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CHAPTER 7:
ROCKS
I have no idea what I am doing. I think I've completely lost my mind to be quite honest. When I get off on the Kirkland exit, the only reason I don't immediately jump back onto the highway is because the street is a one way. I don't remember much of how to navigate through this neighborhood. I can only vaguely recall the route Jasper had taken to get us to Alice's house.
I realize this is not just a bad idea. It's a very bad idea.
I can't stop thinking of the countless things that are bound to go wrong. All of the people who hated me being here last time, will undoubtedly hate me being here again. Carlisle will probably all but kick me out, Alice probably won't take up for me if it comes to that, and the person I came to see might not even be there.
Nothing seems different about this area since I'd last been here. The streets are still dark and ominous, laced with cracked gravel and large potholes. I drive past shadows on the sidewalk, hooded culprits that slouch to be unseen. Their heads turn to follow my direction when my truck leaves winding trails of smoke behind me. I think they can tell the people who don't belong here from the people that do.
I feel the pain that births itself in my lungs. If I had to estimate, I'd say I've been holding my breath since I pulled onto the highway. Somehow, despite my trauma and delirium, I manage to pull up in front of Alice's house. From the freeway, it's a straight path down the main road. I am sitting outside of the house now, contemplating my next move.
There's no way I can just walk up to the door and knock. I don't have Alice's number, nor do I have Edward's. There is nothing within my possesion that could alert them of my presence without the others getting upset with me. Luckily, no are cars inside of the driveway. Last time I came, the driveway was filled with cars. There's no signs of Emmett's jeep or Edward's Volvo tonight. Maybe everyone is gone, and will never even know that I came here tonight.
The lights are on inside of the living room however. I also notice that the front door is wide open again. It seems like an open invitation for anyone to barge in and take all of their priceless belongings, but I know that there is no one crazy enough to try something like that. And if someone ever was, they'll probably never be heard from again.
I have almost decided to put my car back into drive. I'd probably have better luck trying to find my way back to the highway than seeking out Edward's company. My hand is reaching for the gear-shift, but I see the vague silhouette of someone approaching the doorway. It's none other than Edward Cullen himself. I don't mistake myself into believing that he doesn't see me. He's looking directly at me and I nearly jump out of my skin.
I am suddenly anxious. Astonishment washes over his features, but he makes no immediate moves. I gasp inwardly, freezing as he watches me. Even though the screen door is obscuring my view of him and his eyes are barely visible, I know he is staring at me. I can feel his gaze. It brings heat and scrutiny to my exposed skin.
I turn my car off.
He's already seen me. There's no use in turning around now. I don't even feel my feet as I float up the intricately curving driveway. Edward's blazing eyes never leave mine. He watches me until I approach the porch stairs. The bottom step groans at the discomfort of my weight. It makes a croaking sound that tells me to turn around. It lets me know that I'm not welcome here. I take another step, then another slower one, and another, until finally, I am at the front door.
His head cocks to the side, silently staring at me. I feel like molten lava has singed me in this spot. I can't take my eyes off of the of emotions that flow through his own. I am waiting for him to say something, to make a move, to slam the door in my face or something.
He simply opens the screen door. That's it. He allows me an entry and steps aside to give me enough room to slip in. There is a bout of confusion on his face that triumphs all of the curiosity that happens to be there. He shuts the door behind me and leans against it.
"You're lucky Tanya isn't here." His voice is not necessarily friendly, but it isn't unwelcoming either. "She would have tried to beat your ass."
That isn't anything surprising. Tanya makes her claim on Edward known to the world. "I believe it."
"I would've let her too." He makes a tsking sound as he meanders over to the couch. "You're prone to making dumb decisions, but you never have to face the consequences of them." He focuses his gaze on the television. I guess cartoons are what he bides his time with when he's not out being a menace to society. "What happened to your face, Princess?"
Involuntarily, my hands shoot up to feel around my mouth. "Is it really noticeable?"
I'm not sure how I'm going to explain this to Charlie. If I tell him someone hit me, he will have an enormous fit. It won't just be a reprimand on Mike's part. Charlie will go to the end of the earth to make sure Mike's life crumbles and becomes a living hell. I don't care about what happens to Mike per se. I just don't want my name to be apart of anymore drama.
I'm thinking of make-up techniques that I can use to cover up the discoloration, but I notice that Edward has shifted his attention back in my direction.
He looks at me closely and shrugs his shoulders, turning away from me, even though I know he's curious about my busted lip. "I've seen worse."
"I bet."
"So..." He ignores my quip for the most part, but not so subtly gets me back for it. "Who sucker-punched you in that sarcastic, little mouth?"
I look down into my hands. I don't want to see his face when I answer the question. There might be a smugness there. He might even say 'I told you so'. I'm dreading to hear those words, from Jake, from Edward, and from anyone else who ever questioned my relationship with Mike. "I got in an argument with Mike."
He bears immediate reaction to my admittance. The question that he asks next is not the one I was expecting to hear. There is no judgment inside of his tone, nor is there any surprise. His tone is liberated with easiness. "What were you two arguing about?"
"I told him I wanted to breakup."
"And he went ape shit because of that?" Edward actually laughs at this. "He must be pussy whipped."
"This isn't funny."
"Nobody said it was. It's fucked up." He turns around to look at me again, raising a pointed eyebrow in my direction. "But people only do to you what you allow them to."
"You think I allowed him to punch me in the fucking mouth?"
Edward simply lifts his shoulders, undisturbed by the offense I've taken at his insinuation. "I think you allowed him to do a lot of shit to you."
I've come to understand that Edward crosses the line with people on purpose. He wasn't lying when he said that he liked when people allowed him to piss them off. I truly believe that he gets his rocks off by festering underneath other people's skin. He knows exactly the right things to say too. "I shouldn't have come here."
"You're right." He agrees without changing the expression on his face very much, as if he never considered my visit to be a good thing in the first place. "You really shouldn't have." There isn't much emotion inside of him as a whole. I've never seen anything other than sarcasm, anger, or indifference coming from him. Today, is no exception."But why did you?"
"Jake wasn't at home and I had nowhere else to go."
"Out of all the places in Washington, you chose Kirkland as your last resort?" He looks at me skeptically, offering a smile in my direction towards the end of his sentence. "Or did you just come over here to see me?"
I don't know what makes me say it. Maybe I just want to see what his reaction will be, maybe I want to pull something out of him that I have never seen before, or maybe I am just incredibly stupid. "A little bit of both."
"Well, at least you're being honest." He looks at me with a growing disapproval. "That was a really brave and stupid decision."
"Why? Because Tanya would have beaten my ass?"
"Or because anyone can take one look at that pretty face and see that you're just a defenseless priss trying to get a thrill on the wrong side of town. People in Kirkland will give you a thrill alright. You think Mike took advantage of you? Some of the people around here are heartless. It doesn't make it any better that you're the chief's daughter."
I can't quite stop myself from getting offended by his brash words, but instead of retaliating, I try to ignore him by changing the subject. "Where is everyone else?"
I know so much about them now. There's not really much they can surprise me with. I think this is why Edward doesn't hesitate to answer my question. He is still as vague as I'd expected him to be, however. "They're all on their missions."
"Is it your off day?"
"Not exactly." He laughs as if the thought of a day off is incredibly funny. I kind of feel bad for him. Well, all of them actually. They don't live the regular lives that teenagers should live. They've all been forced to grow up way faster than every one else. I wonder if they ever feel like they're missing out on something. "I'm going to meet Jake at midnight."
"So, Jake is your ally from La Push?" I say, recalling our conversation from the night of the party. At the time, I couldn't think of who would want to betray Sam. He hadn't seemed like that bad of a guy when I met him. "He's the one with the beef against Sam?"
Edward looks at me wryly. "Wouldn't have suspected that, huh?"
I nod my head in agreement, trailing off when I figure out that I haven't thought of the right words to finish my thought. I don't want to say the wrong thing to offend Edward. I don't like pissing people off on purpose like he does. "Jake is so not..."
"Like me?" Edward asks, when I don't finish.
I quickly knock his assumption out of the park, shaking my head reverently, I reply, "He just doesn't seem like he's capable of doing anything bad. He's so happy and carefree."
"I know. That's why I try not to suck him into our shit too often." Edward and Jake have mutual feelings of fondness. I like how they both speak highly of each other. That's unorthodox considering that they are from two completely different hoods that tend to rival each other. "He practically begged us to raid Sam's house though."
"Why does he dislike Sam so much?"
"Because girls are a real problem." Edward says this pointedly, flashing the green of his eyes at me. "They always cause confusion that's usually not worth the pussy we get in the end."
"Sam is Leah's ex?" I excuse his vulgar disrespect only because I am surprised by the realization that collides with my awareness "Oh, now it makes complete sense."
"No, it doesn't make sense. It's still fucking stupid." Edward says. "I know you might not know Leah but you know her dad right?"
Harry is the guy that annoyingly relays all of my behavior patterns at school back to my father. "How could I not?"
"He has a relatively good job, so his family lives on the better side of La Push. Leah's been exposed to all of the better things in life, but she wants to waste her time going after a dude who's fucking her cousin. She won't give Jake a chance, who actually has something going for himself, but she'll degrade herself to be with a guy who does nothing but get high and party."
I feel like I need to take up for her. I've been in that position before. I know exactly how confusing and irrational your heart can be at times. "She's just confused."
"No, she's just like you." Edward snaps. Apparently, his unconcerned self is gone. He's back to being a judgmental asshole just like that. "She's ungrateful and wants a thrill in her life."
"You really don't like me." I say this and then immediately regret it, hurrying to add an ending to my thought so he won't get any smug ideas. "As a friend I mean."
I shouldn't be expecting him to like me. Why would he? We couldn't be more unlike, we disagree on everything, and I probably annoy him every time I pop up in his life unannounced. If I disappeared today and never crossed his path again, I doubt my absence would be of much significance to his life. He probably wants me gone anyway.
"Maybe I do like you and don't wanna see you get sucked up into this bullshit." He says this slowly, maybe even shocking himself a little, but the coy smile he flashes me at the end tells me that he knows exactly what he is saying. "As a friend I mean."
"So, you don't really think I'm a brat?"
"Now, don't get it mistaken. You are a brat and you are trouble." He doesn't hesitate to clarify this fact, and he doesn't take much care to pacify the harsh tone his voice takes up without reason. "That's why you just need to go home and work on keeping the lines between Forks and Kirkland unblurred."
"I don't know why I just instantly had an urge to come here. Sometimes I just get this feeling like I'm stuck. And there's absolutely no one who'd understand it if I tried to explain it to them. It's like I'm alone in a world full of people. How is that even possible? My friends are actually my enemies, my father barely deals with me because I remind him of my mother, and my mother all but left me..."
Edward leans back into the couch, crossing his arms behind his head. "Sounds like a bunch of princess problems to me."
"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about." I know that Edward has to be the one person who'd understand even if no one else in the world did. Look at his life. How could he not? His reluctance is just a matter of him doing all that he can to not let his guards down. "Don't you dare say that, Edward. You know exactly what it's like to be stuck."
"More like trapped."
"Can you tell me about what that's like for you?." I ask, looking towards him with something more than interest.
I have no true friends besides Jacob. I understand that. I have no allies, no supporters, no comforters, and being alone makes you want to see the good in people. I am yearning somehow, to connect with someone genuinely. I don't know why it is him. Maybe it's because no one else from Forks gives him a chance to be good.
"Why?" He asks gruffly, turning to look at me fully.
There is a frown on his face. I can see the refusal inside of his expression before his voice has a chance to utter it. Edward's been taught not to talk about himself or his feelings, so I can understand why he gets defensive when someone asks about them. I would think that being given the chance to vent to someone is something that would make him happy. Instead, it seems like opening up is a huge problem for him.
"I need something to distract myself with." I say truthfully, well halfway truthfully. "I might breakdown at any second. I'm not a pretty crier either."
Part of me is being honest. My feelings really are hurt and I don't want to start sobbing in front of Edward. I doubt he'd be the comforting type. He'd probably just tell me to suck it up and stop being a princess. The other part of me however, wants Edward to open up solely because I'm secretly gratified whenever I learn something new about him.
He waves me off quickly. "Well that's not my..."
"Please Edward, just save the shit for once."
He looks at me for a second and then he looks down; his thick, brown eyebrows are scrunched in discomfort. I can't see his face any longer, but I can still tell that his blank expression has dissipated. Vulnerability is rolling off of his body in tidal waves. This is the first time I've witnessed him lower his protective boundaries, and this softer Edward thrills me more than the normal one.
"My father left us when Masen was three. He and my mom were opposites. He was the one who grew up with the privileged parents, went to medical school, and all that bullshit." He pauses thoughtfully, before a smile enters his voice. "My mother, she's the free spirited one. Well, she used to be the free spirited one."
I don't say anything in response. I simply listen and wait for him to continue.
"She was a painter. My father actually met her at one of her art show exhibits. He was on a date with another woman." Edward chuckles despite the strain that laces his tone. "I guess they kicked it off. The two of them were polar opposites, you know?" He looks at me but not long enough to watch me nod my head. His eyes fall back towards his hands, staring at nothing and everything at the same time. "She was exotic to him. He wanted her just to try out a woman that was a little rough. Most of the princess types are submissive and boring. He'd had his fill of those."
I ignore his subtle insult, encouraging him to move along with his story. "So, they started dating?"
"Their dating phase was very brief because three months in they were pregnant." He says, stopping shortly. His head is hangs low. I can't tell if it's guilt that's making him heavy or sorrow. I find myself wanting to know what he is feeling and what he is thinking. My desire to see the side of him that he keeps hidden is overzealous. "They seemed happy enough. Young, in love, free..."
"What happened?"
"One day my father realized that all he wanted from my mom was that thrill." I watch Edward's eyes harden into cut emeralds. "All along that's all it ever was. His life had been so dictated that it was fun for him to finally do what he wanted for once."
Edward's voice lowers again. I have to strain to hear him over the buzz of the television because I know if I ask him to repeat himself he's not going to. He's still staring down at his hands, but they are no longer open-palmed and face up. His fingers are now curled into fists. I can spot the red tint his skin is beginning to take from how tightly his hands are balled. My instinct is to reach out and comfort him, but I'm aware that Edward would not accept my sentiment.
"Imagine growing up with your parents telling you what to wear, how to act, who to be friends with, and what to do with your life."
"Even Charlie isn't that strict."
"That's the way my father grew up, so of course he had the urge to breakaway. He got that fix through my mom." Edward glances at me briefly, only momentarily, but long enough for me to see that there's something written on his expression that he does not want me to witness. "But eventually the thrill wore off, so he went looking for it in other places."
"He cheated?"
"That's right." His bronze head nods in a solemn rhythm, and the messy hair dances around in a disarray of curls and waves. He drags his fingers through the disorderly tresses in a maneuver I've noted as his unconscious pursuit of comfort. "While simultaneously fucking my mother every chance he got."
I shake my head because I am deeply saddened by this fact. "Did they breakup?"
"Well, the only reason they even stayed together as long as they did was because my father felt obligated. After Masen turned three, having kids wasn't a reason to stick around anymore." Edward shrugs his shoulders like he doesn't care. I'm not naive enough to believe that it doesn't bother him. "I guess he's under the impression that child support checks are considered being a part of your child's life."
"Where is he now?"
"He has a family in Seattle." Edward's pain is hard to ignore. It's subtle but it's evident in the way that he stutters over some of his words, or hesitates to voice certain things out loud. I think he's done a superb job of pushing these things to the back of his mind over the years. Me being here and literally dragging them out of him, is making him remember things that he would have rather kept locked away. "Ironically, he settled down a few years after he left."
"So, what about your mom?" I don't want to let him know that Alice already told me where she is. I play the oblivious role just to see if he'll go this far with me.
"My father was her only source of income. My mom was an aspiring artist as I explained earlier. I guess you can infer that she was practically broke." Edward talks quietly, dropping the pained edge of his voice. A deep, profound anger replaces it. "Without my dad, she had to move back into the grunges." He makes a scoffing sound in his throat. "Once a hoodrat always a hoodrat, right?"
"Don't say that Edward." I chastise, narrowing my eyes in his direction, to which he promptly ignores.
"Anyway, she stayed with Carlisle. Who you know is a notorious drug dealer." Edward continues his story, offering his mother even less regard than his father. "Carlisle started off just like me, selling on street corners at thirteen years old."
He seems to be angry at both of his parents, but I'm getting the impression that he's a bit more distraught over his mother. I assume that's why he speaks of her with very few details. He's holding a grudge against her and I'd bet my last dollar that his pent up resentment is the reason he is so hard on the outside. Edward has a layer. It's not frozen ice like Rosalie's, but it's something that efficiently keeps people away.
"I think my mom got really depressed with her situation or something. She was broke, single with two kids, and living with her younger brother. Drugs became her solace very quickly."
"Then?"
"Then what do you fucking think happened, Princess?" He chuckles bitterly but nothing is funny about what he's saying. There is no light inside of his humor. It's morbid, and sickening, and horribly misplaced. "She turned into a goddamned junkie."
"I'm sorry." I utter the words even though I know they are insignificant in this situation.
"My mom is in fucking rehab. This is like her fourth or fifth time going back. Every time she gets out she'll be clean for a couple of months, she'll make everyone believe that she's all better, and then she'll relapse and be right back where she started."
"Why didn't you ever try to go stay with your father?" He and Masen would have had a completely different life if they'd grown up with their father. I try to imagine Edward as a priveleged teenager, realizing that if he had gone to live with his father he would look very much like the Mike Newtons and Tyler Crowleys back in Forks. I shake my head to dispel the image from my thoughts. I can't see Edward being anyone but the person that he is now.
"He fucking left me, Bella. My father didn't even start calling me until last year." Edward is furious now; his voice raising and stiffening. His anger is usually intimidating, a warning to stop treading your danger waters with him, but this time that anger is nothing but vulnerability. When he realizes that, it only makes him madder. "I spent six years of my life waiting on him. He failed me, he failed my mom, but most of all he failed Masen."
"At least he's trying now."
"He fucked my mom up, Bella. She's not even a person anymore." He shakes his head as he begins to regain himself. I study the way he picks his composure up off of the ground, wipes it off, and effectively puts it back into place. "She's a drug addict. I know you understand what that means, but you don't know what that visually looks like." He shakes his head regretfully. "She doesn't care about anything. She can't care about anything. The only thing she can think about is getting a fucking fix. Masen and I, we don't even fucking exist."
"Edward." I try softly, only to get shot down by his refusal.
"What?" He's obviously upset that I haven't jumped on board with him yet. The curtness is his tone causes me to shut my mouth. "What the fuck do you want me to say?"
He turns towards me fully now. His dark eyes are stormy with pain. My heart collapses into my stomach because I can tell how much this hurts him. All of this time I thought that he was just a thug without a conscience. It turns out that he has a story just like I do. We're different but not that different after all. Does that mean we're supposed to be friends? Does that mean we're supposed to mix worlds with each other? I'm still not sure of the answers to those questions.
Because even though we're not that different - we're still world's apart.
"My mother and father are gone. I've been taking care of Masen and Alice since I was fucking ten. I sell drugs, and steal, and fight because it is the only way I know how to do things. If you thought I was going to tell you a story about how I understand your princess problems you're wrong."
I let him have that one because I know that he is out of his comfort zone right now. "Thanks." This is all I say. I'm sure he understands where my gratitude is coming from.
"I don't like to talk about my personal life." He looks sincere when he says this. "I don't even know why I told you."
"Because you needed to." I reply quietly. "I'm glad you did. Do you feel any better?"
"No."
"Maybe one day you will."
"What time is it?" He stands to his feet and stretches his long arms above his head, deciding not to comment on my small string of optimism. He wanders around the back of the couch, snatching up a blue hoodie that has fallen on the floor. I watch him throw it over his head in curiosity.
I check the time on my phone, and I am very surprised that a whole hour has flitted away. "It's going on nine."
"Then you should probably be heading out." He pulls a gray, knitted beanie over his head so that the front and sides of his messy hair spills out from under the the fabric. "I don't want anyone coming back and starting any trouble."
"Can you tell me how to get back to the highway?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna show you." I guess that is why he is getting dressed. He grabs a key chain and wallet off of the coffee table and stuffs them in the back pocket of his khaki pants. "You can drop me off at the trap house. It's like two streets away from the highway."
"That's fine." I nod even though the thought of being near any sort of trap house makes me nervous. I'm not even sure what goes on inside of them. "Where's your car?"
"Petey needed to borrow it." Edward says absently, turning off the television with the remote. "He's somewhere in Vancouver making sells."
"That's four hours away!"
"So was that drive to Spokane." He beckons me towards the front door, indicating that it is our time to depart. "The drive to Seattle is gonna be three hours."
As we walk down the driveway, I ask him one of the questions that has been on my mind all night. "Why are you going there?"
He looks at me sideways. "What?"
"You told Jake you were going to a function of some sorts."
"Oh yeah, I gotta meet with some endorsers. I have a couple of missions out there." I'd been wondering what the 'function' was that he spoke of. I knew that it couldn't have been anything legal. His explanation is not as bad as I'd imagined though. It sounds like he's going down there just to do the things that he does here on a regular basis. "There's something up with the money flow. Carlisle needs me to figure out what's wrong."
We enter my car and find our way out of the icy grip of the cooling, nighttime temperature. "How long are you going to be there?"
"I'm leaving Thursday after school. I'm not coming back until late Saturday night."
"Don't you ever get scared?"
He looks my way, and his lips quirk upwards. "Of what? Of dying?"
"Yeah."
His head shake tells it all. "I'm only scared of the thought of my brother growing up thinking that everyone failed him."
He's looking at the streets through my foggy windshield, keeping his eyes focused on the distance that is ahead of us. Determination and doubt battle endlessly within his core. I notice the crack inside of his demeanor the moment that it occurs. This is the first time in a long time that I've ever felt this deeply about anyone's problems other than my own. If I could take Edward's tribulations and hang them out of his sight and reach; I would do so in a heartbeat.
"I'm gonna get him out of this life." Edward's declaration rattles within my bones because I believe him wholeheartedly. "He's gonna graduate high school, and go to college, and make something of himself." I wait for the last part of his sentence. I know it's coming. My heart stings when he says it out loud. "I don't want him to end up like me."
...
I drop Edward off at a house that looks close to vacant. It is old with chipped away bricks. The porch steps are just dislocated pieces of wood. It probably used to be a nice structure, but years of neglect and destruction has caused the house to wither away. It sits on top of a slanted heel that keeps it isolated away from the rest of the houses on the cul-de-sac. I take in the rain-rotted windows and the vine of weeds that drape along the gutters and roof.
I can't think of any person who would be willing to venture into such a decrepit looking shack. It looks like it would swallow you whole and never allow you to come back out. I watch Edward anxiously, as he disappears behind the croaking screen door. I wonder what our next encounter will be like. I'm never too sure with him. I make a silent prayer that our communication will keep progressing, but I have a feeling that Edward will start acting funny once he truly realizes how much information he released to me tonight.
The highway is literally two streets away just like Edward said. After making the u-turn onto the main road, I come to find out that It's not difficult to locate at all. I like that fact just in case I ever get the urge to come back to Kirkland by myself.
I think about the conversation that transpired between Edward and I on the way home. I don't even stop at Jacob's house to see if he made it back. My mind is consumed with the thought of Edward's face, the thought of his pain, and the thought of his daily struggle. It makes something deep inside of me crumble with sadness.
He's got such a sad story that no one even knows about. The people in Forks and La Push only know him for the hard-headed delinquent he appears to be on the outside. They don't know his trials and tribulations. They only know his crimes and mistakes. I try to shake him away from my thoughts, but I end up falling asleep with the memory of him flowing through me. It gives me some sort of comfort. I think I went to bed that night and dreamed of him.
"Wake up, Bella!" Charlie gets me up Sunday morning for church. "Time to get ready."
Neither one of us are very religious. We're actually quite liberal when it comes to things like that. I think the only reason we even keep up the tradition is because Renee made it such a big deal when she still was with us. It makes her seem real in our minds when the memory of her begins to fade. It may be a way with Charlie to try to connect with me since he's not real big on meaningful conversations. He doesn't like to hover so weekly dinners and church on Sunday's is his form of trying.
I appreciate the effort out of him.
I sit up in my bed with a sigh. I am not a morning person, especially on the weekends. I pull out my phone to check my messages. I have a missed call from Eric, and a missed call from Jake. I smile to myself and send him a text, requesting that he be up and dressed in thirty minutes. I'm planning on swinging by his house and forcing him to church with me. We have a lot of time to make up.
With that, I jump into the shower for a good ten minutes. Our church is casual so we don't have to get decked out in frilly dresses and suits. Renee still liked for us to look nice however. She always made sure Charlie had on crisp slacks and one of his more expensive sweaters. She and I used to wear simple dresses. It was nothing over the top, and even though I hated it, I still concurred to the habit every time we went to church.
Today, I opt for a floor-length maxi skirt. It's pleated and flowy. I like the way it drapes down my body. It gives me a figure that is neither flamboyant or subtle. My torso is covered with a beige, chiffon blouse. I chose the neutral hue to mesh with the vibrant, dark-blue of the skirt. I pair the outfit with a printed infinity scarf and beige oxford flats. I spend some time in the mirror covering the bruise around my mouth with concealer and foundation. Jessica and Lauren buy me makeup for every major holiday, even though I barely use anything but lip-gloss and mascara. It thankfully comes in handy because I'm able to even out the purplish bruise with my skin tone for the most part. I make sure to keep my hair down and in my face just in case Charlie tries to take a close look at me.
I let Charlie know that Jacob is tagging along and that I have to go pick him up. I see hesitation inside of his eyes but he allows me to go. He would never stop someone else from attending church. I try not to make it obvious that I am just using this as an excuse to go back to Jake's house after church. As expected, Jake is not overly thrilled to be dragged out of bed for church. I don't even think he's religious. Then again, I wouldn't know. The Quileutes have different beliefs than we do.
Jacob is still half asleep when he stumbles into my truck. He leans his head against the window of the passenger's seat and dozes off for most of the ride. He has an even harder time keeping himself woke during the actual service. I find it hilarious how harsh Charlie looks beside Jake's slumping posture. I have to keep myself from laughing out loud when Jake's head falls to one side. The maneuver always causes him to jerk awake for a couple of seconds. Every time it happens several people turn around to look at him.
I guess they wouldn't understand, even if it was explained to them. Jacob was up late last night helping one of their biggest nightmares conduct a plan of demise. Two hours feel like thirty minutes when Jake is here keeping me so entertained. I decide to bring him with me more often, even though I know it will be highly unlikely. Jake probably won't ever answer my texts on Sunday mornings again.
"Your dad totally hates me again, Jellybean." Jake comments, smiling lightly, while we enter my truck for the second time today.
"Charlie thinks you're really funny, Jacob." I brush off his assumption even though it may or may not be correct. My father sees Jake as bad news but he trusts me and he trusts Billy. I guess that's why he's giving Jake the benefit of the doubt. "You were a riot in church."
"That's what his amused face looks like?" Jake turns up the radio and chuckles underneath the volume. The sun is actually streaming today. It shines in through the front window and totally illuminates his bronzed skin. "I'd hate to see him when he's angry."
"Did you like church?" I ask teasingly, rolling my eyes at the thought.
"I was dreaming of Leah's vagina through most of it."
"Jake, we're still in a church parking lot." I look at him with mock-astonishment, pinching his arm playfully, he smacks my fingers away. "Wait to we're at least around the corner to be vulgar."
"Sorry." His phone chimes inside of his pocket. "Hey, Cullen just texted me."
My heart rate immediately accelerates. I am taken back to last night almost immediately. I think about Mike and the fight that ensued between us. I'm thankful no one noticed anything off-putting about my appearance today, not even Jacob said anything and he's been in my face since I picked him up. I think about the conversation I had with Edward. This is like the thousandth time I've gone over it in my head. I don't know why Edward has this effect on me. It's his darkness and his illustrious personality. The combination of the two keeps me jumping with thrill. Edward keeps me curious and waiting.
"What did he say?"
"He's asking if you're with me." Jake is still focused on his phone, reading a text that makes me want to take my eyes off of the road. "He says he's at my house."
I wonder why he is asking about me and I find myself excited to know we're going to run into each other again. This time not so unexpectedly though. "Well, tell him we're on our way."
"He says he needs to talk to you."
The ride back to La Push is filled with idle small talk. The atmosphere never goes dry between me and Jacob. If we aren't vibing to the music, then we're making each other laugh or being silly. I find that spending time with him has become the peak of my days. I try not to call him my best friend since we've only just started hanging back with each other, but I can't think of a word that fits more perfectly.
We're in tune.
It's effortless and exactly what we need out of each other.
When we get back to his house, Edward's silver Volvo is nonetheless parked beside the curb of his house. Alice has accompanied him this time. They're sitting against the hood of the car. They both look dazzling in the sunlight, and I almost smile at the sight of them goofing off with each other. They look light-hearted when they regard me and Jake. Of course, there is something always a little bit darker lurking beneath their clouded demeanor.
"Well, don't you look peachy?" Edward peers at me with a startling smile. I don't if he is mocking me or if this is his sarcastic way of a compliment. "I guess this is what princesses wear to church."
"Shut up, Edward." Alice leans towards me with a small warmth. It radiates off of her tiny body and puts me slightly at ease. "You look really pretty, Bella."
I take in what she is wearing also. A peplum sweater-dress wraps around her small frame and knee-high booties climb up her legs, elongating her at least five inches. She always looks so simple, yet daring at the same time. I'm not sure how she does it. Alice is beautiful in a special kind of way. It's not the same type of flamboyancy that trails behind Rosalie when she smiles; it's a secret kind of pretty that makes you look closer at every detail that surrounds her.
I smile back at her compliment, bashfully flashing Edward a glance as well. "Thanks."
Jake steps up and greets Edward the way all boys greet each other. They even seem to have a secret handshake of their own. "So, what did you need to talk to Bella about?"
Alice moves back into her place beside her cousin. She waves her hand in his direction. "I think Edward should talk his way through this one."
Jake nods his head, looking at the two of them with appraising eyes. He trusts them but I can tell that he is still cautious of them. "Go ahead."
"Carlisle gave me a proposition." Edward looks down at me skeptically, as if he doesn't really want to be here in this predicament. I put my hands to my hips and wait for whatever he has to say. "He feels like Bella is trustworthy enough."
Jake groans from beside me and slaps a hand to his forehead in exasperation. "Don't tell me you're about to smuggle Bella into your schemes."
My face drops. I hope that is not what they want to proposition me with. I am not cut out to be criminal. I can't help them steal, count stolen money, or do whatever they do to keep their business flowing. My mouth opens to state my refusal before they can get their hopes up high. Alice holds up her finger to halt my response for just a moment longer, allowing her cousin to defend his intentions and explain himself more clearly.
"Schemes is plural. We only have one scheme." Edward says, naturally at ease. I'm glad that I was wrong about my assumption. I thought that he'd act different because of last night, but he's actually being genuinely pleasant today. If he wasn't trying to turn me into a delinquent, I might have been especially happy to see him. "We just have one, simple ploy for her."
Jake holds his hand out for Edward to continue. "What is it?"
"It's a small favor." Edward smiles slightly, buttering me up, his green eyes ignore Jake to focus on me.
"Stop beating around the bush."
Edward relinquishes his charm and decides to cut to the chase. "We have enemies that we need to take out but we have too many people sniffing behind our tracks as you know."
I find myself shaking my head involuntarily. I don't believe that they actually came to me with this. Who do they think I am? It's like they already expect me to say yes. I hope they don't think I owe them something. We're not even all that close to be completely honest. I'm not entirely sure but I don't think they'd be willing to help me if I ever came to them with one of my dilemmas.
"We want you to help get those sniffers off of our tracks since you have direct contact to said sniffer."
"What do you mean?"
"Can you get Charlie off of our asses?"
"What Edward means is do you think you can lead him in another direction?" Alice steps towards me, more cordially, more patiently and lilting. I fall into the chiming sound of her voice. She makes the proposition sound a lot better than Edward does, even though they're essentially speaking the same things, just in different variables. "The boys are about to go on another mission soon..."
"And we're gonna fucking get caught. Maybe not soon but we will..." Edward cuts back into the conversation, obstructing Alice's patience with his urgency. Every time he speaks he makes this ordeal seem messy and dangerous. I grimace but continue to listen to what he has to say. "If your dad keeps trying his hardest to pin it on us, he's gonna find something crucial eventually."
I look between the two of them in confusion, and I'm not so sure that I want them to ease my bewilderment. "So, what does that have to do with me?"
"Felix is from the 206." Edward says simply. "Maybe you can insinuate that he was the one who broke into Aro's house."
I look at Jake with raised eyebrows. He stays in La Push so he knows everyone who lives here. "I thought he lived in La Push with Embry?"
"Yeah, because his mom married Embry's dad last year." Jake nods his head, agreeing with both me and Edward. "But he is originally from Kirkland."
"But why would Felix steal from Aro?"
"All we can say is that Aro played Felix's mom." Alice chimes vaguely, a trait that Edward probably taught her. They just don't know that their evasiveness makes people want to pry more, or that it sheaths them with a dangerous curtain that tells me to adamantly refuse what they're asking me to do.
Jake finishes the thought with more details. "And that was what caused his parents to divorce."
I don't feel right about what they're asking of me. It makes an avalanche of nerves pile into my stomach. They're trained eyes aren't making this any easier either. "
Won't he go to jail?"
"Who gives a fuck what happens to that little prick?" Edward snaps, raking through his head with agitation. He wants to do more than just blame the act on Felix. I'm surprised the kid is even still alive. I wonder whatever happened to the money he'd stolen from them. "He's playing us high and dry, Bella."
Alice, who is always the reasoning one, steps in to calm down her cousins outbursts. She pats his shoulder with her tiny hands but he only shrugs her off. I can see that he's becoming a little more than irritated. I wonder what the hell he expects from me. If I'd agreed to help them immediately, would that have calmed the storm within him? I look at him peculiarly, but offer Alice my attention when she reaches for it.
"We don't want you to directly blame it on Felix - just hint around about it." She offers me a half-smile. It's meant to be reassuring but it's nothing of the sort. "Put the thought in your dad's mind. We just need him to lay off of Edward and the boys for a while."
"I don't know..."
"See Alice." Edward quickly disregards me, turning towards his car to get ready for a hasty retreat. "I told you this would be a waste of time."
Somehow his anger startles me. It makes me feel weird. It makes me feel like I'm just another person that's let him down. Knowing what I know about him now, I don't think I can deal with him losing what little trust he has in me. I don't think it take very much to lose Edward's trust either. He's always hoping that someone will lend him a reason to give up on them. That way he won't have to really be close to anyone besides those who he regards as family. His fears trademark his inability to connect with people, and I saw everything that terrified him right before he turned his back.
I stop him before he can enter the car. "I didn't say no, Edward."
He turns back towards me slowly, lowering his gaze onto mine. I don't think that he's being very fair. He's deliberately harsh with people to get his way, to avoid being let down, but he doesn't understand that this is not the way to gain favors from people. This is a lot how Mike used to make me feel. There's a difference between being a bully and being a friend in need. Apparently, Edward hasn't decided which one he wants to be yet.
"What do you say then?"
Alice steps in once again, shaking her head at Edward and the attitude he is seizing the group with. "You don't have to if you don't really want to."
"I mean..." I look down at the ground, unsure of how I can refuse them when they're standing in front of me like this. They came to my aid on numerous occasions. Of course, I never asked them to do anything drastic like this before. I don't even know why Carlisle thought I was capable of pulling this off. I can barely lie to get my own self out of trouble. "I guess it's the least I can do."
And then we're all allies. Our lives suddenly trumped with a puzzle that burns our taste buds...
AUTHOR QUESTIONS:
1) Is Edward the kind of guy you would be attracted to? Does mysteriousness and danger draw you in?
2) Or are you more of the sensible type? Would you stay clear away from him and his troublesome lifestyle?
3) Do you think Bella is making a mistake?