Author's Note: Word of warning, this chapter really earns its 'M' rating. Puck has a dirty mouth and a dirtier mind; boy might be pissed off at just about everyone but he still thinks about sex. A lot. Hopefully this chapter will make those wishing for some Puckleberry smut very, very happy.

In Treatment

Chapter 6: It's Kind of the Opposite of a Happy Place

At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.

Marshall B. Rosenburg

For the record, when Puck swings up his guitar to belt out a truly panty dropping version of 'Only the Good Die Young,' the only thought swirling around in his head is that he really wants to get his dick sucked. It's been forfuckingever (two weeks) and he's hoping to get Santana hot by talking about white dresses and rosaries (she's a lapsed Catholic and he's pretty sure she gets off on the guilt).

And then Rachel pops into his peripheral vision with her big, beautiful eyes and her soft lips and her shiny hair that smells so damn good all the damn time. Honestly, there's a split second where he thinks about turning around and dialing up the weird ménage trios (Santana calls it Pucklberry Finn) shit they've got going on from an eight out of ten to about a twelve. Then his memory keys in on the third worst conversation he's ever had in his kitchen. The image of Rachel wearing his clothes talking to him like he's a fucking douchetard flips a switch and pretty soon he's hanging out in the white static-y place (like snow on an old TV) that he usually inhabits right before he punches some sorry fucker in the jaw.

When he comes to, he's standing in front of Quinn acting like he's about two seconds away from putting a ring on her finger. It's confusing to say the least.

Nobody seems to notice that he misses a note (or five) when Rachel rushes out of the room like it's her dad in the hospital and she's the one with the problem with God. Usually he tries to keep from passing judgment on how fucked up glee club is (he's got more problems than all these morons put together) but today he just can't help himself.

He doesn't blame Kurt for not noticing Rachel's flight from the room (dude's got enough shit to worry about) but he thinks Mercedes is a fucking bitch for mirroring Quinn's smirk. Seriously, it's time for her to get over Rachel upstaging her during the first grade talent show. That shit happened a really long time ago. Finn's too busy staring at Quinn with that stupid constipated look on his face (it means he's thinking) to notice his girlfriend ran off when her former best friend serenaded the born again virgin. Sam just looks confused, which is understandable because Puck's already told him to 'Hit that already and quit asking me if it's okay,' in response to repeated questions about pursuing Quinn.

Dude seriously wouldn't shut the fuck up.

The only other person Puck pays attention to is Santana and she looks at him like he should die in a fire before storming out of the room in spectacular Rachel Berry fashion. His relationship with Santana has always been complicated but he's got no fucking clue why she's suddenly all Team Berry. Honestly, it makes him equal parts nauseous and turned on. Which is a pretty unreal combination.

They're thirteen the first time Puck almost goes to juvie. The junior high football team is in the weight room, acting like they're all bad asses, when Azimio announces he's taking Rachel to the high school homecoming game. As in he's already asked and she's already accepted. When the idiotic fuckface starts talking about how he's got a fool proof plan in place for removing Rachel's panties, Puck goes to that little empty place in his head.

When he comes back to reality, his hands look like shit and Azimio is curled up into a little ball on the floor. There's not a lot of blood but Puck's breathing really hard and fuckface is alternating between wheezing like an asthmatic and crying like a little girl. He finds out later that he broke one rib and cracked two others. Honestly though, the dude got off lucky; Puck's pretty sure that he was trying to break his teeny tiny pencil dick (Azimio definitely doesn't live up to the black guy stereotype anymore than Chang lives up to the Asian guy one).

Rachel's already been sitting in his hospital room for over an hour (all she's done is stare at the floor and shoot his ma a watery smile every time she shows up to tell him the doctor is on his way) when Hiram, her daddy, shows up. Hiram's always been his favorite: he's a Jew, he can throw a football, and he's always slow to judge. He spares one glance to look at Puck's hands and then (very softly) tells Rachel she needs to leave the room.

Honestly, if Puck didn't know better, he would have guessed that Hiram sucked a whole lot of dick in order to get him off with only twenty four hours of community service. Apparently defending a young woman's honor goes a long way with a judge who's got a teenage daughter of his own.

Ninety nine percent of all the stupid shit that sends him to the hospital from that point on has to do with Rachel. His ma just keeps calling her and she just keeps coming to the hospital. She never says anything but her and her daddy keep showing up, so, he must be doing something right while he's fucking up all over the damn place.

He's not really sure how he ends up in front of the convenience store.

It starts because his little sister is staying with their Aunt Ruth, again, and his mom has been practically living at the hospital. They're all worried about money (they're always worried about having enough fucking money to cover the bills, the mortgage payment, and the clothes that Hannah keeps growing out of) and Puck wonders, for the billionth time, if his pathetic dead beat dad beats on his new, perfect family in Des Moines. They've got a dog for fuck sakes, a fucking Cocker spaniel. All his ma gets is dodged child support payments.

Pretty soon he's thinking about Quinn (and a half full bottle of Jack magically appears in his hand), which leads to him thinking about Beth (he takes a pull from the bottle that is probably a shot), which leads him to thinking about Shelby (which makes him take a drink before he gets too pissed off), and that leads him back to Rachel (he stops trying to judge if he's taking shots and just starts drinking).

At first he's thinking about just how fucking pissed off he is at the whole situation. Puck's never really been good at staying mad at Rachel Berry, however, and pretty soon he's got about a quarter of Jack left and is thinking about how much he wants to touch her.

Actually touching her is putting it pretty mildly.

Puck thinks about that night in the kitchen and how much he wanted to slam her against the refrigerator door. Hard. Just hard enough to widen her eyes and make her lips form that perfect "o" they always manage when she's surprised. He's straining at his pants just thinking about pinning her wrists above her head with one hand (is it any surprise he gets turned on thinking about controlling the control freak?) and sucking on her bottom lip until she's writhing against him.

He knows everything about turning his girl on.

The last thing he remembers, before he shows up in front of the 7-Eleven drunk out of his mind with his fly down, is that he's got his dick in one hand and his bottle of Jack in the other. Puck's got no clue how he found his ma's keys much less why he decided to take her car for a ride across town.

Deep, deep, deep down inside he knows that stealing the ATM is not going to make anything better at home. His mom is still going to work her ass off, he's still going to be pissed off at just about everyone, and to top it off he's going to land his ass in juvie while Finn is free to seduce (Puck uses that word very loosely) Rachel. There's no way in Dante's nine hells (he reads thank you very much) that Hiram's going to be able to get him out of this mess if he decides to follow through with his dumbass plan. Still, he's rifling through his ma's trunk, looking for the chain he put in there last November, wondering if juvie's really as bad as watching Rachel force herself to stay in a relationship with a guy that she can't really stand.

Of course he knows. Behind that bored expression in Jew group is someone who's committing every single thing Rachel says to memory. He knows it's bordering on creepy and fucking obsessive but he just can't help himself.

He's about two seconds from hooking the chain to the frame of the car (next step, attempted robbery) when something in the corner of his eye catches his attention.

Fuck his life.

Rachel's running towards the 7-Eleven like it's not fifty degrees outside and she doesn't have an elliptical in her basement. She's wearing these tiny, tiny, tiny shorts that make her legs look a million miles long and he manages to yank his fly up before his growing hard on makes it obvious he's not wearing any underwear. In addition to the itty bitty black shorts, she's wearing a hot pink sports bra that's barely covered up by the shirt she's wearing (the sleeves are cut out and she pretty much just kept cutting until about halfway down the side of her shirt). Every time she takes a step the shirt flutters and he gets a glimpse of bright pink that contrasts really nicely with her tan, toned stomach.

Puck's been with a lot of women and he's never lost his shit. Not even when he was fourteen and cashing in his v-card (it could be said that he's somewhat of a sexual prodigy). Looking at Rachel though, free of makeup, her hair up in a ridiculously messy bun, drenched in sweat, and he's desperately trying to think about Finn's mailman.

It's the thought of Finn (who's his bro, even when he wants to punch him in the dick) that keeps him from embarrassing himself.

Rachel stops to stretch, she bends over and touches her toes like it's absolutely nothing, and he's debating whether to call out to her or wait for her to show up with Hiram to bail him out when she looks up and notices him. She got that fake ass smile plastered on her face (it's the same show smile she's had since they were nine) and it isn't until she lifts her t-shirt up to wipe off her face that he notices that she's been crying. He might have spent most of the night wavering between pissed off and aroused, but, she's his girl and he just wants to make her stop crying because he could very well be the reason why this time.

"Noah? May I ask what you're doing?"

He wants to tell her that 'No you may not,' but he reminds himself that she's been crying. He's drunk but he's not that drunk.

"God," yes, she never really stops talking, "you smell like a bar, Noah. What the hell do you think you're doing driving your mother's car while you're intoxicated? You are so unbelievably stupid, Noah Elijah Puckerman."

Her face is red and she's stomping her foot and waving her hands around like she always does when she's so pissed off she's about two seconds from crying. All Puck can do is stand there with the chain in his hand looking between the car, Rachel, and the 7-Eleven ATM. It isn't until he drops the chain and starts moving towards her that he realizes she's so caught up in her bitchfest that she's got no clue that he's closer to her than he is to the car.

It isn't until Puck puts his hands on her shoulders (he's got half a mind to shake the crazy out of her) that she startles. When her lips form that "o," all he can think about is her dropping to her knees in the middle of the 7-Eleven parking lot; just because he knows that will never happen, doesn't stop him from fantasizing about it. His only excuse for what happens next is that he's envisioning the best blow job ever (again, it's been forfuckingever). He honestly has no clue Rachel's poking his chest with her finger until the sensation of his back hitting the side of the car jolts him back to the present.

Rachel looks seriously pissed and not all that loving.

"Please tell me you weren't planning on relieving the 7-Eleven of their ATM. Please tell me you didn't get drunk and drive all the way across town to rob a mother fucking convenience store."

That's one hell and one mother fucking and he knows she's beyond pissed. She's got a prohibition on those kinds of words in her vocabulary. This is the point where he's supposed to smooth things over, promise to be a good boy, and ask for a ride home. Instead, he maneuvers them so that Rachel's the one pressed against the car and he's the one pressed against her.

If he's going to be bitched at, it might as well be from a position of power.

"How long have we known each other, Rach? Since we were what four, five? You know I don't plan this shit, it just happens. One minute I'm jerking off, thinking about doing things to you that would require me to bleach the kitchen afterward, and the next thing I know I'm standing in front of the 7-Eleven thinking about my asshole sperm donor." Her expression softens, she's always extra nice when he brings up his dad, and he just plows ahead. Puck's gotten a lot better about talking about his feelings since Rabbi Greenburg started Jew group.

"Ma's practically living at the hospital, Hannah keeps bouncing between our house and Aunt Ruth's, and I fucking hate the fact that you get up every single god damn day and decide that being with Finn is so much better than taking a chance and being with me."

He's finally done it; he's finally developed Rachel's habit for word vomit.

"Noah…"

Puck doesn't want to hear her weak ass excuses, in fact if she says anything else he's probably going to punch a window out. He does the only thing he can think of to shut Rachel the fuck up. He grabs the back of her neck, tangling his fingers in the soft hair along her hairline that she can never get to stay put, and kisses her. Hard. Puck's pretty sure he's about two seconds away from drawing blood when she straight up moans and opens her mouth to him.

Rachel Berry might like to be on top, but she likes it even better when her man takes charge.

He just keeps applying a steady pressure to the back of her neck, holding the rest of his body still while she writhes against him. His free hand is itching to graze the side of her boob, trail down her body, and ease its way into her shorts. If he's not getting there first (fucking St. Douche) then he's damn well going to make her see stars. Honestly it just makes him hotter thinking about the fact they're in a parking lot where anyone (including Finn, especially Finn) could see them.

"Noah…"

She's panting and her eyes are glazed over and he's wondering if Hiram will bail him out when they get charged with public indecency when Rachel ruins everything.

"I'mstillavirgin."

"What?" Puck's pretty sure he means to say 'What the helling hell," but between his hard on and the massive amount of kissing they've done in a very short amount of time he just can't fire up his brain enough to be that articulate.

"You can't have sex with me in the 7-Eleven parking lot because I'm still a virgin, Noah. I never had sex with Jesse. I've never had sex with anyone."

The part of his brain that no shit, straight up loves Rachel can't believe that he's got a chance to be the first (and only) person to ever sex her up. The part of his brain that is still pissed off at her for jerking him around for the last couple of months, wonders if this is just another mind fuck in a long, uninterrupted string of unintentional mind fucks. The part of his brain with selective hearing thinks that, maybe, at some point there might be a chance for sex in public. Then there's the part of his brain that registers that he's drunk out of his fucking mind.

That part decides it's a really good time to puke. He misses Rachel by inches.

Puck might not know how he got to the convenience store but he sure as hell knows how he got home.

Rachel drives with the same pinched look on her face Shelby got when Puck mentioned that he (and Quinn) would be really appreciative if she'd occasionally send him (them) pictures of Beth. Of course, he follows up by reminding her that he's got absolutely no problem with filing for custody (which would probably be more of a headache for the former teacher than an actual threat). Blackmail might be illegal, but, it gets great results.

They drive in absolute silence (the irony is not lost on him) and she only has to pull over once so he can puke on the side of the road. He knows that there's no way that's he's getting any more action tonight. If Rachel tells her dads, he just might not be getting action ever (Leroy's scared the fuck out of him since the sixth grade).

When they make it back to his house, she clears out the bathroom, and lays down a towel for him to lay down on and rolls up another towel as a makeshift pillow (he briefly wonders when she got so good at taking care of drunk people). While he's puking his guts up, she's cleaning up downstairs (409 really cuts through dried cum and the smell of spilled Jack Daniels). When Rachel finally returns, her shoes are off and she's carrying a glass of water. She stays with him all night (apparently she's really serious about not letting anyone choke on their own vomit and die) and talks about how she's got a plan and how she's going to fix everything and how she's so fucking happy that he didn't rob the 7-Eleven.

Neither one of them talks about the fact that, once again, Puck's helped another one of Finn's girlfriends cheat on him.

Author's Note: I've been carrying around that confrontation in the 7-Eleven parking lot in my head for weeks (even before I started to write this story). I never really intended to write any part of this story from Puck's point of view, but, I couldn't get that scene out of my head and quickly realized there was no way I could do it justice from Rachel's point of view. So Puck managed to worm his way into taking over.

My goal was pretty simple, do justice to Puck and Puckleberry smut; I feel pretty good on both counts. Hopefully this will tide you all over for a little while, I may not be able to update while I'm home visiting my parents. While I will try, regular updates should continue sometime after January 8th.