26.11.2015- Chapters 6th and 7th re-uploaded.
Chapter 7
Rain in Utopia
Monday came and Shion was preparing for his time to come back to the work. The last week felt for him like it was forever. He felt a lot better now. His body was stronger and his mind was clearer.
He walked into the bakery where Nezumi was preparing the second part of today's sweet rolls. The older boy turned around and whistled when he saw Shion.
"Hmmm... How elegant, you even put on a tie."
Shion looked at himself: he had on him a white T-shirt, a red tie and normal black trousers.
"It's not so elegant, normally I wear suit to work, but it's so hot today that I would be fried in it."
"However, you look sexy, maybe I shouldn't let you go to the work?"
Nezumi walked closer to Shion, his index finger traced downward from the other boy's lips and stopped at the tie. The silver eyes didn't even blinked while locking Shion's gaze with them.
"It will be such a waste, don't you think?" It was almost a whisper, but that voice already warmed up Shion's cheeks. He shook his head and tried to calm down.
"No use, I need to go back to work, you know that. Your plan failed, Nezumi."
"Tch, so you find out, my seductive skills got worse."
"They are perfect, I just really need to go. I won't be able to dig through the paperwork if I miss more." Shion laughed to the grumpy, dark haired boy.
"If they were, you wouldn't think about the paperwork right now." Nezumi murmured under his nose and Shion chuckled at such scene.
Shion made breakfast for himself. He could eat in the shop or the family kitchen, which was more comfortable, but he wanted to spend a little more time with Nezumi who still baked the muffins. When he was almost done with his breakfast, the dark haired boy put a large pack in front of him. Shion looked surprisedly between the other boy and the box.
"It's your lunch. Your mom prepared it earlier, so be a good boy and eat it all in the work." Nezumi said with a serious voice. Shion sighed tiredly, but he smiled instantly.
"I will." Shion raised from the chair. "Nezumi, can you wait for a moment?"
Nezumi stopped mixing the muffin mass and turned around. Shion leaned to the older boy and he kissed him softly.
"It's the 'see you after work' kiss." Shion explained while looking deep into the silver eyes.
Nezumi saw it: the glint of fear. It was barely recognizable, but it was still inside the crimson eyes. Nezumi took a deep breath. Some feelings and worries just couldn't disappear as fast as they both wished.
"Don't you think that name is too long for a kiss?" He smirked while leaning to Shion and kissing him back. "See you later."
Shion's eyes brighten up and the member of the Restructural Committee left to the work.
Two weeks had gone by. The 'See you later' kiss became some sort of their daily ritual before Shion left to work.
Karan was happy because she now had two amazing sons. Her son looked better and better every day and a lot of her worries disappeared. She and Nezumi planned their shifts in the shop, since it wasn't needed for them both to look over the shop during the low hours.
She had more time for herself, so she often visited Renka and Lili during her breaks. Karan noticed that Nezumi always took a nap in his free time. The dark haired boy wouldn't say it aloud, but she and her son knew that it was because the older boy wanted to spend more time in the evenings with Shion.
Their work's hours didn't leave them much time to spend together, but the afternoon nap helped them gain an hour or two to spend on reading, talking or just enjoying each other closeness.
Shion's friends also came to the bakery more often. Inukashi and little Shionn always visited them in Sundays, sometimes they even dropped by in the middle of week. Shion played or read with a little kid while Nezumi and Inukashi often argued about something.
Little Kalan and Rico visited them as well. Their school was in a different part of the city. In the past, they had a hard time to see Shion at home, so they soon gave up on coming to the bakery so often. Now, to the Karan's delight, Shion almost always came home from work earlier than he used to. That was surely the "fault" of the new member of their family. Their house and the bakery were full of life and warmth.
Nearly three weeks passed since the white haired boy's return to his work when Nezumi was woken up by Shion's scream. The other boy shook on the bed and cried loudly. Nezumi jumped up and shook Shion's shoulder.
"Shion, hey, Shion, wake up."
He was trying to pull the white haired boy out of the nightmare, but it didn't seem to work.
"Shion, Shion!" He raised his voice and after a while the other boy snapped his eyes open. Shion looked straight at him, but fast he turned away from Nezumi and started looking around.
"They must be somewhere here. They must! We must find them!" Shion screamed, his shaking hands waved in the dark like they were searching for something.
"Shion!" Nezumi screamed terrifiedly, he grabbed Shion's hand and turned the boy towards him.
Shion's face was twisted with pure panic, his skin was covered with cold sweat and his breath was shallow.
"Nezumi, stop! We need to save them, we can't leave them! Mom and Safu must be still alive somewhere in this pile!"
Nezumi didn't understand at first, he was frightened by the fact that Shion was looking at him, but he didn't really see him, he was trapped in some kind of illusion.
"They aren't here! We need to climb up and search for them somewhere else!" Shion screamed, his eyes were full of tears.
After a moment Nezumi understood. Shion was seeing the Pit from the Correctional Facility, he thought that his mother and Safu were thrown into that hell with them.
"Shion!" He shook the other boy's trembling body. "We are in the Chronos! In our room! Your mother is sleeping in her room here on the first floor! She's safe, just like we are right now! Safu wasn't there, do you remember? Shion!"
Nezumi screamed and he turned Shion so their eyes could meet. The white haired boy looked at him. After a while Shion began to recognize his surroundings.
"Nezumi?" Shion asked, he still did not recover entirely from his nightmare. The long-haired boy nodded and hugged his shaking body.
"We are at home." Nezumi whispered into other boy's shoulder. He heard Shion took a few more shaky breaths. They stayed like that for several minutes. After Nezumi felt that Shion started to calm down, he himself also relaxed a little. To tell the truth this whole situation scared Nezumi more than he imagined. He made space between them and took a look at Shion. The boy looked smaller than he already was, he pulled his legs up to his chest as soon as the dark haired boy stopped hugging him, his eyes followed Nezumi's every move.
The older boy sighed and wrapped Shion into the blanket.
"I'll get you something hot to drink. I will be right back."
"Thank you." Shion said quietly.
Nezumi stopped just at the edge of the stairs and looked at the other boy. Shion thanked him, but it was all his fault that the white haired boy was in such state right now. It was because of him, because he took Shion to the Correctional Facility.
Nezumi laughed sadly.
"I had to fix what I created, right?" He said with the voice full of sorrow and anger on himself.
"What do you mean?" Shion jumped to him and he grabbed his hand.
"You are wrecked Shion, you are broken and ruined because of me." Nezumi turned away.
"I'm not." Shion said, he wanted to calm down Nezumi, but his words caused a different effect.
"Don't lie! You are not? You didn't see yourself! You didn't know where you were. You were screaming and crying! I've done that to you! I've took you to that damn place!" Nezumi screamed, he was terrified how much he had hurt Shion.
"Don't you get it? I took you there, you were just a tool for me back then! I've devastated you!"
Shion looked at Nezumi. He never saw such terrible outburst from the other boy, even when Shion tried to leave. Even if Shion's nightmare still didn't fully leave his brain and he felt confused, he knew he had to say something to Nezumi. He had to calm the dark-haired boy down. The older boy wasn't right, he would had gone to the Correctional Facility anyway. Why can't Nezumi just sit down and hold him again?
"It isn't your fault. I would had gone there anyway to save Safu." Shion said as calm as he could.
"Don't you get it? I knew that there wasn't a chance for that friend of yours to be alive! I knew that because I was in that place before, but I still took you there! I only desired to destroy the NO.6. You were absolutely right about that. I didn't really care about anything else. I knew that we could have died there, but I still took you to that place…"
Nezumi slid down on the floor.
"I'm a demon, Shion. And I've destroyed you too. You don't understand what kind of person I am in reality."
Shion slowly walked towards Nezumi like he had a scared wild animal before him.
"Nezumi..." he started quietly. "Even if there weren't any chance I would go there anyway. I wouldn't be able to live thinking that I done nothing to save my friends. You aren't demon, you are the kind person."
Shion reached out his hand to touch Nezumi's shoulder, but the older boy pushed it away.
"You truly are an idiot. I hurt you so much and you are still acting like this. You are just blinded by this ridiculous love of yours towards me and you don't see what's real anymore."
Nezumi turned his head to Shion who looked at him with the face full of pain. Great, he hurt Shion again. He truly could only bring pain to people around him.
Shion looked at Nezumi. His heart felt like it just got stabbed with the knife. He wasn't sure what hurt him more, being pushed away again or Nezumi's words.
Shion's love was ridiculous, it was stupid.
It wasn't the first time when the older boy had hurt him with his words, but this time it felt different. Shion didn't even know why. Maybe because now he was thinking 'then what does Nezumi's confession mean if my love is something ridiculous? Did Nezumi lie that he loved me? Did he just act? No, it can't be true, the last week couldn't be lies, right?'
Shion felt tears gathering into his eyes, he didn't want them to fall. He swallowed hard, turned around and laid back on bed with face towards the wall. He was tried, lost and hurt. He wished that this moment was a nightmare too, he hoped to wake up shortly.
But such moment didn't come.
Shion heard that the other boy clicked his tongue angrily and he walked down the stairs. Younger boy turned his head and saw that Nezumi laid down on the sofa. Shion was waiting around an hour, afraid to close his eyes again because of the last nightmare. Still, Nezumi didn't return to their bed that night.
Nezumi was really mad at himself. He acted like a kid. The last evening he left the white haired boy alone after his nightmares and he even hurt Shion more than he already did.
He should had said something to Shion. Say sorry, his mind urged, but he couldn't, not after Shion turned away from him after his idiotic words.
Nezumi knew that he wasn't a good person. Inukashi, Rikiga, all people who met him knew it, but Shion kept trying to bring out the person who Nezumi could have been if his past life was different. If No.6 didn't kill his people and change his childhood into hell.
That part was true, he used and hurt a lot of people, Nezumi knew he was right, that he devastated Shion as well. He wasn't going to take back what was the truth.
Why did Shion even love a person like him?
Nezumi even said such thing, that Shion's love was ridiculous. Such warm feeling that saved Nezumi, the feelings that didn't let him fall into darkness. Shion and his love were the first things that made Nezumi feel happy in his life. It was everything but ridiculous.
Because of the last night's event and his current thoughts, he was so distracted that he again mixed bad proportions of ingredients for the cupcake's cream.
He looked at the clock . It had already passed the hour when Shion jumped into the bakery to kiss him and say 'see you later'. Nezumi started to feel worried. Shion wasn't the kind of person who would oversleep to work. Did he feel bad? Maybe he passed out again?
Nezumi quickly left the bake area and headed to their room. He walked inside and took a look, but Shion wasn't there. He checked the bathroom. Shion's sleeping clothing was already arranged there. Nezumi left to the shop part. Karan was selling some bread, still Shion wasn't there either.
"Did something happen?" Karan asked him after she done with the customer.
"No, Ma'am. Did you saw Shion?"
"Oh, he had already left for work, I thought he had seen you before leaving."
"Maybe he was in the hurry." Nezumi said and turned back.
Somehow he started to feel angry. Shion left and he didn't say anything to him. Nezumi ran over the house like crazy for the last few minutes and it turned out that Shion already left. But what else he could expect? Shion was hurt by him last night. Did he expected that the white haired boy would just act like nothing happened? Yes, he was expecting that. Shion was like that, no matter what Nezumi threw at him, the white haired boy always came back to him and he acted like nothing have happened. Nezumi felt angry, but he wasn't sure if on himself or on Shion.
It rained fell from the sky like crazy today. The weather forecast said that after weeks of impossible heat the heavy rains were going to take place in their area. Shion didn't feel happy about rain in that day.
Rain had always been something that linked him to Nezumi. It was a sign of hope, of a day that maybe under the rain Nezumi would come back to him. It often made him feel alive, even if it had nothing to do with the silver eyed boy.
Now Shion had to deal with the side effects of such weather and it wasn't a happy outcome. Some of the old sewers under the West Block weren't enough for such a big amount of water and he with the rest members of the Committee needed to organize bags of sand and other needed supplies as fast as possible.
A few areas were in the risk of flooding if they wasted any more time. They planned to renovate the sewers in the next month. Couldn't that damn rain wait a few weeks?
Torey reminded him that the repair of Lost Town's hospital was in halfway of where they should be. To be more precise in middle of exchanging the roof. Great timing.
When he arrived back to his office from running around the city he was wet and exhausted. It didn't help that his assistant Rei again tried to ask him out for a cup of coffee, a lunch or something like that, he didn't remember what it was.
Any time his mind had a free moment he recalled the last night's events. He couldn't get himself to see Nezumi and kiss him in today's morning like he used to do past the last weeks.
He felt really hurt. Nezumi loved him, right? It couldn't be just an act, right? Then why did Nezumi say something like this?
Shion walked down the streets back home. It was getting late and yet, he still wasn't ready to deal with the dark haired boy. He wasn't like that before, perhaps he shouldn't care about the last night, they both were just scared by Shion's nightmare, but he changed in the past four years and he couldn't do anything about it. The longing for Nezumi, the heavy work for city and what happened at Correctional Facility made him less naive.
Shion met his mother near the doors. She was heading to Renka's place.
"Shion, dear, you are late today."
"Sorry, mom. I had a really bad day at work." Shion smiled and he hoped that Karan won't find out that it was only half of his today's problems.
"It looks like you had, you look awful. I left dinner in the kitchen, Nezumi should warm it up right now. Eat and rest."
"Ok, mom."
Karan smiled and she left the house. Shion put down his wet umbrella and took off soaked shoes. He headed slowly to the kitchen. He merely walked through the doors when they saw each other. An uneasy silence fell over the room.
"So his majesty finally remember about my person?" Nezumi said with a smirk, he was clearly annoyed because of Shion's behavior in the morning. The white-haired boy let those words go, he was too tired to talk about it. He sat on the kitchen's chair. He heard that Nezumi took a long, deep breath as well. Silence once again filled the room.
"You may not wanted to see me, but at least you could take your lunch, you may be intelligent, but you act like a kid. You likely didn't eat anything for a whole day. Only three weeks passed since your collapses, you shouldn't miss your meals. "
"Like you care about me. Me, the stupid, ridiculous person. You should act better if you want me to believe it." Shion wasn't sure what made him angry, maybe it was because of his hard day in the work, maybe because his lack of the sleep, maybe because words about 'your ridiculous love' still rang in his ears. Because of all this he said those words aloud. He didn't mean those words, not at all. Shion looked at the older boy's face. Nezumi, with mix of anger and hurt, put loudly plate down on the table.
"I had plenty of this bullshit for the today."
Nezumi's walked away from the kitchen leaving Shion alone with his dinner. He forced himself to eat, after what he said to Nezumi he didn't feel hungry at all. When he finished, Shion walked into their room, planning to apologize to Nezumi, but the lights in the room were already turned off. Shion felt that his anger and pain returned again when he saw Nezumi sleeping on the sofa just like in the previous night. He took a shower and he headed to the empty bed. He tried to calm himself down. The next day was going to be hard for him and waking Nezumi up wouldn't do anything good for them.
Two days passed by. Heavy rain didn't seem to stop haunting NO.6. The situation between Shion and Nezumi didn't seem to get better; it was opposite, it became even worse. They didn't want it, but somehow each time one of them tried to talk, they just ended up hurting each other. It was even hard for two of them to hide their fights from Karan and now the woman was looking at the boys worriedly. The atmosphere was equally heavy as the rain outside.
At work Shion hid himself in his office. He didn't want anyone to see him in the state he was right now. He felt like on the edge of crying. He was angry at himself, at Nezumi and their past. His stomach hurt and he was exhausted. Half of the Lost Town's hospital was flooded, some vegetables fields on the East Block were destroyed by the rain too. No matter how hard he tried to fix those things, everything was just falling apart.
He evacuated himself from the work in a way that almost no one could see him, he almost shouted at Torey when the man was trying to ask him if something was wrong. He didn't want to hurt others simply because he couldn't sort out his private problems.
When he came back home his mother grabbed him right after he made a step inside the kitchen.
"Oh, you're back Shion, I made dinner, it had been a while since we all ate together." She pushed him to the table. Nezumi already sat down with an unhappy face. They looked at each other for a second then both quickly averted their eyes.
Karan smiled and tried hard to make atmosphere lighter.
It didn't seem to work, the both boys ate in silence, or to be more precise Nezumi ate and Shion just poked his food with the fork. After a while Nezumi couldn't take it anymore.
"Fuck, Shion, can't you at least eat like a normal person?"
"I'm not hungry."
"I thought you learn how important food was while you were living in the West Block." Nezumi raised his voice a little.
"If it annoys you then just don't look. It's not my fault that I can't eat." Shion looked over his plate.
"Boys, please, calm down..." Karan raised her hands in an attempt to help.
"But he's right Ma'am. It's all my fault that your son is in such condition, that he can't sleep normally anymore because of the nightmares. I don't understand both of you. You both should blame me. Shion lost his education, peaceful life in the Chronos because he helped me. He nearly lost his life because of those wasps."
Shion stood up from his chair.
"Yes, the wasp wouldn't get into me because I would still live in the Chronos! Now you're just being an idiot. Those wasps would be kept off of me because the amazing Nezumi hadn't come through my window?
A crazy government would spare me like what they had done with Safu? I would probably be dead like many others four years ago. They would use me for some kind of experiments or just erase me when I had done something against the government's rule. Yes, all the bad things happened because I had helped you eight years ago. You are certainly right." Shion shouted sarcastically. He screamed all those lines so loud and fast that he had to catch breath after it.
Perhaps it was a good moment to stop, but Shion was so angry, so tired after almost a whole week of fight with Nezumi and the city's problems.
He didn't notice that Nezumi was hesitated to say something to Shion since they started this argument. But words just slipped through Shion's lips before he noticed.
"And all you have ever done was running away, from your past, from your feelings and now from the truth."
In the one moment Nezumi jumped to Shion and held him by his shirt.
"Who is always running from the truth, Mr. Third Option? You don't know how it was like. You were always protected. You had everything, you didn't saw death of everyone you cared about, you didn't hear screams of your family being burned alive, you wasn't hunted like a prey, you didn't have to survive alone as a kid in West Block, your body wasn't eaten alive by worms in your wounds and you wasn't..." Nezumi cut out, his hands started to shake and his face became pale. He turned round and he left the kitchen.
Shion looked at place where Nezumi just stood few seconds ago.
"What have I done?" Shion whispered and he hid face in his hands.
"Shion." His mother walked to him and she put her hand on his shoulder. He shouldn't have said it. He was one to blame, he hurt Nezumi, he made the other boy remember about all the bad things in his life. Shion didn't deserve that kind of treatment. He had to apologize, but he didn't know how.
Nezumi sat down on the sofa in the dark room. He tried to calm down, but it was hard. He was angry at Shion, for not understanding that he ruined the other boy's life and health, for Shion's rational arguments that were right, for all the things he remembered again, for things he tried to leave behind and thought he had finally forgot.
They hurt each other. Again. He didn't want Shion to blame himself that he had a peaceful childhood, Nezumi already said that four years ago when he first told the other boy about his past. Shion cried at that time for him. Shion always cried and cared for him. Why they were fighting with each other like this now?
Nezumi felt his chest hurt, maybe he was right once, maybe they both can't be together. They were too different, the Correctional Facility only deepened this disparity.
Why didn't he run away from here yet? He just couldn't. He promised Shion that he would remain with him until the white-haired boy wanted him to leave. Nezumi loved that boy, he was really and truly happy for the last weeks.
Can't Shion just agree that Nezumi hurt the other boy so much four years ago by leading him into the Correctional Facility? Shion changed and that was all his and only his fault.
Karan was woke up in the middle of the night by shouts from the corridor.
"...Don't you understand Shion? I took you there, because of me you killed a human. You don't get who I am, I'm a murder and I made you a murder too."
"It wasn't your fault, I was weak, I couldn't find the other option when I should have. You are not murder. You saved many people like you done with that man who was begging for the end of his suffering. Your song saved him when I couldn't ..."
"I couldn't save anyone! You know what I have done to him back then! I couldn't save your friend. You took a life because of me. Fuck, you even tried to kill yourself there! And tell me that this wasn't my fault? You always pay too big prices for saving me." Nezumi's voice broke down.
"I don't regret that I saved your life, I would do it again if it happened again. I didn't want to lose you, I love you."
Nezumi pushed him aside, his eyes were filled with fear.
"Do you even hear yourself? Do you even realize what I have done to you? How I have turned you into a murderer?"
Nezumi walked back few steps and looked deep into the crimson eyes. His heart was falling apart, his throat burned and Nezumi closed his eyes. He didn't want for Shion to think in such way. Shion was light, but Nezumi's person corrupted that light.
"I wish we could never met." He said quietly. When he looked again at Shion, he saw the tears falling down the other boy's face. Shion moved his hand to his own heart and clenched his fist like it could stop the pain. They both looked at each other broken and hurt. Wishing in their minds to stop. To stop causing each other anymore pain.
Nezumi couldn't take it anymore, he didn't want to see Shion crying like that because of him. His legs moved on their own and soon he ran in the never ending rain.
Words echoed through Shion's head.
'I wish we could never met.'
'I wish we could never met.'
Shion didn't know how long he stood there. His tears already made a wet spot on floor. He noticed that Nezumi ran outside into the rain, yet he couldn't move, he couldn't scream.
How did all this happen? It was because he had stupid nightmare. Because he said so many things that he didn't really mean, because he hurt and terrified the love of his life.
And now Nezumi was gone. He didn't want that. He had to do something. He couldn't lose Nezumi again. Not in such idiotic way. He won't let their past and the Correctional Facility destroy them. He wanted to hear Nezumi's voice again. They couldn't end like this.
Shion rushed to the door.
"Nezumiiiii!" He screamed into the rain, but the silver-eyed boy wasn't nowhere in sight.