OK guys, I honestly thought I was done, then I heard this song. I'm gonna have this one be two sided because that's the only way it will even come close to making sense. Well enjoy, and please review!
Christmases When You Were Mine
Lilly & Jamie
Please take down the mistletoe I know this shouldn't be a lonely time I've been doing fine without you, really But for me it's just a lonely time
Cause I don't wanna think about that right now
Cause everything I want is miles away
In a snow covered little town
Mama's in the kitchen worrying about me
Seasons greetings hope you're well
I'm doing alright if you were wondering
Lately I can never tell
But there were Christmases when you were mine
Up until the nights got cold
Everybody's here except you, baby
Seems like everyone's got someone to hold
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine
Goddamn, Southern Boys. It took him all of 4 months after graduating from college for him to go off to the Army Recruitment office without telling me.
He had shipped off to basic training in September and had left for Iraq November 10th.
Even though he and I had planned on getting a house on the lake where we had parked way back when, now I was living with my grandparents.
Jared was gone too. Some stupid pact he and Jamie had made.
Grandpa needed help on the farm and I think the boys were being stupid. Not that I would ever tell them that.
I mean, I want to marry one of them. Jamie wanted to wait until he got back so I wouldn't be widowed so young if something happened. I tried to laugh it off, but not a moment went by when I didn't think about it.
This was the worst, though. Sitting here surrounded by family on Christmas and not being able to enjoy it.
Instead, I was sitting on a couch in the den, just thinking about him. I didn't even know where he was. He could be in the middle of Baghdad for all I knew.
My mom had come in from California to be here, well, for me. She didn't say it in so many words. But by her actions, she was starting to think I was suicidal. She needed to get a handle on things because I honestly wasn't. Even if something did happen to Jamie; that would be the last thing he would want for me.
My cousin, Cathy, came up to me and sat down. She had gotten married last year so I went to her for advice. She had met Jamie when we both came home for Christmas during college. My whole family knew that we were as good as engaged.
They wouldn't stop asking me when he would propose, but now they just asked me when he would be coming home.
It finally got to the quiet time at night when the whole family sits by the fire and drinks hot cocoa and eggnog. My whole family separated into pairs. I used to me thankful for this tradition, the only time I could show PDA with Jamie without oohs and ahs, well that and when I made him walk under every doorway in the house where I had posted mistletoe, which just happened to be every door in the house.
Instead of bringing down the mood in the house, I put my coat on and took Jared's keys of the peg by the door.
I turned on the radio to the only station that wasn't playing repetitive Christmas songs and just started driving. I had no idea where I was going, I just went.
I tried as hard as I could not to think about him, to just concentrate on the road, but Jamie had been right about the straight, boring dirt roads.
Then, the last thing I needed occurred.
I should have just given into the damn Christmas songs.
The urge to run, the restlessness
The heart of stone I sometimes get
The things I've done for foolish pride
The me that's never satisfied
The face that's in the mirror when I don't like what I see
I guess that's just the cowboy in me
I tried to keep driving, I really did. I got all of a hundred feet before tears distorted my vision. I pulled over into the first driveway I found and broke down into tears.
By the time I was able to see, I looked up and realized where I was.
Psh, and I didn't think it could get worse.
I found myself staring at the frozen lake where Jamie and I had fallen in love. I have really bad timing.
I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I stared at the moon reflecting off the frozen surface.
"Merry Christmas, Jamie"
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Bet you got your mom another sweater I know this shouldn't be a lonely time
Merry Christmas everybody
That'll have to be something I just say this year
Were your cousins late again?
When you were putting up the lights this year
Did you notice one less pair of hands?
But there were Christmases when I didn't
Wonder how you are tonight
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine
I sat on my bunk with my care package in front of me.
I was somewhere in Iraq. We were told what city we were in, but I can't pronounce it to save my life.
I turned to the box in front of me to inspect its contents. Inside was a tin of cookies from mom, some undershirts from my dad, and a letter and picture from Lilly.
I opened the box of cookies and looked at the picture. She was smiling, as always, but I could see something behind her eyes.
I could have guessed she wasn't happy, I wasn't very happy either. It was this stupid war and that stupid pact I made. Jared may have been stupid enough to come over here, but I should have known better.
It was like high school all over again.
Speak of the idiot; he was looking over my shoulder.
"She looks good. Better than you anyway! Did she write you?" he said in his normal jockish tone.
"Yeah, but I haven't read it…" I said as his cue to leave.
He got my signals, "Well fine then, I have one too. Let's see what pictures Rachel sent me. I have a feeling I won't be showing them to you."
I rolled my eyes as he walked away. I opened the envelope that contained the letter I'd been waiting for. She only sent me letters every week or so, even though I knew she wrote about one a day.
I unfolded the letter and a necklace fell out. It was a lily wrapped around a gold cross on a gold chain. I smiled and put the pendant on my dog tags. I put the gold chain in my trunk.
I read the letter in my hand, pictures of her swimming around in my head. It said how much she missed me, how much she loved me, and how I wasn't allowed to do anything stupid to get myself killed. As an afterthought, she told me to make sure Jared didn't do anything stupid to get himself killed.
I almost laughed, but then I realized I was crying. I hurriedly wiped my cheeks so the other guys didn't see me. I missed that girl so damn much.
This was the most stupid thing I'd ever done. The only reason I even did this was because Jared wanted to and I couldn't let my best friend's life rely upon his judgment alone, as poor as it was.
Now I knew that I should have proposed to her before I left. Its not that I didn't think she was faithful, she was as in love with me as I was with her. Maybe even more. That wasn't possible. No human being could love another as much as I loved that girl. I wanted to be her fiancé, to have that connection to her even though we were miles away.
But I was stupid. The ring was sitting on my dresser at home. I hadn't had the nerves to pop the question before I left. Now, though I hated to think it, I may never have the chance.
I got up and walked across the room to the laptop someone had set up for us. It had a web cam so we could talk to our families for Christmas. I had signed up for the next half hour and had told Lilly to go over to my parents so I could talk to them all.
I sat down and almost immediately saw my mother's face on the screen. I spent five minutes talking to her before she let my father on. He took up a minute and a half before he announced:
"We all know who you really want to talk to. Lilly!"
"Thanks dad"
"Anytime son"
"Jamie is it you?" she asked as her face appeared on the screen. She looked as beautiful as she did when I left a month and a half ago.
"Yeah babe, it's me", I said, smiling at her.
"Has Jared found a way to get himself killed yet?"
"Well, lets see. Jared!"
"Yeah!" he said in a headlock with a guy named Scott.
"Say hi to Lilly!" I said, turning the webcam to face him. He broke his struggle and waved.
"Hey Lils!"
"Everybody say 'Hi Lilly!'"
"Hi Lilly!" Came a chorus of buff male voices. She giggled.
Our entire unit knew about how I was madly in love with Jared's cousin. One of them was stupid enough to ask if I had someone back home. I turned the camera back so she could see me.
"Your hair still looks weird", she said. The curly locks that I'd always had were now gone and replaced with the regulatory Army haircut. I was starting to grow accustomed to it, but I wanted my hair back. Then again, that was the least of my problems.
"That's all you can think about?" I asked.
She sighed, "No, you're all I think about."
"So, it's contagious?" I said. We stared at each other for a few moments.
I broke the silence, knowing we had limited time.
"So, how is Christmas in Georgia?"
"Not the same. Its not as joyous when you're not here…"
"Well, other than that. What'd you end up getting your mom?"
"Well there was this cute sweater…"
"Again!" Every year since Lilly and I started dating, she had bought her mom a sweater for Christmas. I riled her about it until I left.
"Was Cousin Ernie late, again?" I said, talking about Lilly's cousin who was 32 and still managed to get lost going to her grandparents.
"He ended up in Florida"
"That's a new record"
"Did you guys get up the lights without Jared and me?"
"Yeah, but I almost broke my neck and we had to hire Andrew Freed for the stuff on the roof"
"Really, he made you pay for it? We'll have to talk when I get back." Andy had been a freshman recruit on the football team when I was a senior. He was going to Community College right now.
"It's fine. But it's not really Christmas without you."
"I know the feeling"
I saw tears glistening in her eyes.
"Honey, I think our time's almost up"
"Dammit, I miss you so much!"
"I know babe, I miss you too."
I heard someone call, "Fredericks, your time is up!"
"I love you!" she said, on the brink of tears.
"I love you too! Merry Christmas, Lilly!"
OOOOOOOOOOO
Happy ending time…
It was finally here! I'd been waiting for months. He was finally coming home.
I had been at the airport for the last two hours. It wasn't his fault, I was really early. I just couldn't wait to see him.
I heard over the loudspeaker that his plane had landed. I was only waiting for Jamie. Jared was already home. He had stepped on a mine and got most of his leg blown off. He was still in physical therapy, but he was alive. He and Rachel had even grown closer.
I stood with my eyes fixed on the gate.
I saw the first uniformed soldier leave the gate and then his wife and daughter ran up to him. I searched the crowd for him, making sure I didn't miss him.
And then I saw him.
Our eyes connected, for only a moment before we ran to each other. He crashed his lips on my once and then pulled away. We clung to each other; my face on his chest, hoping this wasn't another dream when we'd wake up and be alone.
"Jamie…" I whispered.
OOOOOOOOOOOOO
I pulled away from her, as hard as it was.
I reached in my pocket and drew out a velvet box.
"Sorry sweetie, I have to do this before I lose my nerve. I had my dad send this to me in case such an occasion arose"
I got down on one knee as I had been instructed by the attached guys in my unit. I could tell they were all watching me, rooting for me.
"I don't know how much longer I can go without having this ring on your finger. I love you so much and well…I know you love me. Now I can live for the future and Lilly, you are my future. Lillian Rose Truscott, will you please, please, make me the happiest guy in the world and say that you'll marry me?"
I awaited her answer, even though I had a good guess of what it would be.
"Yes! Oh Jamie!"
I got up and wrapped my arms around her. Everyone was clapping and I'm pretty sure my dad had called a news crew.
I honestly didn't care. All I cared about was her. I cried into her hair, I didn't care who saw.
I felt her move away from me and she stood at a stance.
"Will you promise me you'll never leave me again?" I vaguely remember this.
Oh.
"Definitely"
"And for good measure, do you promise not to break any more promises?"
"Never again"
"Okay then. Lilly Fredericks it is."
I smiled, "I never heard anything sweeter"
"I love you Jamie"
"I love you with all my heart Lilly"
She gave me another sweet smile and bent down to kiss her.
That's when I knew, if I ever had to leave her, I wouldn't be able to. She was too big a part of me to live without.
Now I get to look forward to next Christmas, or shall we say, Mistletoe Extravaganza?
As long as its with her.