In which Iemitsu returns, and his Terrible Ideas are shot down. Basil develops a taste for hazardous substances (You know how people make jokes about coffee being rocket fuel? Turmeric's pick-me-ups do that. Literally.)

Special thanks to everyone who commented. Your ideas will be used!

Sir returned, and there was much rejoicing. Not. Given that his presence was the equivalent of a feckless ball of chaos thrown into the nice, orderly world of the CEDEF, we did not appreciate the disturbance. Sadly, we appreciated the lack of sir's buffer even less.

In sir's absence, Turmeric had been approached on numerous occasions by individuals attempting to ascertain whether I was a harmonized Element or not. It was disturbingly like the nobility of Mizu trying to court Mei. Naturally, Turmeric rebuffed them, but I was beginning to see the appeal of schadenfraude when I imagined the idiots trying (and failing) to deal with sir.

Now that sir was back, people stopped trying to poach me (honestly, as far as they knew, I was a six-year-old with a penchant for paperwork. What were they going to use me for? Gophering?). That didn't mean that things were looking up. In fact, sir's presence meant that I was even more sleep deprived than usual. Sir was trying to take the opportunity to induct me into the Cult of Espresso [sic].

And it was working. I stared, dead-eyed at the mountain of papers (nice, non-sentient ones) with a cup of coffee clutched in my right hand and a fountain pen in my left. "Neither can live while the other survives." I hissed murderously.

The coffee was plucked out of my hands and replaced by a giant mug. "That's quite enough coffee for you," said Turmeric, "Here, have a tisane instead."

The translucent liquid was a dark greenish-brown. It smelled sharp. I drank. Fire running in my veins and burning in my eyes. Blood boiling into steam coming out of my ears. It felt like I had just drunk magma. The kick. Wow, just wow. Far better than coffee.

Sir started sobbing. "WHY?!?" He wailed. "Why?!?! Why must you betray me so, good Turmeric my man? Basil! Forgive your shishou! I wasn't able to protect you from Turmeric's evil German tea-drinking ways, and now you have been corrupted!"

"It is of no consequence, sir." I replied respectfully. Then I examined the tea. "This is Flame-infused, isn't it, Turmeric?"

"Yes. As you know, turmeric is orange-yellow. It's a reference to the fact that I have a combination of Storm and Sun flames. Red and Yellow combine to make orange." He produced a tongue of dual-toned fire, then melded it into his own mug.

"Iemitsu's sense of humor hasn't improved with time." He added dryly.

Sir's ululation ended in the background as he perked up. "Don't worry, Basil! I will make it up to you! Ta-da!"

From under the couch, he pulled out a garish green...thing. Shaking it out, sir revealed that its true form was a tube of neon green and yellow fabric. "Since Basil-kun is a cute little Basilisk, I thought that Basil-kun should go as one!"

This was worse than the ultraviolet suit. "There's no crown." I criticized carefully.

"I thought of that!" He grinned. Too bright! "Which is why—"

He brandished a bonnet. "—I made my own alterations! See? Now we match! You have a crown, and I have a mane!" A Konoha-brat-orange feather boa joined the frilly headpiece.

"No." Oregano had come into the room, and was glaring, arms crossed, at Iemitsu. "Basil and Turmeric worked very hard on the masquerade clothes. You aren't using these half-assed rags."

"But they aren't cuuuuute!" Sir wailed. If it wasn't for my Matatabi, I would've gone deaf by now. How did my colleagues manage? Oh right. Turmeric's Sun could heal, Mist and Cloud would propagate the cells in question, Lal was a Mist-Rain mix like me.

"Sir." Turmeric coughed. "You haven't even seen them yet."

I took it as a cue to adopt a hurt expression. "I spent a lot of time on them." I agreed sadly, "And Turmeric did too."

That was enough for sir to agree to see our handiwork, so we tromped off in a merry band to find Lal and the costumes, which she kept under lock and key so that sir wouldn't sabotage them.

Our theme was bugs, a pun on electronic bugs and surveillance, not that anyone would appreciate it.

Oregano had gone for a traditional Cloud aesthetic—dangerous and elegant. Her armor/costume was composed of a matte purple underlayer covered in tight-fitting plates of exoskeleton made from a combination of Kevlar and ceramic plates, with glossy purple-blue silk stretched over them for the dragonfly look. In short, we actually made a catsuit into a practical piece of equipment. The wings were detachable wire and gossamer pieces that managed to disguise the fact that save for cosmetic peculiarities, the Dragonfly was combat wear.

Turmeric's Cicada leaned more towards the defensive. It was bulkier, and he designed his own costume to be less abstract in its evocation of its insect, so there were more decorative parts on his costume. His wings weren't detachable since they just ended up lying close to his back.

Lal and I shared a beetle theme, since the shell made me look harmless, while its easily detachable nature was attractive to her. We matched.

"We haven't managed your costume yet." I said guiltily, "But I thought I should ask you for your opinion first, sir."

Sir pouted. "But Basil!"

I pulled my trump cards. "I want to show solidarity with Oregano and Lal and Turmeric, sir."

Sir hesitated. I went for the kill. "Green and yellow is Robin. You promised I wouldn't be Robin."

Sir sniffled. "All right then, Basil-kun." He said, mournfully.

I lit up like a magnesium flare. "These are your options, sir!"

I opened my binder to the proper page.

I showed sir the list. "What do you want sir?" I asked brightly. Payback was sweet.

OMAKE

Basil!!! Did you get that ideas from popular culture? That's it! No more modern culture for you, you'll be corrupted and grow up too soon!

In short, Turmeric's Storm Flame's Poison Cooking combined with his Sun Flame's Activation Aspect to make caffeine-less monster drinks. Don't spill them, they've eaten through metal. Iemitsu's costume suggestions will now be decided by vote, or in the absence of votes, me rolling a die. The options and suggesters are:

1. Locust (Basil)2. Cockroach (Turmeric)3. Mosquito (Oregano)4. Louse (Lal, because in Chinese, 虱子, headlouse, is a pun for 狮子, lion, and Lal knows Fon)

Tell me what you want in a comment!