Chapter 6: Fort Condor and the Wandering Luis (Pretty Bird!)
As we left the original team headed toward the fort…
Jessica: I have the strangest feeling Luis just did something so… wrong.
Terrell: (shudders) You too?
He has turned from a discussion with Barrett, and the two large black men have seem to get along very well indeed. Nanaki and Aeris sit together, each in deep thought, but unknownst to the other, actually thinking the same thing: 'Does Jessica truly hate Aeris?' Cloud and Tifa sit on the lead chocobo, looking ahead at the upcoming fort, and Jessica rides the last one by herself, feeling extremely bad.
Jessica: (to herself) I hope he's okay… (thinks) …he's okay. He can take care of himself; that feeling couldn't lie.
Cloud: (trying to pick up conversation) So, Jessica, are you sure your friend's alright?
Jessica: (thinks again for a moment, then nods) Yeah. He can watch out for himself.
Tifa: For sure.
Cloud: True enough. But, where will we meet him?
Jessica: He knew the plan. He's probably headed for Junon, wherever he is.
Cloud: (nods) Right.
Jessica: (pause) But you know.. I got the weirdest feeling, he did something even I'd be surprised at. Now that I think about it.. (thinks again) I've never really seen him mad.
Terrell: (overhears and snaps his head around) I have! It's the most terrifying thing I've ever seen. To make a long story short, he got up and walked back to his car, with me on his back.
Barrett blinks, Nanaki and Aeris coming out of their freaky thought process. All stare at him.
Tifa: You're kidding, right? That harmless, happy-go-lucky thing?
Cloud: I don't know about that.. he's kind of scary.
Barrett: (shudders) I hear ya.
Nanaki: He does seem to have capacity for a greater magic.. although I don't think any of us want to be at the receiving end…
Aeris: Which reminds me, where do you all keep your materia?
Terrell: (looks at Jessica) Materia?
Jessica: Yeah, materia. Um.. (thinks; to herself) How am I supposed to explain that we don't? (aloud) Pockets.
Aeris: Pockets?
Jessica: We have very deep pockets.
Aeris: …oh.
Terrell: (thinks) Pockets? (reaches into his pocket and pulls out a two liter bottle of diet coke) Um.. that's not materia.
Jessica: (shoots him a warning glare) You get the idea.
Terrell: (puts it away; telepathically) Right. Pockets.
Jessica: (telepathically) Think you could come up with something better?
Terrell: (telepathically) Um.. nope.
Jessica: (turns back around; to herself) I wish Luis was here. He'd just scare them into submission or something..
At this time, they reach the base of Fort Condor, and look up at the huge gaping hole that is in the shape of a man.
Jessica: Heh heh.
Terrell: (blink) Weird looking hole..
Jessica: I'll explain later.
They get off the chocobos, and Jessica shrinks them back to their tiny state. The men of the fort are trying to patch up the large hole running through the entire building. Up on top, looking slightly ruffled, is the giant golden condor. The group walks up the dirt trail and climbs the rope into the base, Jessica riding up on Terrell's back, because she really can't climb anything. They stand together, the low-hanging ceiling just barely letting Terrell and Barrett fit inside, as Cloud addresses the man sitting at the table.
Cloud: Hi. Can we ask what happened here?
Man: Well.. it's kind of strange. All of a sudden there was a bang, then there was a screaming girl, and then another bang. Now we've got two holes to patch up.
At the mention of 'screaming girl' Jessica giggles.
Tifa: Do you need any help?
Man: Actually… no. I couldn't ask you youngsters to do that.
Aeris: We'd be glad to help.
Terrell: (shaking his head) We don't have time, we have to get to Junon.
Jessica: Look at the hole, Terrell. What does it look like to you?
Terrell: …a man.
Jessica: How about a six foot, silver-haired, Masamune-wielding man?
Terrell: (turns back) We'll help.
Cloud: What is it you need done?
Man: Well, did you all notice the huge condor up on top of out fort?
Nanaki: Yes. It must be an honor; condors are very rare.
Man: (nods) But Shin-Ra wants to throw the fort and capture the condor, because they think its nest is sitting on top of some rare materia.
Tifa: Cloud, do you think that's why Sephiroth was headed this way?
Cloud: Possibly. We don't know for sure yet.
Barrett: Is there really a rare material, Gramps?
Man: (shakes his head) I don't know. We don't disturb the condor's nest. In fact, we rarely go up there, besides to feed it and give it water.
Jessica: Hm.. so you want us to fight off the Shin-Ra because all your men are currently fixing the fort.
Man: (blink) Why, yes, that's what I was going to ask.
The others look at her, and she shrugs.
Jessica: A guess. Anyway, sure thing! I don't mind staying to help at all.
Tifa: Cloud, we can't leave these people defenseless like this.
Cloud: I know, I know. (sighs) Alright. We'll stay and help, but only for one night! We need to get to Junon as soon as possible.
Tifa hugs him tightly then runs off up the stairs to catch a closer glimpse of the condor and its egg. Aeris goes to the far wall, peering out of the man-shaped hole and across the ocean. Nanaki crawls off to the lower levels, finding a bed and curling up to rest. Jessica and Terrell talk, getting caught up with everything. Barrett goes back down to the front of the fort, standing watch. Cloud explores the shops aimlessly.
Tifa: Hey! Hey, look at that!
The only ones within hearing distance respond and run up the stairs: Jessica, Cloud, Aeris, and Terrell. They run up to the lookout tower, and Tifa points out across the grassy plains. Shin-Ran troops march in one straight squadron, headed directly for the fort.
Cloud: Ah, shit.
Aeris: What are we going to do!
Tifa: There's so many.. Can we really protect that condor?
Terrell: We're gonna try.
Jessica: (smiles) I get to use pretty spells! (thinks, then bites her lip) Argh... where's Luis when we need him?
Luis and Yuffie stopped and made camp. He sits in front of the fire, staring up at the stars. Yuffie's poking a stick in the fire, sending up sparks.
Luis: (thinking to himself) They're in trouble. (sigh) Not much I can do from here. Unless.. no, not yet. (looks at Yuffie; out loud) So, where were we?
Yuffie: (blinks) Um.. the part where Jessica bred like.. a hundred of the wrong kinds of chocobos.
Luis: It wasn't exactly a hundred, but a few. She even got a pink one.
Yuffie: Pink?
Luis: Yeah. Let's not get into that.
Yuffie: Wish we had a chocobo right now.
Luis: You're telling me. So anyway.. tell me about materia. I know you're carrying at least about thirty right now.
Yuffie: I'm not carrying thirty! I've got thirty two!
Luis: Thanks for telling me.
Yuffie: ….dammit.
Luis: So, what are you planning on doing with all the materias?
Yuffie: (jumps up and swings her fist) I'm gonna take them, and pass them out to my entire village, and then we're gonna stand up and fight the Shin-Ra!
Luis: Hm. So.. basically, you just wanna gain respect back?
Yuffie: (stops mid swing) How'd you--?
Luis: I'm older than I look. I know things. By the way, how old do you think I am?
Yuffie: Um… (looks at him carefully) Uh, sixteen; my age.
Luis: Um, no. Guess again.
Yuffie: (blink) Fifteen?
Luis: Younger? You think I'm younger? Grrrr…
Yuffie: (jumps) Older then!
Luis: (twitch) Yes. Much older.
Yuffie: Uh… nineteen?
Luis: (sigh) No. I'm twenty two.
Yuffie! (studies him) Damn, you're old.
Luis: Thank you. Do you want to be that old? I can age you.. (ball of magical energy appears in his hand)
Yuffie: (backing away quickly) No thank you!
Luis: Ah, I'm not gonna hurt you. (throws ball) Magic Wall! (smiles) That should keep the creepy-crawlies out! Come on, let's go to bed.
Yuffie: (still gaping) ….
Luis: Um, are you coming to bed? (half in, half out the tent)
Yuffie: (shakes her head quickly and backs away) Nuh-uh! I'm not getting into the same tent with a guy! You'll try and rape me or something...
Luis: (shakes his head and goes inside) Honey, I'm gay. I assure you, you're completely safe.
Yuffie: (walks in after him, looking confused) You're what?
Luis: I like men. Let's get some sleep; we've got a long day tomorrow.
Yuffie: (blink) Wow. I like men too. (closes the tent after herself)
Returning to the people at Fort Condor..
God, that sounded creepy. It was almost a serious conversation for a minute there. Well, I guess we can have those every so often.. I think.
Fort Condor, right.
Cloud: (going pale) Damn that's a lot of soldiers.
Tifa: Oh no.. the condor!
Aeris: And the people of the fort! How are we going to protect them against that!
Jessica: (turns to Terrell) Use magic.
Terrell: Huh? Me!
Jessica: Yes you. (raises an eyebrow) Have you forgotten what you are?
Terrell: Oh yeah. (looks at his hands) Um, what spell can I use?
Jessica: I don't know, something long distance. Get a jump start on the enemy.
Terrell: Okay… (stands up at the window) Um.. Explosion Array!
Off near the back of the troops, a huge rumble shook the ground. The earth twenty feet across suddenly sunk inward, cracking, then exploding outward and sending large hunks of rock into the rest of the soldiers that weren't caught in the immediate blast. Cloud, Tifa, and Aeris stare.
Jessica: (blink) Wow. I didn't know you knew something like that!
Terrell: (shrug) Too much D&D, whatcha gonna do?
Jessica: I dunno yet. (looks at the others) Does anyone have a plan?
Cloud: You could just stay up here and keep hitting them with spells like that.
Jessica: Okay! (turns to Terrell) Ready?
Terrell: I dunno.. that last attack made me dizzy.
Jessica: (turns to the girls) And you guys?
Tifa: I'm gonna go up and cast spells from the condor's perch.
Aeris: I'll go warn the other men. (she runs out)
Cloud: Jessica? You're staying here?
Jessica: Yeah, unless you want me to do something else.
Cloud: No, your powers will work really well from here.
Terrell: Maybe we should have them casting from different levels, just in case we can't hit the enemy that's advanced too far from here.
Cloud: Right. You come down with me; we'll go on to the area with Barrett and Nanaki. Jessica, you and Tifa stay here and cast from this angle.
Tifa: I've got more attack spells.
Jessica: Then I'll do the protect and cure spells.
Cloud: Good, settled. We'll meet back up here.
He runs off with Terrell. Jessica and Tifa look at each other.
Tifa: What should we do? Even if we attack, we won't hit a lot of the troops.
Jessica: We could scare them off..
Tifa: An army that big? How would we do that?
Jessica: I have an idea.. come on. We have to go up to the condor nest.
Tifa: 'Kay!
They rush up the stairs to the large condor's nest.
Downstairs, Cloud and Nanaki rush outside behind Barrett, who's aiming to fire a large grenade bomb at the front line of the troops.
Cloud: Barrett!
Barrett: I've only got three of these grenades in my stash! It won't last forever.
Nanaki: The three of us are here to back you up!
Barrett: Three?
Cloud: Yeah, me, Nanaki, and (looks) er.. he was here.
Nanaki: Where'd he—
Terrell is seen running across the field, wielding a large, gold-plaited bat with jagged silver nails sticking out of the end.
Cloud: Wow. Look at him go.
Nanaki: Where'd he get that thing!
Barrett: Pockets?
They look at him, then run to back Terrell up.
Back on the roof of the fort, Tifa and Jessica balance against the winds and climb to the very top, facing the giant golden condor in its glory.
Tifa: Wow, it's so pretty.
Jessica: Yes. I wonder.. (looks at the nest) Yeah, it's guarding its baby. That's why it didn't fly away at the first sign of danger.
Tifa: Baby! (looks around)
Baby Condor: Peep.
Tifa: AWWWW!
Jessica: Heehee.
The condor squawks threateningly as Jessica walks toward the nest. She lifts her hands in a sign of peace, taking small steps toward the giant bird's claws.
Jessica: I won't hurt you, or your baby. I want to ask you for your help.
Condor: Squawk?
Tifa: Its help?
Jessica: Watch. (she looks up at the bird) You don't want to leave because of your baby, right?
Condor: (nods) Brack.
Jessica: So, what if I offered to help you protect your nest by playing a small trick on our enemies?
Tifa: Trick?
Condor: Brack?
Jessica: Come here.
The condor leans down and Jessica whispers to it. The condor gets so pleased it ruffles its feathers, and a materia falls at Tifa's feet.
Tifa: (picks it up) Wow, it's a summoning materia!
Jessica: Deal?
Condor: (nods) Kweh!
Tifa: Huh? Deal!
Jessica: Come here and I'll explain it to you.
Cloud looks up as a shadow passes low overhead. It was the condor, swooping down toward the Shin-Ra troops. He stopped and stared at it as the huge animal landed in front of them, cawing angrily. They stopped uncertainly, looking at one another for guidance. A few of them have already entered combat with Terrell, Barrett, and Nanaki. Tifa runs up to Cloud, and whispers something to him, handing him a magic materia. He nods, takes it, and runs to the left as Tifa heads right. Jessica is seen standing somewhere behind the condor, circling her hands as she chants a spell. The condor rears back, beginning to flap its enormous wings. Suddenly the sound multiplies. The troops look up as more and more condors descend from the sky, calling out angrily. Tifa and Cloud cast their spells, and then the wind intensified. All the condors move their wings strongly, sending the troops backward. The winds from all sides overpower them, smothering them in their cross-sections. The Shin-Ra turn tail and run the only way there are no condors blocking them: Back toward Junon. The condors slowly stop as the last of the troops runs back across the crater. They all land. Everyone looks around at the congregation of golden birds.
Terrell: I thought there was only one condor!
Nanaki: I thought they were all extinct…
Jessica: They are. (she waves her hand and all of the condors but one disappear in a swirl of smoke)
Barrett: (blink) Huh?
Jessica: It was an illusion.
Tifa: She made wind materias we could use, to keep up the illusion of so many birds flapping their wings.
Barrett: Ah.
Cloud: That was good thinking. Nice, Jess.
Jessica: (smiles) Anytime.
Terrell: (to Jessica) I didn't know FFVII had wind materias..
Jessica: (whisper) They don't.
Terrell: So then..?
Jessica: I just pulled a Luis.
Terrell: Good one.