Disclaimer: Don't own FMA, Naruto, Barney or Pacman.

Google: The Plot less Tale

By Full Metal Cows

Chapter 7

Hands and Paws

Roy raised his hand to his forehead and stuck his index finger up gracefully and stuck out his thumb. "Loooosssseeer!" he yelled, grinning as he watched Edward steam up at the insult. "I have ham and all you have is a bean!"

"And it's not even a good bean either. It's a.. small one!" Roy said, sticking his hand on the blonde's head, whose face had turned red. If you put him on the temperature gage, you would find that he was at least 100 degrees above the normal body heat temperature.

"I. AM. NOT. SHORT," He said, pausing for emphasis in-between each word, "AND. GET. YOUR. DIRTY. SLUT. HAND. OFF. OF. ME."

Roy withdrew his hand and stuck it in front of his mouth, giving a surprised gasp and a hurt look. "How could you treat me like that, Edoo-kun! I thought we where friends!"

"The ham is done, Mr. Mustang," Pinako said, walking into the living room looking rather annoyed. "Next time have.. Hawkeye, is it? Have her make it. You pay her after all. I have work to do." She sat a plate with steaming cut ham on the coffee table in front of Roy, and walked out of the living room, Edward hot on her heels. Yes, on her heels. Her shoes weren't that great, but he was desperate.

"Ahhhh!" Roy said, breathing in the scent the sweet ham gave off, "Ham! My darling, beautiful ham! The taste and smell you give off entrances my heart in this tangled love affair!"

"Oh, my adoration for you," he said, picking up the fork, "and your beautiful taste!" He slowly picked up the piece of ham with the rather large fork, and inserted it into his mouth.

And then chewed.

He felt faint suddenly, very suddenly. But, rather then questioning why, he indulged himself in the taste the ham brought to his mouth, before slipping into darkness...

--

It was late at night when Riza had arrived home from her date with an older gray haired man who went by the name of Bill Clinton. Who she had not had sexual relations with. Really, it was more like a business dinner. I rub your back.. You rub mine..

She sighed, and reached into her coat pocket to open the door to the Rockbell house where she had been staying the past few weeks for no apparent reason. Pinako had given her the keys to get into the house because she had figured no one would be awake when she got home.

She opened the door and stepped into the quiet, dark house. Setting the keys down on the table, she noticed someone sleeping upright on the couch.

"Aw, how thoughtful," She said looking down at Roy with adoration, "he waited up for me to make sure I got home okay."

Suddenly her face screwed up with anger, "But I don't need an over protective father figure. I'm perfectly fine by myself. Well, as long as I have my gun with me." She patted her bulging purse, before turning on the hallway light and dragging the sleeping alchemist to his room.

She glanced into the dark compuher room, which was alight with the compuher screens light. Rose, Riza noticed, sat at the desk typing and clad in black.

Rose was becoming emo? Riza questioned in her mind, before proceeding to her room to sleep.

No good could come of this.

--

Dante had arrived home from which the Homunculus assumed had been another hard day of work at the local McDonalds. Her McDonald's hat was screwed tightly on her head, and she dawned the classic McDonalds cashier outfit. But for some strange reason, their was a smile on her face. A strange, gaga smile... Like she was in heaven.

She hugged Envy happily, who threatened to stab her in the gut if she did it again, and she threw a raw steak out to Gluttony in the back yard. Next, she threw Wrath up in the air, and hugged Lust and Sloth. Then, the bell rang.

"I'll get it!" Her voice rang out shrilly, and she flew to the small front entrance of the older looking house. She threw open the door and kissed the person waiting out side on the cheek happily.

The pizza man blushed madly, and the black haired pale man behind her looked slightly angry.

"Excuse me," Envy said snobbishly, "that's my pizza!" He handed the blushing pizza man some cash, and took the pizza out of his hands. "And don't go kissing them, or they wont come back again!"

The pizza man left, mumbling something that sounded like "Thanks." Which left the woman and the man on the step.

"I'm sorry OroOro-kuunnn!" Dante said with a grin on her face, and pulled the man into a tight hug.

"It's okay, DanDan, I forgive you!" Orochimaru said, and turned his head to look at Kabuto, who immediately took a flower out from behind his back and handed it to Dante.

"Ohhh!" Dante swooned, "Thank you so much OroOro!"

"Uhh..." Envy said, his eyes wide and staring at the disgusting display of affection.

"What the heck?" Wrath said, twitching. "Moommmmyyy!" he yelled, and ran to hug Sloth, "Dante is being weird with the snake man!"

Dante eagerly invited Orochimaru into the house, and Kabuto followed quietly. They took a seat at the old table, and looked at everyone in the kitchen seriously. "Everyone," Dante declared, a smile on her face. "Meet Orochimaru, my boyfriend!"

Everyone stared in horror, except for Wrath, who was confused with the turn. "What's a boyfriend?" But no one answered, since they all where busy being disgusted speechless.

"I know, I know.. You think it's too soon? I know Hohenheim broke my heart, but that doesn't mean he's the only fish in the sea. I prefer snakes to fish anyways!" Everyone continued to stare.

"How did you guys meet?" Lust croaked up, breaking the silence.

"Oh, well, that's a funny story!" Sasuke and Rose muttered as they broke in through the window. They sat down at the table.

"Well once upon a---"

"Rosary, Rosary, that isn't the way a emo vampire ranger begins a story," Sasuke muttered.

"How does one go about it then, Sasuke-Danna?" Rose said back, a little too happily.

"Don't use that tone with me, Rosary."

"What tone?" Rose muttered, innocently.

Envy looked broadly at the floor. "I can see this is going to take awhile. I might want to take a seat." He sat down, and all the other homunculus followed his actions.

"That tone that wasn't a monotone," Sasuke said, and they started to whisper-argue.

"I did not use any tone besides a monotone!" Rose eventually shouted, tears staining her cheeks. "Why do you have to be so mean, Sasuke-Danna!?"

"Because I find contentment in others misery."

"Oh yeah. You told me that before, didn't you, Sasuke-Danna?" Rose muttered, her tears gone.

"Would you like to tell the story now?" Dante said, sending a glare in Rose's direction. "Honestly, if you don't become more coordinated, I'll steal Winry and use her for my new body instead!" She clutched Orochimaru by the arm, and buried her face in there. "And she's one ugly beast!"

Rose sighed, emoly. "Okay. I'll tell the story now."

"Don't begin it with 'once upon a time,'" Sasuke reminded her.

"Yes, Sasuke-Danna," Rose muttered. "In a dark room in the Rockbell home, I had accessed MySpace one night in January, to find a message waiting for me. It was from Sasuke-Danna. He said he had read my profile to find that Dante-sama was going to use my body as her new body, and immediately remembered that Orochimaru was going to use his body as a his new body, if that makes any sense."

"So, somehow... Even though she was an n00by happy girl, we got to talking, and realized: We should set up Orochimaru and Dante," muttered Sasuke.

"So we told them about each other..." Rose mumbled.

"And we started dating!" Orochimaru finished. He looked at Kabuto, and Kabuto leaned over and enveloped Dante in a hug, with a sigh. "And now," Orochimaru said happily, and glanced at Kabuto who let go of Dante and reached into his pocket, "I want to make you mine, Dante!"

Kabuto opened a black box, to find a gold ring with a large diamond on it.

"I would say yes... happily," Dante said, giving Orochimaru a loose hug, "But I'm afraid they have to agree to something."

She pointed at Rose and Sasuke who turned to look at eachother with a scared look, and whispered something to the other that sounded like "This wasn't part of the plan."

"What is it, DanDan?" Orochimaru asked, his facial features forming a pout as he glanced at Kabuto who then stuck his hand out reluctantly to rub Dantes back.

"They have to get married too." She grinned, "We could have a double wedding! It would be much less cost straining when we transferred bodies ag-- I mean for the first time."

After a moment, Rose's eyes opened wide, "Oh.. pretty dresses?"

---

Pacman and Barney sat in a small cafe, a double double with a cherry on top sitting in front of Pacman, and a cup of joe made with love and sunshine in front of Barney. They where discussing approach plans, and payments.

"Just because we're old friends doesn't mean I'm not going to charge full price for the killing."

"I expected that," Barney said, reaching into his big purple pocket and pulling out his wallet. He took out his check book and began to fill out the price. "This much, right?" He said with the smile, holding the check up for Pacman to see.

Pacmans eyes shot out their sockets, and his mouth dropped onto the table heavily, causing the double double in front of him to spill. "That's... alot..."

"You want me to lower my offer?" Barney blushed as he asked.

"No, no," Pacman said, retrieving his eyes and mouth. "It's not that much, I was kidding with you."

"So when you are going to do your job?"

"Tonight."

--

Gaara had recently left the room that he had stolen from Edward a week ago to sob and sleep in. As soon as he was able to leave the room, he began to hunt for a job -- which he needed, since he would no longer be traveling with his emo friend Sasuke.

He had found one as a cocktail waitress.

The Rockbells and unwanteds told him that it wasn't a good idea; Gaara wasn't a girl, he shouldn't have applied for a waitress position. But Gaara believed this would be his way to success.

So he put his wig and stuffed bra on in the morning, and went to work.

Edward was relieved to finally sneak into his room, and grab a change of clothes. In the week that Gaara had took the room, he had not been allowed in the room once, so he became rather... smelly.

He opened his closet to check on his shoe collection he had started. He opened the box he stored them in with care, as if the box where fragile. (But it wasn't.)

And that was when he noticed... His red ballet slippers where missing. Well, one of them was anyway. Edward cringed in horror, and a loud "NOOOOO!!" escaped his mouth before he began to consider who would have stolen it.

Who did he know that had a fetish for ballet slippers?

Himself, yes, but he was fairly certain he hadn't stole it.

Gaara? No, he was too stupid to know where Edward had hidden his shoe collection. And too boring to ever be interested in shoes.

But, who was left if it hadn't been himself or Gaara? Well, there was Envy... Pinako had said she had chased him out of the house a few days ago and that he was holding something red.

"THAT'S IT!" Edward declared, "ENVY TOOK MY SLIPPERS."

Winry stuck her head in his room, "But Envy doesn't like slippers."

"BALLET slippers."

"Ohhhh," Winry said, and disappeared again.

Edward grinned to himself, "I'm going to have to track that little son of a bastard down."

---

A/N: Greetings and Salutations from Gin and Kame. Quick updates? Our story actually has got a bit of a plot now! Not much of one... but at least it's a bit of one! And thanks for the reviews last chapter. Keep it up. :3 We shouldn't have to make threats to get a small review out of you. -lecture-

Whispering Lilies
Kiarra-chan - Sorry! We didn't pick on Naruto this chapter, but next one we will. :3
Beam The Chao
BakaKonekoRKL
Mitternacht
Diane-93

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