Matthew Casey

A/N – Thanks for your reviews!

Worst Ways To Go

Casey's first fully involved fire didn't happen until he had been candidate at Columbus Drive for just over two weeks. It was exhilarating yet terrifying at the same time and he experienced an incredible adrenaline rush. The fire had licked at his turnout gear but he didn't hesitate for a second. The heat was all consuming. The fire was destroying everything in its path. The insides of the house were melting. The glass on the photographs at the top of the mantel piece cracked. The wooden beams ignited. Casey could feel the sweat running down his back. His whole body was sore and his lungs ached from the struggle against the fire but it was all worth it when Casey saw the look of the parents faces when he and Flanagan finally emerged from the inferno that their house had become, carrying their small daughter and their dog out alive.

He would always remember Flanagan's words to him. "There's nothing like that feeling!" he grinned at Casey, his teeth white against the black soot that covered his face, "Job well done candidate!" he beamed, slapping Casey on the shoulder by way of congratulating him on his first major rescue.

"Know what caused it?" Casey had asked the older firefighter as they watched Engine 13 get to work with the hoses and ladders to put the fire out.

"You're an eager one!" Flanagan laughed, "We'll most likely find that out during overhaul. We're in for a damn long night."

A few shifts later, the crews were in the common room finishing up the lunch that their candidate had made. Sighs of contentment had gone around the table as Casey, who had to wait until everyone else had got their food before he could get his own, was still eating.

"Well think that might just the best mac 'n' cheese I have ever eaten candidate," Hayes said, pushing away his empty plate. "Where did ya learn to cook like that, your mother teach you kid?" A ripple of laughter went round the table.

Casey just shook his head, "Just followed the recipe," he replied teasingly.

Casey was just about to eat his final forkful when one of the scuba crew walked in to the common room and sat down on the couch. "Hey Casey!" he called across, "There's someone waiting for ya on the apparatus floor," he spoke with a slight smirk on his face.

Casey put his fork down and stood up. "Thanks..." and he made his way out of the common room and down the stairs onto the apparatus floor where the rigs were parked.

Almost the entire common room of firefighter followed Casey, watching from the walkway at the top of the stairs as their new candidate met his visitor.

"Girlfriend ya reckon?" one voice questioned.

"Hope not," McCormack commented sardonically, "I got twenty bucks lying on the table..."

"Oh yeah…" Hayes sniggered as Casey's visitor kissed their candidate, "Well I'll take your twenty..." he turned to Butler, "And your fifteen... thanks very much guys…"

"Hey hang on a minute, could be his sister. They're both blond..."

A few sniggers went round the crowd.

"They're both blond," Hayes mocked in a whiny voice. "Let's see your money" he held out a hand which was immediately filled with bills from the losers of the bet.

"Damn I was sure he was swinging for the other side," Hayes lamented as he dug out a twenty from his pocket.

A stern voice interrupted their raucous laughter, "You were sure who was swinging for the other side?" it was their lieutenant.

"No-one Lieutenant," McCormack replied, still watching Casey and the blonde, feeling fed up that his pocket was now twenty dollars lighter.

"Good, we don't need that sort of thing around here," Conner commented dourly over his shoulder as he walked off.

Casey was smiling as he saw Louise turn around when she heard him walking down the stairs and coming towards her. He greeted her with a warm hug and she kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"They're all staring at me Candidate," she grinned cheekily as she glanced upwards at the crowd of firefighters.

"Well those shorts of yours don't leave much to their imaginations," Casey smirked back at her, "What's up? You okay?"

"I can't come by and see your big red truck?" she laughed.

"It's not my big red truck," Casey replied simply.

"So can I get a tour then mister fireman?"

"Why aren't you at work?" Casey asked her, curious.

"No, only one," he smiled.

"Well if you must know I had a job interview," Louise answered.

"You don't look like you're dressed for an interview…

"Oh don't I detective?" she teased, "New bar opening near Bucktown, more hours, more money…"

"Thought that was gonna be a strip club?" he frowned, "Heard some of the guys talking about it a few days ago," he went on.

"And you're against strip clubs then candidate?" she teased.

"No I guess not, but l don't want... doesn't matter…" Casey shrugged and shook his head.

"You going all protective on me?" she smiled.

He laughed at himself, "Sorry. Did you get it? Or when do you find…"

"I got it," she was smiling back at him now.

"Yeah, of course you did…"

"'Cause I look like a stripper? Huh?" she just grinned.

"Because you're beautiful…"

"You trying to get into bed with me Matt Casey?" she teased.

"Uh huh... always," he laughed.

"Ok well on that note I gotta get going..."

"You don't want that tour then?"

"Got lots to do. I'll take a rain check."

Casey would never forget the first burn victim that he carried from a burning building. A warehouse had gone up and they hadn't had a lot of time for search and rescue because of the nature of the fire. There were unpredictable explosions due to incorrect storage of massive quantities of propane gas tanks. They managed to pull out two men. Both were suffering from severe burns.

Casey and Conner got their victim onto a gurney by the waiting ambulance so the paramedics could take over. Most of the man's flesh was melted and peeling off making Casey fear he was going to throw up inside his SCBA mask. He pulled it off and immediately the gut wrenching smell of burned skin and charred flesh hit him, making him turn away. Casey had always liked to remain close to the ambo to see how victims were faring but this time he couldn't bear it. He dashed behind the rig to throw up. Then seeing his own gloves covered in scraps of seared flesh he threw up a second time.

He'd taken his helmet off and stood still for a few minutes until he felt a little better before he realised Flanagan was in front of him holding a bottle of water. He was looking nonchalantly at Casey's gloves. "Human flesh just falls off when it's burnt," the seasoned firefighter commented grimly.

Casey yanked off his gloves and chucked them down onto the ground, taking the bottle of water that Flanagan was offering to him. "Thanks," he took a long swig and swilled his mouth out, trying to rid himself of the disgusting taste of vomit. "Think he'll make it?" he questioned, tipping some of the cooling liquid over his head.

"Probably not," Flanagan replied honestly, "When the burns are that extensive and deep there's not much anyone can do."

"That's gotta be one of the worst ways to go…" Casey observed quietly, his eyes showing a certain sadness.

"Yeah," Flanagan nodded, "But that's why we go in and get them out."

"We got him out though…"

"We can't save everyone but we'll try. You never know, he may just pull through," but Casey saw the look of doubt in Flanagan's eyes.

"Do you ever get used to it?"

"Nah kid... think if you get used to it then it's time to quit the job," Flanagan commented as he lit a cigarette and watched the engine crew shower the building in water.

A few weeks later Casey was in the shower room cleaning the shower stalls when Flanagan walked in, nodding at the candidate. He almost left Casey undisturbed but he stopped right by him, peering into the shower cubicle where Casey was working.

Casey looked up and smiled. "Everything all right?" he asked the older man. He had noticed Flanagan's back step and wondered if he had come to check his work, "Come to inspect my cleaning skills?"

Flanagan looked thoughtful. "I'll leave that to Conner. Listen, you free tomorrow morning?" he asked Casey, "Want some extra cash?"

"Extra cash?" Casey quizzed, looking at Flanagan but continuing to clean the tiles.

"One of the guys that usually helps me is pulling some extra shifts," Flanagan explained.

"Helps you with what?" he asked.

"I do bit of construction work on the side," Flanagan replied.

Casey shrugged, "I don't know anything about construction."

"Just need a second pair of hands, you can take home a third of the money?"

Casey grinned, "Well I can't say no to that."

A few days after Casey's first construction gig with Flanagan Truck 6 was called out to a fire at a hotel. When the rig pulled up at the scene, the fire was already fully involved and several other truck and engine crews had already arrived along with a rescue squad and four ambulances.

Casey jumped out of the back of their rig and Conner spoke to him, "Ok candidate, you won't be shadowing anyone today. We don't have time for that. I've got every confidence in you Casey..." Conner went on to bark out his orders to the Truck crew and they all got to work. Casey was thrilled at his Lieutenant's decision and trust, and his heart pounded as he stared up at the huge burning building.

Fire was gushing out of windows on every floor now and he could hear screams coming from other windows where people were trying to escape. A certain determination filled him along with excitement and even fear. But they couldn't save everyone. He already knew that. But knowing that wasn't going to deter Casey or stop him from giving every ounce of strength and willpower he possessed to try and save as many victims as he humanly could.

It wasn't Casey's first death and it wouldn't be his last but it stuck with him more than most. He had to make a decision. The child or the father. He radioed for help to get the father out and snatched the child up and carried her out of the inferno, safely wrapped inside his turnout coat. But he was on the tenth floor and Casey knew they most likely wouldn't be able to get him out in time. And he was right. The father didn't have a chance. Casey found his charred remains during the long and very tough overhaul. Found? No, he had deliberately searched for them, desperately hoping by some miracle that he wouldn't find him but he they were in the exact location where he had been forced to leave the man. That would stay with Casey for the rest of his life.

"Hey Lou…" Casey was leaning against the doorframe when she opened the door. It had been a few days since the hotel fire, he'd just finished a shift working at the bar, he missed their shifts together. Now he was working out the firehouse and doing a little construction with Flanagan he'd dropped one of his jobs but still kept working at the bar. It was easy work and he was trying to gather some savings.

"Matt," she smiled, somewhat taken aback by his presence outside her apartment, "It's almost midnight… and you look like shit..."

"Thanks," Matt retorted somewhat sarcastically, "Love you too..." Then he laughed, "You gonna let me in?"

"Yeah, yeah… of course sweetie," she stepped back and he walked into the small apartment, "How'd you know I was in?"

"I didn't… was just hoping," he half laughed, "Not heard from you for a couple of weeks," he shrugged.

"Yeah this new job is killing me," she joked, "And you still don't have cell phone?"

"I'll get one next month, promise," he grinned at her.

"Well you're gonna have to."

"Oh yeah?" he questioned as he sat down on the couch.

"I'm moving," she spoke casually, grabbing a couple of cans from the refrigerator.

Matt didn't hide his surprise, "What? Why?"

"This job," she nodded and came to sit by him on the couch, "Opportunity's come up in another one of their clubs. And Max, the guy I started seeing last month, well he wants to move with me. We'll be sharing a place. Getting it all organised over the next few days. They want me to start as soon as possible, its promotion for me as well…"

"Oh… well if it's what you want…"

"Aren't you gonna ask me where I'm going?" she grinned.

"Where are you going Lou?" he said flatly.

"New York, the club's right in Midtown Manhattan. I can't wait to get there."

"Thought you loved it here in Chicago… you grew up here…"

"Well I do but there's nothing to hold me here really is there?"

"Suppose not..." Casey's voice was a little sad. He'd miss her. A lot. But she had to do whatever was right for her, "Well as long as it makes you happy… I'm happy for you. And Max. He's a lucky guy."

"Yeah, it'll be good. Fresh start, new city and all that," she passed him one of the cans of beer, "So anyway, why did you really come here?"

"Can't just drop by?" Casey shrugged.

"Matt, it's midnight... and you really do look like shit you know..."

Casey scoffed, dropping eye contact with her and staring at the can in his hands, "Probably because I'm not really sleeping."

"That's why you're here, you need something to make you relax? Well I don't have much. Max doesn't like me having the stuff... I can help you relax though, if that's what you need?" she looked into his face and saw the stress and anxiety his eyes held.

He just shook his head a little, "Shouldn't... really l just needed to see you..."

He watched her as she stood up and disappeared for a moment or two. She came back and sat close to him on the couch, slipping something into his shirt pocket, "Have them... you look like you need it. Like I said, Max doesn't like me using them anyway. Call it my leaving present..."

"Getting high on my own in my apartment sounds like a bad idea..." he commented dryly.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she asked, her voice soft and kind.

"Doesn't matter."

"You closing up on me like a clam now I've told you I'm moving… you used to talk me…" she sighed, knowing only too well the working of his mind. She reached up a hand and placed it on his chest. moving it in small circles as it offer him some comfort. "You'll make sure you message me all the time when you move into the 21st century and get a cell phone won't you? You got my number..."

"I do have a phone," he pointed out with a half-smile.

"'Cept that you're hardly ever home," she shook her head.

"That's true," he laughed, "I am still slaving away at that bar… and literally a slave for the twenty-four hours I'm under Lieutenant Conner's command… he's nearly as bad as you were at the bar," he teased.

"I miss our shifts there. We had some fun didn't we?" she smiled at him as she recalled some of their 'fun'. "Speaking of which, how about one last bit of fun for old times' sake? I know that will help you sleep, you can crash here if you want to..."

Louise lowered her hand from his chest down to the waist of his jeans and slipped it inside down to his crotch. He bit his lip, uncomfortable at the thought of having sex with someone else's girlfriend. When they had been friends with benefits she hadn't ever been seeing anyone steady so he'd never thought about it before.

"Lou…" he began, somewhat edgy now, even though there was nothing he would have liked better, "Maybe Max wouldn't like this... I wouldn't if I were him..."

"We're not married or anything Matt... you and I used to do this all the time..." she smiled, her hand massaging him gently.

"Don't..." Matt put down his half-finished can of beer on the coffee table, took hold of her hand gently and pulled it out of his jeans. "Sorry…" he stood up and she mirrored him. She was a tall girl and looked him directly in the eye as she stood in front of him.

"Matt, don't... I'll miss us, I will…" she began, setting a hand against his chest again.

This time he pushed it away firmly. "I gotta go… thanks for... you know…" he looked down at his shirt pocket.

"No sweat. See ya around then fireman," she smiled and touched a chaste kiss to his cheek.

Casey was sat in his small apartment, alone, and with the clear packet in front of him on the coffee table by the couch. Two rolls of marijuana. Louise had been right. He really did look awful and he desperately needed to get some quality sleep. But he feared closing his eyes. Fear seeing charred flesh. He rubbed his hands over his face, eyeing the telephone on the wall. He contemplated calling Severide for just a moment. But he had spoken very little to him since they had celebrated their graduation. And anyway he wasn't entirely sure they were friends. Maybe more like acquaintances. And he was sure Andy would be with Heather right now. And it was now nearly 3am. He couldn't call anyone at this house. So he shook away the idea of calling anyone and grabbed his lighter instead. Taking a long drag on the lit joint, he soon felt his body relax and he sank back on the couch. It certainly wasn't the healthy option but since when had he chosen that?

As the weeks flew by and turned into months Casey became less and less the subject of betting pools so he figured that was progress. Much of his time was spent doing cleaning and chores, cooking and doing drills. He took advantage of what free time he did have and used all the gym equipment at the firehouse so he was fitter than ever and running faster than he ever had before. Since Louise had left for New York his social and personal life had slowed down a lot but he was so busy that he didn't notice the change in life/work balance that much. He continued to help Flanagan out with his construction business, Casey was a quick learner and picked things up thoroughly. He and Flanagan got to know each other a little better. Casey discovered that Flanagan was married to a high school teacher but they had no children as yet. Flanagan himself wasn't sure that he wanted any because he didn't want to mess them up, or let them be messed up by the world

Casey had laughed a little at that comment, "Trust me, there are way worse parents than you and your wife would be... you'd make great parents."

"Your parents mess you up?" Flanagan questioned him as he drove Casey home in his truck after they had spent the day fitting windows. Casey made no real response. "Ah, silence… that says a lot," Flanagan went on.

He peered at Casey to check out his reaction. But the young man just stared straight in front of himself, shaking his head, "Do I seem messed up to you?"

"You skirt around the subject of family very well," Flanagan observed.

"Not an interesting topic," he shrugged. The tone of Casey's voice indicated to the older man that he shouldn't pursue the matter. If Casey wanted to ever talk to him about his family no doubt he would.

"Ok kid, no more to be said then," Flanagan spoke softly as if there were now some sort of silent understanding between the two of them about the matter. When they pulled up outside the apartment building, it wasn't a great neighbourhood and he almost wanted to invite Casey round for dinner one night as he watched him unfastened his seatbelt, "Thanks for today Matt, you've done a great job helping me out. I'll let you know when then next job comes up shall I?"

Casey nodded, eager to continue learning the construction trade from a new, well, friend he supposed. Flanagan passed him half the money they had made that day. "You sure?" he questioned.

"Quite sure, you've done a great job for me."

Casey grinned at the man, delighted with the earnings. He pushed open the door and turned to get out.

"Listen, Matt. Me and some of the guys are going out tonight so you'd be welcome to come. Bring your girl if you want..." Flanagan invited.

"Love to, thanks, but I can't, I'm working."

"You've been working all day," Flanagan smiled at the young man's energy and hard work ethics.

"Got a shift at the bar," Casey told him as he got out of the truck, leaning back in.

"All right kid. Well see you Thursday at the house then…" he tipped his cap at Casey, who slammed the truck door and grinned as he watched Flanagan pull away.

TBC