Arc 1; Title : Life is a Game

Quote: "Life is a game. Play it. Life is too precious. Do not destroy it."

Song: Hollow – Submersed

Chapter 4: So Hollow

The raven gripped his dark hair with his hands, not caring in the least that they were covered in blood. He screamed, scratchy and hoarse, even through the dirt and smoke clogged his throat. He tried to back up, only kicking up more dirt. Everything around him was gone, there was no noise, no pain. Nothing except for him and the fading, broken, and twitching body bleeding out only a few feet away.

Right before his eyes was his new friend, the sweet, innocent, shy Hasse, slowly and painfully... dying. Crimson spurted from his neck, due to a sharp piece of glass from who-knows-where piercing right through. His eyes were wide open, frozen, in fear and horror and agony even as his heart ceased its rhythm.

Izaya didn't hear the shouting or see the soldiers until someone roughly grabbed his arms, pulling him out of the smoke. He felt like he didn't blink at all, and the taste of dirt enveloped his tongue – but it didn't infiltrate his lungs... because he didn't breathe. He couldn't, not even when medics and soldiers blocked his line of vision, not even when he was inside the medic tent, not even when his dear friend Shinra was shaking him by the shoulders, a muffled "Snap out of it! Izaya! Izaya!" ringing in his ears like he was underwater.

He didn't realize he was still screaming, not even when a needle stuck his veins and the world blurred until it went dark completely as sweet unconsciousness took over.

"Hnn... nhnn..." Small whimpers escaped from Izaya's small pink lips as he came to. He was in his bed in their tent, he observed, as he opened his eyes and looked around. He brought a hand to his head as a sudden sharp, throbbing pain rushed through his skull. He felt like he was hit by a truck.

When the pain eased a bit, he tried to think about what happened before he passed out. Immediately, it all rushed back into his mind and his stomach churned. He thought he was going to throw up, so he got up quickly – bad idea. He stumbled and almost landed face first, except he was stopped by something. Better yet, someone. Even better than that, a certain blonde that was able to banish Izaya's sickness with just his presence.

"What do you think you're doing?" Shizuo scolded, moving the raven back onto his bed. Izaya let his head fall back on his pillow, and he took deep breaths to calm himself.

"I felt sick... I remembered what happened before... yeah..." He didn't even have the energy to lie, or go into details. It wasn't like Shizuo had to guess the reason for Izaya's fatigue.

"I feel better now though." He added, as to not make his companion worry.

Despite this, Shizuo still frowned and sat on the bed, petting the raven hair softly. He was quiet for a while, which was unlike Shizuo. Actually, as Izaya now realized, the entire camp was pretty quiet. He couldn't imagine why, after what happened... what time was it, anyway?
Seeing how Shizuo didn't seem to be about to say anything anytime soon, Izaya spoke up. "...How long was I out...?"

"A few hours..." Shizuo quietly responded. "No one's been allowed out of the camp... I'm pretty sure everyone's eating. No one really wants to talk. I think they're afraid to talk about it... because it makes it real... everyone's afraid of breaking down..." The blonde said seriously, which was a bit odd for him. But it was understandable.

"Shouldn't you be ea-"

"You were screaming." Shizuo interrupted. "All the way to the medic tent. You wouldn't stop until Shinra gave you a tranquilizer. That's what he told me. I can't decide whether I'm grateful or upset that I didn't hear it."

Izaya frowned in guilt. He didn't realize he had been so... so... distraught. He tried to bring his mind back to that place, to that time so maybe he could understand the pain he felt, so he could offer some explanation and apology to Shizuo, and Shinra. God, Shinra must have been so scared. Everyone must have been. For some reason though, his mind built a barrier and he couldn't get to that memory, and he was conflicted between joy and disappointment at this fact.

"I'm... I'm sorry... I... it was so... I wasn't..." Izaya tried, and failed, to apologize and explain correctly to his blonde best friend.

"I wish I could have protected you... " Shizuo whispered. "From seeing that..."
"But you did protect me..." Izaya spoke up. "I had to push you off to get up... The first thing you did when the landmine went off was cover me... You always protect me, protozoan." Izaya said solemnly.

Shizuo smiled sadly, but didn't say anything. He still felt horrible for being able to simply be unconscious while others were hurt, dead, or traumatized. He'd have to get over it though – for Izaya.

"Do you, feel any pain?" Shizuo finally managed to speak, switching the attention off of himself. If he continued to think about the state Izaya had been in, he was sure he was going to lose it.

"Not really..." Izaya trailed off, trying to lie through his teeth. His head ached, more then it probably should have, and his stomach kept flipping and churning as if he was on a ship at sea. It disappeared for a while, once Shizuo caught him, but it was slowly coming back from the attempt to remember what happened. And don't even get him started on the pain that was inflicted in his throat... But he didn't want Shizuo to worry about it.

Shizuo rose an unconvinced eyebrow at him, giving him the 'tell me or I'll beat it out of you' looks. Izaya rarely got them, so he knew he had to take it seriously. Lying to Shizuo only ended up with worse repercussions later.

"Just a slight pain in the back of my head and throat, but it's probably nothing. - Like I said, you protected me."

Tch, slight pain, yeah right. For all they knew, Izaya could have a concussion when they hit the ground. The blonde may have been able to protect him from the blast, but the impact to the ground was wild, anything could have happened.

"We should get it checked out by Shinra," Shizuo said, slowing his hand that stroke the raven hair a bit. Izaya looked into Shizuo's mocha's eyes, searching, unreadable. This was just one of those times where both of them were unreadable.

"But I'm fine, really Shizu-chan! You never fail to protect me..." Izaya's voice began trailing off, his gaze turning to the floor slightly. Shizuo knew this look, he knew what it meant. "Even before all this, you always protected me-"

"Bull crap," Shizuo hissed, stopping the massage he was giving the raven unconsciously. Pain was swelling up within his gut, the same pain he felt before all of this became reality. He wasn't able to protect Izaya back home, no matter what the raven claimed. Izaya was still in that god forsaken house with that god forsaken father of his. He hadn't saved him at all.

Shizuo had been so warped in his thoughts he barely even noticed his companion looking up at him softly. "But you did the best you could, and that's all that matters. - And besides, I'm still here, aren't I?" The raven gently reached over, placing his pale hand on Shizuo's cheek. The brute never expected him to- What? What was he doing? The blonde honestly didn't even hear what he had just said, being distracted. But as he stared deeply into those ruby-red eyes, he found some peace through his vivacious mind; somehow.

"I would've gave up, but you kept me going, you protozoan." The raven's face looked a bit red as he quickly removed his hand from Shizuo's skin, looking the other way as if to pretend he didn't do that. Shizuo just halfheartedly smiled to himself, starting to pet the raven hair once more. He would play it Izaya's way, for now.

"Fine fine, I'll go see Shinra, you stubborn brute," Izaya sighed with a teasing tone behind his voice. That was the Izaya he knew.

"Okay, we'll see him at dinner. - Which we should probably go to." Izaya's eyes lowered a bit, clenching his stomach a little tighter. The blonde understood, Izaya really didn't feel like eating right now, not when his stomach was full of the sick reality of what just happened. But that didn't change the fact that they were still in a war, a war where the enemy would attack at any time, and their supplies would vanish. Izaya was already a stick, he needed more meat on his bones.

"You can go on without me, I think I'm going to skip-out on food today. - I'll go see Shinra when you're done."

"No," Shizuo quickly responded, his hand in Izaya's hair going still instantly. It seemed to shock the raven, as he looked back up at him. "You need to eat something, even if it is just rice." They never had much to chose from, but they at least always had some rice. Rice was just a plain filler that he would hopefully be able to keep in. Izaya opened his mouth, about to retaliate, but Shizuo glared at him. There was no way he was going to allow Izaya to get himself out of this. He needed to eat even if his stomach didn't want him too.

After some time, Shizuo somehow managed to convince Izaya to get out of bed and try to eat something. It probably wasn't the best choice to make, but the raven needed to have something in that belly of his. Even though they weren't on the battlefield, patrolling around camp was exhausting the raven; Shizuo noticed. Izaya wasn't used to carrying large, heavy objects, which included artillery. Energy was more essential then ever. However, that was a huge problem. The raven could hardly stomach eating a lot, mostly due to the fact that he hardly ate anything back at home. No, it wasn't Izaya's fault, he would never stop eating because he was self conscious of himself, it was that bastard's fault-

No, Shizuo wasn't going to think about that. It would only make things even worse then they were now.

Stick to happy thoughts.

Stick to happy thoughts.

Stick.

To.

Happy.

Thoughts.

Without even realizing it, Shizuo and Izaya came up to the rather silent cafeteria tent. Usually it was buzzing with activity, echoing with people laughing half-coherently as they drank their share of alcohol. Nearly nothing could stop their merry chatter, not even the higher-ups could quiet them until their third request.

Yet, there was no chatter to be heard right now. Nothing but the soft clinking of spoons, forks, bowls, and other utensils made any high-pitched sounds. Every now and then, there would be a cough, even a sneeze. But other then that, silence. It was so unnerving, Shizuo wasn't so sure eating dinner was worth entering or not. All these people, mourning over the sudden and inconvenient loss may worsen Izaya's state, and Shizuo didn't want to risk that right now. Yet, Izaya needed to eat, food would help distract his brain from what had just happened; from what he saw. Besides, the nourishment was much needed.

"Come on," he said hesitantly. Izaya glanced up at him, but didn't say a word. He was probably observing him, like always. He hoped the raven didn't notice his discomfort, that wouldn't help their situation at all.

Unconsciously, Shizuo moved the tent's entrance flap up, allowing Izaya to crawl through with the blond following closely behind. There were people talking after all, but their whispers were so hushed that not even Shizuo's sensitive ears could pick up the conversations to their fullest. Was it sad that he was relieved that he couldn't hear the conversations?

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya's low whisper suddenly streamed through his ears, snapping the brute out of his thoughts. The raven was looking at him rather worriedly, even to the point where he had reached over and grasped a small part of his sleeve. When did he do that? Shizuo didn't even feel him touch him... Had he been so out of it that he didn't even notice Izaya?

Dammit. How the hell was he going to be able to comfort Izaya if he didn't pay any attention to him? What if something bad happened in those few seconds where he was daydreaming?

"S-sorry, spaced out for a second," he whispered back, gently ruffling the worried raven's hair. Shizuo wanted to slap himself so hard for blanking out like that. He needed to be there for Izaya, even if it meant disregarding himself.

Izaya opened his mouth, his deep red-eyes looking at him with an unreadable expression, but before he even said anything, he quickly closed it. His eyes suddenly darted to the dirt floor, enveloping his face in a dark downcast.

"Hey," he frowned, gently placing a hand on his shoulder and shaking it lightly. Izaya just ignored him, as if he himself had zoned-out. Greattt, now he may never know what was bothering Izaya so much. Shizuo's heart felt as if someone had a burning stick and was holding it up to his heart, trying to burn a hole in it. Why was seeing Izaya like this making him feel so horrible?

Seeing the doctor running up to them snapped the blond out of his thoughts unwillingly. Even when Shizuo tried to remember what he was thinking about and where it would possibly lead, he lead himself to a dead end. Why did Shinra always have to come at the worst times?

"Izaya!" He immediately whispered, going straight-up to downcast raven and pulling him in for a hug. Izaya didn't even seem prepared for it, as he held his arms out at his sides, as if fearing he was going to lose his balance. Then again, this was Izaya they were talking about. He managed to slip over a bullet casing during training.

"How you feeling?" The worried and bumbling doctor asked desperately. Despite his smile, Shizuo could tell there were stress marks trying to mask themselves. They weren't doing such a good job unfortunately.

"Okay," Izaya plainly replied. It was obvious to Shizuo that he was just saying that. He couldn't blame him for it, Shinra looked like a complete wreck. "Just tired."

"That's good." Slowly, Shinra began releasing Izaya from his grip, pulling him arms length away. Those glass-covered eyes were looking the raven up and down, mentally giving him a health and mental evaluation. The frown on Izaya's face seemed to grow more evident, but the doctor didn't seem to notice.

"Lets get you something to eat, that should help you." Izaya just nodded, muttering something under his breathe. Shizuo tried to strain his hearing to pick-up what he had said, but he was too late. He didn't know what was going on in the raven's head. Guilt? Probably, even though none of this was his fault, he would still find a way to blame it on himself. Ahhh, that was just the way he was, the way he learned to be.

Shizuo lead Izaya over to the table, seeing some of the other troops steal a glance their way. There was no doubt that they were looking at Izaya. If someone came in camp screaming, that always drew attention, whether they wanted to or not. Shizuo just wanted to yell at them so they would mind their own business, but that would cause so much commotion. Izaya would freak out and notice as well. He didn't need that kind of attention right now, not when his mind was so vulnerable to everyone and everything.

They took their seats, Shinra sitting on one side of Izaya while Shizuo sat at the other. It was a bit odd, seeing Shinra sitting there. That was the seat where Hasse used to sit every now and then, always preying on the food Izaya didn't finish. The blonde always wanted to punch the kid, Izaya needed to eat all his food. Looking back on his feelings now, he couldn't help but feel guilty. The boy was just as hungry as everyone else there, they hardly gave out enough food to feed everyone. Hasse was just eating the food instead of wasting it.

Ah, what was he doing? The brute couldn't let these thoughts plague him, Izaya would only pick-up on them sooner or later, especially when they started showing through his usual persona. Taking a peek at Izaya, his eyes weren't on Shinra at all, who was babbling about flowers and roses. He was just looking at his food, twirling it with his fork. His eyes were sunken, staring absent-minded into space.

"Come on, you need to eat," Shizuo frowned, his voice being a bit louder then he would've hoped. Izaya jumped in his seat, knees hitting the table with a rather hard thud, and his fork dived to the floor. All eyes were on them now, even eyes from other tables. It felt like they were in a zoo, being the saddest exhibit in human history.

"Sorry, are you okay?" He quickly apologized. He didn't know what to do, he didn't mean to scare him...

The raven slowly turned to him, eyes a bit shaky. Shizuo hated seeing him like this, it was the same face he made when he was on the verge of tears. Dammit, he felt his heart ache in pure agony, a blade slicing down the center of his heart.

"I-I," Izaya trailed off, trying to put on a strong face to no avail. He looked really hurt. Did scaring him so suddenly do this to him-

Those deep-red eyes twitched to the other faces in the room, examining all the people that were staring at him like he was some kind of freak. The more he stared back, the glossier they became.

Shizuo scowled. Of course Izaya would notice the people who were staring at him, he was more observant then any one in this camp. Izaya liked observing other people, he didn't like other people observing him. Shizuo needed to get him away.

"I'm fine Shizu-chan," the small raven suddenly smiled. It seemed real, nearly convincing, if anyone but Shizuo was looking upon that smile. Usually when the raven was happy or semi-content, his eyes would smile too, as if he was part of a party no one else knew about.

"We'll just eat in the tent," Shizuo spoke, rising from his seat. Shinra and the others at the table lowered their forks to their plates, staring up at him and Izaya. They all seemed like they wanted to say something, but they didn't. It was fine with Shizuo, he didn't want to deal with anyone else today.

"Come on Izi," Shizuo whispered, gently reaching over and moving the loose strands of his raven locks behind his ear. Izaya seemed to shiver a bit, slowly looking up into Shizuo's mocha eyes, as if snapping out of some trance. That's good, he was focusing on him now. He just needed to keep it this way.

"Why? Everyone's here-" Shizuo shot him a glare, one that Izaya decided not to challenge as he went silent. Sadly, the blonde felt like he had to do this all day.

"We're going back to the tent to eat." The raven didn't even argue back this time. He nodded, slowly slipping out of the bench-table and grabbing his plate. Shizuo followed suit, grabbing his own plate. Izaya's fork had landed on the sandy ground, becoming useless. Izaya would not have mind using it anyway, but seeing as he didn't even seem to realize it was missing, he didn't say a word. They could just use his.

"Can we stop by later so you can check on Izaya's head? I want to be sure he doesn't have a concussion or anything."

"I already checked," Shinra smiled lightly, seeming proud of himself. "There was nothing wrong."

Shizuo couldn't help but smile to himself, letting out a sigh of relief he hadn't even known he was holding in until now. "Thanks." He then turned his attention back to Izaya, who was looking over at Shinra softly.

"Thanks Shinra, you're the best." The doctor just smiled a bit more before returning to his food. But as soon as Shinra turned away, Izaya's face sunk a bit, as he didn't have to keep-up the mask he was just wearing.

"Just focus on my hand, nothing else," Shizuo ordered, slipping his hand over the raven's. It was so small compared to his, the soft skin could have belonged to a small china doll.

The two slowly made their way out of the cafeteria tent and over to their own. No one else was there, it was just the way they left it. Then again, who could sleep after what happened? - Well, when they weren't, knocked out. Shizuo was going to stop thinking now.

"Sorry Shizu-chan," Izaya suddenly sighed, taking a seat on the bed. He no doubt hated the fact that his uneasiness was shown through his mask, making the blonde worry. But Shizuo didn't care about that. All he cared about was Izaya's safety.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." Izaya fidgeted a bit, looking around as he sighed again. He no doubt realized he was missing his fork by now. He was just so out of it, it was frightening. Shizuo didn't know how much longer he could take this.

"Here." The raven looked over as Shizuo reached over with his own fork, scooping some of the rice and chicken on the utensil. "You need to eat at least a little bit." Izaya opened his mouth to protest, but Shizuo didn't give him the time. He gently brought the fork up to his tender lips and forced the food into his mouth.

"Wh-what...?" Izaya blushed over in complete shock, swallowing the food that had been forced in his mouth.

"Either eat, or I'll force feed you." His voice was stern and demanding. Izaya knew he'd have to listen now, he had no other choice.

"You're mean protozoan," he whined, prying the fork away from Shizuo, that undying blush still plaguing his lips. Shizuo couldn't help but feel a wave of victory sweep over him. It was always so hard to get him to eat anything.

"Yeah yeah," he simply waved. Izaya ate his dinner, mostly in silence. Shizuo expected this. At least he was eating, it was something. He was able to eat more then half of it before handing the fork back over to Shizuo, wiping the rice off his face with his sleeve. The blonde took it, quickly scarfing his food down. It wasn't abnormal for him, this was just the way he was.

"Thank you..." Izaya's small voice suddenly snapped the blonde out of his thoughts. He sounded really apologetic this time.

"Someone's gotta look after you," Shizuo couldn't help but smirk, reaching over and running his free hand through Izaya's silky raven hair. "Besides, you're my flea, and I'm not going to let anyone mess with my Flea."

a/n: okay, Tai here, sorry for taking so long... again. Ugh, I have to work on well... working better. Though a larger part of it was written by Kendall not me! Which explains why its highly in Shizuo's POV and written in a slightly different style. I wrote the very beginning, she wrote the rest. Though, if you couldn't tell, thats a good thing!