Total Drama Alphabet
Chapter 7: Day 4: Part 1: C is for Dr. Clause
"Come in," a woman with a deep, echoing voice said after hearing a knock on the door. Chris Maclaine peeked in, gulped, and slowly approached, walking down the red carpet, surrounded by a virtual jungle on either side, making his way toward the woman, sitting behind a large desk. The woman could not be seen, as she had her big chair turned away: all that could be seen are her two hands, both of which had large metal gloves on. She pressed her hands in front of her unseen face, at least Chris was guessing. "You have one minute."
"The show, I've seen it, and it's not that good," Chris said, rubbing his forehead. "Izzy's terrible, Bridgette's an idiot, the contestants all suck, except for way too few of them, and the good ones are getting voted out left and right!"
"Leanne sucked," the woman said. "Why did we ever think he would make for a fun contestant?"
"His name," Chris said. "When he mentioned his name being Leanne, you were rolling out of your seat."
"That was stupid on my part," the woman said, tapping the arm of her chair. "There's only so much you can mine for that, though."
"Don't you remember how much gold we got out of Owen's one joke back in the first season?" Chris asked, smirking.
"Yes," the woman said. "But our youngest demographic finds fart jokes funny. They aren't nearly as big on an irritating boy who doesn't like his name."
"Still, we really need someone to stir up some drama there," Chris said. "Everyone's too nice and goody goody."
"I've heard that Katrina's stirred up quite a bit of drama," the woman said.
Chris tapped his chin. "Surprisingly, yes, Ms. Levac. But it's actually more just idiots creating drama and throwing her under a bus. I don't like her."
"I like her a lot."
"Favorite contestant!" Chris exclaimed nervously. "Still, I can't help but think that we could really use someone who could really stir up some drama." Chris smirked as he pulled out some papers.
"NO!" Ms. Levac yelled, in a booming voice.
Chris nervously looked at the bits of ceiling crumbling down. "But Penny-"
"That's not my name!" Ms. Levac screamed, shaking her fists. "OUT!" Chris gulped, then rushed out of the room. Ms. Levac put her hand to where her head likely was, then pulled out a picture frame.
Izzy and Ezekiel were making out on the Dock of Shame, mostly with Izzy leading, and Ezekiel going along with whatever Izzy wanted. Bridgette looked embarrassed, then turned to the camera. "We're rolling, guys."
"You can do it, Bridgette," Izzy stopped to say, then continued making out.
Bridgette smiled uncomfortably to the camera and started rocking on her feet, with her hands in her pockets. "Last time on Total Drama Alphabet, the contestants teamed up with all of your favorites from the first two seasons of the show-"
"Except me!" Izzy exclaimed, then put her mouth right back on Ezekiel.
"Yes, except Izzy," Bridgette said. "The contestants worked in pairs with their favorite contestant from the first two seasons to compete in three challenges from the first season. First, everyone had to dive off the thousand-foot cliff into piano-infested waters, though I'm pretty sure Izzy was just making that part up."
"Nuh-uh," Izzy said, shaking her head, as she stood up and took out a can labeled 'piano seed' She sprinkled some into the lake, and after a few seconds, a carnivorous grand piano opened its lid and started violently eating at the seed. The piano then dove back underwater.
Bridgette's jaw had dropped. "How… the-"
"Oh, don't worry, they can perform tricks," Izzy said. "One of them can even play 'Heart and Soul' on itself!"
"Well, it's one of the basics, but I guess that's still pretty impressive," Bridgette said.
"Basics?" Izzy asked, tilting her head in confusion.
"I mean, it is one of those songs everyone learns," Bridgette said, smiling nervously.
"I'm talking about T'Pau's "Heart and Soul," I just love that song!" Izzy exclaimed, bouncing onto Ezekiel.
Bridgette giggled, then turned back to the camera. "Anyway, the contestants had to compete in classic challenges from the first season. First, the contestants and partners had to jump off the thousand-foot cliff. But without the hot tub building part."
"You guys really sucked at that, you know that?" Izzy said, smiling.
Bridgette hung her head in shame. "We did." Bridgette looked back up and smiled. "After that bad reminder of a challenge, we had a… weird version of the Awake-a-Thon, I guess. Which didn't really make a whole lot of sense."
"The regular version took forever," Izzy said, waving dismissively to Bridgette. "This was quicker!"
"Well, I can't argue that point," Bridgette said. "The third challenge was the hide and seek challenge, with Izzy taking glee in shooting the contestants with her powerful water gun."
"It was fun!" Izzy exclaimed.
Bridgette shrugged. "Nicole outlasted everyone, and so Team Moon gets a nice stay at our nicest cabin. Team Amazon lost, though, and had to send one of their own members home. The boys tried to unite to get Katrina kicked off, but Rachel, who apparently has a nicer side to her, made some sort of deal with Percy, who turned against Walter, making him the second person voted off. I didn't care for Walter much, personally."
"His scent reminded me of Owen," Izzy said, fanning the air in front of her nose. "Not something one should strive for."
"I thought he seemed nice," Ezekiel said, a bit confused.
Izzy pat Ezekiel on the head. "You'll learn one day, but for now, it's time to start another exciting day, with another exciting challenge! Yippee!" Izzy exclaimed, clapping her hands. "And in our fourth exciting day, we are going to have a third person voted off, but who?" Izzy put her hands to her cheeks, feigning a shocked expression, then cackled to herself, grinning big. "You'll just have to wait to find out, but not for too long, 'cause it's coming up right now, on Total Drama Alphabet!"
"So you're the big hero," Stephanie said, extending her hand to Nicole to shake. "Congratulations. I suppose it would only be right to allow you your choice of room."
"I think she should take the first room on the left," Todd suggested. "It's the nicest room."
Nicole raised an eyebrow. "I think I'll pass on that room."
Confession Vending Machine Room
Todd: Ooh, she's good. It's like she somehow knew that I'd booby trapped the room. Emphasis on the "booby." Sneaking a hidden camera in the room, so I could see her in her glorious nakedness when she changed her clothes… it would have been quite the beautiful sight to behold.
"Veronica, would you like to room with me?" Nicole asked, smiling, holding Veronica's hands.
"I'm straight, sorry to disappoint you," Veronica said, shrugging.
Nicole looked worried. "I wasn't going to ask for sex or anything."
"Because I'm not good enough, I know," Veronica said, shrugging.
"You could sleep with me," Elizabeth said.
"I already told Nicole, I'm straight," Veronica said. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.
Nicole smiled nervously to Elizabeth. "I'm sorry for that." Elizabeth smiled back, nodding.
Confession Vending Machine Room
Nicole: I'm a little disturbed by Veronica's complaints, really. And the weird assumption that Elizabeth is into girls. And I know it shouldn't be insulting to be asked if you're gay, but let's face it, the person asking usually means it as an insult.
Veronica: I've heard about prison. Everyone is always gay in those places. Good if you're into that, I suppose, but I'm not, and I wish Nicole and Elizabeth would respect my choice.
Stephanie: I don't understand why any of them would want to share a room with anyone else in the first place! Getting a peaceful, solitary night's sleep is part of the luxury that comes with the first place cabin.
"Would you like a roomie?" Jennie asked, smiling bright to Elizabeth.
"No thanks," Elizabeth said, shrugging. "Kinda' want a little alone time."
"Understandable," Jennie said, then turned to Nicole. "I could room with you!"
"It's OK," Nicole said, nervously shrugging. "I'll pass."
Jennie looked confused. "I thought you wanted a roomie?"
"I'm good," Nicole said, then coughed.
Confession Vending Machine Room
Nicole: (rubbing the back of her neck) Yeah, I've seen how Jennie yells at other people, and how much hatred she has for Bridgette. Didn't really want to deal with her.
"Dibs on the top bunk!" Candice exclaimed, as she leapt into the top bunk of one of the bunk beds in the second place cabin.
"I call dibs on the other top bunk, then," Danielle said, going toward the other bunk, where Isis was lying down, looking as if she were daydreaming, up at the ceiling. "Get down, now."
Isis blinked. "Why?"
"Because you are in my bed," Danielle said. "I called dibs on the top bunk, and here you are, lying in my bed."
Isis rolled her eyes. "I was here first."
Danielle stomped her foot. "But I called dibs! How can you not respect other people's dibs?"
"She's got a point," Ophelia said from the bunk below. "I heard her call dibs."
"Please tell me you aren't taking her side," Isis said, irritated, rubbing her forehead.
"I just said I heard her call dibs," Ophelia said, shrugging. "I didn't hear you call it."
"Of course not," Isis said. "I was already in the bed! Of course I didn't call dibs!"
"Well, it's only polite to move to a new bed," Ophelia said. "It's the rules of dibs."
"You're insane," Isis said flatly.
Ophelia grew a wide grin. "I try!"
Isis rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm not moving."
"She was there first," Candice said.
"We don't need your stupid blonde brain getting involved, thank you," Danielle stated.
Ophelia nervously looked around. "Danielle, I think you're blonde, too."
"I'm not a slut, though," Danielle said, glaring at Candice, then violently climbed into Isis' bed. "Give me that bed!"
"No!" Isis shouted, throwing Danielle to the ground. "Leave me alone! And Ophelia, stop kicking me!"
"But this is fun!" Ophelia exclaimed, kicking Ophelia's mattress repeatedly. "And besides, you stole the bed from Danielle."
"No I didn't!" Isis yelled, pulling at her braids. "Fine!" Isis leapt down from the bed, walking to the bunk below Candice, while glaring at Danielle. "I hope you're happy!"
"I am!" Danielle exclaimed cheerfully. "I got what I deserved!"
"You called dibs!" Ophelia exclaimed.
Isis was grumbling as she lay in the bottom bunk below Candice, when Candice peeked her head. "You want the top?"
"Not after you touched it, slut!" Isis yelled. Candice looked distraught, but simply pulled her head back up and lay silently in her bed.
Confession Vending Machine Room
Isis: (hanging her head down) After I cooled down, I was ashamed of how I treated Candice. I know how it feels to have people treat me badly when I'm being nice, and Candice was trying to be nice to me, when Danielle was being a stereotypical spoiled white girl, and Ophelia was turning against me, for some reason. Candice probably deserves a chance, even if she is a slut.
Ophelia: Danielle called dibs. It's that simple. (Ophelia makes her eyes go cross-eyed.) Duh.
Frederique was sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor, stretching as he yawned, waking up in the morning. He groggily looked around, and then he screamed.
"What the hell are you doing?" Frederique asked, leaping out of his sleeping bag, with Xuxa having been lying right beside him.
"Just sleeping next to you!" Xuxa exclaimed sweetly.
"I didn't say you could do that!" Frederique yelled.
"I thought it was implied," Xuxa said, calmly getting out of the sleeping bag and standing up. "All of those flirty signs you were giving me-"
"I wasn't flirting with you!" Frederique yelled.
"Some of us would like to sleep in," Alistair said, grumpy.
"Maybe you should quiet down," Xuxa said quietly. "I think you're disturbing everyone."
"Me?" Frederique yelled, throwing his arms into the air. "You were in my sleeping bag with me!"
"We've established that," Alistair shouted, reluctantly turning over to glare at Frederique. "Repeating it over and over is not going to get it through to her, but will cause me to lose precious sleep, so shut the hell up!" Alistair then turned over and curled himself up tight, grumbling something to himself.
"Lucky," Percy said, smirking. "Wish some girl would've done that to me!"
Confession Vending Machine Room
Percy: Preferably one who's hotter than Xuxa, like… well, they're all hotter than Xuxa, really. But she's still technically a girl, so I'd do her if she wanted. I don't discriminate.
Alistair: I'm kind of wishing the girls would have voted off Frederique last night. At least Walter wouldn't have had the audacity to wake me up by screaming like a stupid girl!
Rachel peeked her head into the boys' side of the cabin. "Frederique, I know you want my attention and adoration, but interrupting my beauty sleep is not the way to go about it." Rachel rushed up to Frederique, and started rubbing under his chin. "But I forgive you."
"I don't want you!" Frederique yelled.
Rachel blinked in confusion, then looked down. "Oh. I… didn't realize you already chose."
"What are you talking about?" Frederique asked, angry.
"Xuxa won, I guess." Rachel was walking back to the girls' side, but stopped first to glare at Xuxa. "This isn't over, I hope you know. You and I, not friends!"
"Well I'm double not friends with you!" Xuxa shouted, blowing a raspberry to Rachel, then turned to smile at Frederique, only to frown when she saw he was no longer there. "Now where did he go?"
"If he's not here, I don't care!" Alistair shouted. "I wish you would go as well!"
Confession Vending Machine Room
Xuxa: I guess Rachel won. (Xuxa sighs.) So Frederique likes Rachel and not me. But I'm not going to give up! I need to fight for my man, and no skinny bimbo is gonna' take him away from me!
Rachel: (narrowing her eyes) Don't think this is over, Xuxa. It's not over. You may have won over Frederique's heart, but I will steal him from you. Don't think I won't do that! I've done it before, and I'll do it again. It's on!
Katrina: (still bandaged up, sitting in a wheelchair) I really don't want to take sides in the whole Rachel and Xuxa loving Frederique thing, but I'm happy for Xuxa, putting it all out there on the line like that. (Katrina rolls her eyes.) Well, except for the whole "he's as big jerkass just like Justin" thing he has going on. Was it really necessary for him to treat Xuxa so cruelly?
"If Izzy would allow me, then yes," Katrina said, wearing an enormous smile, still covered in bandages, sitting in a wheelchair. "But I don't want to be voted out."
"Neither of us wants you gone," Rachel said.
"I do want her gone, though," Xuxa said, pointing to Rachel. "But we won't let anyone vote you off if we lose today!"
"We just want you to get better," Rachel said, massaging Katrina's shoulders. "Really, I was expecting you to get better by now. Thought you'd heal faster, for some reason."
"I appreciate it, you guys," Katrina said, blushing. "You two are the best!"
"You and me, anyway," Rachel said, then disgustedly pointed to Xuxa. "Her, not so much."
"I'm nice, and good," Xuxa said, smiling innocently.
"I'll bring back breakfast for you," Rachel said, then leaned over to kiss Katrina's forehead. "Take care." Katrina blushed, looking embarrassed.
Confession Vending Machine Room
Xuxa: (grinning) She got over Frederique pretty fast, huh?
"Ooh, you can play my video game, if you want," Xuxa said, handing her video game over to Katrina. "It might keep you occupied."
"You just want me to create another game to put on it, don't you?" Katrina asked, smirking.
Xuxa smiled innocently. "If you want, or you can just play one of the games I have. You can even watch some movies or TV shows on it!"
"Ooh, which ones?" Katrina asked.
"Mostly just Sabrina, the Teenage Witch." Xuxa said, grinning like an idiot. "I just love that show!"
"I don't," Katrina stated coldly.
Xuxa blinked "But it's got all the episodes, like when Sabrina kissed Harvey, and turned him into a frog, and she was way too good for him anyway, but-"
"I don't like it!" Katrina shouted, breathing fast, then taking deeper breaths. "I'm sorry, Xuxa. I overreacted. Hug?" Katrina stretched out her arms, and Xuxa tearfully hugged back.
"I'm sorry," Xuxa said. "I won't mention the S-word in front of you! Promisies!"
Katrina pat Xuxa's back. "It's fine, really. Thank you for respecting my wishes, though."
Confession Vending Machine Room
Xuxa: It feels so weird to have someone like Katrina around. I'm so used to everyone trying to get away from me, for no apparent reason, but Katrina actually seems to… well, like me! And actually shows it! I swear it's the nicest feeling ever, and I don't want to ruin it by talking about Sabrina if it makes her uncomfortable!
Rachel: I think they're both a little extreme about the show, really. It's not nearly as awesome as Xuxa says it is, but I don't get why Katrina hates it so much, either. (Rachel shrugs.) Besides, they had that one movie with Tara Charendoff, back then at least, and she's like one of my favorite voice actresses! Reminds me of Katrina's voice, really.
Isis was walking around the camp that morning, looking for something, in the garbage can, under a random rock, and every place else she came across.
"Need help finding something?" Xuxa asked, smiling bright.
"Trying to find Candice, actually," Isis said, closely inspecting a blade of grass.
"I don't think she'll be there," Xuxa said, looking inside a garbage can. "Do you know where Frederique is? I can't find him."
"I don't think he likes you," Isis said, then sniffled. "I'm sorry. He's just a big meanie!"
"He's just playing hard to get," Xuxa said, waving dismissively. "And he apparently likes Rachel, but I can win him back!"
"Really?" Isis asked, curious. "I kind of got the impression that he didn't like Rachel either."
"Oh, he totally digs her," Xuxa said, sneering. "I don't know what he could possibly see in that freak."
"Better than Danielle, at least," Isis muttered to herself, then she spoke normal. "I'll let you know if I find him, though!"
"Thanks!" Xuxa exclaimed, glomping Isis. "You're the best… I mean, second best!"
"Second out of twenty-four isn't so bad," Isis said cheerfully.
Confession Vending Machine Room
Xuxa: Aren't there twenty-five of us? I think Isis forgot how to count, or something.
Isis was lifting a large rock that was surprisingly light, and found the rock hollowed out, with Frederique hiding beneath it.
"Please don't tell anyone I'm here," Frederique begged.
"I already promised Xuxa I'd tell her if I found you," Isis said.
"No, please!" Frederique begged.
"If you want to break up with her, be a man about it, instead of this stupid hiding from her business," Isis said, rolling her eyes. "You're pathetic." Isis called out, "Xuxa, found him!"
"Frederique!" Xuxa exclaimed, glomping him. "You're mine!"
"I don't think he likes you," Isis said, giggling.
"Nonsense," Xuxa said, smirking. "He just doesn't realize it yet."
Confession Vending Machine Room
Frederique: Seriously, is there not one half-way decent person here? Why does everyone think I'm the bad guy?
"Candice!" Isis exclaimed, glomping the blonde. Isis started crying a bit. "I'm so sorry about what I did to you."
"What did you do?" Candice asked, confused.
"I was mean," Isis said, comfortably continuing to latch on to Candice. "You were being nice, and I called you a slut, and I'm sorry."
"You wouldn't be the first person to call me such," Candice said, then sighed.
"I was mean, and you were nice," Isis said, sniffling. "I hate being mean, I just have a temper."
"Thank you," Candice said, smiling. "I don't understand why I'm so disliked, anyway."
"It's the slut… err… is there a nicer word for that?" Isis asked.
"There should be one," Candice said. "I really ain't like that anymore, anyway. Still always get called one."
"It might be the outfit," Isis said. "Kind of revealing."
"You really think so?" Candice asked, looking down at her outfit, or lack of one. "Bridgette said something like that, too. It's so comfortable when it's hot, though."
"I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance, anyway," Isis said, smiling. "You just seemed like a slutty-err, I'm sorry, I said that word again. I thought you were a… 'naughty'?"
Candice laughed. "I'll take that word."
"OK, then," Isis said, clearing her throat. "I thought you were a 'naughty' privileged white girl."
"Can I ask you something that's been bothering me a little?" Candice asked, a bit nervous.
"Go for it."
"Why do you keep mentioning me and everyone else being white?"
Isis looked like she was getting upset, but calmed herself down pretty quickly. "I'm sorry. It's just kind of a sensitive issue for me. I'll tell you as long as you promise not to go 'but I don't do that' or 'it's all in your head' or 'durr, slavery's over!'"
"I promise," Candice said, raising her right hand.
Isis wiped a tear from her eye. "Thank you. Anyway, I've had trouble with white people for a long time."
Confession Vending Machine Room
Isis: (hugging herself, with a huge smile on her face) I swear, that felt so good! Candice didn't try to argue, or accuse me of that stupid race card thing, or anything! She listened to me!
"I'm sorry," Candice said, crying, hugging Isis.
"You don't need to be, girl," Isis said, hugging Candice back, crying a little less than Candice. "I don't want to blame you."
"Not that I mean to compete in a sob story competition, but I kind of feel I can open up to you, like about my life, and such."
"No, it's good," Isis said, looking eager. "You listened to me ramble on, I can do the same for you."
"After breakfast, though," Candice said, smirking. "I'm kinda hungry."
"Oh, I almost forgot," Isis said, rubbing her stomach. "I guess Courtney's cooking for us today. She's better than Chef, right?" Candice shrugged.
Confession Vending Machine Room
Isis: (beaming) You know, I've never had a white friend before. Well, not a true one, anyway. Does everyone really have to always assume I'm misreading something, or that I wasn't supposed to be offended, or… blah, I hate thinking about it. I really think Candice gets it, though. And I really hope I'm right! I can use a close friend here, and Stephanie seems a bit shy. I don't want to push her away, really. It'd be nice to have someone who knows what I've gone though like Stephanie, though.
Stephanie: (rolling her eyes, with her arms crossed over her chest) Seriously, Isis is such a drama queen. Maybe if she'd stop complaining, she'd realize most people don't care if she's black or white or purple or polka-dotted.
"DJ, you're a much better cook than Courtney is!" Jennie practically screamed in the dining room, while eating something that looked unappetizing, but Jennie was gobbling it up like there was no tomorrow.
"Don't care!" Courtney yelled back, from the kitchen, as Sadie brought out stacks of pancakes before Isis and Candice.
"A little tough and flavorless," Isis said, taking a bite of pancake. "Definitely need the syrup to salvage this." Isis started pouring the syrup over her pancakes.
"You get better syrup distribution if you cut up the pancakes first," Ophelia said quickly, standing behind Isis, from out of nowhere, startling the girl a bit. "The bottom pancake is just going to get a litty bitty bit on the bottom, and the middle pancake won't get any, so I totally think you should cut it first."
"Oh, it's you," Isis said, disgusted, glaring at Ophelia. "The traitor."
"Ooh, I betrayed someone!" Ophelia exclaimed. "Is this like a game where I have to guess who I turned on? Ooh, ooh, is it Jake? I know I said I would watch his hamster for him when he went on vacation for a week, but it's not my fault the hamster accidentally wound up in my sandwich, but at least he was tasty!" Ophelia rubbed her stomach contentedly. "Hey, at least I got him a new hamster, but then, after I realized how yummy the first one was, I wound up making a hamster sandwich out of that one before I gave it to him, so that's… yeah, I guess I was a bit of a traitor, but he was mean to me second!"
Candice and Isis stared in horror at Ophelia. Isis then started to speak. "Uh…"
"You monster!" Jennie screamed, pointing an accusing finger at Ophelia. "How could you treat a hamster so callously?"
"Um, we eat cows," Ophelia said, shrugging. "Hamsters are like litty bitty cows, and quite the delicacy!"
"I don't eat beef!" Jennie yelled, turning red.
"Then don't have a cow, man," Ophelia said, laughing.
Confession Vending Machine Room
Elizabeth: I wish Jennie could lighten up a bit. That joke was lame, but still pretty funny, but I don't think she saw the humor in it.
Elizabeth was holding Jennie back, who looked like she was about to maul Ophelia, who was ignoring Jennie, and talking to Isis. "So what's up?" Ophelia asked.
"Not talking to you," Isis said, then took a bite of pancake.
"Oh, don't want to talk with your mouth full, gotcha'," Ophelia said, nodding. "I think it's fun to talk with my mouth full. It makes me sound all funny and gooblally, but-"
"I'm not talking to you ever," Isis said.
Ophelia put her arm around Isis. "Aww, but we're like BFFXJ9Ls!" Ophelia exclaimed, though Isis, quickly threw Ophelia's arm off.
"Leave me alone!" Isis yelled. Ophelia's lip was quivering, and she started tearing up as she slowly walked away, wiping her eye.
Confession Vending Machine Room
Ophelia: (blowing her nose) I thought we were friends. What did I do?
Frederique nervously looked around the dining room. "Is Xuxa here?"
"No, but I am, lover boy," Rachel said, smiling seductively. "Saved you a seat."
"Um, I'm right here," Percy said. Rachel nonchalantly and violently pushed Percy into a nearby wall out of the chair, as she pat the seat down.
"I kept it warm for you."
"I think I'll skip breakfast," Frederique said, then opened the door to leave, but almost immediately, his eyes went wide, and he slammed the door shut, staying inside. "On second thought, I'll stay."
"How nice," Rachel said. Frederique shuddered, then sat next to Rachel, who started rubbing her head against his arm. "Nice day, isn't it?"
"No," Frederique said, irritated.
"At least it's better now."
"No, it's not," Frederique said, getting angrier. "And stop rubbing on me!"
Rachel sighed, lifting her head. "So I guess Xuxa won the prize. Well, congratulate her for me. She won you fair and square."
"I hate Xuxa!"
Rachel glomped Frederique, knocking them both to the floor. "I knew you liked me!" Rachel started kissing him all over. "I knew you'd never care for that fat slob like you do me! Thank you!"
"I don't like you either!"
Rachel stopped kissing Frederique, looking as if her brain broke. It took her about half a minute for her to compose her thoughts. "So you're gay."
"No, I'm not!" Frederique yelled.
Rachel started counting on her fingers. "So, let me get this straight. You don't like the ugly girl, you don't like the hottest girl here, and you're not gay."
Frederique feigned shock. "By Jove, I think she's got it!"
Rachel looked angry as she poked Frederique in the chest. "You're a user!"
"What the hell?"
Rachel poked Frederique in the chest again. "You use girls for your own amusement, pitting us against each other so you can cackle to yourself about how you can manipulate us and laugh, making everyone else miserable! Xuxa can have you for all I care!"
Nicole blinked in confusion. "Rachel, I don't think-"
"I'm not a lesbian!" Rachel screamed. "Stop thinking I'll make out with you, 'cause I won't!"
Nicole slowly scooted back. "OK…."
Confession Vending Machine Room
Isis: Rachel's probably right. Freddie never seemed too friendly. I think there's something wrong with him.
Candice: Frederique's pretty full of himself, thinking he's just that good that he can mistreat two admittedly not particularly likable girls, and still wind up snagging himself someone else. (Candice angrily points between her boobs.) Well it ain't gonna' be me, honey!
Nicole: I feel like the only sane person here. Frederique didn't like either of them. Not so hard to understand. (Nicole shrugs.) Then again, he's still an ass. Don't really want to stick my neck out there for someone so horrible.
"Greetings, everyone!" Izzy exclaimed, standing before the contestants, while standing beside Bridgette. "It's that time again!"
"Time to declare me the winner?" Rachel said, casually admiring the back of her hand.
"Time after time?" Ophelia asked excitedly. "If you fall, I will catch you! I will be waiting!"
"No, it's time to learn today's lesson," Izzy said. "If a bunch of thugs are about to do horrible things to you, and you call nine-one-one, you're a big jerk! Nine-one-one is for real emergencies only, and if you play a prank on them, then someone else who's really in danger could die! So stop being selfish and let the thugs kill you instead! Selfishness is always evil."
Bridgette blinked. "Was that a moral?"
Izzy shrugged. "Saw it on some PSA once, so it must be true." Izzy pointed to the finish line. "For today's challenge, you will all be racing around the island! You can work together, or separately, whatever, I don't care that much. The path is clearly marked, and I wouldn't stray too far from it, since our interns are diligently checking the video surveillance to make sure you pass all the checkpoints."
Confession Vending Machine Room
Rain: (punching a hole in the wall) I should be competing! Instead of babysitting these pansies to make sure they don't stray…. why did Rachel do this to me?
"There will be some obstacles," Izzy said. "There are checkpoints within those, so you can't just walk around."
"I'm with Frederique!" Xuxa exclaimed, glomping Frederique, who looked like he wanted to die.
"That is fine with me," Rachel said, dusting her hands off.
"Wait, really?" Xuxa asked, confused.
"Really," Rachel said, grinning. "I'm feeling generous, and I feel he deserves a girl like you."
Xuxa started tearing up, then glomped Rachel. "You're serious?"
"Deadly serious," Rachel said, glaring at Frederique.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Xuxa exclaimed.
Confession Vending Machine Room
Rachel: That was pretty much win-win for me. Strengthen my alliance with Xuxa, and get revenge on he who has wronged me! Oh, he will pay! He will pay!
"He'll slow me down!" Danielle complained, crossing her arms over her chest, as Ophelia pushed George closer to her.
"Aww, but he wikes you!" Ophelia said in baby talk.
"If we want our team to win, I can't have someone slowing me down!" Danielle shouted.
"Yeah, I would probably do that," George said.
"But slow and steady wins the race!" Ophelia exclaimed. "Besides, we don't know the conditions for winning, or losing."
Danielle stroked her chin. "I suppose you have a point. Does the last team to get a member across the finish line lose, or the team for the last person to finish lose." Danielle sighed. "Fine, I'll go with George," she grumbled.
"Oh joy, such a happy day!" Ophelia exclaimed, then leapt over to Isis and Candice. "Hey, Isie!"
"That's not my name," Isis said. "And I'm not talking to you."
Ophelia looked surprised. "But breakfast is over. I thought that was just some weird breakfast hang-up you had."
Isis narrowed her eyes. "You know what you did, traitor."
"I don't, I promise," Ophelia said, looking guilty. "Was it the hamster thing? I promise they're truly delicious, but if you didn't want to hear about-"
"Are you seriously this stupid?" Isis yelled, looking like she was trying to restrain herself.
Ophelia looked down. "Yes."
"I'm sorry, Ophelia," Candice said, nervous. "Maybe you can try again later." Ophelia nodded, then backed away.
Isis crossed her arms over her chest and made a pouty face. "Don't wanna' talk to her later."
Confession Vending Machine Room
Candice: I wish I knew what to do. Isis is obviously mad at Ophelia for forcing her out of her bed, and I really don't think Ophelia's even aware that it upset Isis. I'd love for Isis to open up, but it's really not easy for her.
"On your mark!" Izzy shouted, while taking out a gun. "Get set!" Izzy pointed the gun toward the air. "Go!" Izzy shot the gun into the air, and the contestants took off, along the directed path.
After a few seconds, Bridgette spoke up. "Who do you think will win?"
"And that's where I come in," Elli said, tipping her hat. "Place your bets, folks, place your bets!"
"Wait," Bridgette said, quickly turning to see Elli sitting behind a small table with a few stacks of paper and a large calculator. "You're taking bets?"
"Of course," Elli said. "I thought that would make it more interesting."
"Ooh, Izzy totally agrees!" Izzy exclaimed.
"I'll take some of that," Duncan said, walking by. "So what am I betting on?"
"The winner, of course," Elli said, shuffling a deck of cards out of boredom. "Bet on the sex of the winner, bet on the team, bet on the specific contestant, and a few other special deals we've got going on."
Duncan smirked. "Sounds good to me."
Bridgette looked concerned, then turned to Izzy. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"Yes," Izzy said, grinning as she nodded.
"Is this even legal?" Bridgette asked.
"No, not really," Izzy said, shrugging.
Confession Vending Machine Room
Bridgette: I'm not sure it's a good idea to promote gambling on a show that a lot of kids are watching. I don't want to be a stick in the mud, but I really don't think this is a good idea.
"I don't get it," Hank said, while Todd was burying something under the ground. "How did we get so far ahead of everyone else so fast, anyway?"
"We were off screen," Todd said, looking proud. "All the villainous greats have the ability to move super quickly when they're not being watched."
"OK," Hank said, raising an eyebrow, "but if we can move that quickly, why not head straight for the finish line and win before anyone else has had a chance to blink?"
Todd gasped in horror. "I could never live with myself if I won in such a manner!"
"You mean cheating."
"Look, my boy, there is a right way and a wrong way to cheat," Todd said. "Planting a landmine is the right way to cheat!"
"Couldn't that kill someone?" Hank said, nervous.
"Nonsense," Todd said, waving his hand dismissively. "It'll just cover the person in a lot of soot, and leave them dizzy for about a minute."
"Are you sure?" Hank asked.
"Of course," Todd said. "Taught that bully kid in second grade a lesson with one of these babies!"
"You were bullied in the second grade?" Hank asked. "I'm sorry."
"What, no, don't be ridiculous!" Todd proclaimed. "He was a bully, but I was a bigger, more powerful bully, and he was invading my turf!"
"Of course," Hank said.
Todd took out a large blueprint and easel, as well as a pointer to point to the blueprint. "So, when the contestant runs past, he'll walk on the landmine, get blown to Kingdom Come! Mwahahahaha!"
"You've got the laugh down, at least," Hank said, smirking.
"But of course," Todd boasted. "I've had that down before I could walk."
"I think someone's coming," Hank said, pointing to Candice, who he could see from a bit of a distance away.
"Then we must hide, quickly!" Todd said, grabbing Hank, and the two hid behind a bush.
"I'm making pretty good time!" Candice exclaimed. "I haven't seen anyone else in a while." Candice started pumping her fist as she continued speaking. "Team Himalayas, you're about to become Team Victor-"
The landmine exploded as Candice stepped on it, throwing her high into the air, and back down, covered in soot all over, then coughed. "Ouch."
"Should've paced yourself!" Stephanie teased, sticking out her tongue as she ran past at a decent pace.
"It worked!" Todd exclaimed, doing a little dance, gyrating his butt. "Go me, go me, it's my birthday-"
"Stephanie made it through, though," Hank pointed out.
Todd stroked his chin. "I suppose you are correct. It would have been preferable to use more than one landmine."
Confession Vending Machine Room
Candice: (with her arms over her chest, pouting, slightly singed) OK, that was totally not fair! I was a little bit out of it, but I could swear I saw Todd dancing. I'm pretty sure he planted that landmine there. Urgh, that cheating bastard!
Isis was running past Candice, then backed up after noticing her. "Are you OK?" Isis asked, concerned.
"Not really, but you should hurry," Candice said, trying to smile. "Stephanie's winning!"
"Ooh, I'd hate to beat her," Isis said, then shrugged. "We need to win too, though! Sure you don't need help?"
"I'll be OK," Candice said, then coughed. "I think."
"Well, I hope you can get back into the race!" Isis exclaimed, then ran off.
Confession Vending Machine Room
Candice: Yeah,, I was able to shake it off-kind of literally-about a minute after Isis left, so maybe I can catch up. Or maybe even win! I could really use a reason to get my team to keep me on, since most of them don't really seem to like me much.
"It's been a pleasure doing business with you," Courtney said, shaking Elli's hand, who was smirking.
"Pleasure's been all mine," Elli said.
Bridgette scratched her head. "I'm still not sure about this."
Izzy waved her hand dismissively to Bridgette. "Trust me, it'll be fine. Would I lie?"
"Yes," Bridgette said. "You're kind of known for that."
"Not this time, though!" Izzy exclaimed, raising a fist into the air. "This time, someone here's going to make, or lose, a lot of money, and it'll be so awesome! But who will win the race?" Izzy gasped, and put her hands to her cheeks. "Who will lose? Oh, I hope it's not someone I like, but we'll have to find out, coming up on Total Drama-"
"Odessa!" Lindsay exclaimed, then clapped to herself.
Bridgette raised an eyebrow. "I'm guessing you meant Ophelia, but, um, why did you do that anyway?"
Lindsay looked confused. "I thought we were supposed to interrupt the last word."
Bridgette smiled as she put her hand on Lindsay's shoulder. "That was last season, when it was named after Chris to inflate his ego. We don't really have that problem this year."
Lindsay looked blankly at Bridgette for about half a minute, then slapped her own face. "Oh, so that's why no one's been doing it this year."
Bridgette chuckled to herself. "Tell you what. If it makes you feel better, you can go right on doing it."
Lindsay glomped Bridgette, who looked content with being squeezed. "Thanks!"