"u suck." –Letter from Ami to Sakura, Age 7

Chapter: 07

Konoha, Inoichi's office

"Yo," Hatake Kakashi said sprawling onto the patients couch.

"Ah Kakashi, good to see you again." Inoichi said giving a polite nod to the jonin. "So anything interesting for the psych evaluation?"

"Hmm, I can't think of anything."

"Nothing? You finally got the team you've spent years waiting for, then it was dissolved after only a few months? Anything you want to get off your chest?"

"Nothing comes to mind."

"What about Sasuke? He was practically your apprentice, you taught him the move you created, and I even heard through the grape vine you occasionally took him out for meals. And then he, you know, the whole going rogue and nearly killing your other student."

"…Oh yeah, that happened."

"Naruto? Your own sensei's son? Off training with Jiraiya somewhere so far off that we haven't even got any reported sightings of him?"

"Nope nothing."

"Or Sakura, practically exiled to the far edges of Fire Country? Any feelings about that?"

"…Was she on my team? I can't remember her actually doing anything…"

"So, no real feelings about any of it, anything that would affect your performance?"

"Nope."

"I see." Inoichi said. "Well that only leaves us the regular issues then. Chronic tardiness and your bibliophile tendencies."

"What about them?"

"You've been worse the last few months, late to almost everything, and everytime I see you in the streets you've got a book in your hands."

"Yeah, well kids can stress you out. I had three for a while there."

Inoichi looked up from his notes and leaned forward. "Kakashi, how long have I been your counselor? 10 years now?" The copy ninja shrugged.

"More like fifteen."

"In fifteen years, I've come to know you fairly well."

"Have you?"

"I have," the councilor said, "so we both know that those kids had no effect on your stress level. You took them on what, one mission outside the village?"

"It was a rough mission."

"Still just one tough mission in five months?"

"Well the chunin exams were kind of rough…lot of posturing with the other jonin."

"I hear your half-sister is back in town."

Kakashi twitched. "She is."

"the pair of you live together correct?"

"…we do."

"It must be hard on you," Inoichi said, "sharing a place with a sister."

"Perfectly fine, we don't have any trouble." Kakashi said. It took someone who knew him well to notice the switch in his voice from his usual laid back drawl to his more serious tone, but if you knew him the change in his mood was obvious.

"Oh? No problems at all."

"Well, I mean nothing serious." The jonin said, rising from the patients couch to pace across the room. It's just when I was in Anbu I was always gone so we never saw each other. Then when I got out she was in Anbu so we never saw each other. Just the occasional notes back and forth. It's just these last few months since she transferred back to the regular forces we're both been at home all the time."

"All the time?"

"All the time," Kakashi said, still pacing, "I'll be sitting there, reading my book, then poof, there she is strolling around the house in her underwear, it's killing me. It's getting to the point where I'm imagining her when I'm reading. Kills the mood every time. Is it too much for her to wear a pair of pants around the house?"

"Have you thought about not reading porn around the house? That might make her attire less bothersome?"

"It's not just in the house, I'll be around town and run right into her. Have you seen what kunoichi are wearing these days? It isn't right to be people watching and then have your sister stroll right by in bikini mail!"

"Bikini mail?"

"…Well that's what Jiraiya calls it in Icha Icha. You know the tight skirt and the chainmail top."

"Your sister wears a set?"

"Yes! Everywhere! I can't get a moments peace. I ran into her in training ground 103, 103! That's barely even in Konoha! I can't even get into my books anymore, I'll have some great imagery going then poof in pops my sister nearly spilling out of her top and bouncing all over the place. Have you ever had your sister pop into your mind when you're perusing modern literature?"

Degarashi Port

"I'm not talking to you right now." Sakura mumbled to her inner voice. Over the years she'd gotten to know the voice well. Honestly it would have been hard not to. Truly the voice was her only constant companion. Not constant in the sense that it was always talking to her, but constant in the sense it could talk to her whenever it wanted. But even when it wasn't speaking she could feel it in the back of her head…observing. She had no secrets from the voice, and there was no where she could escape it. Under those conditions it would be appalling if she hadn't learned about it.

The voice had a certain…duplicity or…two-faced side to it. Most times it was her champion, rallying to defend her from others bullying, belittling, or criticizing her. Those times it was a confident, jovial voice that encouraged her and laughed along with Naruto's pranks even at his most childish. But other times it was a poison, it whispered about her failures, mocked her skills, and enjoyed rubbing her face in all the things that could go wrong. Today it was the later.

"You're certainly not doing much listening." The voice said. "Otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here, alone, waiting to catch Idate if he comes running this way."

Sakura frowned. "We've been over this. It's a good plan."

"No it's a moronic, stupidly simple plan."

It was a simple plan. The whole trip to Degarashi Port the team argued back and forth about the best way to re-recruit Idate. They'd still been arguing when they got into the port. Then they'd spotted Idate going into a restaurant and had to wing it. Initially they'd been tempted to have Sakura do the initial meeting since they were acquainted and Idate was likely to take the information better from someone he already sort of trusted. In the end that idea was scrapped on the premise that since it was an official pardon and recall it would probably sound best from someone older and more official looking.

For the final plan they'd agreed to have Akado approach Idate directly. Sakura posted herself about thirty yards down one side of the street, and Ami thirty yards the other way. It gave team 83 solid triangle coverage and Sakura had talked at length about how fast Idate could run. With this formation they had a reasonable chance to cut him off if the missing-nin ran, and if he actually fought it placed Sakura and Ami close enough to jump in and help. So, yes, it was a very simple plan. But then complicated didn't necessarily equal better…

"How many gangsters do you suppose are in there?" the voice asked. "Five, ten, twenty, thirty? This wretched town was crawling with them. How many are going to rush in and help Idate if this fight drags out?"

"I don't think it matters," Sakura muttered. "How many bandits or gangsters have ever beaten a ninja? I mean…ever?" The voice laughed.

"They don't have to matter. They just have to stall Akado or Ami for a few moments. Idate's fast, and it's not like we can stop him." It said. Sakura mulled it over as she watched as Akado walked into the restaurant ready to give Idate the ultimatum. Return to Konoha and rejoin the shinobi forces, or be brought back by force and tried as a missing-nin. She gave an approving nod as Akado went straight in without checking to see if his two junior teammates were in position. If Sakura had been the one going in, she doubted she could have resisted the urge to look around and be sure help was right behind her.

The younger Morino brother had very few redeeming traits as a ninja. His only ninjutsu seemed to be his speed technique. He hadn't used any genjutsu. From what she recalled his taijutsu was average at best, better than Naruto's technique for sure but hardly up there with the likes of Sasuke, Neiji, or Lee. Even when you looked past his combat abilities Idate didn't really have much. Idate wasn't terribly bright. Clever maybe. Idate had pulled out that trick during the gang race where he launched his boat from a few miles down the coast so the other gangsters couldn't tamper with his boat. It hadn't been a particularly brilliant plan, why hadn't he just had someone guard his boat the night before the race? I mean he certainly didn't have a lack of manpower to work with and it would have cut miles off the distance he had to sail. No, Idate's only impressive trick was that speed technique. Not that speed techniques were bad or weak... but his seemed tactically limited. Sure his running speed drastically increased but the speed of his attacks didn't actually improve.

"Well, I don't mind, but it looks like he's running. You'd better get on that." The voice drawled, snappingSakura out of her thoughts. Idate dove out of one of the windows, but hadn't started running yet. Textbook Konoha academy training, always take the split second to assess the situation before you commit to an action.

"Which way is he going to run?" Sakura asked her inner voice. It didn't respond.

A hail of shuriken forced the younger Morino into motion, as Ami leapt from her cover and flung over a dozen his way. Idate didn't jump, he didn't pull a kunai out to parry, he didn't use the replacement technique, he didn't use a wind or earth ninjutsu to block them, he didn't use any of the usual shinobi tricks. He ran. He weaved and ducked but stayed firmly on the ground as he raced around the projectiles. Then with a mock salute at Ami, he did what he did best, he ran away.

"Now, now, now," The voice chanted, apparently giving up on being pessimistic, and going for enthusiasm. "Jump him now, while he's running, now, now, now, now."

And Sakura jumped.

Akado was not a powerful ninja. He wasn't special. He didn't have a bloodline. He didn't know any A or S ranked techniques. He didn't practice an obscure or forbidden martial art. He didn't know any sorcery, or sealing techniques. His strongest element was water, arguably the weakest of the five elements. His greatest trump card was a pair of artifact gauntlets that allowed him to drain chakra whenever he touched someone. An ace in the hole that had failed him against an injured twelve year old Uchiha Sasuke.

Fortunately Idate had rendered Akado's mediocrity moot. The missing-nin hadn't even tried to fight, but had escaped past him the moment Akado had let drop that the offer wasn't a request but an ultimatum. An escape made easier when his twenty gangster friends had dived in to try and give team 83's oldest member the beating of his life.

Akado wasn't a particularly talented shinobi, but this was something an Academy student could have handled with relative ease. Akado wasn't a taijutsu specialist. Honestly it was his least favorite of the ninja arts. Sure he'd learned the basics, and had further refined them in his years as a genin, but his style was unpolished. His moves didn't have fancy names. He called them things like 'really great way to shatter someone's knee', or 'throat crushing jab'. Moves he was only too happy to demonstrate on Idate's allies. But even though he was smacking the thugs around like children, it was going to take time. Minutes probably, and three minutes was too long to spend out of the real fight when his two teammates were both rookies. Three minutes was a damn eternity in most ninja battles.

Ami was nervous. This was her first real mission and she was just a little jumpy. Who wouldn't be? When Sakura had said Idate was fast, Ami hadn't really believed just how fast the little traitor prick was. He'd just been sitting there when she launched her attack, and okay she really didn't expect the shuriken to hit him, but come on they should have at least kept him busy long enough for her to close the distance and use her awesome new moves on him, but he'd just ran through the attack like it wasn't there and tore off down the street like a bat out of hell. The violet haired ninja didn't waste any time and chased after him flinging shuriken as she ran.

When Sakura jumped, she screamed. She probably shouldn't have. But she was scared. The former member of team seven had never been in a fight where she'd won, why wouldn't she be nervous. Her best fight, one on three against sound genin she'd only managed to stall them for a few minutes, and inflicted no crippling injuries. She'd barely got a draw against Ino. She was scared. No Kakashi-sensei, no Sasuke, not even Naruto or Lee. No one was there to bail her out if she failed. No one but Ami, who was falling further and further behind as Idate blitzed down the street.

Maybe her scream sounded like some kind of battlecry, like something Lee or Gai-Sensei would do. Whatever it sounded like it got Idate's attention. He scrambled to raise a defense as Sakura landed almost on top of him. Then it was on.

He tried talking. Sakura wasn't having it. The voice in her head was screaming like a banshee, her heart was racing a mile a minute. She attacked like a madwoman…just like she'd been trained.

Idate used the standard style taught at the Konoha Academy. A style so common it had come to be called Leaf style, Konoha Style, even Fire Acadmy Style. It had an older history of course. Once upon a time the style had been called Anything Goes. Its last Grandmaster, Ranma Saotome, had agreed to teach it at the Academy and it had spread like wildfire. For the Konoha Academy the style was a godsend. It specialized in midair combat; making it an immensely useful for Leaf Nin's who spent a considerable amount of time in trees. It was also a style based around the concept of incorporating moves from other different styles into itself. A versatility which allowed a student to learn it, then go home and incorporate what they learned into their lessons on their clan's style.

However, like every style it had weaknesses, and Anything Goes had two major flaws compared to its contemporaries. First, the style was built around the concept of speed. It didn't matter if you were weaker than your opponent but you had to be at least as fast as your opponent, and the faster you were the better. If you were unfortunate enough to be slower, the style suffered. The Akimichi clan had deliberately avoided incorporating it into their own style for that reason. Second, the style was built around counters and feints, a defensive style that required users to be well versed in fighting various other taijutsu styles and on being able to react accordingly.

Promiscuous Strumpet was a strange style. Wildly offensive, it focused on flurries of powerful blows, and on flexibility allowing the user to attack from nearly any position, especially from prone or kneeling positions, and to use almost any part of their body as a focus of attack. Its biggest weakness was its lack of defensive techniques. Practioners learned how to roll with hits, but the extreme focus on offense often made it hard to reposition oneself for blocking and parrying.

When Sakura began her attack, it was with her hands. Not closed fists, but open hands, fingers curled like claws. Short slashes as fast as she could fire them off, interrupted with power kicks that would have broken bone if they hit. They didn't.

Idate backpedaled, parrying the slashes as fast as he could, and doing his damnedest to get out of the way of kicks. He took a couple of light cuts from her nails but nothing serious. Until Ami jumped in.

"This is just stupid," Idate said, abandoning his offense all together as he devoted his full attention to avoiding attacks. "When I can just," he let out a grunt as Ami landed a quick kidney shot. A grunt that turned into a cry of pain as Sakura blasted her knee into midsection, a hit that sent him skidding backwards.

"Yeah… leaving now." He groaned out as he started to run, activating his signature speed technique.

"Shit! He's getting away!" Ami shouted, flinging another set of shuriken as she started to give chase. "Uh, I mean…how rude! He escaping!"

"Use it, use it, use it! We can catch him! Son of a bitch we can catch him! Use it!" The voice chimed in frantically.

"Hooker Desperately Evades Purple Clad Pimp!" The first special technique of Promiscuous Strumpet, 'Hooker Desperately Evades Purple Clad Pimp' provided a massive boost in Sakura's speed; with only the small cost of her dignity.

While most ninja used efficient running styles, body leaning forward arms back, Promiscuous Strumpet had its own running style. Sakura ran with their back straight, and only ran on her tip toes, almost like she was wearing the world's most uncomfortable pair of high heels. Her hands grasped at parts of her garment like she was desperately trying to keep it from falling apart as she subjected it to running. Her hips sashayed, but her thighs barely moved, like she was wearing a restrictive garment that prevented her from taking large steps. And yet, despite the odd style, she wasn't just matching Idate's speed, she was gaining. Such is the power of the Celestial Martial Arts.

It's hard to say what surprised Idate more, that she caught him, or the name of her technique. But he was surprised. And the one thing no ninja can ever afford to be, even when their opponent is Haruno Sakura, is surprised. She got one shot in. One clean, completely unblocked, not parried, not rolled with, not absorbed in anyway- hit. Her run became a slide, and she shifted into a stance called Splitting Bamboo, on her side, with one leg ready to fire upwards in a kick.

A kick Idate was too startled to even try and dodge or bock. A palpable, devastating hit, which landed completely unopposed. His shriek was long and loud, and in an octave so high it send dogs up and down the street crying. Ami stopped and gave a wince when she saw the hit connect, but didn't manage to catch the missing-nin as he fell to the ground like the very life had been sucked out of him. As Sakura got up off the ground and looked at the downed genin, whom even unconscious was still clutching his wound, an impossible thought struck her.

"Wait…did I actually win?"

"Well, son of a bitch. How about them apples?" Inner Sakura said.

Notes: I suck at writing fight scenes really, really suck :(

I'd like to keep Team 7 important characters in the story, and Kakashi among them. I'm not sure if I handled him right, if you think I did or didn't let me know.

Kakashi's Sister: I knew I needed a lot of extra characters for the 10,000 Failures universe, and when I started my mass import some of the characters ended up in weird places. I won't name his sister yet, but we'll see her again :)

Naruto Canon- Idate and weights: In canon Idate uses weights to increase his speed, exactly like Lee. Yet he oddly doesn't use the weights on his arms to increase his arm strength or speed. This training regime seems illogical to me. When you have the option of being as fast and strong as Lee (who in terms of Raw Speed and Strength is the most powerful of the Genin… well you could possibly argue for Choji in terms of strength, but when you take both into account Lee clearly wins) why would you choose to train yourself to be only as fast? Perhaps there's a logical reason for it but since I can't see it I decided to make Idate's speed a Ninjutsu technique which I explain below.

Techniques and Comparison:

Bellows Pumping Stride: Idate uses a speed technique called Bellows Pumping Stride. Cost 1 mote of Chakra, duration ten minutes unless the character stops moving in which case it ends instantly. Character doubles his Dexterity for the purposes of calculating base move, and sprinting distance.

Hooker Desperately Evades Purple Clad Pimp: The First technique learned in Promiscuous Strumpet style. Cost 3 motes of Chakra. Duration Instant. Character adds her Martial Arts rating into the calculation for determine base move, sprint, and jumping distance.

Idate Movement:

2 Yards/ 8 Sprint

Using Bellows Pumping Stride Technique: 4 Yards, 10 Yard Sprint

Jump 5 Yards Vertical, 10 Yards Horizontal

Sakura Movement:

2 Yards/ 8 Sprint

Using Hooker Desperately Evades Purple Clad Pimp: 5 Yard Movement, 11 Yard Sprint

Jump: 5 Yards Vertical, 10 Horizontal

Using Hooker Desperately Evades Purple Clad Pimp: 8 Yard Vertical Jump, 16 Yard Horizontal

Thoughts: Bellows Pumping Stride is the 3rd technique on the Athletics chart- Right after Water Walking. Hooker Desperately Evades Purple Clad Pimp is the first technique in Promiscuous Strumpet. The biggest difference between the two techniques is in their cost and durations.

Bellows Pumping Stride is drastically cheaper, costing one mote compared to the three Hooker Desperately Evades Purple Clad Pimp costs. Bellows Pumping Stride also lasts longer, assuming the ninja using it doesn't get knocked down or stopped somehow. Hooker Desperately Evades Purple Clad Pimp only lasts for a single action.

Where Hooker Desperately Evades Purple Clad Pimp trumps its counterpart is that it also increases a characters jumping ability. I'm not sure which technique could be called 'better'; I think they're ultimately designed for different purposes. I don't see Bellows Pumping Stride as a tactical technique, but rather a technique used for long distance movement. For instance running from Konoha to Suna in three days. Hooker Desperately Evades Purple Clad Pimp is used to escape a battlefield, or as Sakura demonstrated to quickly cut off an escaping foe. If I could only learn one of the techniques I'd probably learn Hooker Desperately Evades Purple Clad Pimp, the increase to jumping ability is just too useful to ignore, but I'd like to hear anyone else's thoughts on either technique.

This chapter takes place around 6 months after Naruto left on his training journey, and Sakura has gotten a little stronger- So here's her revised stats.

Name: Haruno Sakura

Age: 13

Element: Water

Equipment: Standard

Taijutsu Style: Academy

Physical: Strength 3, Dexterity 2, Stamina 2

Social: Charisma 2, Manipulation 2, Appearance 2

Mental: Perception 2, Intelligence 3, Wits 2

Abilities:

Warrior: Archery, Martial Arts 3, Melee, Thrown 2, Resistance 1

Commander: Integrity 1, Performance 1, Presence, Survival 1, War 2

Support: Craft, Investigation 1, Lore 3, Medicine, Occult 1

Assassin: Athletics 2, Awareness 2, Dodge 2, Larceny 2, Stealth 2

Spy: Bureaucracy 2, Linguistics 1, Ride, Sail, Socialize 1

Chakra: 2

Willpower: 6

Bloodline Bonus: 0

Chakra Reserves: 8

Chakra Pool: 19