AN: Thanks again to those who reviewed but weren't logged in – thanks too, to those unsigned friends who reviewed the vpmuz1k creation!

Thanks too, since this is the only way to say so, to megamom who's currently ploughing her way through all my stuff, brave lass, but has disabled PMs – I can't say it personally, but thank you for showing such interest!

On with Doris... bit of miaow Ziva, don't say you haven't been warned!

Weekends With Doris

Chapter 7

In DC, the phone lines had been hot. Gibbs had called Tim, Jenny and Simon Townley. Amos had called Simon, with apologies for leaving it so long. He'd also kept Tim in the picture, explaining that Tony was fine, but sleeping, so Tim let Ducky and Abby know that.

Once he'd calmed Abby down, Tim had also phoned Jenny just in case Gibbs hadn't; she asked if Tim knew when the other two agents would be returning, as Gibbs had ignored the question. All Tim could do was to assure her she'd know as soon as he did. She told him to ask for more man-power if he needed it, and didn't ask how Tony was.

Simon Townley had called Tim, but neither could add anything new, and now they were all as wise as each other. The young agent put his phone down with a sigh, to find Ziva watching him. She had been listening carefully, surmising the other halves of the conversations she'd heard, and she was curious.

"The Director..." she said slowly, "she wishes us to continue without Gibbs or Tony? She is not taking us off rotation?"

"It's good that she thinks we're OK to continue, Ziva. She said to ask if we needed help, but she didn't force it on us."

"But... she did not ask about Tony's injuries? Only when he and Gibbs would be back?"

Tim shrugged. "She has the whole agency to run I guess," he said. He knew he didn't sound particularly convinced or convincing, but then, he wasn't a liar by nature.

"But... many others do care about him, yes? Amos, and his wife, are looking after him... and The Marine, and his son, they are concerned enough to call."

Tim didn't know why he answered as openly as he did. "If they hadn't called me, I'd have called them, Ziva. I care about him too."

Ziva nodded thoughtfully. "Why..." she hesitated, and Tim put his pen down and gave her his full attention. "Why did Gibbs go to him, after he had said he did not want to be near him? Did you not say that we ought to realise Tony is capable of making his own decisions?"

"Tony's not a quitter," Tim said. "I should have realised that – if he were, the Boss wouldn't have had a team to come back to. No idea where I'd be now. Maybe you'd still be around... you have this secret you share with Gibbs – and no, I'm not asking, but don't think I haven't noticed – which might have been enough to keep you here even with him gone... I don't know. There's lots I don't know, I'm at the end of the information line... but I do know, if the team's still important to Gibbs, he needs to tell Tony so – or he'll think his work for that four months didn't matter. Tony and the team will all suffer."

"He was insufferable those four months, Tim!"

"I know. I heard you tell Gibbs that, and I agreed."

Ziva frowned; McGee didn't sound as if he were agreeing.

"Tim, he stormed around trying to be Gibbs until we made him stop, and then he just became dull! Never a joke, or a smile, just...just... efficiency! We could have done with some of his humour."

"Yeah, well, so could he." Tim picked up his pen again, and Ziva realised she would get no more out of him.

She sank into thought. Tim cared about Tony... was he suggesting she did not? Just because she could have run rings around him if she had been made team leader did not mean she did not care what happened to him. Part of the problem was, she knew, that she was sexually attracted to him, whether she liked it or not, and she did not. Ziva David liked to choose who she found attractive, not just have it happen. If things had been different, she would have taken him to bed by now, shown him who was boss, got it out of her system, and never have had to give it another thought.

And why would Tony need some of his own humour? Why would he think his work did not matter? He had held the team together for Gibbs had he not? Did he need to be constantly told? Someone must have let him know...

The secret that bound her to Gibbs, and her gut twisted as she was reminded that it wasn't quite the secret that Gibbs thought it was, would not have been enough to keep her in DC; but Jenny had wished it, and she had no sooner adjusted to being on Gibbs' team than she had found herself on DiNozzo's.

And it functioned well... or they would all have been reassigned. She might have found herself back in Tel Aviv, and at the mercy of her father. The father who wanted Ari dead, and because she was there, and his handler, had ordered her to do it, rather than send an assassin.

She had heard the conversation with Gibbs where her half-brother had labelled himself a monster... hearing him she had understood that although his outward service was to Al Qaeda, his inner core cared for nothing and no-one but himself. But he was still her brother, and to curry favour with Jenny Shepard and the USA, her father had made her pull the trigger. She knew he would not hesitate to require other things just as horrific from her again...

She got up unhurriedly, and walked calmly to the ladies room; once inside, she leaned against the door and pressed both hands over her mouth to muffle the shriek that rose from her throat. She was beginning to realise there were far, far worse people to meet, and worse places to be than around the insufferable Tony DiNozzo.

NCISNCISNCIS

They rode in what Gibbs was surprised to find seemed like... what was the word people used... companionable, that was it, companionable silence. The silence of companions who were at ease. He wondered if he was completely wrong, and Tony was just leading him far enough away from civilization to kill him where his body would never be found. Lots of reasons why not, the foremost being that the younger man looked as if he was still on his horse thanks to determination and the animal's kindness. He couldn't kill a horsefly right now.

And no, the longer the ride went on, the more easily the Marine breathed, both literally and emotionally. Where the trail was wide enough, they rode side by side, and occasionally Tony would point something out. After a while Gibbs relaxed enough to do the same. The smell of the forest, the birdsong and the easy gait of the horses were all mesmerising. He noticed that sometimes his own mount, Jezebel, Tony had said – did that mean she wasn't entirely trustworthy? Wouldn't be good for a commercial stables to keep a mean saddle horse... and somehow, he felt Tony wouldn't put him on something he thought he couldn't handle. Whatever... she would sometimes crowd Tony's mare, and the big, plain, dark brown horse would huff a clear warning that made her back off again.

"She's looking after me, Boss," Tony said cheerfully. "Doesn't want to have to make any sudden moves."

"She's that smart?" Gibbs asked in astonishment.

"Better believe it," the SFA said confidently.

Gibbs didn't know if he did, but it was only when he thought about it that he realised Tony hadn't stopped calling him 'Boss'.

The only warning note sounded when they came to a side trail going off to the right. Someone had made a crude notice from a piece of board, and hung it with bent wires from a low branch. 'Belinda's Mill', it said, with an arrow.

Tony went to ride straight past it.

"Ya don't want to show me?" Gibbs asked in astonishment. "I kinda thought that was where we were going." Tony looked slightly nettled, and the other man held up a hand. "No... forget that... you never do brag when you've got good reason to."

Now Tony was the astonished one. "You remember that?" The Marine nodded. "Oh. Ah... Well, no... we got somewhere else to be." He clicked his tongue and Doris ambled on.

The trail narrowed, and Gibbs let Jezebel fall behind. He was pretty certain that Tony could feel his eyes on him, but neither man said anything. Gibbs drifted back into his thoughts.

He remembered... Tony was brave; he wasn't a pushover. He'd stand up to him any time he felt it was necessary. Only thing he wouldn't do was call him out in front of others, and that was for respect and courtesy... and liking? You don't publicly embarrass a friend? Or diss them behind their back to another team member, he added, and suddenly he couldn't hear the birdsong or smell the pines any more. Respect... friendship... he'd always had these things from Tony, and he could remember now when he used to return them. What had changed?

He reached back to some of the memories he'd recalled as he sat watching his SFA sleep – every twitch or change in breathing pattern had made him anxious, until it resolved and the dreamer settled again. He'd worried and fretted... he cared for the guy, so what had changed?

When they got wherever they were going, he decided, he'd invite Tony to ask whatever he wanted, and he'd be completely honest in his answer. What are you letting yourself in for, Jethro? Well, it was the only way – and maybe in finding some truth to tell Tony he'd come up with some answers to his own questions.

Tony, in spite of the generally relaxed feeling he hoped he was exuding, rode on ahead with his stomach alternately in his mouth or his boots. It was the most well travelled it had been since Kate... and before that Wendy... stop it. If there was ever a quicker way to destroy his precarious faith in himself he wouldn't know what it was... He was Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, if he weren't, he'd never have got through the last weeks, and if he were going to get through the next hours without taking the team, Gibbs and himself apart, that was who he had to stay.

A few minutes later, they reached their destination, and as they emerged into Belinda's Secret, Tony tried not to be too obvious about observing Gibbs' reaction.

The stream was quite full and loud after the previous day's rain, which had also brought a new lease of life to the heal-all and stitchwort, making drifts of white and palest purple at the edges of the wood. The sun was bright after the half light of the forest, and set the water shining. Tony smiled to himself as he watched Gibbs look round with approval – couldn't be better.

He slid very carefully down from his saddle; unlike Jez who hopped around, Doris stood still for him. Course, he hadn't thought until now about getting back up again... When he turned, digging in his pocket for treats, he saw that Gibbs was already out of the saddle, and prudently hanging on to his reins. Tony shared the sugar lumps so that Gibbs could reward his horse too, then looped the ever present lariat round his starry saddle horn, and gave the other end to his Boss. "If you tie it to her bridle," he said seriously, "Doris won't let her stray."

Gibbs had no choice but to believe him, and to his astonishment, neither mare had a problem with the arrangement, both settling down to make short work of the stitchwort at once. He saw that Tony was struggling to open the saddle-bag one handed, and said, tentatively, "I can do that if you like."

"Sure," Tony said, and stood aside. "There's only a couple of power bars – I wasn't expecting to come out here, or I'd have brought lunch." Gibbs followed him as he wandered over to the creek, where a huge, battered oak that had escaped the loggers because of its hollowness and many twists, spread its roots out like a skirt. It was dryer than the surrounding grass, and Tony sat carefully down on one spur. Gibbs took his place on the next one.

"It's a long ride when you're only half-way fit – what made you decide to come here?"

"It's my secret, Boss. It's one of my favourite places – I never bring anyone else here."

Gibbs nodded, and didn't answer. That was a positive message, and pretty clear, but damage had been done, and he wasn't going to take anything for granted.

"Why are you so damn forgiving, Tony? Why aren't you yelling at me?"

"You ever known me yell at you, Boss?" He paused. "You're different. I thought you must be when I realised you'd been in my den."

"Different how? From before I went, or from since I came back?"

Tony thought. "Both, I guess. A bit more like the old Gibbs, but not. You had the lid on a lot of things then. And you're trying to put it back."

Once again Gibbs couldn't find the word to answer, and settled for nodding. They chewed on their snacks for a while, as Gibbs gazed around the beautiful spot. Finally, he asked something that had first occurred to him last night – he wasn't sure he'd like the answer, and he felt it might provoke the storm that maybe DiNozzo needed to let loose... so better get it over with.

"This place..." he gestured towards the wren-brown mare, "Doris... you love all this, but you never told me about it."

"No, I didn't," Tony said so softly he almost missed it.

"So..." gently, "any reason why not?"

Tony leaned his head back against the tree, eyes shut. The expression on his face was pained and hard to read. His eyes snapped open, and met Gibbs' full on. "Because it's important...because... I was afraid that if you knew, you'd make difficulties."

The Marine opened his mouth to deny it, and closed it again, and Tony went on. "I discovered it all by accident, at a time when I needed something. I figured if you stopped me, I'd have nothing... It 'd have been even harder to work, the atmosphere would have been terrible... I wouldn't have quit, waiting for something to change...I won't quit, but I'd just have gone on feeling horrible until I made a mistake... I had to protect this for everyone's sake."

Gibbs steadied himself. "Waiting for something to change – I guess you mean waiting for me to come to my senses... how were you so sure I would?"

Tony took a few calming breaths – he was suddenly aware that the bandaging wrapped round his torso to protect his side also had the unwanted effect of restricting his breathing. "You had to, Boss," he finally said intensely. "You... you'd been through such a lot... it wasn't surprising that you – that things changed... you were still you when you left, even if you were in bits... When you came back – I remembered the Gibbs who brought me back from Baltimore after Danny, told me I was good, when I was wondering how he'd been on the take right in front of me and I hadn't seen it... got me through the whole Wendy thing... If I'd believed the Gibbs who came back was the real you now, for ever, I don't think I could have stood it. So I waited."

Gibbs was stunned. "Aw, hell, Tony..." He wanted to tell the kid he didn't deserve him, he was sorry, he was like a son to him; he wasn't the sort who could, and he suspected right now it'd be received with scepticism if he did. He ran his hand over his face, and as he did so, he remembered his promise. "I can't figure a lot of things," he said in the end. "I'm getting there, but I'm still between then and now."

Tony nodded. "I understand that," he said. "But..."

"Look... I've put you through it -"

"You were going through it."

"Will ya stop that? You shouldn't forgive me!"

"Not sure I have yet!"

Gibbs held out a soothing hand, noticing the difficult breathing and the slight pallor. "OK... that's fine... look, I'll try to explain – just don't know if I can. Don't understand things myself. Ask. Ask me anything. Anything at all, I'll try to answer."

Tony stood up, none too easily, bent and picked up a stone. He lobbed it into the creek and watched the ripples being swallowed up by the fast moving water. He didn't turn back towards Gibbs for a few moments; when he did, his face was set, and stony. "All right," he said. "All right – why me? Why only me?"

He pitched another stone, but this time he didn't turn away. "Why the put-downs? Why the baiting? Why did you encourage the other two to join in? I know when I've done a bad job, and I hadn't. There were times when one of the others did, and I got the blame! 'Oh, it must have been Tony'..."

"McGee had a go at me because of it yesterday," the Boss said matter-of-factly, "I snarked at him cause you weren't there... guess he stood in your shoes for a minute – he spent the rest of the day telling me off one way or another."

"Wow," Tony said.

"I'm not changing the subject – just telling ya. I... I don't know. Been thinking about it... while you were asleep. I thought... I had the idea you needed constantly reining in, don't know why... I came back and you were doing fine with my team – my vanity would have preferred that you weren't... then I overheard someone – can't remember who – remarking that you wouldn't be strutting round like a peacock any more, decided that must be what you were like. Can't explain it any better than that."

He paused. "I remember now, that you always took my moods... let 'em slide off you – steered me away from the rest of the team. Maybe I just remembered that it was OK to yell at you..."

"Coulda done without them joining in..." Tony said painfully. "You said I could ask you anything... but I already worked it out... you liked the way they followed your lead... did your ego good. You did it, so it must be all right for them too, you saw them copy you, and it felt great."

He turned away so Gibbs couldn't see his face twisting; another stone was hurled into the creek, then another. "DiNozzo in his place, no threat... corralled by your cowboys... am I right?" He stood still, his back to Gibbs, waiting for the admission. The voice came from at his elbow.

"I saw you as a threat, yes. Jenny thought you were good enough for your own team -" Tony jerked round to face him.

"What?" He fought to breathe.

"She never could keep a secret from me." Gibbs' tone was as apologetic as his SFA was ever likely to hear. "Figured you must have stayed to take my team from me instead." Tony looked at him, speechless, breathing hard. The Boss put two fingers along his jaw to make sure he couldn't turn away. "It was stupid. I was wrong. I'm sorry."

"Boss..." Tony's knees gave way, and Gibbs put an arm under his shoulders to lower him gently to the ground.

TBC