Uploader's Note: Yeah, sorry this is a day late. I was having trouble signing in yesterday, but it just randomly started working this morning.

A Thousand Years by Christina Perry

The reason I think the song goes with the chapter is because... I don't know, it fits in some abstract way. There's a love that's been going on for a thousand years, but yet, no one knows about it, not even the one who owns that love, or who gave the love in the first place.

Is secret love really love...?

Or is it gone forever...

Disclaimer: Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya.

It was a few days after the incident, and a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Japan wrapped gently on the door of Germany's house. In Japan's other hand was some herbal medication, natural remedies he'd borrowed from China, now that their relationship wasn't quite as strained. Austria came to the door, a contented smile on his face, and welcomed him inside. Japan walked into Germany's house and looked for its main occupant.

I'm really worried about him. This hasn't happened before. He was perfectly healthy, maybe it's all the stress…

"Hey West!" Prussia yelled loudly. Japan took off his shoes and coat, and walked into the kitchen. Prussia was ranting loudly above the clamor of Germany cooking and Austria's piano music. Its soothing melody seemed out of place, but Japan wasn't going to complain. Prussia was leaning against the fridge and waving his hands. It was obvious he was pretty angry about something, but Germany wasn't really paying attention.

"I can't believe you! I know you've been busy lately, but how could let yourself run out of beer? I taught you better than this, West! Not only that, you're sitting here baking! What are you making, anyways? Hey, listen to me when I'm talking to you, West!" Prussia yelled. Germany turned to him, looking strangely… well, out of it.

"I'm going to the store after I finish." Germany said. "And we can go for beer later tonight, but right now I need to-"Prussia didn't let him finish.

"Oh no, Germany, you did not just say we could go for beer later. There is no 'beer later', there's always a time for beer! Geez, Japan, knock some sense into my idiot brother!" Prussia yelled, and walked into what Japan assumed was the living room, leaving him and Germany in a bit of an awkward silence under Prussia's angry mumbling.

"I'm sorry about him…" Germany mumbled. "Welcome. I'm trying to cook, but I can't get it right without…" he shook his head, and stared at the strange baked object before him. It smelled strongly of potatoes and spices that Japan wasn't familiar with.

"Germany, are you alright?" Japan dared to ask. He was very worried. The only time Germany ever ran out of Beer was because of him, and Germany's loyalty to the health program he'd started with Japan. Something was very wrong with Germany, Japan could sense it, and he was worried. He set down the herbal medication he'd brought and stood next to Germany at a respectable distance. Germany was taking a long time to answer.

"… No. I'm not. "Germany said at last. He looked around, and then turned back to Japan. "I'm baking this because that's what I saw when I collapsed in the office. There was a little maid girl next to me. Do you remember the painting Italy had?" he asked. His words were slurred strangely.

"Yes, I do." Japan replied evenly. He heard that it had been restored, although the restoration was apparently unsuccessful.

"The girl, she looked like that. She looked exactly like that. I was young, too, for some reason. We were in a kitchen I'd never seen before, but it resembled Austria's old house's kitchen. We were baking some kind of pie." He said, and sighed. "That's the sort of stuff I see when I get those headaches… It's always the same girl, always the same places. She's always got a broom too." He sighed. "Well, I give up. I can't bake a pie like she could." He put the mess back into the fridge. As ugly as it was, it might taste decent. The problem was getting someone brave enough to try it.

That was a pie…? Japan caught himself staring at it, and averted his gaze immediately. Maybe… it's a western phenomenon.

"I… brought these for you, Germany." Japan said after a moment of uncomfortable silence. He picked up the herbal medicines again. "They're for your headaches. I believe they are caused by stress. If you'll lie down, I could try some of the de-stress items on you…" Japan offered. Germany stared at him a moment.

"I… don't think it's… caused by stress… but alright. It would help a lot if I didn't keep seeing the hallucinations." Germany sighed, and led Japan up to what Japan assumed was his room. Japan felt a little nervous.

I wonder if I'm out of line here. I hope I'm not being rude or breaking an unspoken western culture rule, and if I am, I hope Germany will tell me… Japan thought as Germany lay down on his bed. Japan pulled up a chair, and gently began massaging his head with the oils China had let him have, just like China had done for him, back before… They became separate countries.

"Japan, do you mind if I tell you about what I see? I'm hoping to make sense of it, because I think it means something important, like there's something big I've forgotten." Germany asked.

"I do not mind." Japan said, and wondered if this was what his friend America called a 'shrink' would be doing.

"The first one I had was when Italy was leaving my house after he had that breakdown of some sort. I turned around to watch him leave, and I saw the shadow of a maid, but at the same time, it sort of looked like a really young Feliciano. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was really strange." Germany said. "The next time, I saw the actual maid girl. She was running around the house, and looked sad. This occurred a couple times, and then she turned and saw me… I guess I scared her or something, because she was frozen for a moment, and then ran." Germany sighed. Japan was dutifully trying to see how this would connect, but he was getting nothing yet. If Germany knew the name of the maid girl, maybe it would make sense, because then Germany would know the maid, but…

"What have you been eating recently?" Japan asked. Maybe that was it. It was just a bit of undigested food or something, or something spicy. Although spicy stuff was normally associated with nightmares, different people reacted differently to different foods, so that might be it. As for the headaches, he wasn't sure. Maybe Germany was having a hangover to the beer he always drank? Overall, the whole situation was strange.

"The same thing I've always eaten. There's been no change in my diet recently." Germany said. "The same brands, the same foods, it's the same… everything."

"Well, maybe your hallucinations are something important, like maybe something you've forgotten that your body remembers. Do you know what happens when you forget something, Germany? Your memory doesn't disappear; you just lose access to it. Maybe you're just regaining access." Japan felt excited about this, but he was careful to hide it. He treasured and admired the ability to hide one's emotions.

Germany sat up, staring off into another wall. Japan sat there a moment, and took a step back. Did he say something wrong? Germany just sat there a moment, deep in thought. He turned to Japan, and did something he rarely did out of the presence of Italy. He smiled.

"I hope so." He said at last. "I lost my memories of my childhood when I was little. Prussia told me to forget about it when I was little… I had the same hallucinations… he said it was just my body acting strangely after I got hurt… I don't even remember why I was hurt." Germany said. "Do… Do you mind if I tell you more? I know it's out of line… but for once… this isn't something I can do by myself." Japan was taken aback. Germany was admitting weakness? This was very strange. This must be very important to Germany to ask something of this caliber.

"Yes." Japan said. Germany was his friend, and that's what friends did, right? They helped each other! Italy was always trying to help them. Granted, he normally failed and made things worse, but it was the fact he tried so hard, that was what made it so tolerable, no, not tolerable, positively endearing.

"All right," Germany said, and gestured to the chair, "You can sit back down if you want. Make yourself comfortable." He said, and Japan sat back down. "Alright, so here's what I've seen so far." He said, and took a deep breath. "The next few visions were of her eating what I assumed I cooked. The first time, I handed it to her through a small opening. She was in some kind of storage facility. The second time, it was in the middle of the hallway. I was watching her from around the corner. I suddenly felt some great fear as I watched her, and for some reason, I couldn't move, I couldn't walk towards her. Mein Gott, it was strange." He shook his head, and Japan politely nodded for him to go on.

"The next visions were always different. One time, she was cleaning. I still couldn't go towards her. Another vision we were outside, painting. I will admit that she was a wonderful painter. She had a style similar to Italy." He said. "And mine was really bad. She turned to me, and started talking to me. For some reason, I could barely understand her words. I felt a jolt of fear when she grabbed my hand, and my face felt really warm. I ran, and the vision ended." He sighed.

"It sounds as if you were in love with her." Japan said casually, although it was a strange concept. He had no real experience on the matter, but he'd researched it at some point in his life. It was a wonderful thing.

"Love isn't the paralyzing fear… It's supposed to be warm, right? Why am I afraid of her?" Germany growled. Japan knew that Germany detested cowards, and their emotion- fear.

"Well isn't that how it starts?" Japan asked. "Crushes are similar to fear."

"Maybe. It would explain a lot, but… why am I remembering it? I mean, even if I am in love, it's not important. It was so long ago, she's probably dead." Germany said.

How can you say love is not important…? Japan kept his thoughts to himself, but he wished to say them. He nodded again at Germany to continue, and he obliged with a silent nod back.

"The last one, the one that I had back when I collapsed, was the one that I felt the most like I was a part of. I was in a kitchen that looked a lot like Austria's old one. The maid girl was beside me, looking a couple years older. We were both making something. She was a good cook too. I'm still not as good. I was trying to recreate what we did when you walked in." Germany sighed.

"Germany… Have you been really stressed lately? I mean, it could be another cause of you remembering things." Japan asked tentatively.

"I have had a lot on my mind…" Germany admitted, "Ever since the Christmas party." Japan's eyes widened. What was so horrible about the Christmas party? He'd gotten violently ill, so he didn't know why a lot of countries were reluctant to mention it.

"Oh right, I heard you got sick… I'm sorry I walked out on you then. I forgot that I was your ride home." He said, looking embarrassed. Japan fought the urge to shudder. 'Sick' would not come close to describing the feeling of helplessness, clinging to America's toilet and heaving up eggnog until his throat felt like it was on fire. Germany paused for a moment. Japan assumed he was trying to sum up the Christmas party, and was not prepared for the sentences that followed.

"To sum it up, Belarus attacked Italy, and France got knocked in the head to the point of kissing Italy and calling him a girl."

"That bad…?"

"Ja."

They sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment. Germany's face was contorted with anger. Japan shivered, remembering seeing France in the morning, all the bruises on his head, and a nasty one on his side. Were they all from Germany? Japan started to put away the stress-relief supplies. It was not from stress. This was something bigger. He wasn't sure why Germany was suddenly having visions that were possibly lost memories, as neither of them knew each other all that well, despite the longtime of knowing each other. They both preferred to make small-talk, which, while polite, didn't get far in getting to know each other. While Japan did not know Germany that well, he did know something that would make him feel a lot better, which might have been all that Germany needed.

"I think… we should go to Italy's house." Japan said at last. As much as Italy… disturbed him, it was nice to hang out with the country. It was like hanging out with the sun.

"I do need to return his car…"Germany said, and got up. "Ja. Let's go to Italy's." Japan nodded, and they both went downstairs, agreeing to take 2 separate cars. Germany would drive what Italy called a 'Ferrari'. Japan agreed to this because Germany probably would not have fit in his tiny electrical car anyways, or at least not comfortably. Before they could leave, however, Austria decided that was not such a good idea.

"Germany, you shouldn't be leaving the house, you're still ill. What if you get one of your headaches while you're driving? If you get one at Italy's house, it'll scare him to death. Why don't you wait, and try to call him while we wait for you to get better?" Austria offered. Germany sighed, but Japan knew that Austria was right. It would be a dangerous situation if he started hallucinating again. Austria then turned to Japan.

"You can go to Italy's, though, and inform him that Germany's not feeling well. Italy's probably been worried sick. Yes, go talk to Italy, and I'll make sure Germany's comfortable. Thank you for the treatment, though." Austria said, leading Germany inside. Japan nodded, but wondered,

Why didn't Italy already know about Germany's illness?

~:.:~^~:.:~

I sighed with relief when I put some pants on, feeling less like I was flashing the entire world. All of my feminine clothes were dirty except my old maid outfit, and my 'usual' clothing was about all I had left. The day was unusually cool for the country, and I drew a blanket around myself, curling my bare feet under the blanket with a content sigh. I snuggled into the chair with a yawn. My brown eyes nestled themselves on the front door as I lazily waited. I was all alone.

Romano was out getting us some more food. The previous night, my brother and I had a pasta-eating contest. It raged on for a good two hours before we were both ready to give in. There was no clear winner to the contest, because we ended up eating all the pasta in the house. Romano decided that, because he issued the challenge, he would go retrieve more. It was still early in the morning, but my stomach was not happy about me having to resort to a pop-tart in my hunger. I didn't even heat it up. Even now, my stomach was complaining.

I felt myself start to doze off under the warm blanket before she heard a strange noise. At first I thought it was a dream, but the noise became clearer, and was revealed to be someone knocking on the door. I got up to answer it, ignoring my brother's warning not to open the door if I didn't know who it was. I opened the door and was surprised to see none other than Japan! I quickly ushered him in, grateful I wasn't wearing my new female clothes. Japan didn't know I was female, either. No one but Romano, Austria, and Hungary did.

"Italy, I have something important to tell you." He said. I offered him a seat, and he took it. I sat down as well. Japan wouldn't come over here to simply chat. Whatever it was, it really was important. I hoped it was good news. I didn't like bad news.

"Is this about Germany?" I blurted out. Japan, for once, did not chide me about interrupting him. He simply nodded, and I waited for him to tell me. What was wrong with Germany? Why couldn't he simply tell me himself?

"Germany is… ill, Italy. He's been having a lot of bad headaches, that's why he hasn't been contacting you recently. He wanted… well… Austria wanted… me to tell you." Japan said awkwardly.

"Germany's sick? I should go over there!" I said, and started to get up, but Japan nervously grabbed my arm.

"I-I'm sorry for touching you, Italy, but I would like to suggest that you do not go over to Germany's house. Austria has been acting very strange, lately, and-" Japan looked over me, and seemed to be surprised stiff. Confused by what he meant by Austria's strange behavior, but even more confused by his sudden behavior, my eyes followed his. I turned, and I felt my face redden in embarrassment. My maid outfit was hanging on the door to my bedroom, hanging on the doorknob.

"-Is that… yours, Italy?" he asked, moving towards it with methodic slowness, as if he was afraid it would disappear at any moment. I swallowed loudly and nodded, feeling awkward. What would Japan think about me? As far as he's concerned, I'm still a guy! He probably thought I was such a freak, having a cute little dress like that…

"Yes." I squeaked, sounding extremely girly. I covered my mouth. I didn't get embarrassed! Or at least, I didn't act like that a lot. Japan turned to me with a questioning, curious look. It was the most emotion I'd ever seen on his face, even after he tasted some of my pasta back when he hung out at my place a few days, ate pasta, and loved it so much he created something called ramen, even this had more emotion than that moment.

"There's no need to be embarrassed, Italy." He assured, and turned back to the maid outfit. His hand reached out tentatively, and touched the soft skirt I had once worn every day.

How does he know what I'm feeling? I thought, and remembered that back when I had first met him, he said that his hobby was to read the atmosphere and to refrain from speaking. That must mean that he's excellent at reading emotions, right?

"Italy… where did you get this?" he asked, sounding serious. I felt a little concerned. Why did he have a sudden interest in my clothing…? I decided it was just better to answer him with the truth. Lies had gotten me into a big mess. It did get me close to Germany, but at what cost?

"It's mine. I've had it since I was a child. I used to have to wear it back when I worked under…" I still could barely say his name without choking, "Holy Roman Empire." I said. I was getting better at saying his name, though. I could taste the bitterness of the wine fade away to sweetness. I loved that boy.

"You… were a maid? Why did you wear girl's clothes?" He cut himself off. "I'm sorry; this is very personal to you… I just… I need to know… That picture… I know it's a sensitive subject, after your outburst and all, but… Were you the child in the picture?" he asked me. I froze. Was there any way I could not answer this question? It would be like admitting, yes, I'm really a girl, I've lied to you all my life, thank you for rubbing it in. I was stuck, absolutely frozen in place. I tried to speak, but my throat closed in.

"Italy… are you alright?" he asked. "Are you in pain? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that, I knew it was too personal; it's just that Germany was having hallucinations about the child in the picture and I hoped you knew something about it considering it is your painting…" He fumbled with words. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Yes! It's me; the girl in the picture is me!" I blurted out. "I worked in Austria's house when Holy Roman Empire painted that picture of me while I was sleeping, and after he died, that's all I had left of him! That's why I was so upset when the painting wasn't done right…" I said it, I said it all, right in Japan's face. He stood there a moment, staring at me as if I'd just tried to murder him with a spoon or something crazy. I wished the silence would be over. The silence was the loudest I've ever heard.

"You… You're a girl?" he gasped out loud, and I reluctantly nodded. "Y-You've been lying all this time…" His hand covered his mouth. "I-I'm sorry… Thank you for answering the questions and allowing me into your home… I… I must go now." He gasped, and got up. I watched him leave, and silently cursed myself. Why did I admit it? After all this time of secrecy, I finally come out with the truth. My fists clenched as I tried to figure out what exactly had happened. Why had I explained myself so eagerly? My entire body trembled and I snuggled back into the chair, wishing it all hadn't happened.

If only Hungary hadn't given me my maid outfit back, none of this would have happened…

I thought miserably, and wished my brother had been here. He would've shut me up immediately. Granted, he'd be rude to Japan and kick him out, but maybe that was for the best? I shouldn't have said what I said back there. As if my prayers were answered, my brother opened the door just as tears started to pool around my eyes. I felt like such an idiot!

I really was an idiot.

"Italy." He said, and greeted me with kisses on my left and right cheek. "I saw a beautiful girl today, and we started talking, and-" he paused when he saw my sad, frightened eyes. "Italy. What's wrong? Were you attacked while I was gone? Was it eyebrows, or was it that potato jerk? I'll kill them-" he growled as he set the bags down. He started going into our room, and I only guessed he was getting his gun.

"Romano!" I said, a little too loudly.

"What is it?" he growled, and cursed for the first time I've heard in what seemed to be a long time, but really was only the span of about two weeks.

"It's all me, it's all my fault." I whimpered. "I blurted out something I shouldn't have to Japan… and he reacted… not well…"

"What did you say? Oh for the love of pasta, you didn't tell him you were-" A note for those who might wonder why neither of us would ever use the popular phrase, 'oh my god', and also why I had my Bible out the previous days. My brother and I were both devout Catholics. It was, after all, the national religion. Romano's always had a problem with his cursing, and me… and my lie.

Except it wasn't a lie anymore.

I was finally telling the truth.

I nodded. Romano bit back more curses, but I could tell they were flashing in his mind by the way he bit his lip, teeth nearly drawing blood on the unfortunate object closest to them. I backed away as if the country in front of me was a savage animal locked in the guise of an ordinary human boy.

Oh wait… I was that too.

"Dannazione!" he yelled. "Thank God it was Japan; he'll keep quiet if you ask him. Why did you tell him anyways? What did he do to you?" he gripped my shoulders, fingers digging into my shoulders blades. I gasped in pain as his fingernails dug into my flesh.

"N-nothing!" I gasped. I didn't want him to hurt Japan; it wasn't the poor black-haired man's fault! It was mine!

"Then why did you tell him!" Romano demanded.

"He asked about the painting because Germany is sick and sees me for some reason in the dress over there, and I didn't want to lie to anyone anymore! I'm sick of lying!" I yelled, trying to wiggle free of his grasp, but he held me there like a scientist holding a bug, picking apart my words like the insect's innards. We stood there in uncomfortable silence. He held onto my shoulders, as far away as his arms would allow. His honey eyes stared into mine, heat and cold fighting silently against each other. I winced when he kept his hold on my shoulders. It really hurt, my fratello was really strong.

"R-Romano? Please let go…" I said at last. He turned away from me, and then pulled me close.

"I'm worried about you." He said. I was shocked. He didn't act like he was worried about me! He acted like he was mad at me all the time! He acted like he hated my guts! He grabbed my hand and gently led me through the house, and I wondered where we were going. Should I be scared? This is my fratello we're talking about, but I followed, silent as a lamb. My hand found his, my eyes searching. I wanted to know what the purpose of leading me down the villa's hallway. The only thing down this hallway was our bedroom and the basement.

"Italy, I have a question for you." He stopped now, but held on to my wrist.

"What is it, fratello?" I asked and felt a little frightened.

"I want to know… What does Germany do…? I mean, how did he react toward the person he thinks you are when you mess up."

"He acts mad and tells me to get my act together, but after a few minutes he's forgiving and acts really nice and caring again."

"How does he handle lies?" Romano asked. I gulped, and fidgeted under the weight of the question. I knew where this was going. He was trying to talk me out of talking to Germany. He couldn't! I refused to lie to my best friend any more.

"He says they're cowardly… and he doesn't like cowardly things…" I answered hesitantly.

"Would he find you cowardly?" Romano growled. "No, don't even answer that, because he would. You know it too, don't you?" I winced. It was true. "Now tell me, Italy, I want to know, because I don't know him as well as you do. How do you know he'll accept you for… who you are?" he looked down my body as an indication, not as a lecherous gaze. I followed his gaze, and nodded.

"He will… because he loves me and I love him. That's all that matters, right?" I tried to give him a smile. Hungary made this sound so easy…! I was getting frustrated and sad. Why was my dear fratello doing this to me?

"No he doesn't." Romano growled. The unexpected comment sprung tears to my eyes. "He loves this person you've created." He causally lifted the flap of my male military uniform jacket and slapped my face with it. I angrily brushed it away. Romano didn't know anything about Germany if he believed that!

"We're the same person!" I pushed him away. I wanted him out of my sight right then! I wanted him to leave me alone! He was a fool if he thought he was getting to me. "It doesn't matter if I'm a guy or a girl!"

Have you ever noticed that fatal flaw in your own words? Have you ever told a lie repeatedly? As you tell it over and over, as the word spreads, as you keep repeating the same sentence over and over like a magical chant, a strange and horrible thing happens. You begin to believe what you know is a lie. You can lie to yourself just as easily as you can lie to other people. I believed my own lie.

"Everything matters!" he yelled. "Italy, your relationship with him is based on lies!" he grabbed my arm. I know the gesture was meant to comfort me, but instead it just made me mad. I flung him off. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"It… it is not! I'll prove it to you! I'm going over there right now and I'll tell him! You'll see!" I yelled. What happened next I never saw coming. I expected a simple slap on the wrist, but what he did next astounded me. He grabbed my arm again, not as gentle as the previous time, and dragged me towards the basement. He turned on the light and looked me in the eyes. "You're staying in here until you calm down." He said, and locked the door.

In life, facing the truth might be painful… but living a lie is worse.