AN: Well good day readers! ^_^ I hope that you are all doing well! Not much to say here accept thank you for sticking with me! I know there have been some rough spots throughout the story but you guys help me keep on going.(otherwise much like a few other writing projects I'd just leave it unfinished lol)

[L's POV]

Most people would probably describe me as unfeeling, uncaring, cold and calculating. If they only knew half of what went on in my head, perhaps they would have a change of heart…

This was supposed to be a simple case. I almost hadn't taken it, but something sparked my interest. The boy… It was all too 'convenient' as Sakura would put it, that a boy all the way from America coming here as a stowaway would randomly be captured in a kidnapping and said kidnapper would figure out that he had a beacon chip relaying his location then proceed to remove it. I knew this boy was the key to solving the case from the moment I read the case file. Why hadn't I told her that in the first place? Maybe she wouldn't have tried to go after him then… But that information would have probably just furthered her resolve.

We had argued about her going after the boy. This was also the point at which I discovered, by chance, her heart condition. I knew as soon as I saw the bottle of nitroglycerin pills but I still wanted to hear it from her. How had she been able to keep this from me for so long? Aside that, why would she keep it from me? What did she gain? It didn't seem a logical route no matter what angle I thought from… However, logic didn't always seem to apply to her. While this was generally something that intrigued me about her at this moment it simply was frustrating. She always reminds me of a hurricane… Sometimes you can predict the path, but you can't stop it. And sometimes it veers completely off the route you've predicted and causes unexpected pain.

This was just what happened. She had returned from speaking with Watari. I remarked at her quick return. "He already knew," she told me as she slumped herself into the chair next to me. I must admit I was slightly upset with both of them at this point though of course I wouldn't let such a thing show on my face.

At this point I told her that officers from Scotland Yard were about to pick up the man we had watched. Of course she kept on with her idea of surveilling him in hopes of further information. To which I disagreed with as much authority as I could. Of course this wouldn't deter her from doing what she wanted. As soon as my eyes set upon her empty smile I knew she was up to something, something that probably would not end well. Apparently my expression betrayed me. I saw a moment of regret or guilt on her face before she said she was simply going for a drive.

I watched her walk out the door and kept a watch on the monitors switching to cameras in the house. I saw something I hadn't expected. Aside from her being bowled over by the ever attentive Matt… Mello was being rather persistent about something, not allowing her to leave. Unfortunately we hadn't set up audio feeds throughout the house yet at this point, though after this day I made certain we had audio in all common areas of the house.

After some apparent discussion they all left together. Unfortunately it was impossible to bug any of her vehicles. She was neurotic, for lack of a better word, when it came to them. I knew better than to touch any of them. The children had played a little joke involving balloons and whipped topping. Let us simply say that there is still a weekly "car wash day" due to this mishap.

At any rate, I was highly curious if not slightly concerned about what they were all doing together. Mello has never been one to keep a level head and Matt's gentle nature wouldn't allow him to take over the situation even if he knew it was wrong, or so I thought.

After they left I switched the cameras back to London and continued to monitor, suspecting the boy would not be taken with the man whose information I sent to Scotland Yard. After some time staring at the screens my focus was waning, there was nothing happening in the streets of London out of the ordinary. I went to make some tea under the 'a watched pot never boils' theory.

No sooner had I gotten the kettle on the stove, Watari walked into the kitchen. I glanced over not really certain what to say considering as soon as I saw him I was reminded of the fact that he kept Sakura's condition a secret even from me. He's a surprisingly astute man though. "I'm sorry L, it simply wasn't my place to say anything about her medical situation…" he told me. As much as I logically understood this, the fact that he kept something so important from me still aggravated me. "Besides, what would you have done differently had I told you? Would it make anything better knowing that? There is nothing that lamenting the past will do. The best we can do is look to the future," Watari said to me his lips turning up into a smile when he finished speaking.

Somehow he always had a way of making me feel calmer. I simply nodded in agreement conceding that he was actually right. I stood for a moment contemplating what I would have done differently had I known. Maybe I would have paid more attention to her in years past… Maybe I'd have gotten to know her better… After all if she's kept this from me, who knows what other secrets she may have. I realized the more I thought the more it started to sound like thoughts one would have after someone died. I still had time to be with her… I was doing just what she hated. Even if she never knew, in that moment I wanted to apologize to her.

I was completely lost in my thoughts not realizing that Watari had already taken the kettle off the fire and the tea was now steeping on a hot pad. I walked over to the oven not quite thinking and went to turn off the burner that was already off and grabbed at the air where the kettle should have been. Luckily it had only been Watari and I in the room. Something so absent minded wouldn't be explained away easily.

Watari laughed quietly as guided me by my shoulders into a chair at the island in the center of the kitchen. "Love makes one do very out of character action," he said speaking of my reaching for a pot that was no longer on the stove. "I just want to know why… Why didn't she tell me?" I finally vocalized my frustration. "You should ask her… Because she is the only one that really knows the answer to that. All this aside… Why didn't you go after her when she left the house?" Watari asked. "Honestly I hoped that when she told me she was going for a drive that it was true… Then when the two, Mello and Matt had gone with her…" my voice trailed off. The truth was I had no idea what to say to her and I knew that everything I was thinking would just be met with more anger. I didn't want to fight with her. I just wanted her to stay here, where she would always be safe. I could watch over her… Harm would never come to her if we were together… I wouldn't allow it. But now she was out there somewhere. In the chaos where she was completely comfortable, potentially playing a sort of roulette with her life. I got up quickly realizing there was no time for idleness. I had to find her.

Without a second thought I quickly made my way back to the room I had been in and switched all screens to cameras in London again. Flipping through all the views searching with desperation, hoping to see the Camaro I'd seen leaving from the house. Just as I had found the car Watari called me. "We need to move quickly, Sakura's been injured," he said. Shock hit me like a bucket of cold water. "I'll be right there," I told him slamming the phone down running now out when I got to the driveway the doctor's van was idling and a car was right behind. Watari stood at the car motioning me to come.

We started off on our way to London. My hands clenched, who ever had done this, they would pay… She had been stronger than anyone I ever had known. Yet somehow this danger always surrounded her. Impatience gnawed at my mind. Wondering, worrying…

What would I do when I saw her? How bad was the injury? Would she live? Would I get to tell her again that I love her? I had to… She couldn't die… It was too soon. I was going to do everything in my power to make sure she survived… Because if she didn't, then why should I? It seemed my sense of purpose faltered thinking of being without her.

My heart sank when my eyes set upon the scene. She was lying in a pool of blood, Mello nearly in tears at her side as the doctor assessed her situation and the nurse attempted to consol Mello to no avail. I could see angry disbelief in his eyes at her words. My eyes then went to Matt who was currently in murderous fury. Something I never thought possible from him, but at that moment I was tempted to simply stand and watch. This boy deserved to suffer, to feel the pain. But this wasn't the way Sakura would have wanted this to end. "More death never solves any problems…" I could hear her voice in my head. If there was anything she despised it was murder.

I told Matt to let go of the boy. His rage flashed in his words, "forget it, if S dies then so does he!" As much as my heart agreed I had to keep her wishes in the forefront of my mind to get through this. "Justice will not prevail if you kill him here… Do you really think this is what she would want?" I told him quietly as I rested a hand on his shoulder trying to express that I understood his feeling. He slowly released his grasp and reassured him that he'd done well.

I roughly pulled the boy to his feet and put handcuffs on him making sure to tighten them to a point of discomfort. I led him back to the car opening the back door and making him sit then sharply closed the door just as it looked as though he were about to speak. I would deal with him later when my head was clear.

I walked around the car to Watari. "Go with her, I will escort the young man to the hold," Watari said without my having to make any request. "Thank you…" I replied quietly. He always did know me better than anyone. So often I never had to say a word, he knew what I wanted or needed. I will always be grateful to him.

I went back to where the doctor had just finished his preliminary stabilization of Sakura to allow for her to be moved and taken to a hospital. He looked over to me giving a confident nod. "This isn't a fatal wound, though she will need a slight surgery and will have to be monitored over the next few days to ensure that she's healing at an appropriate rate," the doctor told me. "If she's so fine why isn't she talking!?" Mello yelled. "It seems the shock of the wound made her lose consciousness. This is actually a good thing, since she's not moving unnecessarily. Her vitals are all within reasonable limits. The sooner we get her to the hospital though boys, the sooner she will get on the path to being healthy again," he said. I pulled the doctor to the side as a couple attendants put her into the van. "What about her heart," I said quietly. "Her heart rate is slightly heightened as expected but the rate is not dangerous," he said. "You know she has a heart condition which she takes nitroglycerin for, right?" I told him.

The look on his face confirmed that he'd never been aware of it. "I'll have a cardiology consultant meet us at the hospital with the surgeon," he said quickly pulling out his cell phone to make all the necessary calls as he went toward the van. I looked over at Mello and Matt their hands intertwined as they stared at each other. Good, they've got each other to depend on, I thought to myself if the worst should happen they would be able to consol one and other. "Mello, Matt let's go," I said as I got into the van.

The two quickly jumped into the van behind me. "Where are we taking her?" I tried to maintain what little composure I could watching her unmoving body as the medical team kept a close eye on all her vitals. "London Bridge Hospital, it's here in the city and I have a friend in cardiology there who will be consulting," the doctor told us. "Cardiology?... What the hell is he talking about that for?" Mello said with a look between anger and concern. I told him not to be concerned it was simply a precaution.

While I hadn't made the promise of keeping condition a secret I didn't want to have two panicked teenage boys on my hands for hours on end. I began to understand Watari's mindset more in this moment watching the concern on their faces. It would do no good at this point to mention her condition.

Everything was a blur of chaos once we arrived at the hospital. Various hospital staff running around as Sakura was pulled from the van on the stretcher. We followed closely in tow until they went into surgery where all we could do was stand and watch the doors close locking us from her. "I should have anticipated this… I should have just stopped her instead of edging her to take me with," Mello yelled as he hit the wall.

"There was no way you could have foreseen this Mello. That aside, you know that there really isn't any way to stop her once she's set her mind to something," I told him attempting to remain calm for all of us. "It's true, you can't really stop a force like her…" Matt said as he sat on a bench in the hall. "That's bullshit! We should have done everything we could! Tied her up! Whatever it takes! If she dies in there, It's my fault," Mello said his tone going from anger to quiet despair, finally admitting his true thoughts.

"Please Mello, sit down… You've done nothing wrong," I told him. "How can you stay so damn calm about this!? She could fucking die and here you are… Just like damn Near… Don't you feel anything?!" Mello yelled. Be mad at me.. It's alright… If that helps you get through this I'll take it a hundred times, I thought to myself as I sat listening to his berating tear. "Mello, it's not going to help her yelling at him… We just have to wait…" Matt said quietly as he put his hands in his vest pockets.

Mello sat down next to Matt without a word. The surgery seemed to go on forever. We sat waiting and every once in a while Mello would go off on a tirade to which Matt would take him down to the vending machine to get a chocolate bar. On the last run he brought one back for me as well. "Thank you," I told him setting it down next to me on the bench across from the boys.

The doors of the surgery wing kicked open and the surgeon came out. My mind flew a mile a minute and I rose more quickly than I thought I was which seemed to give the surgeon a bit of a shock as he jumped slightly when I came face to face with him. "She's just fine… She is being moved to a room on the third floor for observation. She will probably seem a bit out of it and tired for the most part the rest of this evening but she pulled through just fine. She's quite a fighter," the surgeon told us.

"Of course she's a damn fighter!" Mello said with a slight triumphant tone taking a large bit of his chocolate bar. Matt stayed quiet and a smile formed on his face. I nodded my agreement. "What room will she be in?" I asked. "Room 329. Give them about an hour and she'll be all set, possibly even awake," he told us. "Very well, I greatly appreciate your efforts," I told him.

With this information we'd all lightened up a bit. "Only she could us all this worked up huh?" Matt said with a slight grin. I couldn't help but laugh a little, it was true. To which the both of them stared at me as thought they'd seen an alien. "You…laugh?" Mello said with surprise. "You do realize I am human," I said. "Hmm, I wasn't so sure," Mello said. "Well then, as a display of my humanity why don't we get something to eat before visiting S…" I told him letting a smile form on my face. "Whoa… pod people are real!!" Matt said with a jokingly shocked look. "I'll believe you're human, if you're buying," Mello said grinning. I simply shook my head knowing I would end up with the bill either way.

We went to a café around the corner that had possibly the best chocolate torts outside of the ones I'd had in Switzerland. Mello and I proceeded to gorge ourselves on torts as Matt sat back sipping a coffee. "Don't you want to eat?" I asked, probably looking fairly ridiculous as I could feel the chocolate stuck to my lips. "Not if I'm going to end up looking like you two, thanks," he said laughing quietly. "Eat something you anorexic jerk!" Mello said forcing a tort on Matt which of course became a giant dramatic battle between the two ending with more chocolate on the floor than consumed by Matt.

"That's quite enough. I don't want one of you to end up in the hospital," I said trying to get them to calm down. They sat back down just as the manager was coming over. Convenient how quiet these two get when trouble arises. "Sir, if you cannot control these boys I will have to ask you to leave," the manager said sternly looking at me. "Actually sir, I have no idea who these boys are. Feel free to have them vacate the facility," I replied coolly. Mello looked at me his hand balling into a fist. "Oh, I think this one is about to become violent, we may want to call the police," I said looking at Mello. "Can we just go already L!?" Mello yelled. "Fine fine… I believe this will cover the bill and the cleaning," I told the manager putting a fifty pound note on the table. "Ah.. Yes, please come again," he said in a cheery tone.

As we walked out of the café Mello mumbled angrily under his breath. We got back to the hospital and Mello and I walked toward the elevators. I noticed Matt wasn't following. "Hurry up Matt!" Mello yelled. "Go ahead… I'll be right up," he told us waving us on. We both simply shrugged and kept walking. As we got onto the elevator Mello asked what I thought Matt might be doing. "I'm not sure really… Perhaps getting some sort of present for her?" I replied. "Shit! I should've thought of that. She loves those stupid little teddy bears! Damn Matt…" Mello said grumbling. I just shook my head.

We got to the third floor and looked at the floor map. As we were looking a woman approached us. "I take it you two are looking for Miss Yamashita?" she asked. One of Sakura's alias names. "That's right… How did you know?" Mello asked. "Well I was told to be on the lookout for you. But there should be three not two?" she said.

"Yes, I err… Think he's in the gift shop…" I told her wondering what exactly she'd been told to look out for. "What a sweet boy… Why didn't you two bring anything?" she said curiously. "Ah.. well.. err.. That is… I hadn't thought of it until we were in the lift," I told her wondering why she was even asking. She just shook her head at us. "Alright, well I suppose I'll show you to the room. Even if you are empty handed," she said in a teasing tone. "That would be appreciated," I replied.

We followed her to the room and she walked in with ease. Mello and I both paused at the door. "Come on now, there's no monsters…" the nurse who led us to the room said with a laugh. We walked in and I looked over to Sakura. The color was returning to her face and she looked as though she was sleeping peacefully despite the various monitor wires and IV's. "I thought the doctor said she'd be awake," Mello said quietly. "Oh this girl is awake… Faker…" the nurse said poking Sakura in the arm.

"Hey! That wasn't the deal…" Sakura huffed quietly laughing. She looked over at us softly smiling. My heart was mixed with happiness and anger that she'd gotten herself into this dangerous situation. Of course the happiness had won out when she stretched her hand out to me waving for me to come closer to the bed. "Mello, could we have a minute?" she said. "Um… Okay," he said in a confused tone then walked out of the room and the nurse followed him with a beaming smile.

"You… you…" I stumbled over my words trying to figure out what to say as this over whelming feeling came over my whole body. My eyes blurred. I didn't know what was happening. "It's alright… Everything is going to be just fine. Don't cry," she said in a soft reassuring tone. That's what this is? What a horrible feeling… I thought to myself. I hadn't cried since I was a small child so the feeling wasn't familiar…

I sat down on the bed and she took me in her arms pulling me close. Her hand gently ran through my hair. In this moment I began to wonder if she was the strong of the two of us as she gently consoled me. I breathed heavily taking in her fragrance, plumeria… I remembered her telling me about making leis out of this flower when she was little. I would have been perfectly content never to leave from where I was.

"Hey…" she said quietly and I looked up at her. "I heard I've got a consult coming this evening?" she said curiously as she wiped my eyes. "Ye..ah.. err.. Yes," I said her gentle touch sending shivers down my spine. "Do you think I should get the surgery?" she asked calmly. I looked around slightly nervous. This whole thing was a point of contention. She never ceases to surprise me… What should I say? What was the right answer? I didn't even know what the surgery was at that point, I couldn't tell her to do it without knowing anything about it. "Don't be so nervous!" she said laughing. "Honestly I don't know… I would need more information before giving you my opinion… And even then, it's not about me… This is your choice," I told her honestly.

"Fair enough… Make sure the doctor tells you everything… If I go back to sleep, I want you to talk to them for me," she said. "What? What do you mean? For you?" I asked her in a concerned tone. It almost sounded as though she wanted me to make the decision for her… "I trust you to do the right thing L… I've been doing this on my own for a long time… I'm really tired… Tired of debating, tired of being scared, tired of hiding from everyone…" she said with a quiet yawn as her eyes fluttered.

"Wait… You don't mean…" I said pausing. "Like I said.. I trust you… There's no one else I'd trust with my life the way I trust you L… After this, I want it to be the last time we ever talk about the condition… Whether I get the surgery or not… I'm not going to live worrying about it anymore," she said and took a deep breath closing her eyes falling quickly to sleep.

She wanted me to choose for her… Will I be right? Will I be able to make the right choice? I wondered to myself as I watched her sleep.