Chapter 7

September 1996

Severus

I can hardly believe that I have allowed myself to be put into such a difficult place. Narcissa and Bellatrix are two of a kind for all that one is dark and the other is fair. I do not know how the headmaster will take the news that I have vowed to kill him if Draco cannot. The truth of it is, that I would rather die than commit such an atrocity towards the man who gave me a second chance. There is no love lost between Albus and me, but during the years that I have worked for him I have more than earned his respect.

My deepest hope is that there will be a way to destroy the Dark Lord before it comes to this. I am hardly an optimist, but I do not want to be placed in a position where it would be necessary to kill someone in cold blood. Many may not be willing to believe that I have never raised my wand to kill another, but it is the truth. I fear that I will not be able to do so, rendering my position as a spy within the death eaters useless.

I could probably convince myself to do it by telling myself that Albus is already condemned to death. It is the absolute truth, but it does not make me feel any better about what I will most certainly have to do. The curse upon that blasted ring nearly killed him; it will succeed eventually. The potions that I brew for him will only keep him alive for so long. What will become of me when he is gone? Who will vouch for me? No one will. It has become evident that he does not mean for me to survive this war. Even if he did, the probabilities of it are not stacked in my favor.

This is going to be a very difficult year. I hope that the boy is up for the task before Albus passes to the other side of the veil.

June 1997

Lily

Death Eaters in the castle, it was surreal. Times are getting darker and darker. The call for the Order had been a frantic one but we were able to chase them out with little damage to our side, or so we thought. Greyback bit the eldest of the Weasley boys. Severus murdered Albus right in front of Harry. How much more can my poor boy take? I almost refused to believe it. I never trusted Severus, but I would have never thought him capable of such a thing. He was truly one of them all along. He had us all fooled. Albus always said that he trusted Severus with his life. It was a poor choice. To think I was almost beginning to change my perspective of him. He had saved Harry's life on various occasions. I almost thought that we had him all wrong.

Harry has been distant since it happened. He seems like he is preparing himself to do something big. He has even separated himself from his friends, and his girlfriend. Ginny seems to be good for him, I hope he doesn't break her heart. I know his friends well enough to understand that they will not abandon him. He will need everybody he can get on his side now. For as long as I have tried to deny it, destroying you-know-who is Harry's destiny. Neither of us chose this, but it came to us on that day when that psychotic maniac broke into our home and killed James. As much as this pains me, I know in my heart that my son is leaving me, and I cannot stop him.

July 1997

Severus

It is as Albus wanted it to be. I killed him. Draco's soul has been spared. I can't help but wonder what the sanctimonious bastard thought of my soul. Was it not worth saving? Was I so far gone? Was I beyond redemption? I am now officially the most hated wizard in all of Britain, if not the world. What have I done? I should have disobeyed. I should have allowed myself to die. It would have been better than this.

Most believe that I am a heartless bastard, but I am not. I have never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve. I never be but, it does not mean that I am unable to feel. Fortunately, I am alone on this night. My emotions are getting the better of me. I have kept it all hidden for far too long. I am well aware that I must continue to do so if I am to help protect the boy. It pains me to know that history will remember me as a cold hearted, murderous traitor. I cannot help but feel sad about that. I am a man after all. The thought that Lily will hate me even more than she does now is a heavy burden on my heart. Sobs wrack my body as the weight of what I have done crashes upon me as a wave on the shore. I must pull myself together. If the Dark Lord summoned me at this moment, I would surely be a dead man.

Lily

Everything at the Burrow is beautiful. The wedding that will take place tomorrow will be the event of the century, at least for the members of the Order. Remus married Tonks in simple ceremony before a ministry official. There was no pomp or circumstance for them. Thankfully, the girl was practical enough not to want any of that. Remus could not afford to give her anything like what would take place here. She loved him in spite of it. Dumbledore said that love was the most powerful magic, and when I see our friends in love, I begin to believe it true.

Not that I didn't have proof of that already. The senior members of the Order believe that my love for Harry is what saved him from You-Know-Who when he was a baby. I do not take credit for happened that day. It was fluke, really. Almost like the magic we all performed when we were children and had no control over. I have felt at peace since arriving at the Burrow earlier this summer. Yet the dangers that loom over every person here trouble me deeply. It's like a feeling that something big is going to happen soon, and I don't think I'm going to like it one bit.

August 1997

Severus

My "master" has taken over the ministry and my appointment as the new headmaster of Hogwarts is immanent. This is good news for me. It is not a position that I ever aspired to, but it puts me in place to do what is necessary for Potter, "Undesirable Number One". Dumbledore left the sword of Gryffindor to Potter in his will, but that fool Scrimgeour contested the will and returned the sword to the headmaster's office. Imbecile. I will have to find a find a way to get it to the boy's hands without him knowing that it came from me. The minimal amount of trust he had in me had been based on Dumbledore's word alone, and is very unlikely it holds true now.

He and his friends are on the run. I can only hope that they can evade capture and find the remaining Horcruxes. All will be lost if they do not, and my soul will have been torn for no reason. That mad man has to be defeated whatever the cost. I will give my very life if need be. Not this it worth much. I already know that I will not survive this war. When the Dark Lord learns of my betrayal, he will kill me. There is no question about it. It will be slow and painful. He enjoys torture. I shudder at the thought.