or how the story is progressing... good or bad I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing. Thanks for those who reviewed previously; I appreciate your comments and love hearing from you guys.
I know I've had a request to make chapters longer but no matter how hard I try to keep the length up I find that I get into this vicious cycle of repetitive paragraphs and the writing just goes downhill from there. I'll see what I can do for the next few chapters.
Chapter 8 is 1/2 done...