Disclaimer: Harry Potter is a property of J.K. Rowling. All rights received by her and others who do. This is just a fanfiction….
story note: this chapter mainly goes to break the ice between this long lost friendship... so you may feel it's in the same place in the beginning. But if you read further you'll find more of clues.. turn points to the story..

A / N: this is my first story. Set after half blood prince and deathly hollows never happened. Please do comment….. I would love to hear what you think

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Hermione returned to her rooms and summoned a house elf from the kitchens and asked to bring her breakfast. Running through her bottle rack of remedies she pulled off skin mending potions, finding bottle of dittany. Once the house elf disappeared leaving her a plate full of eggs and toast with a jug of sweetened tea she went back to the suit managing to carry the food with her.

She entered the bed room to see Harry sitting on the bed. Dressed in muggle cloths, blue denim trouser and a black tee-shirt, he looked much humane.. a person with regular worries. Yet his gaze lingered a look of a one who was poked by darkness and horror through and through behind the round frames.

Laying the food trays next to him she sat next to him. 'here..let me mend that for you' she carefully turned his head which he let her, and dropped few drops of the dittany on the half dried cuts on his scalp. The skin mended leaving light traces. 'Better?' she asked taking his wrists and doing the same for the irritated cut marks around them... they too begin to fade as she pushed the stopper in again.

'Much.. Thanks' he smiled maybe after a long time, she thought, cause it dried as soon as it came..

'You must be hungry' she clasped his shoulder lightly.

He sighed running his fingers through his forehead. 'Not really' he managed to say, won't you eat?'

She took two pieces of toast and offered one to him.. 'You think I'll miss sharing toasts with you after almost three years?' he took the piece but did not eat. His eyes were on her.. examining.. But only for a moment. He looked at the toast in his hand nervously. 'Can't believe it's been that long' said he... 'Who thought...' he let out a sigh straightening himself 'who thought it'd end like this'

It was her turn to stare at him 'You are talking as if it's all over' she said stiffly and Harry leaned forward to his knees, a mirthless smile covering a sigh of tiresomeness.

'How's everything around here.. Your job..Teaching?' Harry worded out effortly, she felt, worried that they might get stuck in a long silence and she will again ask of his illness. She would have to be patient with him, she knew, he was never comfortable with forcing his thoughts out.

'Well .. it's a job isn't it' she tried best not to make a face.. 'I wake.. eat... smile with the staff... teach' she paused looking at harry , but his gaze was far too searching... she looked away ' ...eat again.. .brood myself to death and drawn in marks and notes.. eat once again if I feel like it and sleep... she smiled at him trying to return his gazed again. Why were they so inhumanly deeper than she remember ... she signed seeing no change in his gaze which was too empty for her to bear. Misery was overwhelming both of them isn't it?

'its boring ... but I'm a live, out of harm.. and I have work'

she tried to sound less bitter and less moved by the things around her. 'that's better than most in my position actually..' Hermione didn't want to feel too much in front of him. Not again ... and not when his condition seemed far severe than of hers. She would have succeeded if Harry didn't decide to lightly touch her toast free hand and hold it at that moment ... but he did, reminding her of the person he was to her... her haven.

... ' only I wish I could have done more Harry' ..she felt a sudden heaviness in her throat ... 'more when they marched out eleven and twelve year olds out of my classes... to feed bloody dementors... because their so called blood wasn't pure enough.'

She could not stop the tears with the guilt she pressed herself to... ' and I just stood there... as if they are going home for Christmas...'she sobbed wishing she could stop yet they were uncontrollable... 'I walked many times in to the ministry passing them torturing women and children... just by the corridors for everyone to see... but no one sets an eye in fear for their own blood status... I've seen too much Harry, too much ... and done nothing...'

Without a word Harry put both his arms around her... she held on to his form .. feeling the warmth through silence and her own sobs. Curling in to him, she listened to his heart beat as if it was feeding her soul. He is here... she thought ... no matter in what condition... a thread to the world where their lives were more than puppets...more than just breathing organs that existed without emotion.

they stayed holding each other long after her sobs... later when she let go of him she saw his expression unchanged... maybe thoughtful but not emotional as she was. She didn't know whether to worry or just consider it normal. Maybe he's way passed his breaking point. But after her breakout she felt lighter... she forced him to a second toast complaining of his visible skinniness. And he only smiled surrendering without much argument.

Afterwards Hermione filled him with more details on the outside world, of the bitter place it had now become with able ones choosing a path of ignorance and the feeble being crushed under prejudice of blood status or for supporting the light side .

She mentioned Hogwarts barely standing to what it was, with Snape as the high Inquisitor; it had been paused before its full conversion to the refuge of dark lord's malice. Maybe they trust Snape to do that by himself... step by step... she told him... mention of Snape made Harry gaze sharp at her... 'what?' she asked.

'nothing... guess you are true' he said finding suddenly his nails to be quite interesting... but after that he barely spoke only nodding and occasionally answering with few words if she asked anything. Hermione knew not to press him..not yet at least

Harry had been dozing off when she left and she guessed he needed some rest after whatever the journey and whatever the circumstance he was in. she made his bed, with him standing behind and left him to get some sleep.

Many moments after she sat in front of a demanding McGonagall in her own room, their tea going cold. ...She felt guilty revealing whatever she saw or heard from him... as a spy who was send in to dig out the details as if he's some bigoted creature.

But she was just a puppet playing along is she not?

'Did he mention anything.. anything at all about his illness?' her voice was as impatient as it could get. And as she suspected, McGonagall knew only little on Harry's condition. But how much that little was.. she had no idea.. she tried reasoning with her to excuse herself for not pushing herself to question him. Not that it was working... 'Whenever I tried to ask he would just pass on ... or directly say later.. Not easy to press him on to saying something professor..you know how he is'

'any hints or mention on anything he had been doing?' more impatience...

'he didn't say much...nothing at all now I think of it'.. said she...'guess he needs time professor'

'The only thing we do not have Granger... not to mention him... if he doesn't speak, dig him out.. you know him better than anyone for Merlin's sake girl ... if not you who can make him speak?...' she continued as if talking to herself.. 'It's critical enough that Dumbledore trusted only him to pass his secrets on you know who... but now he's suffering from we- don't- know-what...'

'He's not sick by purpose professor'... she felt her anger rising in defense of him... as same as years back.

'Course not'...McGonagall's voice raised up.. 'but he's acting like it... keeping it to himself.. When he can't deal with it himself... once he lands in Voldermorts' clutches as he did, it would be him not us who will have to worry about it... and the slight niche of hope the world have will go to ash ' the old woman clutched her forehead by both her hands... resting her elbows on the small of a table. Hermione blinked as calmly as he could...

' ...landed..in Voldermorts' clutches?...when?' she felt her heart raise as McGonagall straightened. The older woman sighed... 'It's nothing to hide now... Potter and Kingsley were attacked on their way to his safe place years back. They sent an imperioed Neville Longbottom after him...' McGonagall did not react to Hermiones' stare.. but continued ... ' out stupidity Potter walked in to the trap. Kingsley was helpless... it was either to reveal himself and drag the Order to an end or let the Orders' last hope fall in to death eaters. Not that he had much choice when Potter decided to pay his debts to Longbottom...'

McGonagall shook her head ... ' not sick by purpose' she muttered as disgusted by her own sound. It took moments for Hermione to collect her thoughts... she felt too many things passing inside her.. Harry abducted... death eaters.. how did he escape? And Neville? Neville Longbottom?

'but Neville was... dead... he died before Harry went away...'

'.. a fake death' said the older woman her voice slightly shaking. 'he had been kept alive... and killed of course... he is dead now'

Hermione did not know how to react to the feelings of shock sorrow and anger she felt all together...she covered her mouth... 'you knew..th.. this...this is three years back' she stared as McGonagall nodded '...why ...why didn't you tell me..?'

McGonagall looked at her sympathetically.. ' you had much in your bag Granger.. Grieving for a friend would have not helped... let along knowing another was abducted..'

'This is Harry we are talking about!... Her voice was louder than expected.. 'You thought too much is in my bag to not to tell me... that... that he was abandoned to the hands of that ...lunatic ...for what!.. three years!... and now you ask me to find what's wrong with him? '

Hermione didn't know when she had risen up... she glared at McGonagall who still sat with crossed hands..her heart pounded ..dear Merlin... she thought as the image of Harry's wounded wrists came to her mind... ' you know what .. I think I know what's wrong with him... he had been bloody ravaged out of his wits for three years! And would he have to be grateful now because you all saved him after such a short time...HE'S JUST A PIECE OF MEAT TO ALL OF YOU!'

she shouted at a cold stare who looked back at her.

'not three years Miss Granger'... McGonagall said the voice cold as her stare but calmly... 'he wouldn't have survived... it was just four days'.. Said she getting up...

'and as for rescuing him...HE saved HIMSELF, Merlin knows how, and vanished away letting us attempt on futile raids to rescue him... which caused half a dozen lives... McGonagall collected her coat hung behind the chair and folded it around her hand...

'after months he sends a message saying Wormtail got kind hearted with him.. Which is unlikely as Lucius Malfoy saving him... and saying he's safe?... then Remus drops in after so much as two years claiming Potter is fatally ill, almost begging to ask you to take him inn... you tell me miss Granger whether I think of him as a piece of meat!...' McGonagall clicked open the door her gesture stern as always...

' he has these marks around his wrists...new welts..' Hermione took a sound breath in.. she didn't want to feel feeble, but she did... ' I thought..'

McGonagall paused and turned looking at Hermione.. then she looked down ' last evening after moments of arrival he lost his conscious.. he was thrashing as if we dropped him to a bed of hot lava instead of sheets...' she looked at the younger woman more lightly this time... ' we bound him to the bed... it was all we could do to stop him from harming himself...'

Hermione just gazed at her.

She didn't know what to say.. not anymore... McGonagall sighed ridding herself of what's left of their heated conversation..

'sooner we know what's wrong with him... sooner we can find a cure miss Granger.. I do not wish to see him suffering any more than you do...' with that she left closing the door behind... Hermione stood there gazing at the door for moment... she felt her heart rise. It's just four days... she heard McGonagall's' stern voice inside her...

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