Walking back to Vigil's Keep was uncomfortable. She wished they could just head straight to Knotwood Hills but they needed supplies before any attempt at a deep roads entrance. No one was speaking with each other. Kallian couldn't stop going back to the moment she freaked out, losing her sense of where she was. It was dangerous, but more than that, it was scary. Hearing Anders' voice right next to her only barely brought her out of it. Nathaniel was lost in his own loop of thoughts. Coming to terms with his sister and perhaps finally accepting the truth of his father's actions, she hoped. So instead what she was left with was an uncomfortable and awkward and confusing environment of emotions.
It helped that Anders was distracted by his cat, feeding and crooning over the orange tabby. Kallian still saw his occasional lingering stare, not calculating, but thoughtful. She averted her eyes, putting up a wall around herself. Not now, Anders.
Several times during the day Kallian thought about joining Oghren in his drunken stupor. It might be fun to be ignorant of her worries for a day, but common sense dictated she be alert, no matter the confusion and uncertainty that swarmed her mind.
The group was met at the gates by a messenger - obviously on standby for their arrival.
"Welcome back, Commander! The seneschal has a few notices for you, something of urgent importance regarding the nobles. The cave-in in the basement has been opened, the men were waiting on your return before they did anything further." They walked side by side back to the keep as the messenger gave his report. "Also an unmarked letter arrived addressed to you. No one recognized the seal, and it had this big black feather with it."
"A feather?" Kallian could almost feel her ears perking up. "You're sure, a black one?"
"I believe so, yes."
Kallian was off running. She didn't care if her companions followed. Trees and people blurred beside her as she ran to the main hall. Zevran.
The doors slammed open, the hollow sound echoing through the quiet chamber.
"Ah, Warden-Commander, I see our messenger reached you." Varel was in his usual place, looking up from some documents as the doors fell closed behind Kallian.
"My letter?"
"Yes, there was a letter, I have it here." He handed her a pale envelope. "Now that you're back the nobles of-"
"The nobles can wait. I'll be back!" Kallian was already backing away, hands shaking with a nervous excitement, a bubble of laughter tumbling forth.
Kallian skipped, skipped, up to her room, thumbing away the wax seal as she went. It was as if he knew that she needed this. This was the something she had needed to push her forward.
The seal removed, and door pressed behind her, Kallian flopped back onto her bed like a lovesick teenager and began to read.
Greetings from Antiva!
How strange it is to be on my own. After being by your side for so long, I find myself, rather lonely. Of course there is not much time for loneliness when there are Crows to be found. Speaking of those murderous birds, I have made several contacts in Antiva City. I won't speak of my plans in this letter for there are always wandering eyes and slippery fingers, but this I will say: the game is on.
Enough about the Crows. I only wish this were a trip for pleasure and that you were with me. You are una estr ah excuse me, apparently my writing in Common is not quite as fluent as my speaking. Here for but a few days and already I am slipping into Antivan. Eres como una estrella, tan bella para admirarla y tan lejana para tocarla. You are like a star, mi amor, so beautiful to admire and so far to touch. Such a foreign ache I feel in my chest these days for you. I am left wanting, maybe you are understanding this, yes?
Think of me before you sleep at night, and perhaps we will meet in our dreams - and hopefully they are very dirty. Sorry, mi amor, you know I had to, a man's hand can only do so much.
Until my next one, I am yours,
Z
She could hear his accented voice in every word. Laughing at his comment about dirty dreams, and aching with him at his longing for her. Yes, she did understand. Somehow having this letter, it sharpened that ache, a fist clenching around her heart. It wasn't enough. She wanted more, intoxicated by his words, and the teasing of what she was missing. There was so much to say. So many unspoken words. Was he safe? Was he being careful? And Kallian had no way of voicing these thought to him, her heart slowed to a dull thud. She couldn't write back. She didn't know where he was, didn't know how to contact him without compromising whatever advantage he may have had. Secrecy and stealth were his friends right now. So she sat and ached with him. Why did it hurt? She wasn't expecting it to hurt, but all she could feel was the absence of him. A piece of paper in place of her lover. She dropped the letter from unfeeling hands. It wasn't enough.
Kallian laid back, chest heaving from the sudden hurt, eyes prickling. She scrubbed her face furiously. He was okay. He had the time to write to her, he was a professional. Zevran knew what he was doing and Kallian just had to trust him. The aching lightened as she breathed deeply in through her nose. She did trust him.
"Commander!" Anders' voice rang through as he knocked, opening the door a half second later.
"What's the point of knocking if you open the door anyways?"
He momentarily looked abashed. "It's just, there are nobles here, lots of them. And an apostate, a pariah, and a drunken dwarf are not particularly well equipped for this sort of situation."
"Nobles. Here, now?"
Anders winced and that was all Kallian needed for confirmation. "Tits. Andraste's bloody tits."
"Pretty much sums that up, yeah."
Kallian blew out a breath of air. "Okay, are my eyes red?" She faced him fully, feeling her face warm up under his stare. He was too good looking to be this close to her.
Anders' eyebrows crinkled together. "No they're not."
"Perfect." Kallian brushed past him, not wanting Anders to make anything further of it.
"Kallian," Anders reached toward her, but clenched his fist, thinking better of it when she turned around. "Were you… are you okay?"
"I'm fine. It's nothing," she met his eyes firmly. Just being an over emotional girl.
She didn't make it too far into the hall before she ran into the other wardens.
"What are all the nobles of Amaranthine doing here? Right now?" Stress made her voice raise higher in pitch, an internal cringe rang through her.
"They're here to swear fealty to you. But I imagine you'll also be hearing other concerns and issues that need to be addressed," Nathaniel informed her.
"The darkspawn need to be addressed!" Again cringing at the whine in her voice. Her eyes widened as she looked at Nate. "Nathaniel. Nathaniel Howe. Help me, please. I don't know what to say, what to do, you can help."
His mouth twisted into a self-satisfied grin, "Pariah, remember? They don't want me anywhere near them."
Her shoulders dropped. "Oh now you smile. Tits."
"I can take care of 'em for ya. Oghren style!" Oghren nudged her side.
"By what? Fouling up the room so badly with your smell so they all have to leave?" Anders said innocently.
"You're all so helpful. Really, It's so great I have you three as my wardens," the sarcasm dripped from Kallian's words. "Well, chin up, tits out - that's what Shianni always says." Kallian looked down where her leather armour pressed tight against her chest, flattening her already small breasts. "Right…"
Several disgruntled faces met the elven Arlessa's when she entered. Perhaps they didn't like to be kept waiting, or they simply sneered at the fact that she was an elf. The latter was unfortunately the likelier of the two.
"If I hear one muttered 'Knife-ear' I'm out of here. They can sort out their own sodding problems," she whispered into Varel's ear to which he nodded and she sat down in the overly lush chair to await the swearing of fealties or whatever this whole thing was.
Lord after lord presented themselves in front of her, a Bann what's-his-name had a broken bridge, Lady whoever was missing a shipment of silks. Trade, farms, everything gone to shit pretty much and of course it was suddenly Kallian's job to fix it. Maybe not so suddenly, as she recalled the inumerous favours and odd jobs she had done during the Blight. She couldn't contain her groan.
"I'm sorry my lady?" The noble in front of her heard the poorly suppressed noise of boredom.
Kallian straightened in her seat. "Um, yes go on. You were saying about…?" She trailed off as she realized she had been caught not paying attention.
"The cattle." He prompted.
"Right, yes, the cattle." Kallian nodded and hmmed at all the right places, subtly looking to her seneshal to call it quits.
She almost hoped one of them would tell her they had been overrun by darkspawn. Then she could at least be all impressive and Grey Warden-like and actually do something. Backed up trade, poor crops; she didn't have those answers.
At long last the room cleared and Kalian slumped backwards, looking at the ceiling. "Thank the Maker." Her sighs echoed around the empty room. Even her wardens had stayed well away from this task.
The seneschal was at her elbow after sending off the nobles, in what was quite possibly the most dignified and polite way possible, rather than booting them to the front steps which would have been all too satisfying to see.
"There is…" Varel hesitated, "A slight problem."
Kallian flung an arm over her face. "What. What now?"
The guard captain stepped forward. "There have been rumours, mutterings really, of a coup."
"A what?"
Varel and the captain exchanged glances before the captain continued. "There are still nobles loyal to the late Rendon Howe. Promises were made, gold exchanged. These nobles want to overthrow your power."
"Oh is that all? People trying to kill me, as usual." Kallian leaned over to one side, propping her chin on her hand. "I imagine you have some sort of solution? Unless I'm the solution? The last few nobles who got in my way ended up pretty dead."
"That's really the heart of the problem," Varel informed her. "We don't have any confirmed names."
"I could volunteer my soldiers to keep on eye one the nobles of the surrounding area," said Captain Garevel.
Kallian shook her head. "We already lost too many guards, we need them here." She didn't voice her distrust in the guards to actually do such a job. As she always said, nobles and guards - they don't see shit.
"There is another way…" Garevel appeared hesitant to make this suggestion. "There are rumours of a 'Dark Wolf'. Some sort of informant - a spy - that can be hired, but at quite a cost."
"Those are rumours." Varel tried to shut him down, but Kallian was intrigued.
"Do you have a better suggestion?" She turned to the seneschal.
"I wouldn't call it a better suggestion by any means. Nor would I recommend it, but you could invite all the nobles here. Set up your own surveillance of them, in your own territory. Frame it as a party."
"Invite all the nobles back here...as a party?" Kallian snorted. "Brilliant, I think this Dark Wolf is our best bet. Where do I find him?"
Varel chuckled, "I told you I didn't actually recommend that option. These rumours place the Dark Wolf in Amaranthine."
"Shit, are you serious? We just came from there. Okay I'll go back there after we go to Knotwood Hills." At Varel's confused expression she elaborated. "Turns out there's a chasm that leads to the deep roads there. I figure if I'm in the deep roads no one is gonna try and kill me there. No one beyond the usual darkspawn. So there's no rush on finding the Dark Wolf until we're back."
"Sounds like a plan Commander," Varel smiled. "Anything else I can do for you?"
"We still have to perform the Joining for Nathaniel - I'd really prefer to do that before we go anywhere near the deep roads. And then we need supplies for our expedition. It always takes longer than expected when it comes to the deep roads."
The seneschal nodded and the guard captain took his leave. It felt amazing to just be able to ask for supplies and then receive them. No more sharing tents, scrounging for coin, hoping to hunt for enough food - she actually had people to support her actions this time around.
She gathered her wardens back together and prepared for Nathaniel's joining. Her stomach twisted when Varel reappeared with the same goblet they had used before. Kallian had never found herself to be particularly religious but again when it came to the Joining she found herself praying to the Maker for her recruit's survival.
Kallian spoke the words and was surprised at Nathaniel's solemnity when his grey eyes met hers.
"Maybe you're right. Maybe this way I can restore honour to my family's name." And then he drank, falling to the floor a half second later.
With trepidation, Kallian checked his breathing. She let out a breath, head falling back. "He'll make it."
"So now we just wait?" Anders asked.
"Pretty much."
"I'm getting a sodding drink." Oghren huffed and walked away.
A muted groan alerted Kallian that her newest warden was waking up. Nathaniel sat for a moment, head pressed into his hands before he began to rise to his feet.
"Welcome to the wardens, Nate," Kallian held a hand out for him.
He squinted at her as he stood. "My sister calls me that."
"I noticed, Nate," Kallian emphasized his name.
"I suppose there's really no stopping you from calling me that, is there?" His mouth worked into a wry grin.
Kallian beamed, "Now you're learning!" It was so easy to be happy and silly again once the Joining was out of the way. "Now let's go see if we can find Oghren before we completely lose him to the drink, and then can we head to the basement."
Sergeant Maverlies led the group down the stairs, through the halls they had cleared of darkspawn not so long ago. Where the rubble and boulders used to be, a platform of wood and and a ladder opened up the way further into the deep road tunnels.
Kallian stood in front of the three men, not that Oghren needed to be told but she figured as Commander, it was probably her job to state the plan, give orders, that kind of thing. "Before we go down there, we need to establish the plan. Oghren, you're in front, that means everyone else - especially you Anders - stays behind. Whatever we encounter, we take them out - that's really all it boils down to."
"I have to admit, not too shabby, Commander." Nathaniel's lips turned ever so slightly upwards in a hint of a smile.
They filed down the series of ladders one at a time. The cold, damp air of the basement grew stuffy, hot, the dampness turned into humidity, a film of sweat beading on everyone's face.
"This is a bloody nightmare," Anders complained after several minutes of walking through the winding caves.
"You're not wrong," said Kallian. She tried to keep focused, slow breaths, but her muscles were tense, on high alert. The walls were not closing in on her. The tunnels were not narrowing.
The first small group of darkspawn were welcomed. Fighting allowed Kallian to push any notion of panic out of her mind. All thoughts, reactions, motions boiled down to three things: duck, parry, and slice. It was a small group, small enough that Kallian could concentrate on backstabbing any darkspawn facing Oghren and knew that Nathaniel and Anders had enough distance to be fine on their own. Anders worked quick with paralysis spells and Nathaniel's arrows flew strong. They were her wardens, and this was their job.
But this was the deep roads, and they were in the darkspawn's playground, so when that group was killed, another emerged, thundering down the tunnels towards them, and this group had an emissary.
"Anders, emissary!" Was all she had time to shout before a ball of fire was hurdling towards them. She didn't have time to yell for everyone to find cover, but when it comes to flame, people tend to instinctively run away.
The impact shook the ground and sent Kallian tumbling. Oghren rose to his feet yelling, running into the fray immediately, his heavy armour only singed. Kallian rolled onto a knee, noticing a twinge of pain from her ankle. Probably sprained it in the fall, but not significant enough to keep her out of the fight. She got up, shifting her weight forwards onto her good ankle.
The emissary was conjuring again and Kallian locked eyes with Anders, who just finished healing the burns on Nate. He gave her a strained nod, conjuring at the same time as the emissary, but she didn't think he would be fast enough - and the emissary was closer now, all of them in range for the next inferno sure to take hold of them.
Kallian was quick. She could make it to the casting darkspawn before the spell could take hold. She grit her teeth, stepping quickly through the pain, keeping low and avoiding attention.
She wasn't close enough. "Shit!" The emissary raised its hands.
An arrow struck the flesh of its arm, followed in quick succession by another to the throat. Blood spurted out through the wound, the magic dying on its fingers as the emissary fell.
"Another blighter down," Oghren said as he stepped on the back of a Hurlock to yank the axe from its head. "We do good work." He toasted himself with a flask.
Kallian didn't even know what to say, shaking her head in exasperation. Could she really complain about his drinking when he was so effective at fighting? She was the one holding back the hysteria at being deep underground, he was doing his job just fine.
She grimaced when she accidentally shifted to her bad ankle. "Hey Anders, could you take a look at this?"
"Why would you go running at a darkspawn when you twisted your ankle?" He had her sit while he felt along the swollen joint.
"You weren't going to take him out in time. Would you rather be on fire? Ow!" He pushed on a particularly tender spot before his hands started to glow blue.
Nathaniel walked over, slinging his bow onto his back. "You realize I have arrows right? That was foolish. We need to be able to depend on each other, not have you running in to save the day."
"I wasn't-"
Nathaniel's stern glare cut through her like her own father's.
"Okay you grumpy, old man, I'm sorry. I should follow my own rules… and that was some good shooting," she admitted grudgingly.
"Are you all just gonna stand around talking about yer feelings? Or are we gonna seal up these tunnels?" Oghren barked.
Kallian stood, testing her ankle, rotating it a few times. "Good as new, thanks Anders."
"Always a pleasure to help out a pretty lady," He grinned.
Kallian tilted her head at him, a single eyebrow raised.
He held out his hands in an attempt at innocence. "Sorry, habit! Helps to pretend I'm not in some hot, damp, darkspawn-infested hole."
She only smiled at him. His minor flirting was surprisingly agreeable to her. It helped keep her mood light when the back of her brain was telling her to get out! If it helped him too, then why not.
They were almost there. A series of gears and latches indicated there was some sort of door. Seal it and leave. Kallian breathed out slowly. Almost there.
The telltale thumping of large feet proved that idea impossible at the moment.
"Tits." She cursed, feeling like that was all she was saying lately.
Oghren hefted his axe higher. "Don't piss yourselves, but that's an ogre coming our way."
"Yes, because my first instinct was to soil my pants," Anders replied, twirling his staff in his hands.
"Brave talk for a squishy mage," Nathaniel drew the string of his bow back, not hiding his smirk.
"One point per kill?" Anders shot back at him.
That line made Kallian's heart twist tightly, her lungs hurting - Zevran used to joke about competing for points. He wasn't here, but reminders of him kept cropping up. He wasn't here though. He wasn't here to calm down the panic seizing her at being trapped in the deep roads. Her heart thudded sluggishly. Zevran wasn't here, ever present at her side, reminding her that they were safe. The ogre stomped closer and closer, the men teasing each other back and forth, Kallian's vision tunneling. Kallian wiped the sweat from her brow.
"Guys…" A swarm of darkspawn burst out from the wall behind them, Kallian's breath came in gasps. "Anders."
He turned around, ready to cast and his eyes fell to Kallian who was swaying as she got down to her knees where the darkspawn coming from the rear were nearly upon her.
Muffled shouts were barely heard over the sound of blood rushing past her ears. Her fingers fumbled at the dagger in her belt, numbly trying to grip the handle.
Warmth suddenly infused her body, feeling returning to her fingers and the black spots faded away and Anders was at her back.
"Down!" Anders yelled and cast a bolt of lightning at the genlock that was nearly upon her.
Feeling more alert, despite the sweat still dripping down her neck, Kallian drew her weapons, tucking and rolling to one side while Anders cast fire towards the group. She spared a glance at the ogre, watching Oghren running between the massive legs, hacking at its calves.
The darkspawn started surrounding Anders and Kallian ran to his aid, slicing at anything that got too close.
"What was that?"
"What?" Ander shouted, brow furrowed in concentration while he summoned the mana he needed.
"The spell!" Kallian spun and cut through another genlock.
"Rejuvenation - effects are only temporary though," he grunted as he pushed a hurlock back with his staff, giving him the space to throw more fire at it.
"Could use some help over here!" Nate yelled, trying to aim at the ogre's eye while it waved around-
"Oghren!" Kallian gasped, sprinting towards the giant darkspawn with the dwarf in its meaty fist.
She tried cutting into its heels, slicing deep into the ogre's legs, but nothing would distract it from the prize in its hand.
She looked frantically to her archer, "Nate! Do something!"
"Trying," he muttered, eyes tracking the Ogre's rampaging motions.
Anders, having killed the last hurlock rushed forward - exactly where Kallian had told him not to be. He downed a blue liquid from a vial,tossing it to the side, then put his remaining mana into paralyzing the ogre. All movement ceased.
Oghren finally fell free, cursing and spitting; his armour was dented but not destroyed. What mattered was that it protected him from being the dented one.
Kallian hiked up the back of the now immobilized ogre. Raising both hands above her, wrapped around the hilt of her dagger, she struck downwards, sinking her blade deep into the base of the ogre's skull. Kallian rode it down as it collapsed, leaping lightly off as it hit the ground.
"Do the honours, will you?" she panted, gesturing for Nathaniel to pull the heavy latched door closed.
Oghren groaned. "Gonna be bruised for weeks. Ah, the deep roads," he sighed. He actually seemed to be enjoying himself.
"Let's get out of here," Kallian ordered, and began working her way back through the tunnels with her only slightly worse-for-wear wardens.
Anders, pale and shaky from being drained of all mana in that last spell, walked beside her. "I can't believe that worked. I've never done it on anything so big, but… it worked!" He was riding the adrenaline rush, high on the success of the kill.
"Glad I conscripted you," Kallian teased, but weariness was creeping into her voice. The spell was beginning to wear off, familiar panic slinking its way back into her head and gripping her heart.
"You don't like deep, dark places do you?" Anders voice was serious this time.
"Not particularly."
"Me neither." He didn't elaborate, but his tone spoke of understanding, sharing that burden.
Kallian almost audibly sighed with relief when they reached the same rickety set of ladders that would take them out of the deep roads. She craved wind and sunlight, suddenly looking forward to their nights of camping as they made their way to Knotwood Hills. Her gut wrenched, thinking of the time they still had yet to spend in the deep roads there. Anders had a spell. He had a spell that worked. If he could just keep up that spell, Kallian could keep up the pretense of the fearless commander. First though, some fresh air.