It's early December, when everyone get really worried about Abby.

Just like she had promised to Karla, Abby went back to work. It was just for a few hours each day, but she was there. No-one expected her to be so different; she is very quiet, appears extremely miserable and easily angry. In her lab, there is neither music nor toys. Now, no-one can go into the lab unannounced, because the furious Goth throws them out with a flying object and/or an exasperated scream.

On one of those days, Gibbs brings her a caff-POW!, trying to make her smile and feel better. Only the caff-POW made it worse, as it reminded her of happier times. Every night he continues visiting knows in his heart that's not enough, that he needs to stay with her and calm her after her nightmares, but she doesn't allow him stay close to her, and he doesn't know the reason.

On Wednesday, Ziva goes to Abby's lab, and the Goth screams at her friend, she not letting her say anything and forces her leave go minutes later. That incident marks the highest peak on the Gibbs's worry scale.

That same night, in the middle of a terrible fight, Abby asks.

"Why my baby is dead? Why our baby was gone?" Gibbs doesn't have any answers, so he stays silent, forcing himself not to cry... and the silence makes Abby angrier.
"Why you don't have an answer?" She asks between tears. "Why we don't have any answers?" Every time she cries, is like a stab to Gibbs's heart. "I need to know why, Gibbs, I need one." The only thing he can do was hold her, close to his heart letting her cry, all the time she needs.

Later, when she is tired and feeling guilty about her actions. Abby asks Gibbs… NO, she orders Gibbs to go shakes his head. "No." he says firmly, and then leans forward to whisper in her ear. "Let me stay..." "No!" she argues, Abby can't take this right now. She glares at him, trying to order him leave but the marine doesn't move... that action causes the anger to grow and the yelling to begin.

They fight (again), they scream each other (again)... by the end, a tired looking Gibbs holds his coat and closes the door behind him with a big slam. Abby is throwing him out of her life, and he can't do anything to stop her.
Abby stays in the dark, for a long time after he leaves. She needs Gibbs, she loves him, but also she is scared, that maybe Gibbs will blame her for the baby's death... She needs to stay alone with her pain, to have time to forgive herself... Why anyone can't see that?

Two days later, Karla goes to Abby's house, hoping Abby was more… calm.

This time, the writer is truly upset. She has read a bunch of articles about the grieving process, so she can understand Abby's actions and her pain. Karla knows that no-one can take her words personally because is part of her process... but her friend crosses the line this time, it was too much, and someone has to stop her before she ends totally alone, and everything ends up much worst.

She knocks on the door, and waits for the girl inside to open. Abby hugs her in a happy welcome, but Karla can't hide the anger inside of her.
"Why are you angry Colega? Did i make something wrong?" Abby tries to relax her friend, using the special word between them, but it does not work this time.
"Really, Abigail? Are you really asking me that?" Abby nods. "Well my friend, better you sit down, because this going to be a long night for you." When the other girl sees the anger in Karla's brown eyes, knows she is in trouble, and no-one will save her this time.
"What I did wrong this time, your highness?" Abby inquires.
"Abby, I know you are in pain and I know that it is bad. I know you wish every day you could go back in time, but you can't, and feeling like hell, is NOT a reason to be horrible to your friends. There is nothing that can justify your behaviour, Missy." Karla is speaking carefully, her anger barely masked in her voice.
"You don't have any idea how I feel." Karla can see the anger growing in Abby's eyes. "You don't know." Abby screams.
"Don't you dare yell at me!" Karla hisses, struggling to keep calm.
"Why not? You're judging me... Who the hell are you to judge me?" Abby asks. Her tone is really getting to Karla now.
"First, breathe Abby, you need to slow down, and secondly: Who am I? I'm your friend, your only one right now. And yes, I don't know how're you feeling but I know you. Abby, you are acting like crap; you're being selfish, mean and horrible. You're making the others pay for your pain, you are hurting people because you can, am I wrong?" Karla challenges her.
"That's not true!" Abby protests, angrily.
"Oh my dear, it's complete truth, you are a pain in all of our arses." Karla felt kind of bad telling her this but it was needed. "That's not true." Abby argues, a little less sure this time. "Oh yes, it is Sweety. How are you think did I felt yesterday, when I found Tony waiting for me on my office? DiNozzo was in my office, Abby, MY office... I believed that something wrong happened to you, but I never imagine that…" "What he wants with you?" Abby interrupts, she is confused. Two of them can't stand each other.

"Well… first, he wants to know what the hell is wrong with you, because you made Ziva cry, and that girl, never ever cries for anyone. Tony told me that she needed to tell you something genuinely important to her, and you made her get out of your lab before she could say a word to you." Karla pauses wonder what her friend has to say. "I was feeling so bad; I didn't know." Abby said, hiding her expression with hands.

"And the other reason, Tony came to me Abby, is because Gibbs is acting
Crazy... one of their suspects on the last case, attacked him and he didn't stop the guy... your man was beaten! Abby, he's trying to be killed, and your friends are so scared for you. That they had to ask me, to tell you to stop it! Please wake up soon!" Karla was yelling now but she didn't care.
"How's Gibbs?" Abby asked quietly, afraid to hear the answer.
"We don't know! Abby please, stop acting like this. Try to make the things right, before it is too late." Karla begs her.

"It's too late, no one can help me. Nobody can understand my pain. Karla, how anyone can know what I'm feeling?" Abby is frustrated, why can't they leave her alone?.
"Abby, watch your attitude. This is not our fault. Let us help you, we are your family, and we understand you need support, but we are not mind readers, if you don't tell us what you need, we can't help you." Karla says firmly.
"I'm alone in this!" Abby argues she doesn't want to hurt anyone else.
"No, you're not... you're wrong. Abby, you have a person who can understand you perfectly... but you, my dear, had a big tantrum and kicked him out of your life. You selfish little b***h!" Karla was furious, why was she being so stubborn!.
"I'm not that." Abby screams "I'm not selfish, why are you so mean to me?" She asks, breathing rapidly.
"Breathe slowly, Abby, just breath." Karla sits down in front of her friend. "You're being extremely unfair, darling and you're forgetting one little thing. Gibbs lost a daughter, just like you, he lost the same baby, with you. Abby that man, lost the woman he loves and his daughter... for a second time." Karla knows she is being cruel but Abby loves him and if anything can convince her to stop being selfish it will be hurting him.
"Oh, God!" Abby shrieks, covering her mouth with her hands, as the realisation of what she has done hits her.

"Honey..."
"No Karla, you're right. I'm so horrible... but I'm scared... I don't think he can love me anymore... m-ma-maybe he thinks ... w-wh-what if... It was my fault." She whispers between tears.
"Ohh… you silly, silly girl… as though you don't know your man. He's not blaming you, he never will. He's worried about you. He loves you, and I'm fairly sure he's punishing himself, because he works saving people, but he can't protect you from pain, he can't save your baby girl." Karla wraps her arms around Abby, trying to comfort her.

The uncomfortable silence drags on. Abby eventually breaks it.
"If I say I'm sorry, will everything be cleared up?"
"No my dear, not this time, but is a great place to begin." Karla smiles now they are getting somewhere.
"I am sorry Karla, truly." Abby feels sad knowing she has hurt all of her friends.
"I know..." She said breathing slowly, trying to hide how happy this makes her. "You need to talk with someone... and if you don't want to go to therapy... Abby, please, I'm begging you, please, go to speak with that weird friend of yours... that British doctor who speaks at the same speed like you, ok?" The Goth looks her and nods. "I love you Abigail, really I do, and that's why I'm doing this, ok? You had me so worried!" Karla can't believe how easily Abby agree to get help.
"I will go, Karla, I'm promise... I really need to get better." Abby speaks with sincerity, she can now see that she needs help.
"You will get better." Karla says holding Abby's hands. "I have to go, my friend."
"Where are you going, now?" Abby asks.
"I'm going back home." Karla replies.
"You came back? For me?" Abby is shocked she came a long way to see her.
"Always Colega, I will always come back to kick your stubborn arse." She says giving her friend a big hug. "See you next year, after the holidays." Karla turns and leaves and Abby watches her go.

When Abby closes the door, she stays in the darkness, analysing all their words, thinking about Gibbs.

XXXXxxxxxxxXXXXXxxxxxxxXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXxxxxxxxXXXX

*Facts:
Now the intense emotion, is deflected from our vulnerable core, and redirected and expressed instead as anger.
We need someone to target our feelings, someone to blame.

The anger may be aimed to unanimated objects, complete strangers, friends or family.
Anger can be directed at our deceased love one... rationally we know the person is not to be blamed, emotionally however, we may resent the person for causing us pain, for leaving us. For this cause is important to remain detached and non-judgmental when we are dealing with a person experiencing anger from grieving.

We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us angrier, and at the denial stage it is recognized that it can't continue.
Anger, is an attempt to let our lost one go gradually, and is the first step to accept our new reality.*

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: Hey it's me again, sorry for the hiatus, but, real life is being a b***h with me the lasts days... a small trip to hospital, is not nice for anyone, hope feel better and keep updating next days.

Thanks to everyone for all the reviews and PM, (electronic chocochips cookies for all)

And finally, but not less important, a huge hug to my dear Spitfire 303 for her Beta work¡

Read you later :)