Steadfast

Chapter 7

The bleeding just wouldn't stop. She was trying her hardest, but nothing was helping. The injury was too severe, fatal. Molly realised that for the first time ever in her career she was coming close to lose some one. Panic staring to push to the fore front of her mind, starting to take issue with her actions. She called in all her reserves to keep it together for his sake. He didn't deserve her falling apart on him.

She heard the sounds of the culprits driving off. Too scared by what they had done. Feeling like big boys, racing up and down the high street, until the enormity of what they had done struck home. They had potentially taken someone's life.

She stayed, trying to help. Do all she could for him. Gently consoling him. Listening all the time. Listening for the sirens, listening for any noise from the victim, desperate for him to make a sound.

As his life slowly ebbed away he never regained consciousness. He never opened his eyes. She never knew his name, and he never knew hers. The girl that had tried so hard to save him. She hoped he didn't feel that pain that would have come from such an injury. She hoped he felt some comfort in her presence, hoping he knew she was there and that he wasn't dying alone. She was with him.

It was a fluke that she was there at all. Walking through the familiar deserted back lanes of the estate she had grown up in. It was the dead of the night, the streets were empty, most people in bed, and she was only there because her and her family had argued. They had argued like they always argued. The disappointment in her life choices still an area of conflict between them, and so she left. Left them behind once again and set off to her home.

Foolishly this time she had thought they would be happy to see her. It had been so long. She was wrong, that was obvious from the moment she walked into her old home, her welcome a frosty one. But she stayed, she needed to see them, about to go on a six month tour, she wanted to make peace before she left. It hadn't worked and despite trying it had ended in a terrific row, with Molly practically running from the house. Her ears filled with her own grief, hearing nothing. That was until she heard the slamming of his body bouncing off the car onto the roadside.

Instinct took over. Startled at first by the noise, struggling to place it. Finding cover, waiting out and assessing the situation. Then she saw him. A young lad, not even twenty. Floored by the speeding car. Bleeding out. Dying. She tried, but ultimately by the time the paramedics had arrive he was dead.

Letting herself into the empty flat she still held strong. Hours and hours had been spent with the police answering questions, trying to identify the speeding car, eventually communicating effectively to them that she just simply hadn't seen anything. Anything apart from the young man dying in her arms. Eventually they let her go, reassured her she had done all she could, drove her the long distance home and they agreed to be in touch. Something, she feared was not going to be easy due to her imminent deployment tomorrow. In less than 24 hours she'd be there. Her new temporary home for six months. Kit bag all packed, forms all filled out, plans in place.

She sat down on the couch, totally alone. Shaking with the shock, finally it was catching up with her. Needing a hug, one of his famous hugs, but left wanting. Wanting to call Charles. Wanting him, but she didn't. Molly knew that wouldn't be fair. It was too late. So she just sat crying alone.

All too soon she found herself at the airport. With her new section, an outsider, no friendships yet formed. Standing, being processed, and answering questions, checking supplies, all actions in getting prepared to leave.

She was focused. No one had come to see her off. She knew no one would. She needed to be strong, they respected that about her as she had asked them not to come. But now, after last night, now she was actually here she regretted that one last final hug, that one last kiss from those she loved. It was going to be a long lonely six months.

What a difference six months could make.

Following Smurf's proposal Smurf and Rebecca finally got married several months ago. A slightly more rushed affair than normal because of the circumstances, but equally as lovely as though they had been planning it for years.

She loved seeing her mate and his girl so settled, so happy. He had taken the news so well, and she delighted in seeing her mate who through one happy accident was getting everything he wanted.

In fact everyone was delighted for them, well at least those who loved them, those that mattered. Rebecca's family horrified at her condition, and cut off all contact, something most truly expected, and so it was Charles' parents who stepped up and supported her. Just as they had done most of her adult life.

Wedding preparations soon took over all their lives. Every friend who meant something to them had a part to play. So it came as no surprise that Charles was asked to give Rebecca away, something he said yes to without hesitation. However what did surprise them all was that Smurf asked Molly to be his 'Best Man'.

It must have been an odd, but such a happy site at the Registrar's office that day. Smurf's side was crowded and full of relatives and loved ones. Rebecca's side sparsely populated mainly with friends, only Charles' parents there as her family.

Molly stood at the front, supporting a very nervous Smurf, taking her duties very seriously, both today and in the organising of his Stag do. Uttering calming words as his anxiety grew.

Then eventually it was time. Molly turned to watch Smurf's heavily pregnant wife to be waddled up the aisle, valiantly supported by her Charles. Looking dashing in a casual suit. All eyes were on the bride. Molly's were elsewhere.

She couldn't miss the look in his eyes as he watched her standing there. She couldn't take her eyes if him. The look he gave her was familiar, the same look she had seen from his eyes over the past months. Utter adoration. He was there for Rebecca's important day, but it was Molly who now, and always, was in his thoughts.

As the months passed as they got embroiled in the wedding preparation she'd watched Charles getting broody watching his cousin blossom, and plan her new life. She could see as time went by that Charles started to long for what Rebeca and Smurf had. Her greatest fear that one day soon he would act on his longing. That he'd ask her the question she feared, as nearly every day went by, that he was going to ask her.

And he did that very night. The night of Smurf and Rebecca's wedding do. Dancing holding her in his arms he whispered softly into her ear.

"Will you marry me Molly?"

It was perfect. They were both dressed up to the nines, looking beautiful as they moved slowly around the dance floor. The lights low and fairy lights twinkled around them. Family and friends happy, relaxed laughing. It was the perfect time to ask. Any girl would have been thrill with the utter romance of it all.

But not our Molly. It was too soon.

Looking back she didn't know how she spoke. How she had to say what she wanted to say. But she did. She simply said 'no'.

He didn't crumple. He didn't get upset, he just smiled and held her closer. He amazed her.

"Didn't think you'd say 'yes' the first time Dawes." He cooed out.

"What do you mean?" She asked surprised.

"I mean, that you Molly, are my love, and that I will keep asking you until you until one day you do say 'yes'. And then they just kept on dancing. Him holding her closer than ever. Her grateful that it wasn't the end.

Neither of them mentioned it again. They just kept being happy together, going on as before. Yet sometimes she'd catch him looking at her, and sometimes she just knew what he was thinking.

Soon, very soon after the wedding Rebecca went into labour. Quick, easy and without too much fuss a new little human was brought into the world. Young William.

As soon as possible Charles and Molly visited. Excited. Congratulation, tears, and hugs aplenty. They idolised him as they saw him and were delighted to be asked to be his Godparents. They both accepted.

He was a beautiful child and Molly found it hard to let him go at the end of the visit. Over the following weeks both her and Charles visited a lot, helping, adoring, and bonding. Both enjoying being Aunty and Uncle to this tiny wonderful human being.

Charles enjoyed it , but watched it all. Seeing how she melted around William. Seeing such a beautiful soft side to his Molly, so different to what he'd seen before. It made him even more convinced, it made him love her even more. So again he tried. Driving home, one dark winter's night. Not as romantic as before, but still with as much sincerity and love, he therefore asked her again. Declaring his love, his want to start a new life with her.

Once again our girl, asked by the man she loved to marry him, and stupidly once again she said no. Explaining this time it was too soon. They'd only been dating for a year, not long enough. Whatever her reasons though the answer he received was still a very definite no.

This time though he didn't laugh, he tried to, but the hurt came out. He again said he'd keep on asking, and this time to lessen the hurt she said that she'd probably say yes to him one day, just not now. And so they let the topic alone.

Their time together continued as before, but Molly knew he was hurt and she often felt there was always something he closed off from her since that night. She'd caught him numerous time's watching her, about to say something but he never did, his nerve always seemed to fail, and selfishly she was glad about that. Still on the outside, for all to see they seemed fine, but both felt deep down things weren't as good as they should have been. Yet neither admitted it out loud.

Eventually came the day for William's christening. Molly and Charles a very united front for all to see. The day was almost a double take of the wedding. The guests mainly the same and Molly and Charles having a starring role in the events once again.

Another happy day in Rebecca and Smurf's life. Another day Molly and Charles had shared in their love and good fortune. Another day that Charles felt certain of what he too wanted from his life.

"Will you marry me." He asked as they got into bed that night. Stalling all day, trying to avoid it completely, but the question just did not go from his head.

"No." she replied. Then added. "Not yet."

"When Molly?" He sighed, again rejected. "This is the third time I've asked. A man's kind of losing hope here." He laughed out in a vain attempt to hide the breaking sounds of his heart.

"I don't know." She answered him as truthfully as she could. But she needed to give him more. "It's just once we get married then it's kids and stuff. What about my career?" She asked.

"You can have both. You know that. We'll find away. Lots do." He hopefully bargained.

"No." She shout back, feeling as though he was about to trick her. "I love you. Love us, but don't want that not yet." Failing to finish the sentence off with 'maybe not ever' as she had wanted to, but had lost her nerve.

"When?" He questioned. "Fuck Molly! Well at least move in with me." He snapped and loudly barked back. Even on this proposal, to share a home she had turned him down.

He was desperate for her to accept something of a future from him, but even on this matter she refused.

There was no point in arguing. Her mind definitely fixed. That night she spent it on the couch, leaving him alone in his bed. By the time he woke the next morning she had left.

A 'Dear John' note she'd composed as he slept, propped up on the kitchen top.

He was distraught. Knowing he'd pushed too hard, that he should have settled for what they had rather than wanting more. He tried to right his wrong, despite his best efforts however she refused to see him, blanked his calls. Avoided him at all costs. She'd ended it, ended them so suddenly and so very cruelly. He had done nothing to deserve her hard actions, but that was just how out Molly did things, how she'd coped. Thinking swift and painless as possible was the best course of action. And then she also chose to run farther away from him, two weeks later finding herself sat on a plane headed for a six months tour. Far far away from him. The perfect way for them both to get over their broken hearts. Out of sight; out of mind.

"So did it work it then? The three stripes. Giving everything up. Losing folks, friends, lovers? Was it worth it?" He motioned his head toward the new ranking on her uniform, new, clean. A sign of her very recent promotion to Sergeant.

She was shocked by the impertinence of the question, but even more shocked by the sound of his voice. A voice that thousands of miles away from home she had not expected to hear. She hadn't heard it for months.

It was three months into her tour that she received the news from her CO. Finally after years of trying, working hard she had gained her promotion. Effective immediately. Sergeant Molly Dawes had finally arrive, and it felt so good. The promotion meant that she was to stay with this section for the foreseeable, and then it would be up for discussion once UK based where she would go. To say she was ecstatic was an understatement.

She wanted to tell the world, but in reality she only had Rebecca and Smurf to tell, and even then she felt awkward about doing so. For numerous reasons, but also because of the close friendship they had kept with Charles. Their good friends who had been pushed into an unhappy situation, forced to choose as side, and with her running away their choice made easier. And so Molly told no one. Her family not interested, and Charles... well he was a thing of her past, she'd severed contact, and he hadn't perused her after those first weeks and so hadn't spoken in many months. Her news wouldn't mean anything to him anymore.

She thought of him daily though . Some days missing him dreadfully. Some days so angry with him for trying to change the perfect relationship they had too soon, well before she knew was ready. But more than anything she ached for him, constantly, for his company, his friendship, and the love she always felt wrapped up in when he was near. No one had treated her like that ever before and she missed it.

So the voice questioning her startled her, but she turned slowly.

"Yeah mate it was." Waiting to see how he'd react. Guessing he'd not expected her to be honest. Except secretly she knew she wasn't, nothing was worth that. She could see the pain on his face as he registered the coldness of her words. She hadn't meant to hurt but it was something she was becoming good at.

"Oh for fucks sake Mols! Come here and give Uncle Smurf a hug." He caved in first, missing her so much.

And she did. Desperate for contact with someone she loved. The tour was going well but she was finding it difficult to make friends. Too many unhappy thoughts in her head, making her poor company.

"Smurf. Shit it's good to see you." She hugged him tight. Tears welled in her eyes. "What the hell you doing here?"

"Congratulations." He replied giving her a mock salute, moving away from her. Then pulling her to sit next to him on the dusty floor. "Got some catching up to do. Haven't we?" He continued.

They sat together like the old friends they were. Gossiping about his life, wife and son. It still amazed her when she looked at him. He had it all, and he was so happy. Missing his family dreadfully, but only out there for a week or so. On a recon exercise, then back home to family life.

Compared to Smurf she had little to say. Her news very sparse and dull. There were areas where she just didn't want to talk about. Yet they were those that couldn't be avoided.

Molly had told him by letter, eventually weeks later, when she was safely away on tour, about the car accident and the loss of a young man's life. He'd read about it in the papers too, who'd picked up on a Good Samaritan story. He'd never written back to her however, unsure what to say, but here now in front of her he touched on the subject. Listening to her, saddened and horrified at what she had to go through and neither he nor Rebecca being there for her.

"He was only 17." She said. Pouring handful of dust through her hands. "That nothing is it. No age at all."

Smurf pulled her in for a cuddle knowing the hard emotionless act was just that, an act. She broke down in long overdue tears, finally, being held by her best mate on a dusty floor in a hot country miles away from home. Her grief poured out for the first time since that night, grief over the loss of the life, and grief over the loss of her life with Charles.

"The inquest is in two weeks. I have to go back for that. Explain what I saw and everything. Which wasn't much." She sobbed. "I couldn't save him Smurf. I couldn't help him. He died."

She thought about her failure to that young man every day. How despite her job, her promotion, her dedication, when it came down to it all she could do was watch a young man die. The guilt ate away at her every night as she tried to sleep. She was as her family and repeatedly said over the years...just not good enough.

The day of the inquest finally came. She went there alone. Had done the entire journey here alone, from flights back to the UK, to the taxi ride here. Alone. She had no one to turn to. Smurf still away and Rebecca, full of apologies, at home dealing with a poorly William.

She felt sick, knowing she'd have to relive it all. She could clearly see the blood on her hands that night, how it had pooled on the floor round her knees, soaking into her jeans. The deathly silence from the body she held. She'd never forget.

The memories were something today she could cope with, something that had become part of her daily life, expected. However today there was something else she had to deal with. Something else, but something unexpected. The faces of his family, his loved ones, who all wanted to see her, seek her out. It made it all so much more sadder to her. No longer was he an anonymous young man, but here seeing then, touching them, he became more real. Someone's son, brother, boyfriend, friend, and with that type of information she couldn't cope. How could she look his mother, his family in the eye and explain how she just couldn't save their son? That she'd let him and had them down.

She hung her head between her knees. Left alone in the corridor, waiting to be called in to the inquest. She felt sick, her head between her knees, a good cure she reckoned, something her mother had once taught her. It only focused her more on how she was falling apart though.

"You ok?" The voice asked, quietly. Shocking her. She hadn't heard anyone approach.

She whipped her head up, causing her nausea to return, but that was pushed to the back of her senses. This was too important. She studied the man behind the voice.

He stood there unsure, wary of her reactions to him. Equally as unsure as he was about being there. He saw her try to smile at him, it gave him some calmness, and she said, amazed.

"Charles?" Swallowing the ball of nausea that was rushing up into her mouth. "What you doing here?"

She looked broken, pale. Her upset over it all clear to see in her reddened eyes. His heart melted, he hated to see her like this. All he wanted to do was to pick her up. Hold her, make her love him again. Knowing those days of closeness were over.

"I came. Rebecca said William was sick. Thought I'd come to support you." He bashfully looked at the ground, shuffling his feet. Now so unsure.

When he'd heard from Rebecca that morning that Molly would be alone on today of all days, he thought of nothing more than wanting to be by her side. He'd been horrified to hear, through friends, the papers, of what she had gone through all alone, and so he didn't want her to go through this part of the nightmare alone too.

"Thank you." She rose and moved towards him. "Thank you. And it's so good to see you Charles." And she meant it. Not just because of where she was. Not just because of how desperate she felt, but because him being there, them being together again felt so right.

That was all she got to say, even though she had wanted to say more. Called in at that very moment to deliver her evidence.

The next hours went by slowly and painful for all involved. She cried as she told her tale, unable to separate herself from her grief and the grief of his family as she watched them crumble too. The events she recounted, that they had to sit and listen to all too awful to ever imagine that it could happen to your loved one. Yet through it all Charles sat at the back of the room. Calm. Looking directly at her at all times. Loving. Offering her small smiles and glances of reassurances. Steadfast. Being there, supporting her. Being just what she needed, as he had always been throughout their time together.

He was almost instantly by her side when her evidence had finished, and the sitting adjourned . Guiding her through the numerous family members who had yet again descended on her, this time coming to thank her for what she had tried to do. They meant well, needed contact with the person who'd last seen him alive, but the claustrophobia of it all didn't help Molly. Charles knew this, knew her. It just made her feel more guilty, guilty that he wasn't alive today. Guilty that despite all the medical evidence of the day that he would never have survived, his injuries to extensive, that she'd done too little too late.

It was Charles who lead her away, settling her down in his car. Not a word was said. He just let her cry as he drove her home without asking if he could. It's what he did, he took care of her...always... even when she pushed him away.

Turning to him as the car stopped outside her home, she smiled. Not a full smile, but the best she could offer him considering. Happy to see he smiled back at her, but like hers it was not a happy smile but a comforting one.

"Thank you. For today and that. It meant a lot." She spoke.

He struggled to reply, to get the tone right. Not wanting to upset her any more.

"Don't mention it." He modestly said. "You ok from here?" He asked as he nodded towards her building. Making no signs of getting out himself.

"Err. Yeah. Thanks." She was suddenly shy around, him mindful of how badly she'd treated him last time in his company. "I go back tomorrow." She whispered out looking down at her folded hands.

He said nothing, out of the corner of her eyes she saw he nodded once or twice, then stepped out of the car. He surprised her as he quickly opened her side of the car.

Stepping out, the only thing she could do.

"Do you want to come in?" Bravely she met his eyes. Looking hopeful at him.

"No." The words were strong. Determined. Then remembering his manners. "No thank you Molly."

She reached over to touch his arm, but he skilfully move before she even made contact.

"Please?" But she knew it was pointless.

"I've got to be going." He said, and started to turn, to leave.

She halted him with her words. He spun round and looked at her.

"I'm sorry Charles. Really sorry."

He pulled his mouth into a non-committal half smile. As though he didn't believe her. Then he just nodded at her. No words were said.

She tried again.

"Charles. Can we talk?"

This time he surprised her, the laugh that came out full of scorn and hate.

"I don't think so. Think it's a bit fucking late for that don't you?" He spat out. The angriest and ugliest she'd ever seen him.

"Charles!" She gasped. Her emotions so tightly strung, unable to help the sob that followed.

Yet this time her wasn't move by her upset.

"Five months ago. Five bloody months ago Molly. That was the time for talking. But you didn't. You ran. You left and you broke my heart."

He quickly got himself into the car, driving away before she could reply, apologise again.

She stood there watching his car tail lights disappear. Feeling foolish. Watching her love, her life drive away. Some part of her hoping he'd turn back. But he didn't.

He just kept on driving. He kept on putting space and time between them.

She had broken his heart, and he would never ever go back there again.

Today would be the last time he'd ever actively seek out her company, be there to support her.

From today Charles James and Molly Dawes would be nothing to each other ever again.