A/N: So to the wonderful readers thank you again for your support. To the Guest wondering about the East Egg yes it is indeed a reference to The Great Gatsby. To the other Guest wondering about Fran, don't worry I would never just leave her character out to dry, she seemed important and she is. Enjoy.
Song Suggestion "Salvation Dear" by Greg Laswell
~It's just that goodnight is easier than goodbye.
I'm already sold on ending up alone.~
I knew that there was something wrong the day that I came back from the institution. I knew because my mom picked me up and took me to get ice cream, and even when I told her I didn't want fudge on top of my sundae, she still ordered it and I watched it melt for 30 minutes before she even said anything about it.
When we drove home, she played Bob Dylan songs, and I was too nervous to see my father when I got there to even change the station. We were silent, usually we talked about stupid things if we couldn't find something to talk about, this time it was nothing but silence. That's when I started thinking about the last day I'd spent in Ohio, and it was hazy and weird because I couldn't remember a damn thing.
On that drive home, I felt crazier than I ever had that entire summer in that godforsaken institution.
Everything's been tense. Everything's been distracting and terrifying, but I can't seem to talk about it. Not even with Brittany. I walked down the hallway with my backpack on my shoulders, I had a free period right now, but I wasn't motivated to do my homework. I looked into the classroom and spotted Quinn, she absent mindedly looked towards the door and spotted me. I waved and continued walking down the hallway.
I was almost at my locker when I heard Quinn call out my name. I turned around and she jogged over to catch up to me. "Quinn, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be in class?" Quinn laughed and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. She looked happy, and I wondered why but I was too focused on everything else to ask. I made it to my locker and began opening it while Quinn popped a piece of gum into her mouth.
"I thought you wanted me to come out here." Quinn said as she grabbed one of the books that I'd gotten from East Egg yesterday. "Plus I was bored out of my shit anyway."
"Yeah but won't you get in trouble?" I asked her before taking the book out of her hands.
"Not unless you rat me out, which you won't." Quinn smiled at me. "So how's the job going?" Her tone was quiet, like she was tip-toeing around the matter, and I had no idea why. That was until I thought about Brittany, and how she must tell Quinn everything and that was why Quinn was asking me what happened.
"Good, it's simple and fun-."
"I heard Marley works there." It wasn't only that she heard, it was that Brittany told her and she knew. "Is she cool? Does she annoy you?" I needed to talk to Brittany, to tell her not to tell Quinn about everything. I would never speak about any of this stuff outside of the bookstore or in the moment, but Quinn would approach and smack Marley if she thought Marley was even thinking of bothering me.
"She's fine, normal and nice." I told Quinn. I was about to leave so I would know that she'd go back to class, but she rushed over and stood in front of me.
"Wait, I forgot to tell you about Fran..." I looked up and met her eyes. The last time Fran and I talked was tense to say the least. I wonder if there was something going on. Did something happen to Fran? I'd have to regret the last time we talked for the rest of my life if it did. "Next week when Brittany have our tournament-."
"In California, right?" I don't know why I asked that because I knew exactly where it was. I just wanted to stop some of my anxiety, but it didn't work.
"Yeah in California...well Fran's coming and she wants you to come too." I looked down at my feet and then walked away, because I had no idea what to say. I had no idea how I felt about that. "Jesus, just wait." Quinn said grabbing a hold of my arm. "What the hell Santana?"
"I'm not going, I don't think I can. My parents might say no-."
"What are you even saying? Your parents would love for you to come with us. Look...maybe you can just talk to Fran." Quinn suggested.
"Okay...I'll talk to her." I promised, deciding that if I wanted to go with Quinn and Brittany then I would just have to put my problems aside and give Fran a little bit of a chance. "You should go back to class."
"Yes ma'am." Quinn joked as she ran down the hallway and went back into her classroom.
...
Brittany walked into my room and I got up to close the door behind her. She sat down on my bed and laughed. "Why'd you close your door?" There were too many things to say so I didn't say anything. Instead I grabbed my computer from off my bed and set it down on my desk. I sat down and continued typing my English paper. "San..." Brittany got up and walked over, she sat down on the top of my desk, and crossed her legs, one over the other. I couldn't focus on my screen without noticing her short shorts and long legs extending almost to the ground.
"Hmm?"
"You look distracted." She said before resting her hand on top of the one I was using to type my paper. Well that was one way to get me to stop typing.
"I'm not." I told her. She grabbed my hand and placed it on her knee, I didn't know what she was doing and I didn't ask. I didn't ask when when she was slowly moving my hand up higher at a snail's pace. "Britt, what are you doing?"
"What's distracting you?" She questioned still moving my hand up her thigh.
"You are." I told her truthfully, I was drawn to her eyes, not to her body, I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach, the fire I felt under my fingertips.
"No, it's something else."
"It's Fran, Quinn said that Fran was going to your tournament next weekend, and she wanted me to come." I stood up and pulled my hand away like it really was on fire. "And last time she and I talked was-."
"Tense I know, I got the aftermath of it with her." Brittany said. "But what else, there's something else."
"My parents I guess." I said with a shrug. "I think..." I trailed off as Brittany walked over and sat down on my bed next to me.
"You think what?"
"I think they might be getting a divorce because of me." I told her. "It's been weird between them, I haven't even talked to my dad in a while, he's been more reserved than me. And they're always gone, usually they would fight to stay home with me, now my dad practically begs to leave. So what should I do?" I wasn't even asking Brittany, it was enough to say it out loud.
"Are your mom about it?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I can't." I told her. I took off my shoes and got under my covers, bringing them over my head so I could think for a moment. I had all of 15 seconds before Brittany was climbing under my covers with me. "Britt, I'm trying to think."
"I know, but this isn't something you're supposed to think about. It isn't your job." Brittany explained. "Your job isn't to understand what other people are feeling, San." Brittany grabbed onto my hands, and I didn't even think to pull away. "What are you feeling right now?" I knew for certain that I couldn't think, I never for certain that I felt unsure and insecure, and it wasn't Brittany who was making me feel that way.
"What do you want from me?" I asked her.
"What?" She said.
"Don't you feel it? Don't you feel the weirdness between us?" I asked her wondering if it was me just overanalyzing things like I overanalyze everything.
"I don't want to feel that way." Brittany said quietly. "You have to come with us to California, please. I don't care if you'd want to spend the entire time with Quinn because it's easier-."
"Easier how?" I asked.
"I think you already know the answer to that." I wondered why we were still under the covers. I wondered why I never once thought about just stopping our friendship. She was right, it would've been easier. "I want you to come with us. We'd have a fun plane ride, and I don't think I could go on the plan without drugs unless you were there with me."
"You took drugs to go to Jamaica on a plane?" I asked her. I thought about the drugs I took this summer, the drugs they made me take. Well I took them until Lily, a sadistic pathological liar, showed me how to hide them instead. I don't like the way they make me feel, but sometimes my mom reminds me to take them and I find it too hard to lie to her, so I do.
"Yeah, sleeping pills." Brittany said. "If you come with us then, you won't have to think about your parents." It was tempting, being away from home would be nice, but it might be difficult to get a day off from work, especially this early in the job. Maybe I could talk to Marley and ask her how I should go about things.
"Okay I'll ask my mom."
"Fran said she'd take us to a party when we're in Cali, are you okay with that?" Brittany asked.
"I dunno, maybe. It'll be different being around college aged kids." I said. "They'll be more aggressive."
"I'll be your date again, then. I'll protect you from all the guys drooling over you." Brittany said with a smile.
"How do I protect you?" I asked her.
"San?" Brittany said.
"Yeah."
"Hold out your arm." I did so and she held out her arm too. So there we were, under the covers with our arms outstretched.
"What are we doing?" I asked her.
"I want to practice kissing." She said before grabbing a hold of my arm. "Hold onto my arm." She said and so I did. "Same time okay." I nodded and we kissed one another's arms, like 2nd graders practicing for their first kiss. Brittany's lips for smooth and warm, and even though I was sure that Brittany had been kissed before, this was still fun. Or stupid. It might have been stupid too.
"Your skin is super soft B." I told her as I let go of her arm.
"You're really gentle, I mean of course you would be." I heard my door open and I pulled the covers down as soon as my mom walked into the room.
"What are you two doing?" My mom asked eyeing us suspiciously. "Brittany, what are you doing?"
"Nothing mama L, I promise." Brittany got out from under the covers. "We were actually talking about San going to California next weekend with us. Would you be okay with that?" I didn't like that Brittany was asking for me, but I knew it would make things easier. No one could say no to Brittany, especially not my mom.
"Can I go in her suitcase?" My mom joked. "And of course I'm okay with that, it sounds like a lot of fun." My mom gave me a small nod. "San, we'll talk to your father and get him on board with it." I nodded and watched as she left my room. She left the door open like I knew she would.
"You didn't have to do that."
"I did."
"What's it like knowing people won't ever say no to you. What's it like getting everything you want?" I asked her.
"That's not true." She said. "I don't get everything that I want."
...
I walked into East Egg and Marley was sitting behind the counter reading a book. I didn't say anything until she looked up and smiled at me. I smiled back, but all I really wanted to know was where Mr. Kingston was. "He's on his way." She said answering my un-asked question without a moment of hesitation.
"Well are there some books to sort? I don't really know what I should be doing." Marley closed her book completely.
"I'm gonna be sad when you get used to working here. You're cute when you're clueless." She tossed me the book and I caught it. Brave New World. "Put that up will ya?" What was her angle? Seeing how far she could push me? Proving that she had control over me? Whatever it was, it made me upset and I put the book on the counter.
"Put it up yourself." I told her. I glared at her and looked down before my anger cracked.
She walked around the counter and grabbed the book. "You're fucking feisty when you need to be, I like that." Our eyes met for a brief second before she walked over and put the book where it belonged. She walked over and leaned against the counter right in front of me. "Why were you looking for Mr. Kingston?"
"Because he's my boss." I told her.
"I wonder how long he's going to keep you here once he figure out that you were screwing Brittany in the back room." My body froze, I lost all feeling in that moment. I felt like I was sinking and clawing at the surface and I couldn't move.
"We weren't! It was a joke to mess with you." I assured her. "Did you tell him?" She shrugged and tried to walk back to the other side of the counter, I followed her closely until I grabbed her shirt and pushed her back against the back of the counter. "You didn't tell him, right? You didn't, right?" Her pupils dilated and she licked her lips before smirking at me.
"You gonna beat it out of me?" I didn't understand how things ended up like this. I'd only worked here for a week, why was she suddenly giving me such a hard time.
"No." I said relaxing my face and letting go of her shirt. I took a step back. "Sorry."
"I didn't say a word to him." She promised me. "But I still think that you should save your hook-ups for home."
"I just told you we were only messing with you. Nothing happened, we're friends."
"Okay." She said like she didn't believe me. I didn't know why I even cared what she thought, it shouldn't affect me this much. She started walking towards the back room and I didn't know what to do. The store was open and she should be staying at the cash register, I hadn't learned how to use it yet. I rushed over to the front door and flipped the sign to Closed before I walked into the backroom where Marley was casually sitting down.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing." She said calmly. "Can you come here for a second?" I walked over and sat down on the chair next to her. I was about to ask what she wanted when she spoke again. "Do you know how hot you are?"
"W-what are you t-talking about?" I asked her.
"I'm just wondering how stupid Brittany has to be to ignore the fact that she's got someone like you right in front of her." This was getting too strange for me.
"We should go back to the front room. Mr. Kingston might get upset if we don't." I left before she could respond or follow. The last thing I wanted was someone like Marley telling me about my friendship, I wasn't sure about what I wanted all the time, but I was sure of that.
...
I pressed the call button and waited for her to pick up. It took two rings and half of a third before I heard the click. "Hello."
"Hey Fran, it's me." For some reason I knew she'd know who it was, even without me saying my name. I couldn't make this call in my house so after I gt home from work I went for a walk, and now, as I'm halfway down my street and the stars are guilding my footsteps, I called her.
"Did Quinn tell you? Is that why you're calling?" She asked, I nodded until I realized that she couldn't see me.
"Yeah, she told me that you wanted me to come to California."
"I told her not to say that." Fran sounded frustrated. "I didn't want you to...well I thought maybe you wouldn't come if you knew that I wanted you there."
"Brittany wants me there too and so does Quinn." I hesitated before I said the last thing on my mind. "And so do my parents."
"Your parents? What do you mean?"
"Nothing I just...when we're in California can I stay with you?" I asked her.
"With me? I thought you'd want to share a room with Brittany and Quinnie." I shook my head no and again felt stupid because she couldn't see me.
"No, I just...things are starting to make sense in my mind and that complicates things." I explained knowing full well that this was a cop out, Marley, although annoying and abrasive, was also showing me how I felt in subtle ways. I just knew that I couldn't talk to anyone about this, except Fran.
"Are you safe?" She asked.
"Yeah."
"Is your mind safe?" She questioned.
"I think so." I responded.
"Is your heart safe?" I had to think about that question for a little longer. Was my heart safe? Physically, trapped behind the hardened bones of my rib cage, and the metal rod keeping one rib together was my stronghold. Emotionally, I sometimes felt my heart melt and sink down into my stomach, sometimes I felt it harden until the pressure was too much and it would crack.
"No Frannie, I don't think it is."
"We'll fix it then. When you come out here, I'll help you protect your heart okay?"
"Okay."
"Goodbye." She said but didn't hang up I could tell she was waiting for my goodbye.
"Don't say goodbye Frannie, just say goodnight. Goodnight is easy, goodbye is forever."
A/N: I'm sure there will be a lot of questions, like what is Brittany feeling, what is Marley's deal, what's California going to be like, and I hope you're asking yourself those, because of course they'll be addressed. Review please.