A/N: Thank you for all the alerts! Reviews are love. Thank you to Saga Svanhildr for being the awesomest of awesome. Uuuuh, smut warning? Lol There's alternating POV in this chapter.
"Heavy in Your Arms"
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your shit bare
See how I'll leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
-"Rolling In The Deep" by Adele
Fenris knew his place. He stood very still as the two took their time with him. Hadriana pinched his lyrium marks and a wicked laugh followed. He couldn't cry out in pain. No, that was a part of her game. His jaw tightened and he ignored Danarius's wandering fingers. "It seems that your pet is not in the mood tonight," the witch told her master. Fingers ran through his hair and traced circles along his shoulder blades. The sensation sent a cold chill down his spine. He wasn't sure if it was magic or an instinctual reaction that had been buried deep within him.
"It is alright," Danarius said, "he will learn eventually to love me again. I can be a patient man." Hadriana let out another laugh before she ran her tongue along a lyrium line on his inner thigh. "I think that I've had enough for tonight." He pulled back from Fenris and his apprentice. "You may have your fun, but leave him breathing." She didn't move until he had left the room. Fenris cursed the Maker for being left alone with her.
Her fingers raked against his skin and Fenris blocked out what was happening. His body numbed from a mixture of pain and pleasure. All of which was followed by shame. It was natural for a man to react in such a way to certain touches, but it was not her face that he saw. No. It was someone else's.
"You're leaving?" He had been surprised by the hurt and attachment that had been in his voice. He stood in the doorway of the new Hawke Estate as he watched Lily pack her bags. They had just gotten back from the Deep Roads when Carver asked her to let him be the new scion of the family. He wanted out of her shadow and she readily obliged. The relationship between brother and sister was never one Fenris was going to understand. He watched as she stood up straight. Her fingers curled against her honey colored hair but her back was still to him.
"Are you trying to stop me?" She asked. Was that a challenge? Fenris raised an eyebrow at her as she turned to face him. Ever the valiant older sibling, she was ready to give her younger brother everything and had expected nothing in return. Well, he could give her something… "So help me if one of them is putting you up to this." Why? Could his word sway her decision? He doubted it but the temptation was there to try.
"No," he answered carefully, "I…wish to come with you." He smiled when it was her turn to be surprised. He didn't smile often. In fact, he couldn't remember ever smiling before she had come into his life.
"And what?" She asked, "You want to come with me when you have such a glorious mansion at your disposal?" She pursed her lips together as he took a step in her direction. It was her act of challenging him and he welcomed it.
"What do you think?"
"I wouldn't want you to give up your life here."
"Mercenary work is hardly a life," he told her. He could have left at any time, but he knew those eyes would haunt him if he did.
"Fenris…"
"I would not see you go alone," he told her. He lifted a hand and touched the side of her face. It was strange. He had never expected to find her when he came to Kirkwall. They said that the Maker worked in mysterious ways and in that moment, he couldn't help but agree.
"Well," she said with a smile forming on her lips, "Who could resist such an offer?"
A small gasp left his lips. He had blocked Hadriana's actions from his memory enough to not realize when they made it to a bed. She mistook the sound for encouragement. Black hair brushed against his face. It wasn't right. Fenris pressed his lips into thin white lines as she dug her nails into him. A name rolled to the tip of his tongue and it was a name that he knew he shouldn't say aloud in Hadriana's presence. The mage finished her business and his green eyes flickered to her shallow face to see the sickening look of satisfaction. "You're just as I remembered," she told him.
Did she want him to say something? No. Satisfaction still rode her as she got up from the bed. He looked away as she gathered her things. Silence was the best that he could offer her. The memory that had come to him wasn't one that he knew. What had he remembered? Was that a time before that Danarius had refused to talk about? His eyebrows furrowed together as the questions formed in his mind. Or had his 'memory' been one that he conjured up just to cope with his current situation? The answer didn't matter. He just knew he had to see her.
Lily sat in her room and leaned back against the head of the bed she had been sleeping in for the past few days. It smelled like a mixture of old books and dust. She sucked in a sharp breath as she thought of her last encounter with Fenris. She felt like she had been so close to having him, the Fenris that she knew and loved, in her grasp, and then he just slipped through her fingers. No matter how many times she had tried to grab him, he just seemed untouchable. Was it her fault? Lily bit her lower lip. She wished that she had the answer. The door to her room opened and she saw a wisp of blond hair. Anders. She gave him a small smile. "Anders," she greeted him.
He returned a hint of a smile, but his was comparable to a very thin line. "I was just coming to check on you," he told her and closed the door behind him. He didn't need to do that, though she couldn't help but wonder if Carver had put him up to this. "Any news of the elf?"
"He has a name, you know," she said with a weary look.
Anders let out a small snort of a laugh. "I know," he replied as he took a few steps closer to her. She ran her hands through her hair nervously as she watched him.
She had only known him for five months before the Deep Roads expedition, but whenever she went to Kirkwall, she had visited him to see how he was. She never understood why he and Fenris never got along. Carver said to give it time, but maybe it was because he knew her inner enthusiast needed to hear it. "What is with you two anyways?" She asked and briefly wondered if she was going to regret doing so. "You never even called each other by your names."
"It's not like he remembers my name anyhow."
"Anders!" She scowled at him. That was not what she wanted to hear from him. What else could she do? Scold him? She wasn't the mage's mother, nor was it her place to do it anyways. "Just go. You came and checked on me. As you can see I am fine."
"I'm sorry," Anders said as he frowned at her, "I just-"
"What's in your hands?" She asked curiously at the small bag. The frown that had been on his face had slowly turned into a sheepish smile.
"I brought you food," he told her, "I noticed that you didn't eat much earlier." How could she have after a meeting like that with Fenris? Do not comfort me, repeated in her head several times throughout the entire day. She had to appreciate the thought, especially since her stomach had growled at the word 'food.'
"Thank you," she said as he handed her the bag. She opened it to see several different pieces of fruit and some bread. She wondered if he had gone through the trouble of finding the kitchen and snatching the food before anyone noticed. Her fingers curled into the soft cloth and picked out a grape. She popped it in her mouth and glanced at Anders. He could be so nice one minute and insufferable another.
"Wynne wants to know when you'll come see her again," he said.
Ah, the older mage had been such a great help and Lily knew she owed her a lot. They spent too much time apart to make a convincing master and apprentice pair, but no one had questioned it, at least no one to her knowledge. "Tomorrow," she replied, "She wanted to introduce us to her friend that she came here with." Anders nodded.
"Shale," he said, "Such an odd name, isn't it?" Lily shrugged one shoulder. Nothing surprised her anymore. She pulled out a piece of bread from the bag and popped it into her mouth. Silence had fallen between them and she didn't know what to do. On one hand, she wanted to make conversation, but on the other, she wanted him to stop talking and just go.
"How do you like it here?" She asked finally.
"It's…different," he replied, "I've been looking through various books during the day. This Circle is nothing like the one in Ferelden." That was because the worry of Templar cruelty wasn't on the minds of a mage-ruled nation. "It's been an overall pleasant experience considering…" Considering why they were there.
"You didn't have to come, you know," she said.
"Yes I did," he responded coolly. Anders ran his hand down his face and let out a soft groan. "I keep trying to tell you my reasoning, but every time I try, it comes out in a fumbling mess."
"Don't," she warned him, "Don't say anything." She didn't want to hear it. "We're friends." Her heart belonged to someone else. "I love Fenris."
"How long will it be until you realize that love is just a memory?" His voice was soft, as if it was supposed to soften the blow of his words. Lily didn't reply and Anders took that as a signal for him to leave. He closed the door behind him softly and she looked towards the single window in her room. She sighed heavily and picked another grape out of the bag of food. Her mind drifted off to what in the Maker's name Fenris could be doing.
"Do you wish me to follow him, master?" Danarius looked at his apprentice and shook his head 'no.' He watched as his pet left the estate and headed in the direction of the Circle Tower. Fenris tried to keep to the shadows. It was a commendable effort, but it was his markings that betrayed him. "What would you have me do?" Hadriana asked.
"Go to Kirkwall," he told her, without turning his head from the window, "and find out if the Champion and his sister have left the city recently." He thought that something had been familiar about that girl, and there had to be a reason why Fenris was going back to his rebellious stage after being so obedient. Maybe it had been his fault for wanting the slave to find out the truth about the new apprentices. His hands balled into tight fists. This would be the last time he defied him.
"Yes, master." Such a good girl, Danarius thought. He turned to look at her as she bowed in his direction. Fenris would taste his freedom and then he would take it all away from him again. If his suspicions proved to be true, he would make sure he didn't allow her to live again.
The light knocking at her door surprised her. Lily got up from the bed to open the door. She paused and turned back to her bed to grab her staff. Carver said that she was too careless at times. Now was not the moment to prove her younger brother right. Her first thought had been Anders. Had he come back? She didn't dare say his name in case she was wrong. She slowly opened the door and was surprised to find Fenris there. "What are you doing here?" She asked and he gave her a small smile.
"I've been thinking about you," he told her, "in fact, I have been unable to do anything else." She had heard the line before. Her chest tightened and she bit down on her lower lip to squash any quivering movement. If only he knew. "May I come in?" He looked a little disheveled and worry lines creased around his eyes. She stepped aside, unsure of what to say and made a motion for him to move past her. Once he did, she closed the door behind him and leaned against it as she placed her staff against the wall.
"Is something wrong?" She asked carefully. Considering how they had last parted, she didn't know what to think about the surprise visit. She didn't want to throw accusations because, well, Maker she was glad to see him.
"Everything," he replied and she moved past him to sit on the bed. Lily patted the spot next to her for him to sit. "I wish to tell you something." She raised an eyebrow at him. Ok. She could handle it.
"What is it?"
"I…" It seemed like he didn't know where to go. "I remembered something today. I think." Her heart soared. It seemed that even when Danarius tried to wipe Fenris's memory, he still came out. He was a fighter and that was what she loved about him.
"Fenris, that's wonderful!" She exclaimed and clapped her hands together. "How did it happen?" Though as she thought about it, the only time he said he remembered anything was… and the accompanying look told her everything. "Oh," she said. What else could she have said?
"It didn't mean anything. I only did because I had to." Well, that didn't help.
"Don't explain yourself," she told him and then went digging in her bag of food. Maker, she needed to keep busy.
"Is that…food?" Lily paused at the question and looked up at him.
"Yes," she answered, "…when was the last time you ate?"
"Hadriana took away my food the past few days," he replied lowly. Her heart broke for him and she shoved the rest of the food at him. "I couldn't…"
"Take it," she told him.
"Is that an order?"
Lily shook her head. "Maker, no," she replied with a small smile, "It's a request." Fenris looked at her for a moment in disbelief that she would say such a thing to him. "Please." Then he looked like no one had ever asked him that before. He took the bag and started to pick at the food. Now he was just trying to be polite. She stood up from the bed and let him have at it as she moved to the window.
The moon hung high in the air. The streets of Minrathous were littered with moving bodies, even at this hour the city managed to stay as noisy as it was during the day. She looked in the direction that she knew Carver and the others would be. She wondered if they were still around, if they were ok, anything. Once she knew she had redeveloped a relationship with Fenris, she would suggest him leaving with her. Would he do it? That remained to be seen, but it was her plan to try. She looked back at Fenris who finished the fruits and she watched him sigh. She couldn't have imagined what he was feeling. Part of her wished that they had taken Isabela's offer to use her ship, but then again, she had known that they needed to look like refugees, and having their own ship would not have made it convincing. She looked back to the city's horizon when she heard movement behind her.
"I have one more thing to ask of you." Lily only had to turn her head to see Fenris hovering rather closely to her.
"Anything," she said. He brought up a hand and cupped the side of her face before he lifted her chin to kiss her. Oh Andraste, she had waited for that moment since she saw him. His lips were as soft as she remembered. His silver hair brushed against her skin and she shut her eyes tightly, not wanting to it to end. Lily wrapped her arms around his body and pulled him closer to her. She didn't want the night to end.
He wanted to know how her lips felt against his. The odd familiarity was unsettling but thrilling. She held him close and before he realized what was happening, he led her to the bed. His hands moved to slip off the robes she had been wearing. They were simple, and not in a Tevinter fashion that he realized some of the mages wore, but he liked that about her. She didn't fit into the Imperium, yet he felt like she belonged with him. Possibilities started to form in his head, but he pushed out the thoughts to concentrate on the task at hand. They both fumbled to rid him of his armor before they landed on the bed in a tangled mess. She didn't feel like Hadriana. No, her body fit with his and…his own couldn't help but have an animalistic, instinctual reaction to her. Saying that it was natural was an understatement. His lips trailed away from her mouth and down the nape of her neck.
Fenris took in her scent and the way she smelled was a credit to her name. He wanted to remember every moment. He didn't want to lose the memory in the unbearable pain that would surely come later. Soft moans escaped her. It wasn't like the sickening sounds that came from Hadriana or the grunts that came from Danarius. It was sensual and so agonizing. He didn't want the foreplay that his master usually wanted. No, he just wanted her. His mouth explored. His hands stroked and gripped sensitive areas. She squirmed underneath of him and he muffled the sounds coming from her with his mouth. Her hands found his hair and she gripped the strands tugging slightly before her nails trailed along his scalp. She was careful of his marks, which had surprised him.
…had they done this before?
Her wetness called to him and he soon answered. His fullness entered her and she thrust her hips against him. He started a slow rhythm as one hand trailed up to hers and he took one away from his hair to lace their fingers together. She moaned his name and he smiled. She sounded like she needed him, wanted him, and didn't want to live without him. Was this a glimpse of what freedom could give him? If Danarius found out, it'd be the end of them. The urge to protect her was there, but he had only just tested his bravery against the magister. How far could he push the boundaries?
He was brought out of his thoughts as her legs wrapped around his body and he felt her tighten around him. They had time, at least until the morning came. He wanted the feelings he was experiencing to last.
"You are going nowhere slave." Fenris turned around to face the man speaking to him. His body flashed blue and he ran his hand through the man's chest. His fingers gripped around his beating heart and he ripped it out. He tossed the heart aside like it was trash to be dealt with.
"I am not a slave," he replied. The conviction in his voice was convincing. He had been a free man. He turned to see the people who witnessed it all. Lily, a man that looked like Lily, the dwarf that he had seen in the market with her, and the man that called himself Lucas had all been staring at him. "I apologize," he continued, "When I asked Anso to provide a distraction for the hunters, I had no idea they'd be so numerous."
"You obviously haven't met the Hawke siblings," the dwarf told him.
Lily shrugged. "It's not like we haven't dealt with slavers," she said. Fenris found himself looking at the woman in a new light. "Though I take it that these men were looking for you."
He sighed. "Correct," he told her, "My name is Fenris."
"Lily." Such manners.
"They were seeking lost property of a Tevinter magister…namely myself. They were trying to lure me into the open and as crude as their methods were, I could not face them alone," he said, "Thankfully Anso chose wisely."
"I'm happy to help, if they were really trying to capture you. I would see no man in the hands of a slaver," she said.
"Neither of us would," the one that looked like her piped up, "You didn't need to lie to get our help."
"That remains to be seen," Fenris said and then knelt by the cooling body of the man he had torn the heart out from. Danarius's crest was on his belt. He looked up at Lily. "I know…you have questions." How wouldn't? "But my former master has accompanied them and I need to get him before he escapes." He paused. "And I need your help."
"I'll help you."
He thought about the time Lily had first come into his life. Danarius had lied to him about his past and she had told him the truth. She rested comfortably against him as he winced in pain. "I love you," she whispered. He wondered how many slaves would have died to hear those words from another person. She didn't deserve to be tied down to a slave. She was the only thing magical that didn't seem wrong and she had no idea how badly he wanted to say it back but he just…couldn't.