It wasn't long before Otis allowed Cutter to be more physical with him.

It was an exercise in exploration for both of them. For Otis, it was figuring out what he liked and disliked. For Cutter, it was figuring out what would and wouldn't send the albino into a panic attack.

It was months, however, until Otis finally gave in.

"C...Cutter?"

"Yeah?" He placed his hand in the small of Otis's back, pecking him on the forehead lightly. They had settled into each other. Mostly, anyway. Cutter loved to shower Otis with the affection he so deserved, and Otis loved to receive it. He was still wary sometimes- Cutter had to show his intent to touch Otis if he wanted him not to flinch- but they were getting somewhere. A hand in the small of Otis's back made him feel safe. Loved. Sure.

"What...Er...What're you doing tonight?"

"Nothin' I know of."

"Can it be me?"

The clown had to do a double-take to fully realize what Otis had said. He stared back, unwavering. "Wh...Really?"

Otis nodded slowly, biting his lip.

"You're ready?"

"You're not?"

"I've done this before. You never have consensually. Are you sure?"

"Just listen to me like you always do..."

"I always will."

"I'll swing by later, then."

"Alright." Cutter stole a quick kiss as Otis turned away. "Goddamn you look good today."

"I know you like it when I wear this shirt." He called over his shoulder as he started to the back.

"You fuckin' tease."

Otis lay apprehensively in Cutter's bed, waiting for the clown to make his way up the stairs.

"Oh, you are ready aren't you?" He chuckled. "You don't look comfortable, though."

"Nervous."

"Why? If you're not ready, Otis-"

"I am. I'm just nervous. I don't know what to expect. Is that okay?"

"I suppose. But I don't want you to think you have to do this."

"I know I don't."

"I'll still stay even if you don't want to have sex."

Sitting up, Otis grabbed Cutter by the shirt, pulling him so close their noses touched. "I want you to fuck me until I scream. I want you to mark your territory on my chest and leave your teeth marks in my skin because of it. Think you can manage that, old man?"

"Holy shit..." Cutter remarked, wide-eyed. He was already getting hard. "Yeah, I think I got it." He smirked. "Gonna bend you over until you beg-"

"No. Not from behind. I have to look at you."

"Otis, you can't live afraid of him forev-"

"Not from behind."

"The first time I won't. But goddammit I'm going to fix the damage he's done." He grumbled.

Leaning closer to Otis, He studied the younger man's features. He was angelic. beautiful. Except to those he brought demise. He kissed him, beginning to work Otis up. Kissing his neck, nibbling his ear, letting his hands explore that muscular torso. Otis tilted his head back in pleasure and let the sensations meld together, smiling softly.

"There ya go. Relax." Cutter bit and suckled a few choice spots on Otis's pale flesh, leaving purple and red bruises on the areas. Otis whimpered and moaned, letting the euphoria take over his body and mind. Cutter stroked the pale, soft flesh, relishing in the sensation.

The clown worked the albino up until he was moaning and bucking his hips against Spaulding's, desperately trying to produce some kind of friction on his member.

He chuckled, resting his hands on Otis's hips, trying to ignore the way he flinched. "Let me unwrap this present slowly, yeah?"

Otis fidgeted. "Please..."

"Are you begging me?"

"Hn...Fuck you I don't beg for anything..."

"You've got a different tune to a minute ago. What's that about, baby?" He kissed Otis's neck again, gently fondling him through his jeans. Otis jerked, letting out a single startled moan, then stopping himself. "No, no. Don't hold back. Let me know what you're feeling. Let me hear that sweet music."

He ground himself against Otis's arousal, teasing him. Otis tilted his head back, letting out a soft hum of pleasure. Cutter slowly unbuttoned his jeans, watching Otis's reaction. The younger man stared at him, eyes suddenly worried.

"What's wrong? Having second thoughts?"

"No...God, no this feels so fucking good." He sighed. "I just...I...I have a ...a lot of scars, and-"

"That doesn't matter." He gently stroked Otis's face, staring into those volcanic pools of ruby. "Nothing can change the way I feel about you."

The question stuck in Otis's throat How do you feel about me? What does that mean? But he stifled it. Not the time to ask- it would ruin the moment.

He slowly pulled Otis's pants down and off, freeing his legs. Cutter smirked knowingly. "So that's why women scream."

"What're you gonna make me do?" Otis asked, quirking an eyebrow daringly.

"Oh, honey. I'm gonna make you feel better than you ever have." He pulled down Otis's boxers, now fully exposing the albino.

"Why am I the first one naked?"

"Because you're quite a sight to behold. I'm not sure if you're aware. But by god you are fucking beautiful."

Cutter hastily undressed, tossing his clothes this way and that, then crawling on top of Otis.

"I could just lay here and stare at you."

"What fun would that be for me?"

"You understanding how much you're appreciated." He chuckled, kissing Otis and resting a hand on his sides, stroking the pale flesh and feeling goosebumps rise in the alabaster. Otis loved his caresses- his big warm hands leaving stretches of affection where bruises previously painted a white canvas.

"John..." Otis murmured, pulling him closer. Cutter's synapses went mad, driving him to the point of combustion at hearing Otis murmur his real name.

"What do you think, huh? You ready?"

Pressing his lips to Cutter's , he nodded awkwardly, arms around he clown's neck. As gently as he could, Cutter entered the smaller man, who jerked away, wincing, his eyes screwed shut.

"Hey, relax. Relax. I know. It hurts worse if you tense up."

"Fuck mother fucker goddamn that fucking burns like a son of a bitch!"

"Hey, relax." He caressed Otis's face. "Open your eyes. It's me."

"Hnn...hnnn..."

He felt Otis relax, relaxing the muscles around his member as well. Relieved, Cutter worked his way down Otis's chest, hand tracing trails absentmindedly. "It's okay. See? Just tell me to stop and I'll stop alright?"

"O-Okay..." He murmured around Cutter's lips as he claimed them once more, daring to bite the clown's lower lip, egging him on.

"Ooh, baby you're workin' hard for this one, aren't ya?" He thrust once into Otis and froze as Otis's eyes flew open.

Memories flooded Otis's brain in alarming speed at the all too familiar sensation. Occurrence after occurrence accosted his mind all at once. He had felt that before. When he was in danger. It had been horrible. Painful. Humiliating.

He grabbed Cutter by the shoulders, eyebrows knitting together in fear. He whimpered, this time not in pleasure. It was a sound that tore Cutter's heart from his chest.

"It's okay. It's okay. It's me. Relax, honey."

"P...Promise me you'll stop...if I need you to..."

"I will. I promise. And I won't be mad if you need to."

"Y...You won't hurt me?"

Again, the clown's heart broke. "No. I want to make you feel good. Remember?"

"It hurts..."

"Right now it does. But if you just relax, sweetheart, it'll feel so good. I wouldn't lie to you."

Otis nodded. "O...Okay." He relinquished his grip on Cutter's shoulders, relaxing into the bed and settling. "Then make me feel good."

"You sure?"

"Yes..." Wrapping his hand around Cutter's neck, Otis kissed him slowly, waiting.

"You're getting better than me at that. I'm jealous."

"You've been giving me enou-hnnn..." Otis let out a low groan of appreciation as Cutter began a rhythm. The pain began to melt away into pleasure, and Otis relaxed, becoming distracted and unable to continue kissing his clown.

"You always do that when you start feelin' good." Cutter chuckled. "Guess you ain't used to it yet. Ain't no one ever make you feel good like this before?"

"N-no...John..."

"Oh, honey...Goddamn I love it when you say my name." Unable to restrain himself anymore, he increased his speed, pounding into Otis harder.

Otis let out a startled shriek of pleasure, dropping his jaw and digging his nails into Cutter's flesh. "John!"

"What'sa matter? Like that?" He dropped his head to kiss Otis's neck, making him moan and purr beneath him. Cutter felt himself close to the edge, getting closer as Otis made those sweet sounds.

"John! I...I-"

They reached climax at the same time, Otis biting his tongue to prevent a louder expletive than he wanted.

Still panting, Cutter kissed him. "Alright. Now. Do you trust me?"

Otis swallowed heavily. "W...What're you going to do to me?"

"The same thing, that's all. Just a different position. Come on. I want to show you it's okay."

"What's okay?"

"Just relax."

"H...Hn?" Otis shook as Cutter positioned himself behind him, maneuvering Otis correctly. "C-Cutter...?"

"It's okay. It's me. It's your big teddy bear. Not your daddy. He'll never hurt you again. It's me makin' you feel good."

"Cutt-AH!"

"Shhhh...Do you want me to stop?"

"Not...Not yet..."

"I'm just gonna make you feel good. Alright? You're alright."

Again, they made love. Cutter couldn't even call it fucking. Not the way he felt about Otis.

He couldn't completely lose himself in the moment, though. Not yet. He had to carefully watch Otis's body language. Listen for signs he was in distress.

Judging by the sounds Otis was making, there was no distress.

Cutter caressed his back, fingers lingering for a moment on ages-healed scars. Feeling his musculature.

As Otis shuddered and collapsed, Cutter picked him up and sat him in his lap, kissing his shoulder gently. "See? Nothing like what your father used to do, right?"

He sighed, smiling and leaning his head back to rest it on the larger man's shoulder. "No. Not at all."

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Mm..." Otis nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I did. Different than..."

"Different than just cum and go episodes and however your daddy hurt you, huh?"

"Y-yeah..." Rising out of Cutter's arms, Otis wandered to the bathroom. "Gonna shower."

"Is that an invitation?" Cutter smirked.

"No!" Otis turned, almost slamming the door shut but peeking out from a crack. "N...NO...I...uh..."

"Okay. Okay. I understand."

Cutter's blood boiled at the thought of what his father had done to that sweet little boy to make him act like this. But he was going to fix all that pain and hurt if it killed him.