So I saw this pic someone posted of a playground next to an old timey cemetery and immediately Ghost!Killian and Teenage!Emma popped into my head. It took a week to formulate in my head but then this monster came out. (It's almost 4300 words) It is AU and it was written to make duathadun have a better day today but instead I made her cry...oops! I am a horrible, awful person! The poem is not mine, it is from an anonymous author, I just liked the sentiment.
He had been lying in the grass all morning watching the clouds go by and thinking of nothing in particular. Partially cloudy days with sun like this were rare and he enjoyed the brightness of it all. To be truthful, he was not a fan of the rain but then he really had no choice on the weather so he made the most of the days like today. He smiled to himself and closed his eyes, imagining how the sun's rays would feel on his skin. He was just drifting off into nothingness when he heard a peculiar sound. He lifted himself up on his elbows and looked towards the sound. He bolted upright when he saw a fall of long blond hair on a young girl sitting in one of the swings of the adjacent playground. She was sobbing quietly into her hands. A frown escaped him as he moved to stand.
Taking a deep breath, he moved towards her. He did not want to startle her so he moved quietly. He made a clearing noise in his throat when he was close enough to get her attention. She sniffed a bit and then looked up at him. He studied her for a moment, taking in her red rimmed green eyes that seemed haunted. She had porcelain skin and a quiet dignity that he had seen so rarely in someone her age. She was beautiful.
"What is troubling you?" he asked.
She quirked her head to the side. "Nothing. Where did you come from?" she asked.
He hesitated for a moment and then pointed, "I was lying in the grass over there."
"You were in the graveyard? Isn't that creepy?" she asked as she wrapped her arms around herself.
"Nay, I find it quite relaxing. It is quiet and peaceful." He said and she swore she could see a blush on his cheeks. She found him to be rather odd but in a relaxing sort of way. She noticed that he was wearing odd clothing but thought it must be part of his eccentricity.
"I better get home." She said as she stood from the swing. He nodded and stepped aside to let her pass.
"See you around." He said as she walked away, shooting him a quick glance over her shoulder.
It had been a few days since he had seen the blonde lass but he could not get her off his mind. He knew something was troubling her and it bothered him that she had been so distraught. She seemed to be no more than 14 or 15 in his estimation and he felt that a girl of her age should not be so unhappy. Today he was wondering through the stones of the graveyard when he heard a laugh behind him.
"Do you ever hang out anywhere but this place?" his blond girl asked.
He shook his head, "Nay, I pretty much stay around here."
She looked at him as if he were a mystery. Then she squared her shoulders and asked, "Where is the best spot to sit?"
"Let me show you" he said and led her to his favorite spot. She sat down and took a look around.
"You are right, you can see everything from here" she smiled at him and he thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
They lapsed into a pleasant silence. He chanced occasional glances at her and each moment she looked even more beautiful to him. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to make her laugh and smile. He wanted to erase the melancholy that hung around her and replace it with joy. He quickly looked away when she turned to look at him.
"So what's your story? I haven't seen you around school."
He scratched idly behind his ear. "I no longer attend"
"But you are about my age aren't you? Did they throw you out?"
"I don't know, how old are you?" he asked.
"15 but I am almost 16" she said proudly.
"I was 17" he said and noticed her double take at the use of the word.
She narrowed her eyes at him, "What do you mean by that?"
"I am not sure that is a tale for today, lass" he said and tried to not look into her eyes.
She jumped up, "I think I should go now."
He rose to his feet as well. "Wait, can I get your name?"
She looked around for a moment as if assessing her safety, "Emma Swan"
He bowed and said, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Emma. Killian Jones at your service."
"Umm..ok, bye" she said and she bolted out of the cemetery as if a ghost were on her tail.
Killian sighed and drifted away, lost in his thoughts.
Several days later, Killian was again in his favorite spot, his eyes closed and his mind numb.
"You don't scare me" he heard Emma say.
He popped one eye open and sat up. "Come again?"
"I am not scared of you." Emma said and squared her shoulders "You think you can be all mysterious and gothic and try to scare me 'Killian Jones' but it won't work." She said his name using air quotes and glanced at the stone behind him.
He looked back at the stone and then smirked, "Aye lass you have me all figured out."
She rolled her eyes and sat down.
"What brings you here to visit a lonely spirit such as meself?" he asked her in a cocky voice.
A shadow passed over her face, "Nothing, just did not have a lot to do today."
"Hmm" he said as he glanced over at her and noticed the set of her jaw. "May I ask a question?"
"Yeah, I guess"
"What's wrong at home?" he asked.
She gasped, "How did you…" Then she stopped short and he could practically see the wall being built in her eyes.
"Look lass, the only reason you would be hanging out with a ghost in a cemetery on a find day such as this would be because you have nothing else to do with your friends or your family. I have not seen you with friends and the other day you did not seem too happy about going home." He said while looking her straight in the eyes.
She flinched, "That is not my home."
He nodded, "I see."
"What do you see?" she asked.
"Why don't you tell me instead?" he prompted.
Emma hesitated and stared into his eyes. He wondered what she was looking for but she must have found it. She sighed and then took a deep breath. "They are my foster parents. I think they try but there are too many of us. The other kids are brutal. I try not to spend so much time there."
"And the first time I saw you?" he asked gently.
"One of the other kids destroyed a paper for school. I worked really hard on it. I was trying to actually make it here. To belong. I am never going to belong anywhere." She fought for control of the tears threatening her.
He felt the rage at her distress. He wanted nothing more than to protect her and it startled him as he had not had these feelings in a very long time. He wanted to hold and comfort her and protect her from the world. However, he knew that at this moment, she would just be embarrassed by her feelings.
"Those children do not realize they are in the presence of greatness, love. You are strong and beautiful and one day you will be a force to reckon with Emma. One day you will find your place in the world and those idiots will be the ones left out in the cold." He smiled at her and watched the wonder transform her face.
"You think so?" she asked as she sniffled.
"Aye love" he said.
She was quiet for a moment and then she smiled shyly, "Thank you."
"Anytime" he said.
They chatted about nothing in particular and then as the sun set she rose from the ground reluctantly. "I have to go"
"Aye." He said and bowed to her.
She started to walk away but turned at the last minute, "Killian?"
He raised an eyebrow in question.
"See you tomorrow" she said and walked away. He was left with a stunned expression as he watched her disappear.
Their easy friendship continued for several months. Emma would find him puttering about the cemetery and he would talk to her until the sun went down. He had come to look forward to these visits more than anything in the world. She had become the sun to him and he did not mind the mostly gloomy weather all the time. One day they were sitting in companionable silence, staring at the city surrounding the little hill they were on when the quiet truce over his origins broke.
"Killian?"
"Hmm?"
"What is your real name?" she asked without looking at him.
"It's Killian love." He said.
"No it isn't" she insisted.
"Aye, it is." He stubbornly replied.
"That is just ridiculous. Why do you pretend to be a ghost and hang out in a cemetery all the time? I told you the truth, why can't you just be honest? What are you hiding?" she was yelling now.
"Emma..look at me" he said and waited until she had given him her full attention. "My name truly is Killian Jones. I died over 200 years ago. Why do you think my clothes never change or that I am always here waiting for you?"
"You are insane" she said and moved to get up.
Killian did not think and tried to stop her with a hand on her arm. It passed right through her and she covered her mouth to stifle the shock. She started backing away from him.
"Please wait. I can explain" he pleaded with her.
Emma shook her head and turned around and ran.
"Bloody Hell!" Killian shouted and then kicked at the ground in frustration.
Emma did not return for two weeks and every day Killian cursed himself. Why couldn't he just make up a story, pretend that he was really a person and keep enjoying her company. His damn good form demanded that he be honest with her and now he had lost the only friend he had ever had since Liam. He was even more lonely than he had been before he met her. He should have never gotten caught up in her. Never tried to make contact with her. He was a bloody stupid git.
Killian was so busy berating himself – blinking in and out of true existence – that he missed her presence until she cleared her throat. He looked up instantly and his jaw dropped.
"You might want to close your mouth before you eat a fly" she said as she smirked at him.
"Emma! I'm so sorry, I…" he began but was cut off by her raised hand stopping him from speaking further.
"Killian, I believe you." She said simply.
His eyes widened, "You do?"
"Yes. I did some research." She said.
"And?" he asked hopefully.
"You are Killian Jones. There was a picture."
"A picture?"
"Yes, of you. In that uniform." She stated.
"I see. It was a great pleasure to know you love." He said and gave her a stilted bow.
"I'm not going anywhere." She rolled her eyes at him.
He looked back at her with shock. "But surely now that you know, why would you continue our acquaintance?"
She sighed and spoke slowly as if talking to a child, "Because, Killian, you need my help."
"What on earth do you mean?" he asked.
"You are clearly stuck here for a reason. Have you seen any other ghosts hanging around here?"
He shook his head.
"We need to help you find peace."
"But…there's nothing…I don't…" he was at a loss for words.
She laughed. "Killian, what do you remember? About your life? About how you…"
"Died?" he supplied.
"Yes, that" she said with an uneasy chuckle.
"Hmm…well, I was an orphan. My mum died when I was very young and my Da abandoned me not long after. My brother, Liam, was much older than me. We had other siblings between us who all died very young. Liam found me after Da left and raised me. I was so proud of him. He was a Captain in the Navy and he made sure I was well looked after when he was at sea. His ship was stationed here in the colonies." He looked very wistful when talking about his brother and it gave Emma pause.
"You mean the United States of America" she corrected.
"In my day it was still the colonies" he stated with a raised eyebrow.
"Ok, go on. What happened?" she motioned for him to continue.
He sighed, "It is all kind of hazy. When I turned 15, I was able to join Liam on the ship. He was the finest Captain I had ever seen. For two years we had a blissful existence on that ship. I relished every moment with him. Then hostilities between your countrymen and mine grew worse. War was brewing and Liam was uneasy about it. He wanted me to return to England but I refused to be a deserter."
He stopped and pain passed over his face. Emma waited and then moved a little closer as if to give him support.
A tear fell down on Killian's cheek, "We were bunked down for the evening. I was not yet asleep as I had been angry over yet another argument with Liam. I heard the first boarding party but I did not have time to warn Liam before they attacked. It was a one sided fight and soon they had all of us up on the deck. Liam pleaded with them to take us prisoner or send us home. He was a bloody stubborn arse. They kept telling him to be quiet but he would not be cowed. Said it was his responsibility to his men. They shot him. Told us to let that be our example. I…I kept my mouth shut and said nothing. He was my brother and I did nothing to the monsters that killed him. He died without anyone to comfort him. I could not even tell him I was sorry." Killian was fighting the sobs raging through him and fading in and out.
"Killian, he was your brother. I am sure he knew you loved him. Brothers fight sometimes." Emma said softly. She waited for him to regain composure. "Do you want to stop?"
"Aye love, I think that is best." He said.
Emma nodded. "I will see you tomorrow?"
He nodded and watched her walk away.
Emma came back the next day and they sat staring at the city again.
"So how did you die?" she asked.
"Didn't your research tell you?" he questioned.
"It did not say a lot. It said that you were caught up in the massacre and accidentally killed." She shrugged.
He scoffed, "There was nothing accidental about it."
She raised an eyebrow at the venom in his voice. "Ok, so tell me what happenned."
He nodded, "Aye. Well the massacre had just happened and tensions were high. Some of my fellow crewmen and I had been rescued and we were reassigned to another captain. I was deemed the fastest and was tasked with sending messages between the Royal Navy ships and the commander of the ground forces. I had just delivered my message and was heading back to the ship when I was cornered by some drunken men. They were itching for a fight. I attempted to evade them but got caught anyway. They took one look at my uniform and they shot me. They were so drunk that they did not do a good job and I was bleeding out on the pavement. Someone found me and took me to one of the hospitals but it was too late. I took on infection and died several days after I was shot. I died with so much guilt about Liam's death and so much anger at the men who had killed us both. I think it trapped me here."
"But you don't seem angry anymore so why haven't you moved on?" she said.
"I don't know. It took a long time but I finally forgave the circumstances of my death."
"Killian, do you still blame yourself for Liam's death? That was not your fault."
He growled, "Wasn't it? He died thinking I did not care for him anymore. That I hated him. He died alone, bleeding out on the deck of the ship. I was a coward." He practically shouted at her.
She got in his face, "You would have died that day too."
He looked at her with such sadness it took her breath away, "I did"
Emma gasped. "That's it! That is why you are still here!"
"What are you talking about?" he was perplexed.
"You need Liam's forgiveness" she was practically jumping with excitement.
"That won't be possible Emma." He said.
"Just give me some time!" Emma said and was gone before he could even question where she was going.
Emma continued to visit but they made no more mention of his death or what she was up to. He would ask and she would just dismiss it with a change of subject. A few more months passed and she was finally ready to tell him what she had been doing.
Emma was practically buzzing with excitement.
"You are different today" Killian stated.
"I did it" she said with a smile.
"Be more specific love" he said with a chuckle.
"I talked to my history teacher and he said that the museums here kept all the records and journals they could find from the war. They keep them in special archives. You just have to know what you want and then you can look at them on the computer since they have been scanned in and print out copies. They had all the records from Liam's ship." She breathed out so quickly it took a moment to register what she had said.
"Even his journals?" Killian asked hopefully.
She nodded, "Yep, every one." She held up a piece of paper. "This is from the last night"
Killian nodded and fought a frog in his throat. "Would you read it to me?"
Emma smiled, "Of course. It says,
'I had another fight with Killian today. He is so stubborn. I fear for his safety in this war but am helpless to keep him safe without his consent. I must face the fact that he is no longer the wide-eyed boy I used to protect but now a man that is entitled to his own opinions. He will make a fine Captain one day. I let him cool off before I went to apologize to him but he had already retired for the night. I only wish him to know that I am proud of him and that I will support his decision as it his right to make it. My comfort is knowing that while he is assigned to my ship, I might offer some guidance and wisdom to help him on this path."
Killian's tears were flowing freely and he felt light-headed.
"Are you ok? He forgave you. He was never mad at you" she asked him.
Killian swallowed the lump in his throat, "He knew I did not truly hate him?"
Emma's heart fluttered at the raw emotion in his voice. "He knew you loved him and were just angry."
"Aye" he said and looked out across the city wistfully.
Emma hesitated, "Does this mean…I mean, are you free now?"
Killian stared at her for a moment, "I do unencumbered"
"Oh" Emma said and looked down, fighting back tears.
"Emma, it doesn't mean I will leave you. I think I can leave but I don't want to do so.
Emma smiled. "Killian. You have made my time here more bearable than you will ever know. But I will be 17 soon and they are moving me to a group home. It is not close to here at all. I won't be able to come visit anymore and the thought of leaving you to be lonely is not good."
"You are leaving?" he gasped.
"Yes. Next week" she said.
"Oh" he replied.
"Yeah" she sighed and they sat in silence until it was time for her to go home.
Emma was leaving the next day for her new home. Killian was still not ready to say goodbye but he knew it was time for both of them to move one. They had freed each other and now it was time for her to taste that freedom with renewed vigor.
Emma walked up shyly with her hand hidden behind her back.
"What are you hiding love?" he asked.
She pulled her arm out, showing him the little clutch of blue flowers in her hand. He chuckled and she smiled.
"I brought these for your grave. They are forget-me-nots. I thought they would help you remember me." She looked at him with a pleading hope in her eyes.
Killian laughed and gave her a bow. "I appreciate the gesture love, but I do not think I will ever forget you."
Emma laughed and set down next to the flowers. He sat next to her, each lost in their own thoughts but aware of the other.
"So this is it" Emma said.
"Aye, I suppose it is. I want to thank you Emma. You did not have to do any of this and I appreciate it more than you will ever know." Killian said with sincerity.
"I did not have to do it but you did not have to start talking to me either. Because of you, I think I will be ok. I've never had anyone like you Killian." Emma replied.
"A ghost? I would hope not" he smirked.
"A friend" Emma said and looked him in the eyes.
Killian scratched behind his ear, "Aye, that."
"Yeah that" Emma said with a laugh.
"Emma…" Killian started.
"Don't" she shook her head. "Let's not do the goodbye thing. How about 'Until we meet again'?"
"Until we meet again, Emma" he said with a genuine smile.
"See you around, Killian" she said and she walked away without looking back.
Killian watched her go until he could no longer see the shimmer of her golden hair. He took a good look around at the place that had changed so much and yet so little. He was ready to go and there was no longer any reason to linger. Killian took a deep breath, smiled to himself and whispered "I'm coming home Liam." Then he winked out of existence, leaving the cemetery as serene as if he had never been there, a soft breeze rustling the flowers, that were the color of his eyes, resting on the gravestone that held his name.
Ten years later, Emma returned to that little park next to the cemetery. She swung on the swing to the delight of her little boy. She smiled at the sign next to the park, declaring it "Killian Jones Memorial Park". She was proud that she had been able to give him one little tribute and helped to refurbish the little park for future children. Emma smiled at her husband and told him that she needed a moment.
"Mommy?" the little boy asked.
"Yes sweetheart?"
"Where are you going?" he clung to her.
Emma laughed, "I am just going to visit a friend. I will be right back"
"Can I go?" he asked her with bright eyes.
Emma's husband came up to her, "Liam, mommy needs a moment alone. Let's go try out the new slide." He led the little boy away.
Emma smiled and walked up the hill to the best scenic spot in the cemetery. She placed some forget-me-nots on next to the stone with a little note attached to them. She told Killian's stone all about her life now and her little boy. She told him that she hoped he would not mind that she named her son after his brother, but she did so to honor his memory. She told him she was happy and that she was so grateful that he had been a part of her life.
Emma looked around one last time, knowing that this was the end of their story but just the beginning of hers. She was content in knowing that Killian would appreciate the flowers and the poem. A light breeze rustled her hair as she walked away and she could imagine that it was Killian telling her one last time, "Until we meet again." She recited the poem in her head as she walked back to her family:
To the living, I am gone,
To the sorrowful, I will never return,
To the angry, I was cheated,
But to the happy, I am at peace,
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot speak, but I can listen.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon a shore gazing at a beautiful sea . . .
As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity . . . .
Remember me.
Remember me in your heart:
Your thoughts, and your memories,
Of the times we loved,
The times we cried,
The times we fought,
The times we laughed.
For if you always think of me,
I will never have gone.