Angel
Master: Sulk, sulk. I'm stuck underground for the seventh episode.
Colin: Lemme kill something for you!
Master: Throw in negotiating with my agent and you have a deal, kid.
Willow: Kill a cockroach, get a free beer. Life should always be this simple.
Angel: Hey Buffy... watch out! *decapitates snarly demon*
Buffy: How romantic! Ahhhhhh...
Angel: Ahhhhh...
Xander: Oh yeah. They've got it bad.
Angel: Here, allow me to sleep on the floor next to you all night long. To... protect you, of course.
Buffy: Yes. And I'll pretend that we're not hitting the viewing audience over the head with just how much you and I are attracted to each other.
The Three: We suck. You may kill us for sucking.
Master: Works for me! *STAKE, KICK, POOF*
Buffy: And he's really cute! His name's Angel.. and he's pretty pale... skulks around in the shadows... I only see him at night and in the cemeteries... You know, I'm beginning to suspect that he's a-
Giles: Vampire!
Buffy: No, stupid. I was gonna say "late night DJ." Vampire? Puh-lease! No way in the world is he a-
Angel: GRRRRR!
Buffy: AAAAIIIIEEEEE!
Darla: Hey baby. Been a while. You didn't call.
Angel: Well, you know, for the first hundred years or so of our estrangement... no telephones.
Master: Angel... it's been a while. He didn't write.
Darla: No paper?
Master: Meh.
Joyce: Hello person who I've never met before. Why don't you come right on inside and get a really good look at my bare and exposed neck...
Darla: (vamps) Yay.
Darla: Angel! Do be a doll and hold this limp, bleeding body for me.
Angel: Sure. Where ya going?
Buffy: YOU ATE MY MOTHER!
Angel: What? No! See, this old girlfriend of mine named Darla wanted me to hold Joyce for a minute while she... damn. Why didn't this reek of "setup" from the get go?
Giles: I came to wish you well. Pay my respects.
Joyce: How sweet and thoughtful. (pause) Wait. Isn't that something you say to a person who's dying?
Angel: I'm a brutal, evil, ugly beast! Well, was at any rate. That was about the time I was cursed with a soul by this troop of really pissed off gypsies. (best dramatic voice) Now I am doomed to spend the rest of my eternal life atoning for my various hideous and brutal crimes against humanity. I am forever in torment and-
Buffy: Yeesh. This is already getting old and we still have two seasons of it ahead of us.
Darla: Don't worry. Bullaits cain't kill vampiahs. Can hurt 'em loike 'ell- Wow. That sounded really southern all of a sudden.
Buffy: Ride 'em cowboy.
Angel: And they said she was the best actress money could hire.
Darla: Shut yer yap, pardner. *BANG*
Angel: Owie. Who said she could have a gun?
Angel: *STAKE*
Darla: Yee doggies! That hurt loike a son of a- *POOF*
Master: GRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAGH! She was my favorite! How could he kill her like that?
Colin: Well, the sudden accent did kinda reek of hokiness.
Master: Given. (pause) STILL IT BITES THE BIG ONE!
Colin: I gotta find myself a new series. Something on NBC...
Angel: Look, this can't become anything-
Buffy: - serious, I know.
Angel: So let's just torment ourselves by standing here, ever closer, until we touch and-
Both: *HARD KISS*
Xander: Who here didn't see that coming? Raise 'em high. I'm keeping a running tally here.
Joss: Don't you see? Buffy's cross burns Angel as they kiss which symbolises the good in Buffy rejecting the evil in Angel which foreshadows the doomed nature of the relationship! Viewers will no doubt be astounded by this meaningful and intellectual episode.
Bangel Fans: *DROOL*
Joss: Or not.
(The little Grr! Argh! demon waltzes romantically across the screen)