Ah, finally, a new chapter for this story. :) Don't worry. I haven't forgotten about it, I've just been busy. Anyway, here it is. Enjoy
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I heard whispers, but I couldn't make out any words. I didn't want to wake up. I knew Catherine and I had fallen asleep together and I could feel her intertwined with me under the sheets. She felt too good to give up and I knew I wouldn't get up for at least another ten minutes. The whispering continued, but I fell back in to a heavy sleep, one in which I could still hear the small sounds of my surroundings play on in my dream, but couldn't tell whether or not the content was true.
"Look," one of the voices whispered. "They look so cute, don't they?"
"Do you think they're dating," the other voice whispered.
"I don't know, but if they are...that could make us sisters!"
"Do you think they'll pay more attention to each other than to us?"
"Don't be silly, Josslyn. My mom's different with her. She gets reckless with all the guys she hangs out with, but Sara...she changes my mom. It's weird. I don't know how to explain it, but I like my mom better when she's with her."
"Happier?"
"Yeah! That. She's happier."
"They do seem right for each other. I guess...it wouldn't be too bad if they were dating."
"Like I said...we could be sisters."
"Technically."
"Whatever."
The rest of the whispering became incoherent as Catherine started to move and I knew I couldn't keep my eyes shut much longer.
Rustling sounds reached my ears and made a crescendo as I became more alert, more awake. Catherine stretched out her leg and her knee slid between my thighs. I bit my lip, my eyes popped open, and I wouldn't go back to sleep for a long time.
"Mm," she moaned as she stretched her arms and arched her back.
I felt her core pressed against my thigh and I stifled a moan of my own. She slowly opened her eyes and smiled the second she saw me. I smiled back and felt right at home sleeping beside her. But, out of need, I looked over her to see if the girls were still asleep on the other bed.
"Morning," she practically purred.
"Morning," I returned my focus to her.
I moved my leg to somewhat subtly give her a hint as to where her knee rested. I found myself only making our already compromising position worse because my leg only tangled us more as it found a spot between her thighs. She bit her lip and placed a hand on my forearm.
"The girls," I managed to blurt out.
Catherine rolled over, as flexible as she is, and looked at the two stirring girls. She cleared her throat and moved her legs, the two of us unwinding.
"Lindsey," she called out.
Lindsey popped up and rubbed her eyes while Josslyn slowly followed her lead. Catherine and I sat up in bed and looked at them.
"Breakfast," I, again, blurted. I seemed as though I had random word Turrets that morning.
"Breakfast," Catherine turned to me and asked with a questioning expression.
"I meant...we should get some breakfast. Is anyone hungry?"
Catherine grinned and reassuringly rubbed my arm.
"Food sounds good," Lindsey said before she whipped her hair around and turned to face Josslyn. "What do you think?"
"Yeah, I'm hungry," she looked at Lindsey and then at me.
"Okay, breakfast it is," Catherine smiled as she slid off the bed.
I followed her example, but came around to the isle between to the beds to take a look at the hotel information on the pamphlets left the nightstand for their guests' convenience. After a few minutes of staring thoughtfully at the information, I saw the tiny paragraph about breakfast and relayed what I read.
"Hey, we missed the continental breakfast downstairs by about an hour."
"Ooh," Catherine frowned and furrowed her brows. "Okay, well, they probably wouldn't have had much for you and Josslyn anyway, right? Where do you want to go?"
"There are a few places, but they're closer to the Bay Area," I said. "It's about all I know in Frisco. That and the night life."
"As in...good bars?"
"Yeah, I actually wanted to visit one in particular later. I know a few people that hang around there."
"I wouldn't mind, but what about the girls," Catherine motioned next to me at Lindsey and Josslyn.
"I've got a friend who also knew TK. Maybe Joss has heard of her." I turned to Josslyn. "Katie? ...Katie Holt?"
"Yeah...she sometimes came to the house when TK was sick. She said you wished there was something you could do like be there with her, but you couldn't get away from work."
I gulped. My heavy, overwhelming guilt crawled to the surface and turned me inside out. I tried to shake the feeling since I had to show strength for Josslyn. She needed a parent, not an emotional wreck.
"So, you wouldn't mind staying with her," I asked.
She shook her head.
"Then we'll go tonight," Catherine offered.
"Sure. Hopefully, she'll be okay with a last minute responsibility."
"What about breakfast," Lindsey interjected.
"Right, we'll take care of that first," Catherine smiled.
Xx San Francisco Dreaming xX
After we finished our food, we headed to Katie's place, about thirty minutes from TK's house. I thought our plan for later in the evening would work out better if I went to talk to her in person. Catherine figured it would also help if she and the girls did something else. Josslyn didn't want to leave my side and she thought Katie wouldn't mind to see her again, especially since she was the only hope Catherine and I had to watch her, but Catherine convinced her otherwise. I worried Josslyn didn't think I was trying to paw her off on someone else so quickly, but I guess I could always worry about that later.
My hands nervously shook as I approached the front door of Katie's cozy, single floor house. I didn't know why I was so intimidated, but I guess it had something to do with the fact that the last time I saw her was TK's 56rd birthday...eight years ago.
I sighed to rid myself of my insecurities and knocked on the front door.
Behind the door, I heard a few rattling objects in the distance and shuffling feet, but of course, my erratically pounding heart took the cake when it came to the loudest noise in my head.
The door swung open and in front of me stood the bombshell of a blonde I remembered growing up with despite my social fears. Little Katie and I were two completely different people than the girls that spent every waking moment afraid of, or pissed at, their haunting pasts. I could see it in her eyes she hadn't entirely forgotten her roots...just as I hadn't forgotten mine.
"Are you here for TK," she flatly asked as she leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms over her chest.
I followed the scar on her face that started from the right side of her nose, crossed over her lips, and ended less than an inch after her bottom lip. I remembered what TK told me about that scar in particular and I remembered never looking at little Katie the same way again. I respected her more, but I also sympathized for her more as well.
"Um, yes. I'm also here for Joss."
"And you want something from me?"
I undetectably bit my lip and picked at my cuticles. She knew just how to make me feel like an abuser, an intruder, everything I'd hate to see in myself.
"One of my friends from Vegas is with me, her and her daughter. I wanted to show her a few places and I figured I'd ask you if you wanted to watch Joss and my friend's daughter, Lindsey."
She shifted legs, straightened up, and slowly rolled her eyes.
"Did you already make plans?"
"No, nothing's official unless you agree to watch the girls."
She sighed and backed away from the door frame, one hand on the door, the rest of her body at an angle to let me pass.
"Let's talk."
I gulped and meekly nodded as I took a shaky first step toward the interior of her house. When I stepped over the threshold, I felt a little more at ease, but I remained tense and overly aware, terrified that I could screw up everything in less than sixty seconds.
I heard the door shut behind me and her footsteps headed toward me as she guided me into the living room. I somehow found a spot on the couch while she took a seat across from me in the love chair. Suddenly, she started talking again and I snapped out of my own thoughts.
"This friend...is she special?"
"To me?"
Katie nodded, her hands latched together in front of her as she leaned over her knees to talk.
"Yes. Technically, tonight will be our first date if you watch the girls."
"I guess it'd be stupid to ask how you've been then."
"Katie-" I wavered. "I-I've had a hard time too."
"With life or with TK's passing?"
"Both."
We locked eyes for a second and I saw in her big green orbs a hint of fragility. I knew she'd be sensitive going in, but I knew I was as torn up about TK as her.
"She raised us, gave us a good home when no one else would. She told me your secrets and you mine about how we ended up with her. You never once came to visit when she was on her death bed...and for what? So you could start some kind of relationship?"
"It's not like that at all, Katie," I stood up and demanded. "I really did have to work. My position at the lab was in jeopardy because of all the days I came in to work late or started arguing with my superiors. I knew she wasn't getting any better and I started to take less care of myself! I almost got fired for it. Thank god my boss had my back or I wouldn't have anything right now. I wouldn't be fit to take care of Josslyn, I'd be alone, nowhere to go, no one to turn to... I care about TK, but she always told me she'd be happy if I was happy."
She hesitated.
"And are you happy?"
"No! ...But I've got a chance at it."
"With this...friend of yours?"
I slowly nodded.
"Joss and I are attending the service for TK, Catherine and her daughter will stay behind in our hotel room. They're our support system right now, the closest thing she and I have to a family now that TK's gone."
She took a deep breath and let it all sink in. When she exhaled, she started back up again.
"I'll watch them."
"Thank you."
"I do have one condition though."
I sighed. I hoped it didn't involve much on my part because frankly, I didn't know how much I could promise.
"And what's that," I softly asked.
"You and I need to catch up at some point while you're here."
I sighed and smiled with relief.
"Deal."
She lightly smiled before she stood and I followed her example.
"When will you be back to drop them off?"
"In a couple hours. I'm shooting for eight or nine. Is that okay?"
"Sure. How long are you planning to stay out?"
"Eleven, maybe later. It really depends on Catherine."
"So...in other words, I should expect to keep the girls here overnight?"
I lightly laughed as she smiled.
"Yeah, that sounds fool proof," I confessed.
"Okay, so I'll see you around eight," she lead me back to the door.
"Yeah, see you then," I smiled and threw my words over my shoulder as I stepped out of the house and headed down the narrow, steep porch steps.
I smiled to myself as I headed back to the SUV, glad to know Katie didn't hate me for my actions. I already blamed myself for leaving TK behind as I selfishly kept to myself in Vegas. I should have been stronger, should have pushed myself to get to her. I shouldn't have cared about my job, I should have cared about the woman that took me under her wing and showed me that not everyone is out to destroy me.
I blew out a sigh as I opened the door to the SUV and hoped in. I finally had a plan that didn't involve remembering. I headed back to Catherine and the girls and tried to clear my mind. I'd have time for closure at the wake, I thought. I didn't need to be so down because I'd get what I thought I was looking for during my time there.
Within ten minutes, I used the key card to get in to the hotel room and Josslyn immediately ran into me. She wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me like she'd never get to hug me again.
"I missed you," she said as she squeezed her eyes shut.
"I was only gone for half an hour," I said as I hugged her back.
"Don't leave. Ever!"
Lindsey sat on the edge of their bed, her body facing the TV, but her sad eyes focused on Josslyn and me. I noticed Catherine, standing next to Lindsey, staring with sympathetic eyes as she ran her hand through Lindsey's hair.
Suddenly, I felt like I'd missed something while I was out and it scared me.
"I'm not going to leave you, okay?"
I let go of Josslyn and squatted to be eye level with her. I gently clutched at her sides for balance and to give her reassurance.
"I would never leave you. I love you and I never want you to think I'd ever walk out on you. So guess what, when you get older and you just want me gone...I'll still be here because...you're stuck with me."
She slowly started to smile before she rushed into another hug.
Lindsey jumped off the bed and ran into the bathroom. She locked the door and Catherine took a deep breath.
"Okay, what's going on with her?"
Catherine walked over to me as I loosened my grip on Josslyn.
"A lot happened after you went to see Katie," she stated as she gave Josslyn's back a quick, comforting rub before Josslyn made her way to the bed to watch TV.
"Are you going to fill me in?"
"Yeah. But...maybe tonight isn't the best time to go out."
I took a deep breath and attempted to keep my sadness and building frustration from hurting anyone except myself.
"Okay. I just want to know how everyone's doing."
"Joss, honey," she said as she turned to face her. "Sara and I are going to step outside for a minute. We'll be right outside the door, we're not going far, okay?"
She looked from Catherine to me and, after a beat, nodded.
"Lindsey? Did you hear that," she called through the bathroom door.
"I don't care!"
She pursed her lips as if a way of fighting back the pain it caused her to see Lindsey act that way.
Catherine, nonetheless, ushered me to the door and grabbed one of the two room keys we had off the table on our way out. After the door shut, she slowly tried to muster up the words she thought would make the situation easier on me.
"When you left...Josslyn started freaking out. She said she had a feeling you weren't coming back for her so Lindsey tried to calm her down, telling her you just went to find a sitter. Josslyn started screaming about how she didn't want a sitter and that she didn't want a sister if it meant she had to give up so you could be with me."
"What? Where did any of that come from?"
"I guess when we were sleeping, they were talking about us getting together. But...Lindsey told her she didn't mean that. Of course, Josslyn said she did mean it and said a few other hurtful things."
"Like what? She hurt Lindsey's feelings?"
"She mostly attacked me. I don't know where she learned words like 'whore' and 'stealing bitch', but she used them toward me and it seemed to upset Lindsey. She started to yell at Josslyn, trying to defend me, and I told her it was okay. She started yelling at me that it wasn't and then Josslyn cried saying that she wanted you back so she didn't have to be around us anymore."
I shook my head and ground my jaw, upset that Josslyn would behave that way. I understood that she didn't want to be abandoned again, but I couldn't understand why she felt Catherine and Lindsey were enemies.
I took the key from Catherine's hand and went back into the room.
"Sara, don't make this worse," Catherine begged as she was hot on my heels.
"Joss...did you saw nasty things to Catherine and Lindsey while I was gone?"
"I just want it to be the two of us," she whined.
"I know you think it'd be better that way, but they're trying to help. They're not the bad guys and I won't put up with you're attitude toward them. Turn off the TV. You're going to experience your time out with me in charge."
"But that's not fair!"
"It's not fair that you said those mean and hurtful things. You need to apologize...to both Lindsey and Catherine."
"No! I meant what I said. They're ruining everything!"
"That's it. Until you apologize, you get to sit in the corner and face the wall. And don't think about saying another word unless you're saying 'I'm sorry'."
I walked over to her and helped her to the corner. I knew Catherine didn't approve of the punishment because Josslyn lost someone close to her and she barely knew her and Lindsey, but I wasn't going to let Josslyn hurt people the way I knew most of them had hurt her. I refused to let her turn into the kind of person we'd both grown up hating and fearing.
She started crying.
"Sara!"
"What did I tell you? No talking unless you're apologizing. Are you going to apologize?"
"No," she yelled between sobs.
"Then sit here and be quiet."
"Maybe you should go easy on her," Catherine softly said from a small distance. "I'm all for punishment when it's rightfully deserved, but...she's going through a rough time."
"That doesn't give her an excuse to behave that way, Catherine, and you know it. This is the best thing for her. Otherwise, she'll be a brat that thinks they can say anything to anyone and not care about how they're affecting those people."
She nodded and spoke again after a beat.
"You're right."
"Thank you."
I went to the bathroom and knocked on the door.
"Lindsey, sweetie? Why don't you come out. We can go get some ice cream or something."
"I don't want to go with you!"
"Honey, I'm sorry Joss said those things."
"Isn't that how you feel? You think my mom is a whore?"
I furrowed my brows and tried not to sound hurt and devastated.
"No, no, I don't. ...Why would you think that?"
"Everyone does! Why wouldn't you be any different?"
I looked back at Catherine, her jaw dropped and her eyes filled with pain.
"Lindsey..." I turned back to the bathroom door. "I like your mom."
"That's what they all say!"
"No, I really like your mom and I'd never dream of hurting her. She's an amazing woman and I never thought, and I never will think, she's someone I can use and move on."
"Whatever. I don't believe you."
"What's it going to take to prove it to you?"
No response.
"Lindsey?"
"Just leave! I wish we'd never come here!"
She slapped her hand against the door and I knew she needed her space. I slowly turned back to Catherine. She was utterly shocked to have heard her daughter say those things. She obviously didn't know that's how she really felt, and I hadn't either, but I knew what I had to do about it.
"Joss...we're going. You're still in time out though so I want you to stay quiet."
"Wait, where are you going," Catherine asked as she reached out and grabbed my arm.
"I think we're to stay with Katie for a little while."
"No, you don't have to go. Lindsey will get over this, I just need to talk to her."
"And we don't need to be here for that."
"I don't want you to leave."
"I don't want to leave either, but...we both knew things are moving too fast for the girls. This time apart should help them cool off."
"I know, but..." she trailed off and, after another beat, she shook her head. "Never mind. You probably should go. I'll deal with Lindsey and I'll...see you later."
I nodded, knowing they'd probably head back to Vegas while Josslyn and I dealt with the funeral. I needed Catherine to stay, to keep me grounded, but things would never work out if the girls were having problems adjusting. She and I both knew the girls had to come first, but, as much as I wanted to be there for Josslyn, it was really a shame. I had a chance with Catherine, a chance at happiness that I had to put on hold if not completely pass up for the sake of Lindsey and Josslyn. I had a feeling that was going to happen a lot from then on.
I hugged Catherine as Josslyn came to stand beside me. Catherine dug her nails into me as though she didn't want to let go. I knew that was probably true because I didn't want to give her up. I didn't want to walk out, didn't want things to end this way, but it's what had to be done.
"Bye," I said as I fought back tears.
"Bye," she said as she was less successful at hiding her tears.
We separated and I fought off my desire to start bawling. Everything started to hit me at that moment, TK's death, my chance with Catherine, what my life was going to be from that point on. I couldn't escape my future and I wasn't sure I liked what I saw so far.
I left both room keys in the room and walked out with Josslyn. Since we only had one car, I knew Josslyn and I needed to find a way to get a rental. I hung my head and started down the long path of rock bottom I'd traveled for several years long ago, though the memory was still fresh.
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Don't forget to review. I know this probably doesn't mean much, but reviews fuel my desire to continue with the next chapter. :) Sorry, if there were a lot of missed grammatical or spelling errors, but I do hope you liked it.