Two days later, Thursday, Mordecai and Benson wandered around the local MegaMart and searched the for snow salt.
Mordecai had his blue wintercoat and Benson dawned his yellow coat and black scarf with some boots (that looked too big for him) because lo and behold, it did snow later in the week. It was a day earlier than Benson expected. Benson hated when he wasn't prepared and he voiced it loudly to Mordecai, unfortunately. He mumbled and grumbled all the way to the store and all Mordecai could think about was how Benson complained about the smallest things. All the time.
They got there relatively quick, considering everyone and their freakin' grandma decided that then of all times was a nice day for a drive. The two of them went to the aisle labeled "Weather Prep" and came up empty handed. Benson huffed, rolled his eyes and suggested they go in the gardening section next, not really sure it would be there but it wouldn't hurt to just to look.
Mordecai wore his new black-rimmed glasses that he now needed. He originally went to the eye doctor who, after hearing why Mordecai was there in the first place, sent him to a neurologist who did an MRI on him and concluded his brain was fine, a little stress on the right side but nothing serious. He did notice Mordecai bumped into the door while trying to leave and sent him back to said eye doctor that diagnosed him.
"Spontaneous Astigmatism." The doctor said. He wrote it down in Mordecai's file. "Caused by the upper right part of your brain getting a little rattled. Anytime a part of the brain is disturbed or put under a particularly harsh physical trial the nerves corresponding to that portion react funny. Just be lucky the upper left part of your brain wasn't irritated."
"What part does that control?" Margret asked. (Margret drove Mordecai there and accompanied him inside. It just so happened she was dating the eye doctor this week.)
"The bladder." The doctor, or rather Steve, he wanted Mordecai to call him Steve, said.
Psh. Neither me or Margaret is gonna remember his stupid name.
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Mordecai pushed his glasses up his top beak when they started slipping and Benson kept making annoyed sounds. Mordecai ignored it once or twice but it started to annoy the crap out of him.
"Dude what?"
Benson seemed taken aback, but recovered and replied with a nasty "What do you mean 'what?'"
"You keep making those noises. You sound like you're constipated."
"I'm not making any noises. And I'm not constipated."
"Okay, whatever." Mordecai frowned.
This was starting already? The first official day and it's starting? Mordecai couldn't believe it.
Benson rolled his eyes and stood akimbo. No salt in sight. Mordecai did feel bad that he wasn't really looking. He lagged behind Benson, going through the shelves mindlessly..
Benson took immediate notice.
"If you're going to fake help couldn't you at least do it better?" he complained.
"I'm helping! I'm looking through everything, checking all the bags. Ah see! Found some salt!" Mordecai held up a white and blue bag and smiled victoriously.
"Are you even reading the labels? That's a bag of dog food!"
Mordecai studied the bag he held and- well damn. It was a bag of dog food. "Pup and Circumstance", to be exact.
"That's weird. Somebody left this dog food in the gardening section. Huh."
"I think we should separate." Benson said dryly. He was already walking away from Mordecai. "If you decide to help me look, you can find me in the on the other side."
Mordecai yelled after him, "So I don't have to help then?"
Benson didn't respond. He acted as if he hadn't heard him. Mordecai saw his boss disappear behind a stack of manure and decided that was the time to check out the new shipment of technology and gadgets.
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"So that should be it." Steve smiled and took off his blue rubber gloves with a snap. "If anything feels weird or out of place you just come on down and I'll take care of you friend."
Mordecai stifled a laugh. "Sure thing."
Steve nodded at Mordecai and got up to throw his gloves away. He opened the door and grinned at Margaret.
"See you later Maggie?"
"Of course!"
Steve closed the door softly. Mordecai started laughing and laughing as Margret sat puzzled at his behavior. Mordecai stopped himself and breathed in a little.
"'Friend'? I see you're dating Mr. Rodgers."
"Shut up!" Margret hit Mordecai playfully on the arm and soon enough she was laughing too.
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Benson got lost in the baby depot after he roamed around pointlessly for about ten minutes. Mordecai was probably off watching the plasma screen TVs so he saw no reason to look for the damn salt either. Pink and blue bunnies sang a sweet song of happiness and teamwork in the most disgustingly saccharine tune and Benson needed to get the hell out of there. Then he saw a familiar face.
The spunky, red head EMT was studying some formula about five feet away from him.
"Ma'am?" Benson approached her slowly not wanting to scare her off.
She furrowed her eyebrows for a millisecond but instantaneously became smiles and giggles once she got a better look of Benson.
"Why if it isn't the gumball machine man from the city park! How are you, dearest?"
"I'm God. No! I mean, good. Good. I'm not God, nobody's God except God, Y'know?"
Benson remembered why he never went out and socialized much.
The redhead smirked at Benson's ramblings. "And your name again, sir?"
"Benson. Just Benson. And your name, Miss?"
"Oh! Lorelei Townsend." She smiled and shook Benson skinny hand. They must have been still cold, Benson judged from Lorelei's small grimace.
She had orangey red hair that curled and twisted to her shoulders. It was in a bun when Benson last saw her. She was wearing a black shoulder less dress with a beautiful choker with some sort of gem encrusted in them.
"Aren't you a little overdressed for a trip to the MegaMart, Ms. Townsend?" Benson joked.
Lorelei looked down at herself and smiled embarrassed. "I'd forgotten I was wearing this… I came from a party when my sister asked my to pick up some formula. New nephew."
"Congrats."
Amazing how she had such gorgeous clothes and jewelry on a health worker's salary.
Lorelei's face suddenly became worrisome. "Benson, I was wondering how your bird friend was doing? I wanted to go to the park and ask but I didn't want to be intrusive…" Lorelei trailed off.
"No, that's sweet of you. Really. Uh, he's better. Went to the doctor today and just some mild brain distress."
Lorelei's expression got even more worried. "Brain distress?"
"Well yeah. When the car hit him he landed on his head pretty hard."
"But he didn't get hit by that car." Lorelei said with her head titled and a nervous smile forming. "At least not on purpose anyway."
Benson thought about what she said, and was about to correct himself, but stopped..
"I mean." Benson shrugged. "As annoying and irresponsible as he, Mordecai, is… He wouldn't do that. I don't think."
Lorelei stared blankly at Benson for ages. Her eyes were wide and glossy. Benson was too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice.
"Mordecai wouldn't do that. And since when do I take Mr. Maellard's side in anything?" Benson sounded disgusted with himself.
Lorelei broke her little trance but continued to stare at Benson. She looked like she didn't know where she was.
"What?"
Benson shook his head and smiled at Lorelei. "Nothing, Ms. Townsend. It was nice talking to you."
Lorelei waved at Benson. It appeared, to Benson at least, like a huge load was taken off of her.
"Sure! Nice talking to you Benson!"
Benson turned on his heel and walked past Lorelei.
He went right back to drifting about.
Meanwhile, Mordecai sat on the prop couch in front of the plasma TV display. Mean British Chef was about thirty minutes in (though it was the premiere again) and guess who was the blonde butt monkey?
"Oh Nancy. You can never win, can you?" Mordecai shook his head and actually felt bad for old Nancy.
Nancy was crying in the bathroom when it cut to commercial.
"Hello. Are you incredibly wealthy? Are you having legal troubles? Suing somebody? Getting sued yourself? Forgot to mind those annoying child labor laws again? Then you're watching the right commercial!"
Mordecai's blood boiled.
"I'm Jerry McGuire."
A huge red disclaimer flashed on the screen and an announcer read it lightening fast. "Jerry McGuire does not have nor has he ever had any association with the classic 90's film 'Jerry McGuire', the said film and lawyer Jerry McGuire have absolutely nothing to do with each other and any connections between the man and movie are completely coincidental."
"And I want to help you stay rich. Or get richer. Whatever gets me paid more."
"Jerry's Law!" A happy chorus of sopranos chimed. "Screw-in' over poor people since two-thousand three!"
Mordecai shot up from the prop couch and kicked the plasma in a blind rage.
Once his mind cleared and he realized what he had done, it was too late.
The TV fell down with a deafening "boom!". Mordecai just stood there with his mouth open.
"Crap. I shouldn't have done that…"
Mordecai scanned around to see everyone in the area staring at him. Amongst the on lookers was a store manager.
An incredibly angry store manager.
"Sir. I think you're gonna have to pay for that."
"Uh…" said Mordecai stupidly for a moment.
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"Seriously Margaret. Why are you with this guy? He's so... Dad-ish. He's wearing a sweater vest for Christ's sake!"
"He's not that bad... Yes he is..." Margaret laughed harder. "But! But! You would have not liked Steve anyway."
Mordecai lifted an eyebrow. "Yeah. Cause he's a dork."
"Oh~ I detect some jealousy."
"Maybe you do."
They were silent for a moment, Margaret stopped laughing as hard and damn, Mordecai pushed a little too far this time. Margaret brought it down again.
"All of my boyfriends are dorks." she giggled softly.
"Whatever... I'm just saying you could do much better."
Mordecai calmed himself down and didn't say anything until they were cleared to go.
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The MegaMart security called for Benson on the loudspeaker immediately after the fact.
"Could a Mr. Benson please come down here and collect his employee? A Mr. Benson?"
"I have a name!" Mordecai yelled in the background.
Benson sighed.
Benson came into the little office saw Mordecai sitting across an from a pudgy guard. Between them was a few doughnuts and cards. Mordecai was handcuffed to his chair by one hand and held his card with the free one. Benson eyed the handcuffs and groaned.
"Oh don't worry. That's just regulation. Mordecai here has been pretty tame."
Benson closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"What did you do?"
"Well… This guy is so good at slapjack it should be illegal!" the guard said chuckling.
"I swear I'm not cheating!" Mordecai laughed as well. "Maybe I'm just better than you, Stuart."
Benson crossed his arms. "You got picked up by security… Because you're good at cards?"
The guard laughed. "Oh no, he destroyed a plasma TV."
"What?"
"Yeah." Mordecai admitted, chuckling under his breath. "I broke a TV."
"Haven't we all though?" The guard shook his head and stared off nostagically.
"Wha- What… Why?"
"A moment of insanity. I swear. It was like I blacked out!"
Benson pretty much started the countdown until explosion from there.
"I understand. I'm the same way when Mean British Chef comes on." The guard commented.
Ten.
"Holy crap… You watch that show too?"
"Anytime I can!"
"What do you think of Nancy?"
"Oh. My heart bleeds for Nancy. She can never win!"
"I know, right?"
Nine.
"But what about Keith? Poor guy. He planned that pot pie for weeks!"
"I gotta go with the British Chef one this one." Mordecai shrugged.
"What? That pot pie looked pretty good."
"Pft. Give me a bran muffin and a couple of minutes. I could make a dish one hundred times more appealing. And with less carbs!"
Eight.
"Fine. Let's agree to disagree but you have to admit British Chef is pretty harsh."
"Oh no. Those people knew exactly what they were signing up for. The show's callled Mean British Chef not Super Nice Dude That Cooks! I don't feel a shred of sympathy for those wannabes. Except Nancy of course."
"Poor, poor Nancy."
SevenSixFiveFourThreeTwoOne.
"Can we just pay for the friggin' TV and go, PLEASE?"
Benson had his famous red tint and stood in front of Mordecai and the guard breathing in and out harshly.
"Sure, sure." The guard got up and unlocked Mordecai's handcuffed hand. "Hope you had a lovely shopping experience at MegaMart."
"Thanks." Of course Benson said it in a way that made everyone else hear 'Screw you.'
Benson walked out and Mordecai sheepishly followed, waving a quick goodbye to the guard.
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It was silent when they walked passed the MegaMart automatic doors.
If one more person told him to have a "Mega nice day!" Benson was going to shoot someone.
Benson was too angry to speak. If that was how the next six weeks were going to go, he had to take immediate action.
He had to lay down some rules.
Mordecai thought it dangerous to talk and upset Benson anymore than neccesarry. He was just happy the employees handed out free hard candy as they left . Mordecai loved hard candy. He knew how childish that sounded.
They stepped outside and Benson looked for his keys. He realized his coat had too many pockets. Why were there so many pockets? He didn't need this right now.
"This entire experience was… Ridiculous." Benson seethed, breaking the silence. "I would expect this sort of thing from that Rigby or Muscle Man even… Just ridiculous! What the hell were you thinking? I hope you didn't intend on eating for the next couple of weeks; that plasma TV you destroyed in your 'temporary insanity' set us back... Eh. Unbelievable."
Mordecai still said nothing, but brightened up when he looked out of the corner of his eye. Hopefully this would make Benson a little happier.
"Benson, look!" Mordecai held up two huge green bags. "I found the snow salt!"