DAN
Hey y'all. This here is Chapter 7 and its called…
JOHNNY
Say I know Deadwood's gone for good but I was thinkin' what about spinoffs? That way we wouldn't need the whole cast.
TRIXIE
I'm not sure you could get the fucking execs to invest in that. Who would it be anyway?
AL
Well we were talking about that and…
DAN
Excuse me but I was in the middle of this here fucking introduction!
AL
Well it was fucking boring. Anyway we were thinking that Doc could do one called CSI: Cock Sucker Investigations
TRIXIE
I feel like Ellsworth could have his own show
GHOST OF ELLSWORTH
I'm dead!
CY
What about The Real Whores of Deadwood? I feel like that would get the key males 18 to 49 demographic
GHOST OF ELLSWORTH
If I may comment, isn't Justified a kind of spin off to Deadwood?
HARRY MANNING
Yeah but our characters are actually pretty different, I mean Revered Smith is a hit man
SOL
Also I feel like Raylan Givens is pretty different from Seth if you really look at them.
AL
Maybe we have to move this away from HBO, have an all Al Swearengen channel on public access
ALMA
Excuse me, don't you mean an all Deadwood channel? So each of us can have a show
AL
No I meant the Al channel. On an unrelated note here's our story Chapter 7 Figuring How To Live
Chapter 7
Figuring How To Live
Martha and Al walked arm in arm down the street towards the Bullock house. Martha tried not to notice that people were giving her strange looks, or maybe it was Mr. Swearengen they were looking at. Everyone knew him, but he so rarely left his saloon that maybe it shocked them to realize that he could leave the premises of The Gem.
Al for his part was just trying to match step with her and stay at the correct distance from her body. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gone about with a woman on his arm. Wait…yes he could. One time in Chicago, before everything went south, when he had just started making money and he wanted to celebrate. He'd bought Trixie a new dress and dolled her up to take to a nice restaurant. That evening had not ended well but he remembered going through the streets of the big anonymous city with a beautiful woman hoping that people would notice her, and by default, him. Within him there flickered the desire to have a woman like that again. They had cut a fine figure back then, unlike now with Bullock's wife. He was made uncomfortable by the fact that this woman was at least two inches taller than he was. She and the sheriff were well matched, in more ways than one. He hoped that the Bullock could keep his randy maniac bishop tendencies in line, it would be too bad for him to lose this one.
Al had always felt a little perplexed by that passionate, consumptive affair between him and Alma. Though over the years he had come to the conclusion that the loves of others almost never made any sense of any kind to those on the outside. But something about that couple had struck him as fundamentally wrong. Not at first, after all they were both good looking people and he assumed that normally Bullock could play the part of a gentleman. But after he'd met her, he had gradually come to the conclusion that a gentleman was only what she pretended to want. If she really wanted a gentleman she would have been happy with that stupid twit of a first husband. Thinking of him filled Al with a sort of irrational jealously. Cocksucker like that didn't deserve a woman like Alma. No, Alma Russell Garrett Ellsworth didn't want an East Coast dude like that. But she didn't like foul language either and wanted to be able to have a pleasant conversation over tea. That was why she liked Bullock. He could act civil, he could be polite, he could play the part of the man she was supposed to want. But underneath all that, well, a great deal of plaster shaken loose from the ceiling of the Grad Central would attest to Bullock's true nature.
Though rationally this all made sense he couldn't help the strong but rootless conviction that there was something not right about the two together.
Martha could see that Mr. Swearengen was lost in his thoughts but since he showed no sign of getting found again she spoke
"Mr. Swearengen. I would like to apologize on behalf of my husband. He's not himself and I'm sure that when he calms down he will see that you were simply trying to help…" Al snorted at this but too late realized that it was rude
"My apologies"
"No apologies necessary Mr. Swearengen. I would also like to thank you for the kindness you showed me back in your establishment and the kindness that you are showing me now."
Al tried to think of something to say but just wound up nodding so Martha continued
"I would also like to apologize for the disturbance I caused. I hope you have not been overly inconvenienced by my behavior."
This time Al realized he couldn't get away with nodding.
"It's no inconvenience Mrs. Bullock. Lots of men'd be fuck…sorry…be glad to have the chance of taking you on their arms." Suddenly what Mrs. Bullock had said earlier and her fainting spell connected in his mind and he cursed himself for not having picked up on that angle of things earlier.
"Mrs. Bullock, I hate to pry but you said to your husband that you had something to tell him. Then well you fainted and I can't help but wonder if they're ain't some connection betwixt the two. You wouldn't be ill would you mam? Because that would be…well that'd be too bad"
Al did feel concern for Martha but he had to admit that he had had to prevent himself from saying "that would be too bad for the camp". They might need to find a new schoolteacher. He had already begun drafting the notice "Wanted: Open minded frontierswoman learned enough to teach children. Ability to tolerate salty language and human feces on the floor of newspaper offices are necessary skills."
"No Mr. Swearengen…thank you for your concern but I'm…I'm not ill as such." She couldn't meet his gaze as she said this but Al could tell that the question had made her uncomfortable, combined with the illusiveness of her reply gave him his answer…well after he'd thought about it for a minute or two.
"Well that's…that's…that's fu…wonderful Mrs. Bullock. I'm very happy for you and your husband." Her husband, where the fuck had he gone off to? Al cursed him silently. He'd send one of the men after him, or…or he should send someone to the widow's place. The thought that Bullock might be up to that at a time like this aroused in Al an unholy combination of worry and irritation. Then he wondered why this bothered him so much, why was it his job to babysit fucking Bullock? He supposed part of it was dabbling in the affairs of others in this way made him feel he'd regained some of the control he used to have. Part of him he supposed just didn't like stupidity and Bullock wrecking his marriage struck Al as exceedingly fucking stupid. He was also worried about Mrs. Ellsworth. She was alone and vulnerable now, and upset and bound to fall back into bad habits, like dope or Bullock.
By this time they had reached the Bullock house and Al and Martha parted cordially, but as he turned to leave she called him back.
"Mr. Swearengen, I'm afraid that in a few months…if all goes well…I'll have to take a leave of absence from the school."
"You want I should send for another teacher?"
"No, I…I derive a great sense of purpose from the work I do there. I do not wish to give it up permanently. Also, well there are any number of things that might go wrong… and I don't want some poor woman to come out here for a few months. I was thinking, how well do you know Miss Stubs?"
"Not very well I'm afraid, seems a good fu…a good sort from what I've heard of her."
"Well I was thinking that if she was not otherwise occupied, well I could train her a bit and then she could take over while I'm away"
"That sounds like an excellent idea"
"Thank you, I just thought of it now and wanted to run it by someone. If I die of course you should send for another teacher…"
"Hey don't you start talkin like that…"
"Mr. Swearengen I know the risks. The way a solider going to war knows that in the service of his country he may have to lay down his life we know that in order that life may continue we too must risk death."
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to patronize you Mrs. Bullock, just…well I suppose I just…you're supposed to be happy…" he eventually blurted out. He didn't know what prompted that. He was no stranger to the process by which people came into the world going horribly wrong. It was just he somehow imagined that for married women it was different.
"I am happy!" Mrs. Bullock practically snapped "Why does everyone insist on telling me I am not adequately happy! For Chri…I am married to a man who I settled for because his brother died who I have grown…fond of…and who does not love me not to mention the fact that I do not go a day without thinking of my poor dead son! I know of other women who go on having lost children but I…I cannot…if…" at that point emotion overcame her and she turned away from Al. He gave her a moment. When she turned around she was still not quiet herself and her voice trembled when she spoke her voice trembled a little.
"I'm very sorry Mr. Swearengen. Would you care to come in? I can make some tea or coffee if you'd prefer."
"You want something to go wrong with your pregnancy"
"What?"
"You don't think you could stand it if you have the baby, take care of it, raise it (like you did William) and something happens."
"Mr. Swearengen would you like to come in?" she didn't look at him as she said this. Al realized that she was terrified of anyone seeing or hearing her like this. The idea of going in made him uncomfortable, but he didn't want to leave her like this and return to the bloodstain and torments of conscience that awaited him in his office.
"Sure Mrs. Bullock, I'll come in." He followed her into her house but had no intention of giving up the conversationMartha still had her back to him but he heard her sniff.
"You alright?"
"I'm sorry you had to see me today Mr. Swearengen. I feel myself to be unraveling, so to speak"
"When I get to feeling that way someone usually ends up dead or grievously injured…" Al then realized that in some circles that might not be funny, particularly since it was true. All Martha said however was:
"Tea or coffee?"
"Tea sounds awful nice right about now"
"Tea it is then"
Lila sat in the telegraph office in front to the equipment. It hadn't made any noise and she was grateful, as she was frightened that something important might come and it would be her fault that it didn't get through. She was feeling the effects of what she had taken earlier wear off replaced by the need for a fix, soon it would be unbearable, unrelenting. She eyed the laudanum the doctor had left. That temptation could only stand for so long, she'd yield soon unless she distracted herself somehow.
"Mr. Blazanov?"
"Yes?"
"Are you awake?" Blazanov slowly opened an eye to see the pretty girl with the dark hair still sitting at his chair looking at him with concern.
"In a manner of speaking"
"Did I wake you up?"
"No, I was…drifting…I was dreaming, I was not dreaming…I saw things…" he moved his hand around in an exceedingly vague gesture.
"I know what you're talking about"
"What is your name again?"
"Lila, I'm Lila. I work at the Bella Union. Mr. Tolliver he owns me…"
"No he does not"
"Yes he does, he bought me from my pa for seven dollars…"
"People cannot own other people…it is not anymore legal in this country…in the United States Constitution it says… I forget for the moment…well what it means is that that Mr. Tolliver, that…" and here he cursed in Russian, apparently finding English lacking the correct expletive "he does not own you"
"I suppose that's alright but…well I don't think that'll do much to change…well anything…"
"What will you do?"
"I don't know. I don't know how to do anything. Must be nice having a real job, a vocation I mean. You can…well you can do things. I'm useless I'm…I'm good for nothing." Said the prostitute her words trailing off into deepening despair
"I am sure that is not true"
"Mr. Blazanov?"
"Yes Miss Lila?"
"Just Lila. Do you believe that God loves us?"
"How would you like me to answer that question, Lila?"
"Honestly"
"I believe the almighty is indifferent to our misery"
"You really think so?"
"He might just be incompetent, or possibly he has favorites. In either case he is not a God I wish to worship. Of course if he does love us he could be powerless, perhaps having made the world he cannot change it and what we see is only what we hope to see" Lila didn't respond for a while as she thought this over.
"Doesn't that make you sad? I think that myself sometimes and it makes me miserable, thinking he doesn't love me. If God and Jesus don't love me than no one does" She gave a sad little laugh.
"I do not mean to insult your faith but you asked for me to be honest"
"Oh no, you don't have to apologize for anything." A silence descended once again until Lila begun to think of the laudanum bottle.
"What about heaven and hell? Do you believe in those?"
"Not really" responded the telegraph operator
"Is that terrifying or comforting?"
"A little of both"
"Do you think wishing to die or trying to kill yourself is a sin Mr. Blazanov?"
"No I do not. If God does nothing to ease the pain then he ought not to judge those poor souls who choose to end their suffering." Lila gave another sad little laugh.
"What is funny?"
"You just seem…well you seem rather cheerful, then you say these things…" Lila trailed off
"I am cheerful, except when I am sad. Are you saying I am not in pain?"
"No, no…all I meant was. Well how do you go on living? How does anyone?" Mr. Blazanov pondered this for a moment then gave his answer.
"Kiss me"
"What?" It was not an unwelcome suggestion but it surprised her.
"You are very beautiful. I like the sound of your voice. I am very loaded right now. You are kind to stay with me…"
"Your friend was here too for a while. He just stepped out..."
"I like waking from a reverie to see you" Continued the telegraph operator, but before he could say anything else Lila leaned over and, placing her hands on his face, kissed him full on the lips. It lasted for some moments then they broke apart.
"I've never kissed a man on the lips before, well of my own volition that is."
"Thank you Lila"
"It…it was nice. You're nice…"Their eyes met and she trailed off, then she leaned over and kissed him again and then again.
Al returned to the Gem after tea with Martha in improved spirits. Though he wasn't sure if the Bullock front would turn out all right but he hoped it would. He liked the schoolmistress and he supposed he liked Bullock too in a way.
"Hey Adams, you busy right now?"
"Not especially."
"Then could you go over to Mrs. Fucking Ellsworth's house and watch it to see if fucking Bullock shows up, inconspicuous like?" Adams raised his eyebrows
"Far be it for me to question your judgment but do you think that this is an efficient use of time and recourses?"
"What? Well fine if you're so fucking smart take over the whole fucking operation."
"Are you…are you by any chance jealous Al?"
"No! What kind of bullshit is that? Time and fucking recourses…fucking…" Al stormed off to his office where he pulled the bottle out of his desk that he hadn't finished earlier.
Why did this bother him so much? He'd been thinking about Bullock and her ever since he'd finished talking to Martha…
"Jesus fucking Christ" He said aloud as realization hit him "I'm…"
But before Al could finish his thought Dan yelled from the ground floor "Mr. Tolliver to see ya Al!"
"Send him up!" Al barked back downing some more whiskey to deal with his unexpected and sure as hell unwelcome guest.
Tolliver slunk in like a beaten dog trying not to be noticed
"What do you want?" Snapped Al
"I don't think its wise for you to talk to me like that"
"I don't think it's wise for you to drag your sorry cheap cologne smelling ass in here but you just did. I'm not too fucking happy with you Tolliver, picking on that poor fucking telegraph operator like that. The Russian is to be left alone, do you hear me cocksucker?"
"As I have been saying all day he started it!" Cy growled
"Don't pull that shit with me, it wasn't like you were minding your own business and he just took a pot shot at you or something. He's one of mine, you leave him alone or else you will have to answer to me, have I made myself clear?"
"Is there anyone in this town you don't own?"
"I didn't say I own him, I said he's under my protection. Anyway in case you've forgotten Hearst owns the town. I know for sure he owns you"
"And that was why I came over Swearengen. I want to let you know that I don't work for him any more."
"You resigned officially?"
"No, I still work for the cocksucker nominally but he's fucked us all over, we're on the same side and we, well we have to fucking stick together. I'm declaring my allegiance to the town of Fucking Deadwood."
Al snorted "Well ain't that sweet"
"I mean it"
"Fine then, I'll keep that in mind. But if you're serious about this there's something you need to do."
"What?" Tolliver asked grudgingly.
"You have to go next door and tell the telegraph operator that you're sorry"
"I'm fucked if…" Cy interrupted
"And accept the newspaperman's apology, he feels fucking terrible about what he did to you, not that he should."
"No way in hell will I say I'm sorry to the fucking Russian who fucking started it and if I see the other cocksucker again I'll beat the living shit out of him!"
"I wouldn't recommend you do that, the last man who did died a slow painful death" Cy's eyes flicked down to the bloodstain on the floor.
"I…I won't"
"Goodbye then, and you can shove any ideas of us being on the same team up your ass." Al pretended to read the newspaper on his desk as Tolliver just stood there. Finally the other man mumbled something that sounded like "Fine, I'll do it" and shuffled out of Al's office.
After the door closed and his temporary satisfaction waned Al was left with the uncomfortable epiphany he'd had earlier
"Fuck me." He said out loud "Adams was right I am fucking jealous…I don't want Bullock to be with Mrs.…with Alma because I…I want her. I, Al Swearengen, am completely fucking cunt struck"
ALMA
Al is there something you want to say to me?
AL
Um….
SETH
Oh this is great, what did you say to me about…
AL
Alright, alright, lets just wait for the next installment?
WU
Wu! Spinoff! San Francisco!
JOHNNY
That would be great Wu but I think you'll have to learn to speak American first, ok?