Chapter 7: What If I Need More
"We should go to sleep now, You should stay the night
I'll be up to watch the world around us live and die
Lying on the grass now, dancing for the stars
Maybe one will look on down and tell us who we are
We might fall, we might fall, we might fall, Hallie we might fall
We might fall, we might fall, we might fall, Hallie we might fall"
-Ryan Star "We Might Fall"
Hallie's entire body ached as her eyes opened. She was in pain, but it was a completely delicious kind of pain. As she rolled over to avoid the light from the window, she collided with a still very naked Jax. He was lying on his side and looked to have been wide awake for a while. He had, in fact been watching her sleep—eyes memorizing the tattoos on her shoulders and the small hidden sparrow on the lower part of her hip. When he knew she was awake, he ran his hand from her hip to her cheek before leaning in to kiss her. It was slow and attentive and she had never experienced a kiss quite like it. She felt like something between them had shifted.
Jax had every intention of rolling her on her back and making love to her nice and slow, but fate had other intentions. The squawking of his phone killed the moment. Jax's forehead dropped against hers as he reached for the object of his disdain at the moment.
"What?" He sounded so put-off by the voice on the other side. "Alright. I'll be right there." Closing his phone, he looks at Hallie sympathetically. "Duty calls, stranger."
Before he can move, she gives him one last mind-blowing kiss. "Stay sane, sucker. I'll see you later." And he was gone.
Hallie had a few hours to herself before Donna would show up with the painters. She decided to take a long, hot shower. As she dried off she took note of the bruises on her hips and the 2 bite marks on her hip and neck. She smiled as she remembered gaining those editions. For the first time in a while, she wanted to be with someone—she wanted to be attached. It had been happening for months now—Donna, Gemma, the club. And she had grown used to those and accepted them fully, but a relationship was a whole other matter.
The next moment she was terrified. She had told him she wasn't trying to rope him into anything—just sex. And to be honest that was her only intention, but now she wanted more. She had screwed herself this time. She needed to pull back and fast.
Hallie pulled on her cut-off denim shorts and a fitted white tee shirt quickly and ran downstairs. She needed to preoccupy her brain until Donna could arrive to talk her down from the ledge. She decided cooking breakfast in the newly finished kitchen was the way to go. She busied herself with cooking bacon, sausage, eggs, and pancakes.
Donna walked through the door not a minute to late as breakfast was good and ready. She noted that Hallie seemed on edge so she decided to eat breakfast in silence before she started asking questions.
Hallie placed their dishes in the sink and the leftovers in the fridge. She sat in front of Donna with a cup of coffee. "I know you're dying to ask, so just do it."
"I can assume that you and Jax finally hooked up by the teeth marks on your neck, unless you let someone else chew on you. So what's got you down?"
"I told him last night that it was just sex. He wasn't gonna do it because he wasn't ready for a relationship. I agreed. But this morning, waking up with him and kissing him—it felt different. I do want more, but I can't tell him that. I've screwed myself up on this one. I don't know what to do." Hallie looked down at her coffee and let the silent tears fall. Donna just stood and put her arms around her hurt friend. "I've gotta pull back the reins now. I need to create distance, but I don't want to."
Donna shook her head. "I'll do anything I can for you, buttercup."
"Maybe we should go on a trip. Long girl's week in Vegas or something. I know you're pregnant, but it can be like a non-alcoholic last hoorah before the baby. We can even take Gemma."
Hallie sounded too excited for Donna to say no. "Can we go to like a really nice spa in Vegas or something? I'm not really up for gambling and I can't drink anyway."
"That sounds wonderful. I'll pay for everything." Hallie seemed a little more eased.
By the time the painters had shown up, Hallie and Donna had booked their flight and reserved the hotel for 2 weeks from then. Gemma had declined saying that someone needed to keep the guys in line, but told them to set Vegas on fire.
All the main living areas, as well as the master bedroom suite had been finished with the paint now on the walls. The only areas that still needed work were the basement and the office area. Those would be done after Vegas.
Donna had gone home when the paint fumes built up a little too much for her liking. Hallie had spent that time in the garden, planting flowers around her patio. After the fumes had died down and the paint had dried, she stood in her newly finished living room. She loved it. It still felt original, yet new. It was beautiful.
Her head was swimming when the door opened and Jax walked in. He plopped on the couch like usual—as if nothing had changed, as if her whole world hadn't fallen apart once again. She decided to play it cool. She couldn't stay away from him—he had become too entwined in her life. Maybe if she acted as if nothing had changed and kept him close, he would change his mind. It was her only option at the time.
She slipped onto the couch beside him, holding a beer and handing him one as well. This was their routine. It was odd for him to go straight home after work. He almost always ended up beside her.
"I think I'll cook dinner tonight instead of ordering-in. Any requests?" She looked in his direction.
"Darlin', anything you make is always good. I'm fine with whatever." He leaned in and kissed her forehead.
Hallie just needed a moment to herself. She figured cooking would give her a reprieve for a bit. He was close enough to keep her calm, but far enough away to keep her sane. She made her way into the kitchen and began preparing spaghetti. It was simple, but she made her sauce from scratch. It took a while, but the end result was totally worth it every time.
She fixed Jax a bowl and one for herself. She carried the food and fresh beer into the living room, setting Jax's items in front of him. He practically inhaled the food—even finished a second bowl by the time Hallie had finished her dinner.
When they both sat back, satisfied and relaxed, it struck Hallie how domestic they seemed. The only difference between what they were doing and a relationship was the title. She wasn't going to push her luck though. She would find some other way to draw him in.
Before Hallie could sink deeper into her mind, her front door opened. It was Happy. He never knocked anymore. He was too much of a regular fixture in her life for her to care. He saw Hallie stand to take the dirty dishes to the sink. "You cook tonight?" He grinned. "Fuck yeah! Homemade meal tonight!"
Hallie giggled at his enthusiasm. He seemed really quiet and stern—almost untouchable—outside of her house. Inside, he was loud, funny and passionate. "Eat up, buttercup. There's enough for you to have leftovers tomorrow." Hap kissed her cheek in passing before settling in the recliner near Jax's end of the couch.
Hallie took the loveseat and lay down on the pillow. Shifting onto her side, here yes travelled between the "badass" bikers in her living room as they laughed at the movie on her TV. "I almost don't know what to think having my two favorite men in my house at the same time. I feel like I'm stealing you from the clubhouse. Some croweaters might shank me after this one." She smiled.
"I'm one of your favorite men, but you're in the middle of bum-fucking-Egypt over there." Hap gestured to her spot on the other side of the room.
In response Hallie made her way to the recliner and clumsily sank into the chair between Hap and the arm closest to Jax. "Make some room and kick-up the foot rest."
"Demanding bitch!" He smiled and did as he was told.
Hallie then proceeded to steal Jax's beer from the table between them and rink half of it.
"You got a funny way of showing you care—crowding Hap's seat and taking my drink." They gave each other such a hard time.
Hallie settled in under Hap's arm that rested on her shoulders. He twirled her hair and told her, "Don't listen to him. You're hot as shit in those short shorts, and I got no problem having you all over me." He used his free hand to smack her thigh for good measure. She just chuckled and turned her attention to the TV.
Hallie wasn't sure when she fell asleep, but waking up the next morning she was still in the chair with Happy holding her tight to him. It was nice. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jax's blonde hair just over the arm of the couch.
At some point during the night, Hap had reclined the chair fully and was holding her. He seemed to help her forget her Jax dilemma. Maybe she could hang out with her other favorite biker a little more to ease her mind.
AN: So Happy is becoming a part of the picture. We'll have to wait and see who she ends up with. Thanks for the reviews. I love hearing the feedback.