Title : The Pain In My Heart

Author : Saraste

Fandom : Inuyasha

Pairing : Miroku/Inuyasha

Rating : M for mature themes (the aftermath of rape).

Warnings : contains a non-graphic depiction of rape, some blood, dis figuration

Summary : Inuyasha is unlucky enough to accidentally cross paths with Naraku while alone, Naraku beats him near to death and rapes him. Will Miroku be able to pick up the pieces of Inuyasha's shattered heart and make him whole?

A/N : Originally written in Jan. 2007, edited in Oct. 2007. This chapter is just mush, pure, unadulterated fluffy mush.

Chapter 7

Miroku trod slowly into the room. Inuyasha was laying on his side. He seemed to be in a deep sleep. Miroku sat by him and sighed deeply.

He loves me?

The monk tucked away some stray strands of the white mane from the hanyo's face. Miroku cringed when his gaze fell on the deep, ugly gashes running over Inuyasha's eyes. They weren't the puffy, bloated wounds he had seen weeks ago but still scabby scars. Not yet fully healed, the skin around them was red and they were still seeping a mostly clear liquid clotted with dark strands of Naraku's poison. The monk forced himself to swallow the bile rising up in his throat.

He had to look away.

But then he looked back, etching every detail into his mind's eye as a reminder of what he would have to save Inuyasha from. He knew Inuyasha probably didn't know how bad his eyes looked, but he must have some idea. He would have to try and save Inuyasha from his self and from the memories that haunted him, and remembering those clear signs etched on his face was a way to do that.

Now while Inuyasha slept, and wasn't constantly throwing him out, Miroku had a chance to see how his other wounds had healed. The hanyo's limbs were still covered in bandages and so was his torso. His face, except for the small cuts and bruises that had already healed, had not even been bandaged save for his eyes.

Miroku didn't even want to think how the worst wounds, done by Naraku as he had violated, raped Inuyasha and torn at his insides, were healing. Didn't want to think how his precious, beloved hanyo had suffered in the bastards hands.

But the worst wounds, the one's which might never even heal were those of the heart, of his soul. Miroku prayed that Inuyasha would let him close, let him love him. Otherwise he feared that the hanyou would just slowly wither away.

Miroku withdrew his has reluctantly as the hanyo stirred, shifting in his sleep, moaning voicelessly. Miroku stared at him twist, clench his hands and trash. Fevered words fell as a whispered mantra fell from his lips.

"No.. Please.. Please.. No.."

His tone was so pained. Pleading with the nightmare in his head. The living nightmare he'd gone through. It broke Miroku's heart.

He rushed to aid Inuyasha when he coughed up blood as the after effects of the poison still lingered inside of him. Inuyasha hacked and drank greedily as Miroku held up a cup of water to his lips. Then his body tensed, his half awake brain realizing who it was sitting by his side. He began to withdrew, pushing at the monk weakly. Wishing him away.

"I told you to go away..." His whisper was forced, as if he was acting against his will. If not his will, then his heart. Inuyasha wanted for Miroku to be happy, something he thought he could never give the other. "I.. Please Miroku.. I.."

The monk didn't answer. He deftly picked up the jar of herbal salve by Inuyasha's bed, applied it gently to the skin on the mangled parts of the hanyo's face. Then he picked up a fresh roll of bandages and rolled them in place over Inuyasha's eyes in silence. Having finished, he grabbed the now unresisting hanyo in a fierce, protective hug and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"I won't. I won't let you face this alone. I won't leave you. I love you Inuyasha. I can never erase what was done to you but I don't think that he sullied or dirtied you... In you I see the man I love. The man who won't let me love him.."

He connected their lips in a fierce and sweetly possessive kiss. Inuyasha tensed again. Miroku poured his soul out to him, rubbing gentle, soothing hands over his back until he calmed.

Something inside the hanyo shifted but didn't disappear altogether. He gave in to his hearts desire, gave into the closeness. When they broke apart he rested his head against Miroku's shoulder.

"When he, that bastard.. When he blinded me all I could think was that I'd never see your face again. The face of the man I loved." Inuyasha turned his bandage covered face to him, planting a kiss on Miroku's lips. His hand running over the monk's features, feeling them.

"I'll keep you safe, I'll be your sight, your strength...," Miroku whispered as their lips parted.

Inuyasha let himself believe in his words. Let himself trust him. Let down the hastily built walls around his heart. Let himself be happy.

If just for the moment, the tiniest fraction. If he could have this, maybe it would be enough?