Chapter Seven
Spock raised an eyebrow and moved towards the chair McCoy had indicated with a sweep of his arm. McCoy still stood however and eventually resumed pacing.
"Spock, two days ago, you told me that you loved me," he began.
"I believe my exact words were-"
"Never mind that," McCoy said, dismissing that with a wave of his hand. "That's what you meant, isn't it?"
He took Spock's silence as a yes.
"To tell you the absolute truth, Spock, you could have bowled me over with a feather when you said that." He paused, taking a moment to examine the extremely uncomfortable Vulcan. His face looked darker as if he had not been sleeping well and his mouth was set in a thin line.
"I'm not sure I know where to begin," he said.
"Perhaps, then, you should dismiss me and be done with it," Spock remarked acidly.
The jab hit home and McCoy winced. "Spock...I know that I have a history of failed relationships. First with Jocelyn...hell, I've failed in my attempts to be a father to Joanna."
He resumed pacing, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"I'm nothing special, Spock. I'm an ill-tempered old curmudgeon with a fondness for liquor, swearing and seeing the worst in things. I'm the sort of man who is supposed to die alone and lonely."
His pacing grew more erratic as he felt Spock's dispassionate gaze on him.
"I've let people down. I run away from my problems." He paused mid-step. "I'm telling you this because you don't know what you love," he said bitterly.
"I...have hurt Joanna more times than any decent father should be allowed. I have no way of knowing how she would feel..." he took a deep breath. "If I told her I was gay."
Spock's eyebrows shot to his hairline at this, but he could find nothing to say in return. McCoy flopped into a chair opposite Spock and stared at his hands.
"Joanna...is everything to me, Spock. I couldn't bear to hurt her."
Spock nodded slowly. "I understand. I will leave you now, Doctor."
"Sit your pointy-eared ass down and let me finish," McCoy growled. Spock hastily complied.
"I couldn't bear to hurt her," he repeated, "so I sent her a message. We talked for an hour and the subject came up."
Spock couldn't imagine how Leonard could have possibly woven that revelation into a conversation, but he let the man continue.
"Spock. I'm a broken, tired man. I can't promise any sort of happiness, d'ya understand?"
They sat quietly for a moment.
"Well, you are only human," Spock said mildly.
Leonard paused a moment and laughed until he was choking for air. The unreality of it all, that this man had so quaintly summed up all of his faults into one neat little package amused him to no end.
Wiping his eyes, he set one hand on the desk.
"I just want to give you fair warning."
"Of what?"
"It's only right that you know what you're getting into," McCoy drawled.
Spock's eyes widened. "Am I to assume that you reciprocate my feelings?" he said deliberately.
"That would be logical, yes," McCoy said with a slow, easy grin.
"You...being logical."
"Perish the thought, darlin,' because it won't last long," he said, carefully extending two fingers in Spock's direction.
"I don't know what we're getting into, Spock, but I'm willing to give it a try."
Too moved for words, Spock's answer was simply to brush two of his own fingers against McCoy's. Together they sat, absorbed in the enormity of the moment. Spock gazed out the window to see the moving stars. Tonight, they seemed, to him, wonderfully alien and remote. The coolness of Leonard's fingers over his own anchored his body to the present, but his mind leaped ahead in a dizzying rush of possible futures...
Each one more thrilling than the last.
It's not over yet! One more chapter! Hope everyone enjoyed that one and as always, reviews are welcomed! Also, please check out my new Spock/McCoy story - A Bitter Affair.