Chapter 7

Jason could feel her hair brushing against his arm. Her head was nestled into the crook of his shoulder with his hand resting on the small of her back. He wanted nothing more then to go back to sleep and stay there with her forever. Eventually he opened his eyes and looked down at her. Her arm was resting across his chest and ended with her hand resting just below his shoulder. She looked like an angel, her lips slightly parted as she soundly slept in his arms.

An ache formed in his chest, a longing for what he wants but cannot take. She was no longer his, not that she belonged to anyone else. He could not allow himself to be selfish again, the decision had been made and he was going to stick to it even if it killed him in the end.

Slowly he slid out from beneath her and watched as she rolled onto her back, flinging her arm over her head in the process. A soft sigh passed through her lips as Jason took a seat in the chair across the room. He watched her sleep for a long time, the better part of an hour. This would be the last chance for him to observe her from so close, to be in the same room… alone. This time he would make sure of it. The time now was him having the goodbye that he did not allow himself in the past. Even with her sleeping, spending time with her and watching her would be something he could carry for a long time to come. Their goodbye that day in the hallway had been so draining to him, he had trouble looking her in the eye and definitely could not bring himself to even touch her without his resolve crumbling.

Peaking through the curtains, he saw the sun coming up over the harbor. Reluctantly he stood from the chair and made his way to the bathroom. He stopped in the doorway to look at her one last time, "I'll always love you." He whispered under his breath.

The shower was scalding hot, turning his skin red. There was something about the punishing heat of the water that made him feel better about allowing himself a night to hold his love. He knew that it was fucked up, that he should have kicked her out but he was weak. Her skin was so soft and when she touched him it sent his emotions into a tailspin. He would not allow that opportunity again, he had to prevent it because he knew that she could slowly break down his wall… she had in the past and it cannot happen again. He did have to admit that it felt good to have his face clear of the coarse beard that he had been unable to bring himself to remove and did not know why.

Finally turning off the steaming water, he pulled on a pair of jeans and walked out of the bathroom. The bed was empty and Elizabeth was not in the room. He hoped that she had left so that it would be easier for both of them. Sitting back in the chair by the window, he continued processing everything that had been running through his head for the past six months. There was no turning back and he knew that he needed a new approach. Of course avoiding those he wanted away from the danger would be key as it had been. He, however, needed to maintain a lower profile. No more bars, no more fights and no more self destructive behavior in public would hopefully keep Carly and Elizabeth from worrying about his well being. They would not need to know he was hurting inside. His stone cold exterior had crumbled in recent months and he let his emotions come out in anger.

A long time passed and it only brought him back to the fact that he needed to accept the live he'd chosen over a decade ago without knowing the long term consequences. He could not live a life of regret and only accept the path he chose. Being unsure how he was going to do it frustrated him even more because the one thing he wanted more then anything else was a life with Elizabeth and her boys.

He stayed in the chair for a while until he heard the door close downstairs. Seconds later Elizabeth entered the bedroom with a bag and two cups. "Morning, I got you a coffee and a bagel. I'm not much of a cook, which you know." She said as she handed him the cup of coffee. He carefully took the cup from her but did not speak. "You may not realize this but I needed last night as much as you did… if no more… so thank you." She voiced as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"Thank you for the coffee." He mumbled as he took a long sip of the hot liquid.

She shook her head, "No thank you necessary."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before he managed to gather his thoughts, "Elizabeth… this can't, we can't…" he paused before continuing. "This is it." He whispered. She was about to speak, probably argue with him but he continued, "I understand why you did it, you still care about me and I have been in a bad place. I am going to work on taking better care of myself but you have to do the same… and that means sticking to the decision to stay away from me." His last word came out in barely a whisper, "Forever."

When he looked up and into her eyes he could see the tears pooling. He closed his own eyes for a second and took a deep breath as he shook his head. "See, this is what I did not want to happen. You are hurting again and that is the last thing that I wanted. We can't keep doing this to each other."

She shook her head as a tear escaped from her eyes, "No we can't and we wont. I'm not walking away again. I haven't changed my mind Jason…"

"About Jake, no, you cannot tell people about him. I understand why you did all this and I accept it. I will take care of myself and you need to do the same." He stood from the chair and walked over to where she was sitting, kneeling down in front of her. Every nerve in his body told him not to do it but he reached out a hand and cupped her cheek. Her skin felt like satin, "I will always love you… you know that."

Her eyes lifted and met his and she tilted her head into his touch. He could tell that she wanted to fight him but couldn't. He could only hope that she would accept his decision and leave it at this. "I love you too Jason." She choked out.

Her hands moved to his face and she cupped his cheeks, she leaned forward to kiss him but he stood up pulling out of her hold. "Thank you for everything Elizabeth." He voiced as he turned toward the door of the bedroom. "But this has to stop, no more contact." He added with is back turned to her as he walked out of the room and left the Penthouse, hoping she'd listen to him. What he did not hear was her mumbling to him that it hadn't been working so far and that she did not believe he was better.

"You've got to be kidding me." Jason grumbled as he wiped his hand down his face. He had once again returned home to find Carly and Elizabeth at his house. They were playing a game of pool, something that ordinarily he would have found absolutely shocking but in recent days they seem to have put their differences aside in order to torture him.

"Wow, may I say Lizzie, well done." Carly said clapping her hands when she saw Jason's clean shaven face.

Elizabeth did a half bow and placed her cue stick on the pool table, Carly followed and they both moved into the Livingroom and examined Jason who appeared to be sober.

"Do you both still have kids?" he spat.

"Oh stop, do you really want to know the whereabouts of our boys?" Carly said rolling her eyes. "Since you mentioned them though, I was talking to Michael and Morgan earlier. I told them I saw you and they both can't wait to see you."

Jason fisted his hands at his sides, "Damn it Carly, it's not going to happen!" His eyes focused in on Elizabeth, "I thought we discussed this. You both need to stay away… and why the hell has Bernie not gotten my damn locks changed yet."

"Actually you discussed it this morning." Elizabeth explained.

"This morning?" Carly asked looking over at Elizabeth.

Elizabeth ignored Carly's remark, "You left before I could say anything. You may think that this will work but it never did before for us, for any of us. You can't walk away like a self-destructive… shell, and both me and Carly… well we miss you."

These women were going to be his death, "You both are only making this harder on all of us. I don't know what else to say, I've said it all. I think you both should leave."

Carly shook her head in a firm 'No', Elizabeth just stood there unmoving. "You have accepted this life of solitude and unhappiness but you don't have to Jason. Don't you realize that the last name of Michael and Morgan is Corinthos. They are in danger regardless simply because of who their father is." Carly explained.

"And it is a matter of public record that you are closed to me, or were close to me. Do I need to remind you what came out in court during your trial?" Elizabeth spat. "Do you think that just because we aren't seen together that we would not be used as leverage? It could be ten years down the line and just on the long shot that we could cause a reaction from you, me or the boys could be taken… or worse."

"You both are well taken care of." He growled.

Carly narrowed her eyes, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that just because I may not say it, show it or you may not see it… you both have guards on you… at all times. They remain hidden in the shadows where they cannot ever been seen or noticed but they are there. So I have not just abandoned you both and let threats come as they may." He admitted.

"Why do you do that Jason?" Elizabeth asked. "Because if you ask me that is a contradiction. "You don't want to be around us because you are afraid we would be in danger yet you protect us from that danger anyway. Can you please explain the difference here because I am not seeing it. I see you making yourself crazy, quite literally I may add, staying away from both of us, two people that are supposed to mean so much to you." Elizabeth looked over at Carly. "Never thought I'd admit that did you." She chuckled. "Look you even brought me and Carly together… kind of." Elizabeth joked looking back at Jason.

"I can't win with you two!" Jason growled growing more and more agitated. "You both are only making this harder on all of us and I am not changing my mind. I am changing these locks myself tomorrow. If that still does not keep you both away then I will leave town, indefinitely… and you BOTH know that I will." He said before turning and storming out of the apartment… his apartment. This week he had been run out of his place numerous times and he'd had enough of it. They were not listening to him so he decided that it had to be left up to him. 'So much for not drinking' he thought to himself as he got on his bike and steered towards Jakes.