Disclaimer: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to remember Amaxing, who recently died of 'I don't own One Piece' disorder.
Amaxing: I'M NOT DEAD YET!!!
Skyler: Give it time boss, give it time.
A showdown, or six.
Room One: Franky vs. Knightly
The two men stared each other down, daring the other to make the first move. Knightly had dried his tears and now looked at Franky with (polite?) disdain. Franky's hair stood like a giant quaff of…. something that comes in quaffs, on his head.
After a period of silence, Franky struck first. "WEAPONS LEFT!"
The bullets shot straight for Knightly. The 'white knight' didn't budge. The projectiles sank deep into his chest, but the CP4 member did not flinch. (A/N: How many different names for one character can one come up with?)
"What the…" started Franky, but he was cut short by Ellsworth's battle cry.
"CLEAN STREAK!"
"What kind of lame battle cry is…" but he stopped as something shot out of Knightly's hand, landing on his chest. Franky expected nothing to happen, but let out a cry of surprise when he saw the metal that covered his chest begin to corrode.
"Confused?" said Knightly, amused by the look of shock on his opponent's face. "Let me clue you in. Upon entering CP4, each member is given a devil fruit in hopes of strengthening the power that the World Government holds. Mine is the Bleach-Bleach fruit! It lets me corrode through any substance with unlimited amounts of bleach! And it keeps my clothes clean too."
"Bleach?" said Franky. "Of all the cool devil fruit powers you could have had, you get bleach?" Franky bust out laughing. "Aw man! That's super lame on your part!"
The laughter was silenced when a ten-gallon cannonball of bleach smacked Franky in the…. 'forbidden zone'.
"NOT COOL!" said Franky, his voice an octave higher. "NOT COOL AT ALL!" He lunged forward. "STRONG RIGHT!" His right fist shot forward, but was consumed by Knightly's body. He felt his hand begin to corrode, he yelped and pulled back.
"Did I forget to mention that Bleach-Bleach is a logia fruit, so my entire body is made of bleach too? Oops! Sorry, my bad!" It would have been a perfectly good sarcastic battle taunt if Ellsworth hadn't meant it.
Franky gritted his teeth. It was time to get serious. He connected his arms with a T-shaped pipe. "1.5 LITER COUP DE VENT!"
An enormous cannonball of compressed air shot out at Knightly. Knightly gasped, and then was lifted off his feet, smacking into the wall behind him. He smiled. "Did you really think that was going to work?"
"Maybe," said Franky. Darn it! I thought that would work!
Franky's hair fell down so that it resembled Elvis' hairdo. Double darn it! I'm all out of cola!
"It appears you've run out of gas, eh?" Knightly held his hand up and a ball of bleach slowly began to form inside.
Shoot! What do I do, what do I do, what do I… AHA!
Flashback
"C'MON PLEASE?
"No, Chopper."
"PLEASE?!??!"
"NO, Chopper."
"But…but I want to see what would happen!"
"For the last time, I'm not putting coffee in my fridge! It's one of the most putrid, vile things on the planet!"
"I take offense at that" said Robin.
"Why? Did I say you were the one of the most putrid, vile…. you know, I'm going to stop talking now."
"Good idea now put the coffee in."
"But…"
Robin folded her hands.
"ALRIGHT, I'LL DO IT!!" He wasn't prepared to have his…. forbidden zone… 'crushed like grapes' again.
End of Flashback.
Franky sighed. "I'll hate myself in the morning…" he reached into his pocket, pulled out three liter bottles of coffee and quickly stowed them in his fridge. "OY!" he cried to Ellsworth. "I'd suggest just giving up, you don't have to get hurt!"
"I can't get hurt by any of your pathetic little attacks, don't you get it?" The bleach had expanded to the size of a small meteorite. "NOW LET'S FINISH THIS!" cried Knightly "BLEACH BALL! SERVICE ACE!" The ball shot towards Franky. Franky simply stood there, then, right when the ball should have hit him, he wasn't there.
"What the…"
"It may be putrid…" came a voice from behind Knightly. Ellsworth slowly turned around to find Franky five inches behind him. "But DAMN what a rush!"
"What…. how…"
"SUPER FRESH FIRE STORM!"
And for those of you who don't know. Bleach. Burns.
As Knightly ran towards the ocean, desperate to put himself out, Franky frowned. "And I thought 'saved by coffee' was just an expression…" He shrugged, and then ran towards the holding cells.
Room Two: Robin vs. Bishop
Bishop struggled for a minute, then broke free of the Hana-Hana hands binding him. He stood up slowly.
"Come now my pretty" said Bishop sleazily "there's no need for you to get hurt."
"Don't worry" replied Robin "I won't be."
"Feisty" said Bishop, licking his lips.
Robin sighed, and then folded her hands. "SIXTEEN FLEUR CLUTCH!" The hands appeared and pulled down. But their target was no longer there. "What the…" then she let out a gasp as a gash appeared on her side and her body reeled with pain.
"Not so confident now are we?" Robin whirled around to find Bishop behind her. In one hand he held a long, jagged dagger, red from the wound it had just made. Bishop laughed. "I partook of the quick-quick fruit! So running faster than the eye can see is no problem for me!"
"Pardon me Mr. Bad guy, but can't people do that without using a devil fruit?"
"Well…. uh…yeah, perhaps."
"Then why is that so special?"
"IT JUST IS! NOW SHUT UP YOU WITCH-WOMAN!"
"ROBIN-CHAN IS NOT A WITCH-WOMAN!!!!" came Sanji's voice from two rooms away.
Bishop ignored the love-cook's cry. He hunched over (even more than usual) and dashed forward again. This time a gash appeared on Robin's other side. She gasped in pain again.
"Not so tough are you?" said Bishop. He lunged forward a third time.
This is just annoying thought Robin. She folded her hands, and in front of her, one hundred hands sprung up from the ground and grasped simultaneously. Armando Bishop fell face-first to the ground. One had hit its target. Robin vanished the other ninety-nine hands. Then she yelled. "CIEN FLEUR COIL!"
Fifty pairs of hands grasped Bishop and bent him backwards. They pulled harder and harder, until the CP4 member's head touched his toes. There was a snap, and Robin let go.
"That's what you get for having an unoriginal power," Robin said calmly, and she walked towards the next room.
Room Three: Zoro vs. Kingsley
Zoro held Wado and Kitetsu out in front of him, prepared to counter if and when Kingsley made the first move. But Kingsley just stood there. Waiting. As if he had all the time in the world.
"What are you doing?" asked Zoro, infuriated.
"Stalling, what's it look like I'm doing?"
"What?"
"Well, I mean, let's face it, I'm going to die here, so every minute I'm not fighting you is a minute I get to live."
"I could just walk by you know, then you wouldn't have to die."
"Oh, but then Fischer would kill me, it's much better if you do it."
"O…k…" said Zoro, he walked forward, placed Wado on Kingsley's neck. Kingsley did not budge. He pulled back. The man did not flinch. He swung forward with all his might. Zoro closed his eyes. He did not want to witness such a disgraceful death.
CLANG.
Clang? Thought Zoro why on earth did it go…." And then he felt something akin to the force of a two-ton boulder plunge into his stomach. Zoro was thrown backwards. He landed against the wall on the opposite side of the room and slid down, landing with a sickening thud.
"Oh, by the by, I ate the Gem-Gem fruit, model Diamond, so my entire body is pretty much invulnerable to anything. Sorry about that." This time it was a sarcastic taunt.
Great thought Zoro just my luck. Five members and I get the one made of an unscratchable rock. Wait, is unscratchable even a word? Ah well.
Zoro rose slowly to his feet. He lunged forward. "ONI GIRI!" The blades were deflected by Kingsley's skin. "TIGER TRAP!" No avail. "148 PUND CANNON!" Kingsley moved back an inch, but did not even grunt in reaction to the hit. He swung his right arm forward. Backward rush. Smack in wall. Slide down.
Zoro lay on the floor. This is just like when I fought Daz… he thought. And then the answer cam to him (in the form of a conveniently narrative flashback).
Flashback
Daz Bones lay on the ground of Alabasta, sliced through by Zoro. He spoke with great difficulty. "Next time…. will you cut through diamonds?"
Zoro paused, not looking back. "I don't know yet." It was true enough.
End Flashback.
"I know now," said Zoro, climbing to his feet. He sheathed Kitetsu and held Wado in both hands.
"Know what?" asked Kingsley. His next words would be "What the…"
"SHISHI SHONSON!"
Zoro lunged forward, all the time concentrating on the ever-beating breath of his sword and of Kingsley. He visualized cutting off that diamondback's breath with Wado's. It worked.
"What the…" exclaimed Kingsley, as he fell down. "How?"
"You wouldn't understand," said Zoro. He sheathed Wado and ran towards the next room.
Room Four: Sanji vs. Queensland
Sanji stared. Queensland smiled. A pervert she thought this will be too easy. She winked. Sanji's eyes turned to hearts, and he swooned. "Well Mr. Big, muscular, chef? Aren't you going to attack me?"
"Well…I should but…ROBIN-CHAN IS NOT A WITCH-WOMAN!!"
"What?"
"I have good hearing."
"Oh, I'll bet you do, Mr. Handsome." Said April, winking again. "I bet you can hear every word I'm thinking can't you?"
"Mhm" said Sanji, too mesmerized to register what she was actually saying.
"You know…" said April, having fun. "I ate the drop-drop fruit, so my body's entirely made of water."
"Mhm."
"And, If I want to…I can make anything…wet."
Sanji fell down in love. Any more and it would surely kill him.
April gave a faint chuckle. She collected water in her hand and then, grinning mischievously, splashed it onto her top. She was wearing a white T-shirt. You get the idea.
And Sanji fainted, happier than he had ever been in his life.
April's smile turned to a look of disgust. She brought her hands up, and then yelled "APRIL SHOWER!"
A column of water rained down on Sanji's head. Sanji breathed in, found that there was no air, and woke up with a start. He tried to move, but caught sight of April's wet T-shirt, magnified by the water that was suffocating him. He fainted again.
Fifth Room: Nami vs. Bluto.
Editor's note. It is important to note here that the only cliché that Blutarski knows is "trapped like a rat." That is all.
"BWAHA!" laughed Blutarski. "Trapped like a rat!"
Four dirt walls surrounded Nami. They had sprung up around her the moment Luffy had left the room.
"BWUHUH, you're trapped like a rat now orange girl, thanks to my Rook-Rook fruit, which…"
"Lets you make walls out of anything, right?"
"Uh…yeah… and thanks to that your…"
"Trapped like a rat, right?"
"Uh…yeah…"
Nami heard a loud splash. She climbed one of the walls, looked through the doorway back, and saw Sanji being drowned by a waterfall that was coming out of nowhere.
I'd say that's weird but…well, that's par for the course around here.
She got on top of the wall and jumped.
And ran straight into a wall of air.
Ow thought Nami.
"BWAHUH! You're not getting away from me, you're trapped like a rat!"
"Then I'll just have to blow you away, won't I?"
"Wha…"
"CYCLONE TEMPO!"
And a giant whirlwind erupted from the Clima Tact.
"BWAHA!" laughed Bluto, raising a wall of air to block the attack. "DID YOU THINK THAT WAS GOING TO…. uh…"
But Nami was gone, sailing through the air with the force of the blast. Sailing towards the never-ending waterfall.
Room Four: Nami to the rescue
She landed nimbly on the floor of the fourth room. With lightning speed, she charged the thunder rod, throwing it at April. It passed right through.
"What was that?"
"That was my thunder lance tempo." Nami said. She held up the other two rods, and a giant bolt of lightning burst between the two parts, electrifying April, causing her to fall to the ground.
Nami walked over and smacked Sanji. "WAKE UP PERVERT!"
"Ms. Nami! You saved me!" Sanji exclaimed, dancing around with hearts in his eyes. "Does that mean…"
"NO."
"Fine. How may I serve you?"
Blutarski appeared behind Nami. "Kill him," said Nami, pointing up.
Room Four: Sanji vs. Blutarski.
To make a long story short: "MUTTON MALLET!"
"And don't you ever go near Ms. Nami again!" said Sanji, crossing his hands triumphantly.
Nami smacked him. "THIS IS NO TIME FOR POSES!" she yelled. "LET'S GO GET USOPP!" They ran towards the door, Zoro, Robin, and Franky not far behind.
Room Six: One-sided battle.
Luffy and Chopper both lay on the floor, panting. What was going on? One minute Luffy had been attacking with 'Gum Gum Gatling Gun' and Chopper had been ready to smack Fischer with his Rumble-ball induced 'Arm Point'. The next, there had been a giant explosion, a mushroom cloud has appeared, and they were both on the floor, weak and helpless.
"The Nuke-Nuke fruit" Fischer explained to what he assumed to be dead bodies, "allows me to produce atomic explosions, explosions that are a thousand times more powerful than a regular bomb. They also produce undiscovered radiation, which causes pain and suffering to anyone who gets in its way. Most people at such a close proximity would be vaporized…" he mused. "But I guess you're no normal, are you?"
It was at this point that Nami, Franky, Zoro, Robin, and Sanji entered the room.
"LUFFY!" screamed Nami.
"GET UP!" screamed Zoro "IF YOU DIE, I"LL KILL YOU!"
"More victims…" Fischer said before the rest could utter equally shocked and hysterical reactions. "Very well then." He slowly raised his arm.
"GET HIM!" yelled Franky, and the five of them dashed forward.
"NO!" yelled Luffy.
"5K ATOM BOMBER!"
There was an explosion, a mushroom cloud, and then all was silent.
End of Chapter.