Chapter 7
"Meri?" Obi-Wan finally asked when she made no move to pull out of his embrace. "Are you alright?"
His question went unanswered as she raised her head and rubbed the side of his neck with her hand.
Obi-Wan looked at her questioningly as she looked up at him.
"You've been knighted…your braid's gone," she murmured almost to herself.
"You are knighted," she repeated looking up into his hazel eyes. "And I missed it," she added softly. "Qui-Gon must be so proud."
Obi-Wan swallowed hard and couldn't hide the pain in his eyes. It was still too new, too fresh in his memory.
"Obi-Wan?"
He swallowed again before answering. "He's gone, Meri. Qui-Gon's dead."
Meri's dark eyes widened in shock at the news. "Dead?" she echoed tonelessly.
Obi-Wan caressed her cheek gently with his hand and then pulled her into another hug, almost as much for his comfort as for hers. She pulled away sooner than the previous embrace, her eyes troubled.
"How? What happened?"
Obi-Wan rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head almost imperceptibly. "I don't want to talk about it right now, Meri. I'll tell you, later," he promised, looping his arm through hers as they began a slow walk down the beach.
He couldn't help noticing how unsure her steps were and how weak she seemed. "Have you been ill?" he asked gently. He frowned when she didn't answer, but almost pretended as though she hadn't heard him.
Suddenly she stopped and looked up at him. "Did you come to take me back?"
Obi-Wan didn't hide his confusion at the question. "Back?"
Meri nodded at him eagerly, her eyes bright. "Back to the Jedi Temple!"
Slowly he shook his head. "I'm here to unwind, Meri. I heard nothing of your return."
"Oh."
Her voice was toneless, but Obi-Wan didn't miss the way her eyes deadened before she turned her gaze out on the water. Why was she expecting me to take her back, he wondered, his brow furrowing further. Couldn't she return whenever she wished? He had opened his mouth to ask this very question when she spoke.
"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan."
"For what?" he asked softly, slipping an arm around her waist as she stumbled.
"Qui-Gon. I know you loved him…," she paused and then continued, her voice taking on that toneless quality that made the hairs on his arm stand on end. "I know how that feels, to lose someone so close."
He wanted to protest that Alex wasn't dead, but something inside him stopped the words. It wasn't the right time to discuss such things. There was something he sensed about Meri that was too fragile at that moment to speak of Alex or of the Jedi Temple. Instead he turned her attention outwards, as he began telling her that he was now a master to a padawan. Later he would try to find answers to his myriad questions.
***
Obi-Wan was frustrated more than he had been in many years. He ran a hand forcefully through the ginger spikes atop his head, which had began to lengthen since his knighting. He had received a summons to return to the Jedi Temple. His Padawan, it seems, had gotten into some sort of trouble when he got into a fight with another trainee. But it had only been a week since his arrival and he wasn't ready to leave. Not because he didn't feel rested enough, on the contrary he felt quite refreshed.
It was Meri.
She had just begun to open up to him more in her speech and he'd finally gotten her to begin taking regular meals at his prompting. Ever morning since his arrival, he would rise, try to get Meri to join him in meditation, which she had always refused, and then make them both a small breakfast.
During the day they would take leisurely walks along the beech and visit with Dylan and Lyida, a couple he had found to be quite welcoming and warm. There was an unspoken familiarity between the married couple and Meri. On the face of it they didn't seem close in any way, but Obi-Wan had noted that there was a strange tie there. He could tell that on some deeper level Meri trusted the couple.
He had thought he had plenty of time and so had kept any discussions free and light, apart from his telling Meri about Qui-Gon's death. He knew she had needed that, but he hadn't expected to be pulled away so soon. And burning in that back of his mind was the conversation he'd finally managed to have with Dylan only minutes before his departure.
"She's been very ill," Dylan answered in response to Obi-Wan's question on her health. "She never was very hearty looking, but about a month ago she just seemed to," he paused as though trying to think of the proper sentiment to express what had occurred. "…fade, I guess you could say. The only real symptom she had was a high fever."
This news had only perplexed Obi-Wan more, but the older man wasn't finished.
"She almost didn't make it, Jedi Kenobi."
The young knight immediately had noticed the return of formality and sensed Dylan's disapproval aimed at him and the Jedi. The words squeezed his heart painfully, but he couldn't deny the truth of them. He had seen with his own eyes how frail Meri had become and not only physically, but mentally as well.
"I don't know what is going on, anymore than you. But as soon as I return to the Temple I plan to find out," he vowed. "She is my friend," he added softly. Indeed his return couldn't come swift enough. Meri wouldn't give him answers, Dylan and his wife didn't know any, but someone at the Temple had to know what was going on. And he planned to find out whom. Meri wasn't well and the last thing she needed was to be abandoned by those she most trusted.
"Please, may I ask of you one thing?" he inquired softly, his hazel eyes intense as he met Dylan's gaze. At the man's stiff nod he continued. "Watch her, for me…be her friend. I know she isn't the most easy person to deal with, but you don't know what she has suffered." Seeing the impending question looming, Obi-Wan quickly continued. "And I'm not the one to share that with you. But she needs someone, she is already too alone."
Slowly Dylan nodded. "You have my word, Jedi, she won't be alone."
They exchanged a long, meaningful look before Obi-Wan bowed shortly and turned to go.
What concerned him most was that Meri hadn't attempted to touch the Force the entire time of his stay. It was as though she was ignoring its very existence or could no longer feel it. He had attempted a time or two to brush against her mind, but Force or no, Meri was strong minded and her mental shields were fully in place. She wouldn't let him in any more; she was hiding her pain from him. He had just lost his Master; he couldn't lose his best friend too.