Dear Readers,

My life has been a mess.

I'm attempting to work on myself a bit, but I can't just leave you guys hanging.

Any suggestions? PM me!

Enjoy

Chapter 7: Lust

That night without Edward was slow torture until I fell asleep. I wanted to feel his cool body lay up against me, feel his cool, sweet breath on my cheek as I drifted off to sleep. Having Edward by my side for a near constant two years was spoiling me something fierce, because every two weeks when he needed to hunt, I felt empty and cold. I knew there was no hole in my chest anymore, but now I felt a new emptiness. A new hunger. I wanted him. I needed the things that he could provide.

I needed his cool body near me.

I needed his sweet smell around me.

I needed the touch he gave me last night.

And as ashamed as I was to admit it, I knew that if Edward could avoid going hunting he wouldn't go. He wishes that he could be with me always because he worries so much about me, but he doesn't know how much it makes me worry that he'll never come back, that I'll have to suffer the pain of his absence again. I knew better. Especially now. He'd never leave me, no matter how much danger he was in, no matter how much I wanted him to leave me, he'd stay and watch over me.

I lay in bed on my back, waiting for the rain to put me to sleep instead of keep me up. After living here for the better part of two years, I was still not used to the heavy downpours that plagued Forks at night. I closed my eyes tight and hopelessly waited for sleep to overcome my busy mind and exhausted body.

Edward laid beside me in a dark black t-shirt, his jeans hanging low on his hips as my head lay on his slow moving chest. He suddenly sits up at vampire speed.

"Bella, you're so beautiful," Edward admired my features carefully between his icy cold hands. I blushed crimson and dropped my gaze to the palms surrounding my face. Edward's careful hands pulled my face up for his lips to meet mine. Crashing into me with more force than he had ever used before, his lips were on mine.

The heady kiss was icy-hot and sent chills of pleasure up through my body. I sighed unto Edward's mouth and suddenly, as though I had spoken the password, Edward's mouth opened and a cold, wet tongue darted out from his mouth.

Suddenly Edward jerked up right and his eyes bright red with excitement and thirst, he pinned me to the bed with one arm as the other ventured down my pajama bottoms. I couldn't breathe against his cement weight. His crimson eyes were scary; his darkened features were that of the vampirism monsters that Anne Rice wrote about.

"Edward," I gasped out against his weight.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Edward asked, his teeth barred and his face now hollow with dark angular beauty. My heart jumped out of my chest as his fingers nimbly played with my pubic hair, pulling lightly as Edward's face came down to meet my throat.

"NO!" I gasped. I was sitting up right, in my bed, with a large quilt balled up against my chest. I shoved the quilt off of me and I gasped for air, holding my pounding chest.

I ran my fingers through my tresses of hair and looked to my left to see the alarm clock on the end stand. 3:47AM. I sighed and laid back down, listening to the slight drizzle that was going down rain gutters into the muddy ground. The rain had stopped, the rain gutters were letting out the last of the rain that they held, and soon they'd be empty. I wonder what Edward was up to, and if he was hunting somewhere that it was raining. What was he hunting? I shudder. Why would I dream that my Edward would look like that? Why would I ever think that he'd kiss me like that, knowing that he'd never be able to stand the pain from the thirst he constantly endured around me?

It was just a dream.

Edward would never do that to me, he'd never kiss me light that, he'd never be that scary monster that my mind mustered up. I raked my hands through the locks of my hair again, pulling it into a messy bun near the top of my head in a vain attempt to cool my body temperature down and get rid of the sheen of sweat that now coated my neck, chest, and face. I closed my eyes, but all I could see was the bright crimson eyes of a demon possessed Edward- I could barely allow it that name. Edward wasn't dark. He wasn't that monster I saw in my dream.

Sighing I rolled over on my side and looked out of the window that Edward always climbed through to stay with me every night since the accident with Tyler Crowley's van. I sighed, again, feeling melancholy at the thought of a night without Edward, occupied by unrealistic dreams about a dark Edward.

I woke up to banging around in the kitchen, but that was unlike Charlie to be so loud. I grumbled and rolled over to look at the clock. It was 8. Charlie was long gone by now… Wasn't he? Maybe he forgot something, or was looking for something to use as fresh bait. I rolled out of bed and trudged down stairs to see a large, russet colored boy in my kitchen looking through the cupboards.

"Charlie where is the cereal?" Jacob asked my dad who was sitting in the living room looking through his tackle box.

"You better be quiet, this is the latest Bella's slept in a-" Dad paused as he looked up to see me standing on the landing. "While." Dad finished, he stood up, still holding the thin clear fishing line in his fingers, in the midst of a knot.

"Bella," Jacob breathed. I looked at him. Really looked at him.

He was taller.

Jacob stood with a large bowl holding a spoon and my box of Kix. He looked at least three inches taller. He had dark rings around his eyes as though he hadn't slept in weeks. He wore a stained white cut off t-shirt and jean short cut offs. His shoes were untied, the tongues pulled out for easy slipping off in case he needed to phase.

"Jake don't eat Charlie out of house and home=" Billy wheeled around the side of the living room in full fishing gear. "Bella, good morning!" Billy greeted with his knowing eyes. Billy's eyes were still deep and bleak, full of knowledge about me that I never wanted Charlie to know.

"Morning," I croaked. I hadn't realized my throat's pain until now. It felt like I had spent the whole night breathing in ice cold air and screaming.

"You sick, Bells?" Charlie walked over to me, his large hand on my forehead like I was a kid again. I shied away from his hand and smiled at him sheepishly.

"I'll check with a thermometer, dad." I mumbled, pushing my hair behind my ears and walked up the stairs.

"Bella, wait!" Jake called after me, taking the stairs two at a time. "I need to talk to you," Jake said but stopped at my bedroom door behind me. His nose wrinkled.

"What?" I looked up at him.

"He's in here? When you sleep?" Jake looked appalled.

"He's hunting all weekend," I glowered at him. "What do you want to talk to me about?" I asked grumbling. I was wearing crappy clothes on; I had morning breath, and a rat's nest for hair. I was not in the mood for him to start his crap with me.

"We've been picking up some weird activity-" Jake shrugged, "but it could be that we're not used to the Cullen's stench." Jake wasn't talking sense to me, he just sounded like he was stalling.

"Jake, get to the point before I move you," I threatened, even though I knew perfectly well that I could do no such thing. I tapped my unclothed foot against the cool hardwood.

"Something is going on. We're picking up strange trails." Jake shrugged. "Did the Cullen's mention anything?"

"No," I furrowed my eyebrows looking at him as though he were crazy.

"Are they keeping secrets again?" Jake raised an eyebrow.

"Goodbye Jake," I said as I walked around him and closed my bedroom door. I heard his hands on the door.

"Bella, I miss you. I miss our talks. I miss riding our bikes together. I miss us." Jake pleaded through my wooden door.

"It's moot Jacob. Your pack won't let you see me and Edward would sooner die than let me alone with a pack of wolves." I held back tears as I heard his forehead rest on the door.

He sighed, "I know." Jacob said.

With that I heard his footsteps color the hall way and finally descend the staircase. Seeing Jake always brought up memories of last year and how he was always there for me, about pretty much anything. I couldn't talk to him about anything anymore- it got too hostile. He'd get angry and start calling Edward a 'blood sucker' or a 'leech' and I'd get mad and call him a dog. He was one of my best friends, a best friend that rivaled Alice, but I couldn't give into our friendship.

I got dressed and cleaned my room before I walked down the stairs again. I found nobody in my living room, nobody in the kitchen. I saw a dirty bowl and spoon lying in the sink from Jake and my box of Kix in the trash can empty. I repressed a sigh and shrugged my shoulders. I could fill my time by going to the Thriftway before helping Angela. I needed honey for tea anyway.

When I got back and put away several groceries Angela had called to cancel. Apparently her brothers are both sick with some sort of flu. I grimaced and realized that I had never checked my temperature like I promised Charlie. I turned on the tea kettle and trudged upstairs to find the oral thermometer.

101.4

It was strange that I got sick… I typically had a really good immune system. Edward would want to know… I bit my lip and rinsed off the thermometer with warm water and soap. Walking down as soon as the kettle whistled I fixed myself a cup of black tea with three teaspoons of honey. Charlie would be home soon, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything but lay on the couch and watch a bad sitcom. I opened the small silver phone that Edward preferred I carried when we were apart.

I have a 101.4 fever and a sore throat. I'm fine, don't hurry back. Love you.

But I knew he'd worry. I knew he'd hurry back to come take care of me or have Carlisle give me some medication to help me. I repressed a sigh, being a frail human was annoying and inconvenient. Finishing two cups of hot tea I found myself asleep on the couch and a blanket from the hallway draped over top of me, Charlie in the kitchen at the stove.

"Dad?" I croaked as I sat up. I noticed a can on the counter next to the stove. Chicken and rice.

"You're burning up Bells," Charlie sighed. "If you would have told me you were sick I wouldn't have gone fishing with Billy."

"I didn't check my temperature until like noon," I excused. Charlie's thick eyebrows rose with concern. "I forgot," I explained weakly.

"I made you some tea and soup, come over and eat," Dad said in a soft voice.

It was strange, to see Charlie this caring. He had taken care of me when I was a child, but that's because I wasn't really able to make myself soup unless I put it in the microwave and he was even capable of that. Charlie never showed me how soft he had gotten in the past few months of living with me. He showed his emotions more freely and willingly than ever before.

After eating what I could and drinking all of my tea I went upstairs and took some ibuprofen, trudging to my bed willingly. I should have known that it was strange that I had slept in that late. It was like someone had left my bedroom window open all night and I breathed in cold air and it had tainted any sort of immunity I had during my rest.

I awoke to something cold caressing my face. I jolted awake to see the butterscotch eyes of my lover. Edward. He looked down at me, concerned.

"You're very warm… Warmer than normal." Edward's voice sounded slightly pained.

"I told you not to hurry, or to worry." I grumbled at him.

"How could I not," Edward sighed. "What has made you ill, my love?"

"I don't know. I woke up with a sore throat, it still hurts, and then I took my temperature. I've been drinking tea, and Charlie has been trying to take care of me. He made me soup," I smiled sheepishly up at Edward who smiled down at me.

"He is worried," Edward nodded. "I think you may have the flu," Edward shuttered.

It was strange to think that this or a strain of this is what was killing him in his past life. He seemed to remember the fever and the chills. But that was a long time ago- before there was medical advances than there was now. I wouldn't die of the flu, although, if I could convince him to change me because of it that'd be okay.

"I'll be alright," I grabbed his hand soothingly. "The ibuprofen probably just wore off," I shrugged.

"I'd like to take you to see Carlisle." Edward said as he pulled me into his arms, swaddling me in the blanket.

"Edward, honestly-" I looked over at the clock, "it's two in the morning," I finished. Edward shrugged his shoulders without moving my weight.

"It's not like he's sleeping, Bella." Edward grumbled as he began out of my window with me in his arms.

The run to the Cullen's house wasn't particularly long, but it was chilly and the wind irritated my throat even more. I felt it tickle and burn slightly as I took in breaths as even as Edward's as he ran. When we arrived I saw Emmett and Jasper in the front yard sparring with one another. Jasper seemed to be concentrating, but Emmett had a large smile with a hint of determination behind it. Rosalie sat on a nearby boulder looking bored. They all must have just returned from their trip- and perhaps Edward hadn't run home quickly because of my humanity.

"What's wrong?" Esme was holding a drain spade and tulips.

"She's burning up," Edward said lightly.

"He's in his study," Rosalie said, her voice sounded as bored as her face looked. Rosalie didn't look at me, she merely watched Emmett attempt to grab ahold of Jasper's flank, only to fail and be shoved into the soft ground. But I knew all too well, the ground wasn't soft, their bodies were so hard that it cut through anything like butter.

Edward carried me up to Carlisle's study, still in a cradle that was his arms. I looked sheepishly at Carlisle as his golden eyes looked up from a medical journal the size of an encyclopedia.

"Edward," Carlisle looked at me, and quickly was by myside without my human sensing any movements. "Set her down on the chair and go fetch a blanket." Carlisle called.

"Shouldn't we try cooling her down?" Edward asked doubtfully.

"No, she's not too high, just 102." Carlisle's cool hand was on my forehead. I shivered involuntarily and flinched away from the icy cold hand. "Sorry," Carlisle smiled sheepishly. "I know our hands don't typically bother you," he read my mind almost. I felt bad about flinching away from him.

Edward returned with a thick blanket that smelled like him and wrapped me in it like I was in a chrysalis. Carlisle did a strep culture and quickly ran the results. Carlisle also checked to see if I had the flu or just a common cold.

The strep culture was negative.

The flu culture was positive.

Normally a bout of the flu was nothing abnormal to me, it had happened rarely, grantated, but it wasn't something I'd normally be worried about. Edward seemed very concerned. He paced as Carlisle put an IV drip on me to hydrate me properly. I sat in the arm chair, my eyes drooping slowly as I heard the low murmurs between Edward and Carlisle.

"Is she going to be okay?" Edward sounded pained.

"Edward, she'll be fine. This is nothing like your influenza. A lot of people are coming down with it- it lasts 48 hours max." Carlisle chided.

Charlie would worry where I was soon… Wouldn't he? What time is it.

"Absolutely not, Edward." Alice's voice interrupted the blackness. "You have to go to school tomorrow; you can't just stay home because she's sick. That's not normal." Alice grimaced.

"It is actually quite normal," Rosalie's voice shocked me. "People stay home with their significant others all the time when they're ill."

"Yes, seriously ill, but Bella is not." Alice's chin rose in the air.

"Since when have we really cared about being normal?" Edward scoffed.

I must have drained the IV because I felt a strange pinch and then I felt the fluid movement of Edward's running. I felt like the whole thing was a dream and that I'd wake up and feel fine, ready for school and everything.

I did wake up, but I was in no shape to go to school.

"Bells, I think you ought to-" Charlie opened my door to find me perched on the edge of my bed wearing my PJs holding my head that felt like it may explode. "Stay in bed," Charlie changed his course. I must look pale because he looked very concerned.

"I think you're right. I must have that flu bug," I flopped back down on my bed and huddled up into a ball. Charlie walked over to my bed and gingerly covered me up with the golden rod colored comforter that I was sure wasn't mine.

"Where'd this come from?" Charlie had noticed too. I groaned inwardly. I closed my eyes so that my eyes didn't give anything away, but I could tell a half truth.

"Edward's mom gave it to me," a half truth that I'm sure could probably count as a white lie.

"Oh, well you get some rest kid. I'll come back around lunch to check up on you," Charlie said in a gruff voice as he walked out of my room.

Ugh. This fever could go away any time…. I wanted to get back to Edward and his cool hands, nimble fingers….