Chapter Six: Truths and Lies, Part Two

( Previous : "Bella," he exasperated in a sigh. "Would you please tell me what you're thinking?" )

"I doubt you want to know."

His face went from bad to worse. He looked distraught. NO matter how much the sight pained me, it also fueled me. He deserved it every bit as much as I did deserve him.

"I always want to know what you're thinking!"

"Fine, your death sentence." He didn't look very pleased at my choice of words. "Oh it's an expression, get over it.

"The first time you told me you loved me I was ecstatic. You deserve so much more." He was about to interrupt me. "Don't. Let me finish or I won't tell you at all." He didn't object so I continued.

"You left. After you told me you loved me you stuck around a bit, but then you left. It tore me apart. I didn't get out of bed for a week, Charlie was talking about getting me mental help. Renée even came up and tried to get me to move back in with her – in Jacksonville. I threw a fit. I refused to ever leave this town again. Leaving it would make your absence more permanent. There was no way I could keep my memory of you in such a sunny place where you could never exist.

"I emerged. I went to school, I went to work, then I came straight home. I had near perfect grades and more than enough extra time on my hands.

"On one occurrence where I was posed with a dangerous situation, I … I heard your voice. Clearer than my memory, speaking words of comfort that guided me through the present situation. It was a delusion. It's not like you ever said these words to me before. Besides, you didn't love me, so it didn't make sense. Why would you bother to save me then?

"It didn't matter, I would a new way to remember you without … succumbing. You see, every other time I'd try to remember, I'd break down. I'd have to hold myself together for fear of falling into pieces. I've told you this already – do you not know how much you hurt me?"

At this point, Edward was in so much pain I was surprised he didn't cry out in agony.

"I'm sorry, I know how the truth hurts you. But you see how much it hurt me? You mean everything. You still do."

"That's why. You came back, but I didn't understand why. I still don't, I can't accept your words. You've liked to me before. How can I tell the truth from the lie anymore?"

"Bella," he sighed. "I don't know how to tell you other than asking you to take my word. I love you and I always have. There is only one lie. The lie I've lived for the past eight months. I even tried to convince myself that I did not love you. I wanted to prevent myself from ever coming back. I loved you far too much. I saw your pain the day I left. I knew it was bad, but obviously it was worse than I had thought. I also had expected you to heal – completely. I guess I underestimated the adolescent female's mind.

"I'm terribly sorry, Bella. I'll never do this to you again. I swear, on my existence."

I absolutely broke down. This was so much harder than I had ever bargained for,

"Bella?" Once again, I left him speechless. I confused him one more by my sudden outburst. "What is it now?"

I tried to stifle my sobs but it wasn't easy. I gasped put the words through rough breaths. "You – love – me."

He looked even more perplexed now. "Yes." He stated the obvious.

I went hysterical now, sobs ripping out of my throat.

He was thunderstruck. He's never had to deal with a hysterical human before.

"I-I'm s-so sorry. I d-don't mean t-to break d-down like t-this. It's just s-so hard. I d-don't think I can d-do it."

"What are you talking about, Bella? What's so hard? Oh-" he understood. "It's okay Bella, I understand. Your'e going to have trouble loving me now. But you have to understand, Bella. If you love me, you won't have to try. I hope – in time – you'll learn to forgive me." Once again, there was a misunderstanding. He thought I was having trouble trusting him.

The tears that I had finally managed to fight back surfaced again.

"Bella, why does everything I saw make it all so much worse? What am I doing wrong?" He was desperate.

"You have it all w-wrong, Edward. That's the problem! You do everything right, I can't help but love you, even after you hurt me."

"That's good. But, there's still a problem?"

"Yes. The hard part is loving you, but not because of you. I love Jacob, too. Almost as much as I love you. And I can't have you both in my life – not with what you both are. I don't think I can do it at all."

Now he understood. He sat silently, letting the truth set in.

"Alright," he decided, "Whatever you choose, I will fulfill. If you don't want me – I'm gone."

"No! Edward, never! Did I not just tell you how you leaving once was terrible enough?"

"So what do you want to do?"

"I … I don't know."

We sat in silence. He waited. No matter how easily he could wait for decades on end, this seemed particularly painful for him.

"Am I allowed visitors?" I asked.

"Well, it is awfully late. But I'm sure she'd love to see you, it's not like she has something better to be doing."

"Who are you talking about, Edward?" Why did we never understand each other?

"Alice, of course! She never actually got to see you last time." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh well I didn't necessarily mean Alice, though I would never say no to see her – What do you mean last time?"

"Wait, if not Alice then who?"

We were stuck. Both caught with a question neither of us wanted to answer.

"Edward, please, what do you mean last time?"

"Well, you see, Alice had a vision. She's so tuned to you that she couldn't help it, But she saw you jump off a cliff in La Push. She couldn't tell if you … survived. Her vision went blank. She rushed back to Forks without telling me. However, Rosalie assumed you had died. She told me as if it was a fact.

"I was not ye half way there. My plane would have landed in three hours and I would have continued on with my plans. However, my phone rang and it was Alice. I didn't bother calling her back on the airplane phone. I knew she would try to convince me you were alive so that I'd come back.

"I had an hour and half left to go. Alice left over fifteen messages. I was getting anxious. I didn't think I could wait out the next hour and a half. To amuse myself, I checked my messages. I knew nothing Alice said could have changed my mind. I was so very wrong.

"The first sixteen messages were of her begging, trying to convince me you were alive. Each time her voice seemed more confident.

"Finally, I got to her last message. That's what did it. 'Edward,' she said. 'I promise you I am not lying. Bella is completely alive. This time, I have proof. But I promise, I haven't revealed myself to her. She's getting home just now, listen-'

"I heard your front door open. You were banging around an awful lot. But that could just be Charlie, I thought. Then I knew you were alive – I heard a giggle. You always sounded like that when I kissed you, and it brought a smile to my lips." I felt my stomach drop – I giggled like that whenever someone I loved kissed me. That day, when I got home with Jake, we walked in the front door, glued at the lips. And Alice was there, the whole time. I blushed profusely and he smirked, thinking it was my response to his last sentence.

"There was a very muffled noise I couldn't distinguish-" our hands roving over eachother's bodies, the noise of our clothes being rubbed against each other "-and you giggled again. After that, Alice walked away and finished her message." Perhaps because that was right before Jacob and I confessed our love to each other, pecking each other on the lips a couple times. It must have created a loud enough noise to indicate I was kissing someone, something I was grateful Alice walked away from so Edward wouldn't hear.

"I didn't pay attention to anything she said, it didn't sound fully truthful, but I didn't care.

"You were safe, alive. As soon as the plane touched down, I got back on one that flew straight from Florence to New York. I visited Carlise and Esme, to let them know I'd come back. I sunk into a depression again. I returned to my cave down in Brazil once more, much to their displeasure. The next two weeks were my hardest ever. I knew you were alive. Living – without me. The pain from those two weeks were worse than the previous eight months.

"That's when I gave up. And four days ago, I returned."

So they thought I had committed suicide. I was surprised I never thought of that myself, but no. As long as I believed Edward existed, I had to too.

"But you said you spent a full eight months in solidarity, up until four days ago." I was confused, he said that, right?

He sighed. "That was my second lie. Two weeks ago, when I thought you tried to kill yourself, I emerged from my cave. However, I returned, two days later after learning the truth and after visiting Carlisle. Then, like I said, I came here."

There was still something. He had been avoiding the story for a reason. He left his cave – I shuddered thinking about it; a lonely, dark, dank place where he curled up to sulk – when he thought I died. He was going to go somewhere, when he thought I was dead. Oh!

"Did you say Florence?"

( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )

( AN : Yeah, I know this chapter dragged because it's more of a repeat of New Moon. Once again I remind you that this was my first FF. It gets better, promise. BTW - I'm really disappointed in the reviews. 2 of 70 people reviewed. Please people, just take thirty seconds. If this chapter doesn't break 33, I'm stopping until it does. )

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