Disclaimer: Borrowed & nurtured. A/N: Apologies for not updating for three months, I couldn't find my muse. I work F/T in childcare so thanks for your continued support & patience x
A Night of Firsts
Part V
Hank Voight brushed his thumb down his unshaven jaw as he entered Molly's with Sean Roman.
Erin tensed in her seat beside Jay, as Hank approached their table. Chief Boden's voice boomed over the Karaoke music, welcoming the ex-sergeant home with a handshake and pat on the back.
Voight smiled at Erin, but her expression remained blank - he'd abandoned her, like Bunny had all her life. How could he reappear and expect her to welcome him after months of radio silence? He'd neglected responsibilities to help Olive raise Daniel; obsessed with chasing Bingham's connections and cleaning up his Chicago, without a badge to keep him grounded, leaving 21 vulnerable.
"That son of a bitch," Jay put down his beer, rising from his seat on her behalf.
She'd stood in the downpour, pleading for Hank to reconsider, but he'd remained persistent, told her to leave and let him avenge Justin. Erin fought for Hank's humanity, she ignored Bingham's cries, focused only on saving the light in Hank's eyes – but she was too late. As she drove, she heard the gunshot over the pelting rain, and hum of her car engine, and cried.
That night when he'd executed Bingham at the Silos, she'd lost her boss, father-figure and mentor.
She swallowed, voice dry and scratchy as she squeezed Jay's arm.
"Jay, I've got it. Take Daniel home, I'll grab a ride with Atwater," she gave him her car keys.
Kevin, she noticed, hadn't budged from beside Burgess, who had her own issues: confronting her ex, Roman, who'd asked her to move to San Diego with him. Their break up had been bittersweet. He encouraged her to follow her dreams; to be a cop for them both.
Erin turned to Daniel sitting on Sylvie's lap, unaffected by the drama. He hadn't noticed his grandfather - too busy laughing at Hermann pulling faces at him from behind the bar.
Jay closed his fist around her keys.
"I love you," he murmured. "See you at home," he stole a kiss.
Erin smiled like a dork, as Jay lifted Daniel onto his shoulders, then drained her beer.
"Good luck," Gabriela said, as Erin went to confront Hank.
She heard Diego and Eva performing True Colours, with Laura and Severide cheering them. She wanted to be happy for Severide, for finding light in the darkness, even if it was at Antonio's expense. She left Matt and Gabriela and pushed through the crowd, eager to eject months of suffering, when Olinsky caught her left elbow.
"Easy," he began. "I know you've got beef, but we've more important things to discuss."
"Like what?" she hissed, struggling to escape his grip.
Olinsky pulled the toothpick from his lips.
"Like how Crowley plans to reassign our entire unit?" he pressed.
Erin pulled herself free, arms crossed over her leather jacket.
Olinsky adjusted his cap over his eyes, and nodded to Ruzek at the bar.
"Lindsey, I know it feels like you can't forgive Voight for what he's become, but everyone grieves differently, and maybe you can understand why he did it?" he murmured.
Erin's heart raced as Hank approached, her head reeling with accusations.
"Daniel deserves better, Al," she hissed.
"That's why he has you," Olinsky replied, squeezing her fingers in comfort.
Erin steadied her frantic breaths, avoiding Hank's curious gaze.
"I know, I should have called," he began, as though that was the only reason she was mad at him.
Erin gritted her teeth, failing to control her emotions and erupted nonetheless.
"You abandoned us to go on a suicide mission! Your family needed you," she yelled.
Hank pocketed his scarred hands.
"I'm not here for your forgiveness. I did what I did, for Justin."
Erin shook her head in disbelief, while Ruzek intercepted Hank, hugging him briefly.
"Hey Boss, it hasn't been the same without you," he muttered.
Erin eyed the exit, hoping Jay and Daniel got home okay, the snow fall looked heavy.
Hank removed his jacket, taking the beer Ruzek offered him.
"Al, what's going on? Antonio practically smothered me before I got in the door?" he joked.
Months of frustration, anger and disappointment set Erin off again.
"What's going on are repercussions of your decision to leave us. If you'd called, maybe you'd be in the loop! Antonio's suffering isn't anything to joke about either. He was interrogated by Crowley over your resignation, stressed out of his mind with the threat of losing his job because of his loyalty to you – that loyalty which almost ruined my career, remember?"
"Erin," Olinsky warned, a sadness in his eyes.
"No, Alvin, he needs to understand his choices have consequences! When you turned down the Lieutenancy position, Crowley concluded that without you in charge, Intelligence needed new leadership. We were to no longer use your fear-tactics to extract confessions, ending the operation of the Cage, and Silos. She said 'throwing out the old ways were necessary, for new beginnings' - the team you built, and the cases we take, are under threat, all because of your choices."
Hank chewed his cheek, letting Erin finish her tirade, leaving her breathless and flushed.
"I'm grateful to whomever moved Bingham's body from the Silos to clear my name," he addressed after a beat. "I admire that loyalty in my unit…" his sentence faded, lost in his thoughts.
Erin glimpsed Antonio blowing into his gloved fists to keep from freezing to death as he paced up and down the streets. She hoped he and Sylvie could work things out.
"Antonio," Ruzek fake-sneezed, in fact, it was Erin who'd given him the tip.
Hank continued, "…But I won't apologise for protecting my family, or for how I ran the unit, or because I fell short of the person you wanted me to be, Erin. The only apology I'll make is to Justin, who I failed, and I will carry that with me for as long as I live."
Hank ignored Bingham's pleas for mercy: there was no mercy when Justin was murdered.
Rain muddied the dirt beneath his feet, and the light from Erin's headlights faded, leaving only darkness and heartache.
Bingham's demeanour changed, confronting Hank with a sneer: he'd found enjoyment overpowering Melissa Wild, who'd fought for her life, scratching his neck before he slit her throat, tied her hands and ankles in barbed wire, and stuffed her in the boot of her car.
He'd warned Justin for meddling in his business.
Hank raised his gun and squeezed the trigger.
Bingham's body crumbled into an unmarked grave.
Hank turned skyward noting storm clouds, then shook the filth from his shoes.
"What about your grandson?" Erin shoved Hank. "Or did you forget about his existence?"
Hank put his beer on the table behind him and took something from his jacket pocket.
"I returned to tell Olive she can have the deed to the house," he gave it to Erin. "I won't be needing it," he explained to Erin's stunned expression. "I never expected you to live in that house, Erin. Carmila told me if anything were to happen to her, she wanted me to burn it, she didn't want to burden anyone with cleaning the carpet…." he joked to lighten the mood.
Erin lowered the deed, catching Al's nod, and told him about Olive's decision.
"Losing Justin devastated her, she insisted Jay and I adopt Daniel, and give him the love and support she couldn't. Olive's gone, and she's never coming back, not even for Christmas."
Hank paused, scratching his temple, then admitted honestly.
"I'm done with Chicago, I can't fix the streets any more than I have."
"I don't understand," Erin said, re-reading the document, before Ruzek grabbed it.
Hank took her hands, bidding his time, aware of Matt and Gabriela's presence.
"I shot Bingham, Erin."
"I know, I was there."
Hank nodded, distractingly, his eyes clouded over, reliving the night for the hundredth time.
Erin felt his hands begin to shake, and squeezed them in support.
"I don't regret it, he was filth, but I do regret not teaching my grandson to take responsibility for his actions. When I leave here, Roman's taking me to the Ivory Tower to confess, and I will accept any penalty. I left the unit in good hands, and even if Crowley insists, there are people there, who won't allow her to usurp the unit I built. Platt, one of them."
Olinsky cleared his throat, while Erin and Ruzek exchanged alarmed looks.
"Platt took the Lieutenancy position, and is working tirelessly to overturn Crowley's decision, but you know what the board is like. I fear, the old ways are lost, as are our jobs," he explained.
Hank sighed, a hint of that darkness she'd feared returned to his eyes.
"Leave it with me, I'll make it right," he promised, touching her shoulder.
Erin shook her head, overwhelmed with emotions – for months she'd wanted to cut him from her life after his selfish actions, and now when she could lose him forever, she couldn't allow it.
"No, Hank…" she refused to let him be the martyr.
Olinsky's words resurfaced in her mind – of course she could understand the need for revenge. It was all she could think of when she remembered Greg Yates, and the trauma he put her through. And anyway, hadn't she shot Yates to rid herself of his evils and to avenge Nadia?
"That scumbag killed Justin, and Melissa! He deserves to rot in Hell, you can't give up. Daniel needs his grandfather – someone who can tell him about his dad, to answer his questions, the ones I don't know," she explained. "Please don't turn yourself in," she pleaded, holding onto his hand.
Hank wrapped her in his arms, the way he had done when she was a teenager.
"I've left a hell of a legacy, but I need to do this for my sanity. And who knows, if I pay my dues, I might be out before Daniel's fortieth birthday. I'll even give him my cell number," he joked.
Erin refused to joke over such a serious matter, and hugged Hank, wishing for more time.
"I love you, Erin, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, but I need to make amends. Daniel has a family who loves him, and I knew, well, I think I always knew, you could look after yourself, you always have," he kissed her forehead.
"Promise me one thing?" Erin asked thickly, tears dripping onto his shirt.
"Anything," Hank promised.
"Walk me down the aisle tonight?" she asked.
Sean Roman removed his snow encrusted beanie, as the heaters inside Molly's warmed his frozen fingers and toes. He heard music, beers clinking, and laughter as the Baby Shower continued. He recognised his partner's laugh and found Kim swatting Atwater with her hand, as if he'd made one of his lame jokes, Sean smiled.
Adam Ruzek drank alone at the bar, lost in his thoughts.
Sean wondered if he and Kim had reconciled, but could see no wedding ring on her finger. Behind him, Lindsey confronted Hank with Olinsky, and Sean tuned out of their conversation, nervous for Kim's reaction: it had been three months, maybe she didn't feel the same.
He locked eyes with Kim, and grinned, seeing her again made his heart swell with love.
She jumped from her stool and leapt into his arms, knocking him off balance.
"Sean, what are you doing here?" she hissed.
Her nose sent tingling sensations down his neck as she spoke.
"I missed my friend," he admitted, dropping her to the ground.
She blushed a little, her smile infectious, and pushed him playfully.
"Did you forget to buy sunscreen in San Diego?" she laughed, noting his snow burn.
Kevin chuckled, "You know, with your Irish complexion, you really ought to stay inside," he added.
"Ha ha, I've been snow boarding almost every day. You should come visit one day. So, who's your new partner, Burgess?" Sean teased, looking around Molly's for a new face.
Atwater nodded to the pool table where Cap handed a wad of cash to a feisty blonde.
"Officer Hailey Upton, she's an Aries, likes Horse-riding, and catching bad guys," Kim explained.
Sean frowned. "What's that, her Tinder profile?" he remembered the dulcet Francesca.
Kim glanced at Atwater, who drained his beer, and avoided their looks.
"Why don't you tell him, Kevin?" Kim insisted, crossing her arms.
"There's nothing to tell, we went on one date, one," he grumbled.
Sean could envision Kevin with Upton, he guessed, catching Kim's smirk.
"Things really have changed around here," he noted, as Kevin went for more drinks.
Kim squeezed Sean's hand, leaning against him with a warm smile.
"Not everything," she whispered.
Sylvie stared at the ice melting in her virgin mojito, rethinking the night's events.
It was supposed to be her baby shower; a time of celebration, love, and second chances, but she should have known the night wouldn't go according to plan.
She wished Antonio would confide in her, especially now she had a baby on the way – she needed to trust he would be there for them. She knew she wasn't living a fairy-tale; sometimes there weren't happy endings, sometimes life wasn't easy, but Antonio's reaction had cemented her fears, maybe he would always love Laura, his childhood sweetheart, over her?
She sipped her drink, shivering from the gust of wind which blew in from the open door when Erin and Hank left. What really irked her wasn't that Antonio had drunk too much, or that he'd tried to break Severide's nose… he'd lied, and promised he was fine, when he was far from it. Releasing a slow breath, Sylvie put her ring on the bar, unclear about her future.
"Tell me I'm not crazy?" she asked Gabi, who stood behind the bar.
"For wanting to marry my brother? Or in general?" Gabriela mused, wiping down glasses.
"Both?" Sylvie sighed, resting her chin in her hands with a pout.
Gabriela shrugged, watching her other half, Matt Casey, dancing with Louie.
"No relationship is perfect: it's messy, and complicated, and sometimes it doesn't last," she said.
Regret pulsed through Sylvie's chest after another sip of her drink. She couldn't help but wonder if what she and Antonio had was real or just a fling?
"When Laura left Antonio, she erased fifteen years of his life," Gabi explained. "She fought for custody and discredited his job because to her it was to blame for their failed marriage. It's the choices you make which determine your future, Sylvie. So, you can either let Antonio's outburst end your relationship, or you can forgive him, and create a life together."
Gabi wiped down the counter with a tea-towel, leaving Sylvie to contemplate her next action.
"I need to talk to him," Sylvie pulled her coat over her dress, and stuffed her phone into her pocket.
Gabi picked up Antonio's ring, and threw it into her best friend's gloved hands.
"You'll be needing this," she said. "In sickness and in health," she smiled.
Sylvie hugged herself to maintain body heat, repeating her speech in her mind.
She noticed Jay and Daniel parked on the street, eating hot jam donuts, and getting icing sugar all over their faces. Whatever happened during Voight's sabbatical must've been forgiven because Erin and Hank got into the car together, and Erin said something to Jay, making him grin.
Sylvie watched them pull from the curb, reminding herself to find Antonio.
"You shouldn't be out in this weather," Antonio said.
Sylvie clutched her racing heart, having jumped at his sudden appearance.
"Neither should you, this is our baby shower, or have you forgotten?" she snapped.
She noticed his black beanie had a hole in it, and his diamond earring was flecked with snow.
Something else was going on with him, she just needed to pry it from him, she thought.
"Antonio, you promised to be there for us, and yet, you still have some loyalty to Laura, and I feel like I should be questioning yours, to me. I understand you loved her, and that you spent most of your life with her, and that you both have Diego and Eva, but that fight in there, you've got to see how it looked? I can't help but think you still love Laura, and you never really loved me."
Tears dripped down her face, and she cursed her stupid hormones.
Antonio sighed, turning his back on the wind, and trying to usher her back into Molly's.
"Laura was my wife for fifteen years, Sylvie. I care about her, and I want what's best for her, but I'm not in love with her. I'm sorry things are a mess right now, it will get easier, you'll just have to be patient with me," he said, touching her wet cheeks, gently.
She rubbed her freezing nose, and remembered her ring in her fist, Gabi was right, relationships were messy, and complicated, but that's what made them real. She removed her gloves with her teeth, Antonio watched, and slipped her ring back onto her finger, with an apologetic smile.
He sighed, covering her hands with his.
"I'm sorry I let things get out of control, having had those beers. I've been trying to cope with everything myself since the divorce, and I didn't want to trouble you with what you had going on, but you're right, we're partners, and I need to let you in, especially now we've a little one on the way. I don't want to lose you, Sylvie, I love you, and I was stupid not to confide in you."
She was taken by surprise when his lips brushed hers, breathing life into her lungs.
The party finished when Otis accidentally blew the fuse on the Karaoke machine, sending Molly's into darkness. Sylvie had, thankfully, opened her baby shower gifts, and even managed to get Antonio and Kelly to agree on a truce. Diego and Eva wanted to see the Christmas lights, and Laura and Kelly announced they were going away for the holidays, up to his father's cabin.
"So, when do you go on Maternity leave?" Laura asked, casually.
Sylvie and Antonio walked together, with Diego, Eva and Louie running ahead.
"I'm transferring to Med, so there's a spot free on Ambo, there's going to be a bit of reshuffling at 51, but not until next July," she explained. "Any advice for the next eight months?" she asked.
Laura leant against Kelly, glancing at Antonio before admitting her pregnancy secrets.
"Honestly, get organized, buy yourself some comfortable pants with elastic in them, and those triangle pillows; they're a blessing for your back. Health wise, stock up on vitamins, as well as fruit and vegetables, less sugar, and remember to exercise or at least meditate, be gentle with yourself."
Sylvie nodded, making a mental note, and hoped she didn't forget it all.
She had bought some pregnancy books over the last few weeks, trying to prepare for the upcoming months but found she fell asleep after the first paragraph, not because they weren't interesting, but because her job demanded so much of her. April offered the transfer last week, and Cruz told Sylvie about some great meditation and Yoga classes in the same building as his Zumba class.
Antonio unwrapped his arm from Sylvie's shoulders, and checked his messages.
"You guys have to see this," he raised his phone to show them a video message.
Erin's voice called out, with Jay's chuckle in the background. The sky was a vibrant blue, and palm trees blew in the breeze. Wherever they were it wasn't winter, Sylvie thought. Daniel and Jay sat on the beach building sandcastles, their freckles camouflaged beneath pink zinc.
"Sorry to skip out early, guys, but we had an appointment, our wedding! You are speaking with Mr and Mrs Halstead, see you after our honeymoon! We hope you have a fantastic Christmas and new year's, and do keep us posted on your baby news!" Erin blew a kiss into the phone.
"Lucky bastards," Hermann grumbled, as Cindy laughed.
The snow whipped against their coats, and coloured Christmas lights blinked around them.
Sylvie pulled Antonio's arm around her again, smiling when he kissed her cheek.
"Lucky alright," he muttered, grinning against her ear.
Hank stood outside the prison, admiring a photograph in his handcuffed hands.
The last time he'd seen Erin smile like that had been when she'd received her Police acceptance letter, following in his footsteps - he'd never been prouder. Jay, despite how tough he'd been on the ex-military lad, had become someone Vought could count on to have Erin's back 24/7. Erin finally had everything she ever wanted: a family who loved her unconditionally.
Commander Crowley leapt in joy when he'd confessed to Bingham's murder, but with one condition; during his life sentence, he'd become a private backer on the Police board. With this deal it ensured his unit, with Platt's consent, could extract confessions by any means necessary, with the Cage operating, rather than the Silos – now a crime scene.
To tell the truth, Hank didn't have any leverage, but he owed it to his team to try. He donated half of his savings to the unit, and the rest, he gave to Erin, inciting her honeymoon to Hawaii. Crowley and the board hesitated, but Platt came up with an undercover opportunity, which, if Hank obliged, could secure his early release, all he had to do was report on the corruption within the prison.
Hank owed it to Justin, to ensure he didn't make the same mistakes he had in the past. He looked up at the armed guards nested in the prison towers, and the barbed wire surrounding his new home. He knew who he'd meet; ex-criminals, arsonists, and drug lords he'd arrested. He tucked the photo into his shirt, and chewed the inside of his cheek, waiting to be transferred to his cell.
"Hank Voight!"
He ignored the death threats behind rattling fences, as he walked across the dirt, the sun hot against his neck. The jumpsuit he wore wasn't a good fit, a size or two, too small, he scowled. He confronted his past actions without regret, pulled along by a cranky court martial, who smelled like whiskey.
"What are you in for this time?" the guard sighed, crossing his name off a list.
Somewhere in the distance he heard a car door slam, and someone shouted his name.
"Murder," Hank stated.
Kim and Sean agreed they were only friends, but after a few too many of Hermann's egg-nogs that philosophy went out the window. She had a hulk-sized hangover which never disappeared after two Panadol. She rifled through piles of clothing to find her ringing phone, vaguely remembering it was Christmas. Sean grumbled beneath her doona, as she snatched up her bra.
"It's probably my mum," Kim said.
She shook her phone from her bra cup, but missed the call, and held her spinning head in her hands.
"Good riddance," Sean mumbled, before gentle snores rang out beside her.
Kim squinted at her screen, typing in her personal security code, before working out who had called.
There was a voicemail message from Erin Lindsey, she hit play.
"Merry Christmas! Jay and I got married, and we're about to swim with the dolphins! I'm calling you because I'm leaving Intelligence, I'm going to be a full-time mum, I owe it to Daniel. I want you to take my spot upstairs. I've already let Platt know. You're going to do great up there."
Kim dropped her phone, stunned. She'd turned down the opportunity twice for personal reasons, but now nothing stood in her way, the spot was hers, and she released a slow breath, trying to control her nerves.
She shook Sean awake, excitement building in her chest.
"Roman, I'm in," she hissed. "I can't believe it!"
Sean rolled over, confused, his eyes staring at her over the top of the doona.
"Intelligence," she pressed, unable to stop from smiling.
He sat up, and kissed her in congratulations.
"That's great, Kim," he grinned. "It's your chance to shine now."
Kim broke the kiss, torn between her emotions and her head.
"Sean, we weren't going to complicate things," she said, breathing in his scent.
Roman curled her hair behind her ear, sending tingles down her face and neck.
"No, we weren't," he agreed. After a beat, "I'm proud of you, Kim," he murmured.
Her forehead rested against his, and she recalled their flurry to undress, falling onto her bed with heated kisses between patchy breaths. Sean murmured how she smelled of strawberries and vanilla and chuckled. She kissed his shoulders, heat radiating from their entwined bodies, as it snowed outside. Kim traced his ears, and lips with tentative fingers, mesmerized by his soft gaze.
He smelled of eclipse mints and second chances.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, studying the scar on his neck. Michael Ellis had targeted her partner, and could easily have shot her too. She hated Ellis for making her doubt herself, for manipulating the jury, and abusing the Black Lives Matter campaign - she'd acted on instinct, professional in her chase, and shot only when provoked.
"No regrets," Sean kissed her cheek, and reached for his clothes.
She knew Intelligence dealt with cases far more dangerous.
She was ready for anything they threw at her.
She'd already taken on the world.
A/N: Thoughts? Christmas day celebrations up next! If you have any Christmas requests for these couples, friends, let me know as I am still working on ideas. There will be baking, mistletoe, and happy endings though. Please review x