CHAPTER SEVEN

"How the hell did you get here?" McCoy manage to sputter, after several quiet seconds.

"Ach, now me boy-o, is that anyway to be greetin' the very soul who be lettin' ye taste some of the pleasures that ye be believin' that ye needed." Sitting up as he spoke, 'Fred' pushed his hat back and grinned at the Doctor until his yellow stained teeth glared like beacon.

There was a pause as McCoy stepped into the doorway, eyes narrowing as he shifted his head to one side while processing what exactly the leprechaun meant by that.

"What are saying? That all of this that's happened to me in the last week, is your doing?" Accused the Doctor, as dawn began to break the horizon. "And it's McCoy!"

"Aye, do ye truly be thinkin' that ye coulda done all of that on yer own? 'Specially when it be comin' to all those delightful lasses you've have dallyin' about this wonderful ship of yoursn. Tis true I considered assistin' ye in that area of yer dreary life first, then I gets to thinkin' that these chums of yoursn, might be suspicious if the lasses be findin' you so beguilin'. Insteadin' me mind thought it be best to go with the gamin' way." 'Fred' was unable to resist the temptation to chuckle as he spoke, while standing up in the middle of the examination table.

"But why?" Began McCoy, then switched tracks before his second sentence had completely formed in his mind and fixed a cantankerous eye on the small man. "You make it sound as I couldn't get any one of these women to even look at me let alone,...er..."

"Aye, ye have to be agreein' that ye be in a serious shortage of the company of the women folk lately. An I also be thinkin' there be enough patron saint's for the world of your medicinal witchery." The pity in the leprechaun's face for the Doctor's circumstances didn't help McCoy deal with his sagging spirit. "As soon as I set me foot on this fine ship of yoursn, I could see ye be in a might bit of trouble when ye couldn't get any of these fine lasses to takes notice of ye."

Deciding to divert around that subject for the time being, McCoy struggled with the reins of his temper now that he knew this fiendishly, troublemaking elf was capable of a few tricks. With everything else that he couldn't explain to either Kirk or Spock, he doubted there would be words enough to elucidate on why he had suddenly sprouted donkey ears or worse.

"So, even all that with the companies clamoring for endorsement was you? This whole week has been nothing but you're intervention then." There was such note of dark, sorrowful realization in McCoy's voice that for a second one could've expected him to sit down where he was and start crying. "None of it was me?"

"Nay." Answered "Fred', as he leapt to the floor and began to inspect all the goodies that surrounded him. "'Tis naught of yer own doin', me bo…er…McCoy."

This took some time for the Doctor to soak in as he moved to perch on the edge of the examination table oblivious to what 'Fred' was up to, as he had strolled off into the intensive care unit.

Several minutes had passed by, as McCoy continued making up his mind how he should handle the situation without the chance of being zapped into a bowl of oatmeal. Once in a while he would hear the sound of a switch being played with in the other room, but when no alarms were set off he figured the little guy wasn't doing too much damage. After a moment of thought he reconsidered his judgement, not wanting anything else he couldn't explain to occur. He stood up and started for the next room then faltered in midstep, cringing inwardly at the sound of the sickbay door opening again.

It was Jim. Wonderful.

"All right Bones, I managed to hoodwink Spock into going to the bridge. It'll get his mind back on track." Walking up to the examination table, Kirk gave the Doctor a wary look keeping the metal table between the two of them.

"Good. I really didn't think he'd take it that bad. About Christine, you know. Considering everything." McCoy replied, clearing his throat uncomfortable between each break of words.

"Hell, it didn't have anything to do with Christine." Kirk blew off, with a wild gesture of a hand. "He just couldn't believe that even you would be carrying on that way while on duty. Not in such a public accessible area at any rate."

"Oh." McCoy said, unsure if he or Christine or possibly both should be insulted.

"But we'd both like to know what the hell is going on Bones!" Kirk abruptly snapped, half-heartedly lunging across the table at the Doctor. "Tell me what the joke is now, and I won't be forced to publicly humiliate you in front of Command with those vid's that I've been holding from Argelius II."

Blinking at each barked word, McCoy wondered if the cabinet that held the hypos would by chance be unlocked. It was becoming apparent his own sanity wasn't the only one in question here any more.

"Believe me Jim, there isn't any joke." Began the Doctor as he started edging toward his cabinets. "I mean, how could I pull off anything on this scale?"

This did give the Captain a moment of hesitation. "You've got me there, I'll admit Bones. There isn't enough people onboard that like you well enough to go along with this."

'This day was shaping up just fine.' Thought McCoy as his face scrunched up in an irritated scowl. If he wasn't crazy by the end of it, his self-esteem was going to be totally nonexistent.

Shifting a few centimeters' closer to the cabinets he caught sight of a blur of green in the next room and abruptly changed gears of thought as he impetuously leapt toward the Captain.

"Bones! What the hell is the matter with you now?" Kirk growled pulling back from the grabbing hands of the Doctor. "Isn't it enough you have every female crewmember chasing after you!"

"Listen Jim, I want you to quietly go over to the door to the intensive care area, peek in and tell me what you see." Whispered McCoy, once he had a firm hold on Kirk's arm.

Doing a fine imitation of his First Officer, Kirk raised an eyebrow as he stared at the Doctor then glanced toward the open door before shooting a look around the room before creeping forward. Sliding flat up against the wall to the right of the door, he glanced once more at McCoy trying to ascertain if the man was doing all of this for one big laugh at his expense. Seeing no hint of amusement in the man's face, Kirk wondered if they both had finally slipped off their shuttle routes.

Watching him from the safe spot behind the examination table, McCoy rolled his eyes wondering if the man could do anything without having to go into his audacious, matinee idol bit. Things would probably get done alot quicker around here and possibly they would still have most of their original security crew.

Slowly angling his head around the door Kirk scanned the larger room from one corner to the other, eyes darting under the bio-beds and around cabinets he looked over the entire space then stepped back over to McCoy.

"Okay Bones, now do you want to tell me what it is I'm suppose to be looking at?" He asked, his exasperation coming close to being vented once more.

"You mean you didn't see him?" Alarm filled McCoy's voice as he spoke, as headed over to the open door.

Pausing in the doorway he took a quick gander and spotted 'Fred' fiddling with the panel above one of the bio-beds oblivious to the mass meltdown of sanity within the other room. Stepping back into the examination room McCoy shot both eyebrows up in utter bewilderment, but then took one more peek then stepped back over to Kirk.

"He's sitting in there on one of the bio-beds, and you didn't see him?" McCoy said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder at the open door.

Kirk's eyebrow again rose as he gave his Chief Medical Officer a hard threatening look before he went back to the door and took another glance around the room.

"There's no one in there, Bones." Kirk informed the Doctor, after moving back over to the examination table. "Do you want to tell me who it is I'm suppose to be seeing?"

"'Fred'." McCoy mumbled, not liking the glint in the Captain's eyes.

"'Fred'? And who is 'Fred', Bones?" The tone in Kirk's voice resembled that of a medical assistant playing along with a mental patient until someone with a straitjacket showed up.

It didn't appear as if the Doctor was going to answer, when he set his lips into a tight, thin line. "A leprechaun."

Kirk straightened to his full height, glanced around the room in several directions in a matter of seconds and pursed his lips before meeting the worried blue eyes.

"A leprechaun. Right." He slowly said, with a single nod of his head. "Bones, I'm going to suggest you contact Dr. M'Benga and have him finish your shift while you take some time off for a rest. I think all of this sudden...success, has been too much for you and your usual rustic ways. And before you decide to argue the matter any further, I can make that an order in stead of a mere suggestion."

In the midst of disputing what Kirk had said, McCoy immediately clammed up at the sound of 'order', whirled on his boot heels and headed for his office to contact M'Benga.

Jim already half believed he was crazy, he sure as hell didn't want wind up crazy and sitting in the brig all in the same day.

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A Private Little War and That Which Survives

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TBC