Ch. 7
"How are you feeling?"
Vic took a sip of her water and turned to Walt.
"I feel fine, I took my vitamins, and I ate breakfast."
"Guess I've been asking a lot."
Her expression softened.
"A little, yeah."
"You haven't thrown up anymore?"
She shook head.
"No, thank God."
Despite being alone in the office, she followed him into his office and closed the door.
"My appointment is tomorrow. Walt, I don't think you should go."
He leaned on his desk.
"Why?"
"Because no one knows and if you show up at the doctor with me...people will talk."
"They're going to find out eventually."
"Yeah, but we've got to...I don't know...figure out some things first."
He looked down at his boots.
"Please, Walt, don't push on this. I promise I'll tell you everything."
After a hesitation, he nodded.
x
Walt held the small black and white picture in his hands. He was sitting on his couch. Vic sat next to him. His eyes were focused on the small blob of life that didn't look like much of anything but somehow already had a grip on him.
"Everything was fine?"
"Yeah. I'm seven weeks along. Heartbeat was good and strong. She said everything looked fine."
"When is your next appointment?"
"Not for a few weeks. I have the card at home."
He started to hand her back the picture.
"Keep it."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah."
He smiled and laid it on his coffee table.
"Have you had dinner?"
"I had a salad after I left the doctor."
He nodded. Vic rose from her seat.
"I should head home."
The happiness he had been feeling faded a little. He felt as though he were getting a glimpse of his future. He pushed the thoughts away.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
Walt nodded. An emptiness gnawed at his insides.
"Is this what it's going to be like?"
He hadn't intended to say it out loud.
"What?"
She turned to him, confused.
"You and the baby will come visit and then leave?"
Realization dawned across her face.
"I don't know."
He knew she was being honest with him.
"I don't have all the answers, Walt. I mean, I've never done this before."
"You...you could move in here. Both of you. I mean, the RV is okay for you but I can't see raising an infant in it. It doesn't have to be anything but a living arrangement, Vic, if that's what you want."
Her eyes lingered on his before she looked away.
"We'll talk about it later."
Walt stood.
"You keep saying that, Vic, but we don't. I know you're only seven weeks but you'll start showing soon enough. We need to start making some decisions."
Vic closed her eyes and rubbed at the bridge of her nose. Inhaling, she opened her eyes.
"There's no 'we', Walt. I will decide where to live and where this baby is raised."
His jaw tightened.
"Are you thinking about leaving?"
"What?"
There was genuine confusion in her voice.
"Are you thinking about leaving Wyoming?"
He took a step towards her. Vic folded her arms across her chest in a defensive posture.
"I never said that."
"You implied you might raise the baby somewhere else."
She looked almost like she wanted to laugh.
"I meant the RV, Walt."
He let out a relieved breath. Vic tilted her head.
"Do you think I would keep you from your child? Really? Is that what you think of me?"
He looked down and shook his head.
"I don't want to think that, Vic. But you keep pushing me away and telling me you can do these things on your own."
He raised his eyes and found hers focused on him. Her face was flushed.
"I wouldn't do that, Walt. You should know that. But I am the one carrying this baby and I do need to make these decisions on my own. We're not a...we're not together. You made it clear that we shouldn't have had sex in the first place. You're the one who said it was a mistake."
"I never said it was mistake."
His voice was low now. Barely audible in the silence of the cabin.
"You said it shouldn't have happened. You went to someone else. That was your choice."
Walt rubbed his hands over his face in frustration.
"Once, Vic. It was once."
She looked like she had more to say. She motioned towards the door, however.
"I should go. It's getting late."
She took three steps towards the door with Walt close behind.
"Vic, wait! What is it?"
With her back to him, she shook her head. Walt placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Vic."
She hated it when he said her name like that when she wanted to be angry with him. The way he had done when they were together. When it was filled with so much that went unsaid between them. He was the only person she knew who could fit so much into one syllable. For a man who didn't talk much, it packed a punch when he did. Her head bowed slightly.
"I understand, Walt, but it hurt."
"Hurt?"
She could hear the confusion in his voice. She slowly turned and he could see the two tracks of moisture under her eyes. She was crying. His heart clenched at the sight.
"I wasn't mad at you that first night. I know that you were using me but I think I was using you, too. But, when you said it was a mistake that hurt. When you went to another woman, that hurt even more. It's like...I was good enough to sleep with but not good enough for you to be with."
He swallowed the sour taste that had taken up residence in his mouth.
"Vic...that's not...I never meant to hurt you. I thought it would be better...easier...to move on."
She smiled but there was no humor behind it.
"Easier for you?"
"Yes."
He took a step closer to her.
"I never meant to make you feel like you weren't good enough, Vic. That's not how I feel."
She wiped at her eyes, avoiding his probing gaze.
"Okay."
It came out as a whisper. He moved closer to her, lifting his hand to her face and stretching his fingers across her cheek. His lips brushed hers, a feather light touch. He moved to kiss her more firmly but she pulled back.
"I can't. I'm sorry but I can't now."
His blue eyes were hazed over with desire and clouded with questions. She stepped away from him, his hand dropping to his side. He felt like there was an electric current running through him. He was humming with his desire for her.
"Vic..."
She shook her head, pulling herself together.
"I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow."
Before he could move or speak, she had rushed out the door.