Afraid of the Dark

Seven

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or characters thereof. Naruto was written and illustrated by Masashi Kishimoto. I also don't own a DS nor did I invent it...

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I stared at my food, stabbing things with my fork and not eating. My parents talked, oblivious to me. It was almost painful to realize that they were intentionally ignoring me. The day's events replayed in my head, over and over until I thought I was going to rip my head open and tear the memories from it. I stopped playing with my food when I got too caught up in my thoughts. I'd texted Kakuzu my number and he'd asked if I wanted to do something on Friday. Now it was all up to what I could tell him. I could tell the truth while lying, right?

"Hidan, are you alright?" my mom's voice snapped me back to reality. I looked up at my parents, a bit surprised that they'd finally noticed me. They stared back anxiously. I nodded and looked back at my food. I set my fork down and sighed. "What's going on, hon?"

I kept my eyes on my plate while I thought about what to say. "I'm just tired. I've been having nightmares again…" I told them at last, glancing up briefly to see their expressions. They looked understanding, rather than concerned or anything remotely close to that. "Hey, mom?" I asked quietly, feeling the blush creep up on me already. "Is it okay if I go out this Friday?" My parents were quick to catch on and they approved hastily. I wondered what they thought my date would be like. I couldn't help but smile at the thought.

I finally got out of eating and hurried upstairs. I sat on my bed and started playing my DS, fiddling with things that I wasn't familiar with yet. I doodled on the PictoChat and made my character run in circles for about five minutes. I was in the middle of making my character run into a wall for the sixth time when the doorbell rang. With an excuse to stop hiding out in my room, I saved the game, made my character run into the wall for the last time and turned off the power. I put my DS down and went to the stairs. My mom was talking to Deidara who stood in the doorway, looking bored. "Oh, hey, Hidan!" he called when he saw me. My mom turned and grudgingly let him in.

I motioned for him to come up the stairs and follow me. He practically ran up the stairs, eager to get away from my mom. When we were in my room, I looked at him, stunned. "How did you find out where I lived?" I asked incredulously.

"Oh, I looked in my stalker book, un!" he chirped, pulling the school handbook out of his backpack. "And I was a little surprised to find out that you live, like, right around the corner from my place…"

I took the handbook from him and turned to the back where the directory was. I flipped through the pages, seeing names and numbers and addresses on all of them. "Wow. It really is a stalker book. I kind of wish I hadn't thrown mine away now…" I handed the book back to him and he shoved it back into his knapsack. "Well, why did you bother to come over here?"

"I came to hang out with you and talk for awhile, un. I heard that you have a date this Friday!" he giggled happily. "My friends and I went out earlier this afternoon and Kakuzu looked like he was ready to explode so I asked him what was up and he was talking about a mile a minute about you and how you're going on a date this Friday, un. It was so cute! It made me really happy to see him that happy, un."

I stared at him, slowly processing what he was saying. When I finally got it, I must have looked like a cartoon character with a light bulb going off above my head. "A mile a minute?" I asked, surprised. Deidara nodded fiercely. "Wow…"

"Give me your phone for a second, un," he demanded, extending one hand so he could receive it. I reached into my pocket and reluctantly gave it up. "Yay! It's so easy to get what I want from you, un. All of my other friends throw bitch-fits when I ask for something of theirs…"

"What do you need it for?" I asked, ignoring is little amazed rant. He didn't answer. He flipped open my phone and started pushing buttons. "What the fuck are you doing? Why won't you fucking answer me?!"

"Jeez, you're impatient, un," Deidara stated finally, pushing another button – that looked suspiciously like where the send button was – and putting his fists on his hips. "Do you always bother people like that when they don't answer like that?" He snapped his fingers.

I pouted a little, glaring at him. "Only when I'm feeling impatient – oh, wait. That's, like, all the time. Yes," I told him sarcastically. "Now please tell me what you just did with my phone."

Deidara grinned, giving me goose-bumps. "I sent Kakuzu a text, un! I'm a little surprised that his number's already on your speed dial…"

"You did what?" I asked darkly. "What the hell did you do that for?! What the fuck did you say to him?! Why won't you fucking answer me already?!"

"You won't give me a chance, un!" he cried, almost falling backward. "Calm down, please. I just told him that you'd be at my place on Friday so he should stop by there instead of here, un. Hm…That sounds funky now that I try to tell you like that…"

I stared at him for a moment, puzzled. "I'll be at your place? Since when?"

"Since I decided that I want to help you get ready for your date, un!" He grinned at me, seeming thrilled that he had a friend to play dress-up with. "I think it'll be fun. Oh, hey look. He texted back, un…" He opened the text and I ran to look over his shoulder. Alright…C u then. "He sounds excited."

"How do you know? It's just a text," I retorted, rolling my eyes as butterflies attacked my stomach.

"Uh, there's a smiley face right next to the 'see you then', un," Deidara told me like it was supposed to be the obvious as he pointed at the virtual smile. "He's excited."

"Whatever. I smiley face says jack," I snorted, snatching my phone. I flipped it shut and shoved it back into my pocket. I dropped onto my bed, leaving space for him if he wanted to sit as well.

"Denial. You're so nervous, un!" He giggled like he thought it was funny. It started to piss me off. "Smiley faces mean a lot when you're texting. Like, sometimes, I'll send Sasori the little graphic kissy face smiles, un. It totally means 'I love you'." He sat down beside me, grinning. "They say how you feel because words on a phone don't mean a lot when you can't hear them, un. He was telling you he was excited."

"Sounds like a personal interpretation to me," I muttered grudgingly. In all honesty, what he told me made my stomach flip. "Should I have texted him back?"

Deidara glanced at me. It looked like a light bulb clicked on above his head. "Oh yeah. Tell him you're psyched, un."

"Psyched? Doesn't that make me sound a little too excited?" I pulled my phone out and went into the last text he'd sent me, hitting reply.

"Good point. Tell him…'can't wait', un," he commanded with a smile. "It'll make him think that you're really excited, too, but not desperate. I bet he'd like a challenge, un!" His smile turned to a grin and I tried not to shiver as I avoided wondering what he was thinking.

I typed in what I was told – even adding a smiley face – and got his approval before sending it. "Okay…You win. I'm so nervous."

"Why? You really like him, right, un? And you get along pretty well – um, from what I can tell anyway…" He paused, looking thoughtful.

"You were the one who made me kiss him before Christmas," I snapped. "And have you seen us together since then?"

"No but he's almost always talking about you, un. It really pisses off Pein," he told me and laughed.

I glanced away, caught off guard again. He seemed really good at doing that to me – same with Kakuzu. It must have been a feature that he and all his friends had. Spontaneity was a bitch and a half. "Who's Pein?" I asked quickly, eager for a subject change.

"One of my friends, un." Maybe you've seen him? He's got orange hair with piercings all over his face, un…" he trailed off, waiting for me to nod or shake my head. I nodded, recalling that I'd seen him once or twice at lunch. He was the one sitting across from Deidara the day I'd hit Sasori. He was also the guy who had been comforting the blue-haired girl in the hall the day of the "Holiday" assembly. "Well, he kind of took charge of our group. He's a senior, un. He'll be graduating this year, sadly. He's an awesome guy, un."

"He seems nice…from what I've seen of him," I told him, looking back up at him. "How did you end up with such cool friends?" I questioned softly, ashamed.

He caught my discomfort and smiled kindly. "I tried, un." I caught the accusation in his voice and ducked my head, even more ashamed now that it had been put out there. "Hidan, I'm glad I met you. It surprised me when you told me about your voices, un. You seemed more in control than even I can be sometimes."

"I'm not in control," I mumbled, not looking up. "Christopher is."

"Christopher?" he inquired. I heard the bed creak as he adjusted himself. "Who's Christopher, un?"

"He's the worst of the three voices in my head, un," I revealed, glancing up to his expression. He didn't look surprised. Then again, I didn't really expect him to be. "Sometimes, he pushes me into the deepest, darkest crevices of my mind and leaves me there while he takes control. He'll talk for me; think for me…he'll pretend to be me."

Deidara glanced down for a short moment and then back up at me. "When was the last time he did that, un?"

I thought for a moment, trying to remember that last time that I had felt so scared. "Yesterday," I admitted, adjusting myself so I could lie down.

It was silent for a minute and I swear I heard a ticking sound – the thing was, I didn't have that kind of clock in my room. "That explains it, un. I wondered why you were acting weird for part of the day."

"What did he say…?" I asked hesitantly. I propped myself up on my elbows to look at him. We stared at each other until he broke out grinning.

"Nothing too odd, un. In fact, he barely said anything and that's kind of what bothered me. And, on top of that, he didn't insult Sasori when we saw you in the halls, un." He laughed loudly. "Then again, I didn't see you until lunch and you seemed pretty normal then."

"That's because I was only out for one period," I informed him, trying not to sound too icy. "Can we change the subject now?" He stared at me warily before nodding.

"Sure. Can I paint your nails, un? I brought the best nail polish with me. I was going through all my polish when I saw this color and I thought about how awesome it would look on you. And wouldn't you like to show Kakuzu your pretty nails, un?" He laughed again, probably imagining things that were out of my imagination zone.

I sighed and sat up. "I want to see it before I answer," I replied and he dove for his backpack. He unzipped the front pocket and fished around until he pulled out a small bottle of nail polish. It was a deep purple color. I took it from him, inspecting it closely. I swore I saw sparkles but I wasn't sure. I glanced up at him and he stared at me anxiously. "Alright; have at," I answered, handing him the nail polish.

"Yay! You're so cool, un!" He started hitting the bottle on his palm before unscrewing the lid and motioning one of my hands over. I dropped my hand onto his lap and he put the bottle on the desk, pulling the little brush out. "Thanks for letting me paint your nails…" he murmured before starting on my thumb.

"I think I experimented with polish when I was 12 but I haven't touched the stuff since. We'll see how this goes," I responded almost arrogantly. I watched him as he carefully painted each one of my nails evenly. "It's really cold. I didn't know that nails had nerves."

"Every part of your body has nerves, I think, un," he told me almost incoherently as he concentrated on my pinky nail. "Sasori said you liked human biology – I would have thought you knew that already." He sat up and dipped the brush in the little bottle.

I grunted and gave him my other hand. He happily attacked it with the polish. I inspected the nails that had already been painted. "I think I like the way they look," I grudgingly admitted. He snapped his head up and grinned before he looked back down at my nails. "It's almost black. But, seriously, what's with the sparkles?"

"It was the only purple this deep that I had, un." He sat up and dipped the brush again. "Sorry."

I glanced down at my nails again to avoid his gaze. "It's alright. I was just wondering." I watched him paint my last two fingernails. "How long will this shit stay, anyway?"

"Do you bite your nails, un?" he asked dropping the brush back into the bottle. I nodded reluctantly. "So do I; don't worry about it. It'll last about 48 hours – depending on how much you bite your nails during that time, un. Okay, so I'll have to do the finishing coat next and a touch up on Friday so your nails will look all pretty for Kakuzu." He grinned as I gave him a death glare. "Can I raid your closet while your nails dry, un?"

"Why not?" He jumped up and ran to my closet. I warily followed him, nervous about the small box in the back of that space. He stood in the center of the closet, glancing around before attacking my clothes.

"Oh my God, I totally just found the best outfit for your date on Friday, un!" he announced, pulling hung up clothes off the racks.

"Already?" I muttered sarcastically, suddenly not all that surprised. He showed me a pair of dark blue jeans that I hadn't worn yet – probably because they were really tight on me, if they were the jeans I was afraid they were – and a black t-shirt with a skull on it. "That's the best outfit?"

"Yes! It tells him that you're really into him because you're dressing up differently than you do everyday but then that you're not in it to get to the sex because you're wearing a casual outfit, un," Deidara explained, putting the outfit back on the rod closer to the wall. "Or you could wear this one. It has about the same affect, un." He produced a pair of black jeans matched with a white t-shirt and a deep blue jacket that almost looked black until you looked too close. "The difference between this one and the other one is you're dressing up a bit more but still looking casual. It also gives off an 'I'm into you but for all the right reasons' look, un. I hope that makes sense…" He lowered the hangers to look at me.

I grinned, amused by how much fun he was having with my bland wardrobe. "Alright, you caught my attention. So keep up the matching; I'm listening." He was delighted by my response and eagerly went back to finding different outfits with different explanations for each one. I watched and listened, enjoying his company. Finally, someone knocked on my bedroom door and Deidara and I peeked out of my closet. "Come in," I called. My mom walked in, looking both amused and relieved.

"It's getting kind of late. I think it's time for your friend to go home," she said, earning a pout from me. "Hidan, you've got school tomorrow."

"I know. I can stay up until one and still get up the next morning," I reminded her. "But I'd like for him to stay for awhile longer because he needs to put that finishing coat on my nails, right?" I glanced at Deidara and he nodded eagerly. "So can he stay for about another half hour, hour?"

My mom didn't look too happy and I wondered what was running through her head but she reluctantly nodded. "Alright, half an hour. Nails shouldn't take that long…"

"I wouldn't know," I told her with a shrug. She left grudgingly, leaving the door open a little.

"Your mom's afraid that we've been making-out or something, un," Deidara whispered, backing up into the closet a little. "Does your mom even know you're gay?"

I turned around to face him. "Yeah, I told her before we moved here. I've been afraid that she wasn't really all right with it…" I sighed before smiling as brightly as I could manage. "Are my nails dry enough for you to finish painting them?"

He walked over and inspected them. "Seems like it, un. Let's finish your nails. And I have to talk to you about which outfit to wear on Friday, un." He put his hands on his hips as we walked out of the small space.

"Alright, what about it?" I inquired, sitting down on the bed. He sat down across from me and picked up the nail polish bottle, screwing the lid back on and shaking it up.

"I think you should wear the outfit with the skull shirt but bring the other outfit – the one with the blue jacket – just in case I change my mind, un. And bring that black jacket, too. That's so I can mix up the outfits if I need to, un," he told me, unscrewing the lid, putting the bottle back and starting on my pinky nail.

I stared at him for a minute, trying to decide if he was really serious. "Okay, I'll see what I can do," I replied, watching him paint my nails. "Any advice for the date?"

"Um… Don't ask for anything expensive because he might hit you, un?" he suggested, dipping the brush and starting on my other hand. "Oh, and don't act like a goody-goody because he usually gets pretty pissed off about that. In fact, he once hit Tobi because he was talking really fast about his straight A's, un. So basically, don't act like you're trying to impress him or he might get mad at you."

"Sounds like he's a lovely guy," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes to show my "appreciation" of the advice. "This should be an interesting date then…" I tried to think back to the last time I'd dated anyone. I was pretty sure the last time I'd dated someone was when I was about ten.

"Just be yourself and he'll absolutely love you, un!" he told me enthusiastically. "I mean, he already really likes you, it won't be that big of a stretch." I rolled my eyes again and he put the brush back into the bottle, screwing the lid back on and putting it away. "Don't be rude, un. You're a pretty likable person and he just wants to get to know you." Suddenly, I felt the hysteria start to creep up on me again. Deidara sat back up and looked at me, hunched over and trying to catch my breath. "Hidan?"

I shook my head, not trusting my voice yet. "I can't go through with it…" I finally muttered, staring wide-eyed at my patched up quilt. "I don't trust myself enough to talk to him about myself. What if I mess up? What'll happen if they start talking to me? I'm not normal and there's only so much I can tell him… I can't do it!"

He rested a hand on my shoulder and I glanced up at him, a bit startled. "So what if they start talking to you, un? He'll be too busy occupying your attention and ears – there will be plenty of noise to distract you, wherever you go." He smiled kindly, calming me down a little. "You can be in control that night, no matter what Christopher tells you, un." It amazed me how he could talk about Christopher like he was a real person. As he said his name, I heard him hiss in my head. "Friday's your night!" I nodded and my mom called Deidara down. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, un!" He picked up his backpack and left, waving behind him. I watched him go, feeling panic, nausea and emptiness invade the space he left behind.

I stared down at my nails, all neatly done and slowly drying. I felt myself choking, suffocating. I walked over to my door and clicked off the light, closing the door. I stood in complete darkness, trying to decide what I was going to do now. I turned around, staring at the light from the moon that was filtering in through the blinds of my window. I walked over to it and yanked open the blinds, staring out into my backyard. The moon cast a soft luminosity over the gentle mounds of dirt and thick patches of grass that were slowly trying to reclaim life as the snow dissipated. There were shadows caressing every object out there, down to the smallest pebble that jutted from the Earth. It took me a moment to realize that I was crying.

How desperately I wanted to live life the way I was supposed to – with no voices in my head, with real friends to talk to, with a family that cared, and without always wanting to curl up in the warmth of depression. I pressed one hand to the cold glass and thought about the cathedral I'd seen before Christmas. I needed that stained-glass window, not just wanted it. I glanced around my room, staring at all the foreign objects that shadowed spaces around them. Maybe it was time for me to ask my mom for a redo of my room's décor. And then I noticed it like it was the first time I'd ever seen it.

I walked over to my shelf that was mounted above my desk. I reached up and pulled down a fairy. I stared at it curiously, wondering why I'd never seen it before. It had a black dress on that cut at about the knees and was only one sleeved. The sleeve went down to her wrist and her hair was deep brown. Her hair wrapped around her upper half and tucked around her chest. On her face was heavy make-up, dark with emphasis on the bright green eyes. But it was her wings that fascinated me the most. They almost looked like butterfly wings but with colors I'd never seen on a butterfly. They were deep purple with red streaking through it and black at the very tip of each wing. I closed my eyes and pressed the small statue to my chest, breathing in the wistfulness it brought as it pressed into my shirt.

Aware that I might be messing up my nails, I pulled it away. I hung my head, ashamed that I was so caught up in the small figurine. It was not mine. Shakily, I set it back on the shelf. It clicked onto the wood as my door opened. I let go of the statue and spun, startled. My mom stood in the doorway, staring silently at me with a look of knowledge on her face. "I thought I'd give that to you. My mom gave her to me when I was younger. She's supposed to bring luck and take your negative energies away," she whispered, hesitantly walking in. I watched her carefully, wondering what she was thinking as she stared at me. "I'm not sure why I thought you needed her… But the other day, I noticed that you seemed upset. I suppose I thought that something was wrong and this would help."

"She's beautiful," I told her softly, not really sure what she expected from me. "But she's not mine. Mom, I don't feel like any of this is mine." I paused, trying to hide my tears unsuccessfully. "Do you think that I could get some new stuff eventually? I think that if I got to chose more of the things that I would feel more…connected." I seemed to have chosen the right word because my mom's calm look cracked. She looked at me almost sadly.

She touched her fingers to my shoulder, almost withdrawing. I wondered what she felt from me. The woman was Pagan; I'd like to make that clear. The first thing she'd mentioned when we first met was that I wasn't ever going to be able to hide feelings from her because she was best at seeing them for what they were. It had frightened me, to be honest. But I soon found that it was very useful when I didn't want to tell her things. "Maybe this Saturday we'll go out and start looking? You can start looking for things, if you'd like. We do have Internet, you know." She smiled, indicating that she was trying to tease. I smiled back weakly. "Do you want to come downstairs and have some tea…? Something warm?"

I glanced back at the window, seeing the shadows dance as a small breeze whistled through some grass and weeds. I turned back to her and smiled sincerely this time. "Can it have alcohol in it?" I asked jokingly and she shook her head. "Yeah, I'd like some tea…" She took her hand off my shoulder and put it out enough for me to take it. I hesitantly took it and she led me downstairs to the kitchen. She went to a cupboard that I'd never opened and pulled out a kettle, filling it with water and stetting it on the stove. She took down two mugs and sugar and teabags in them for us.

"I haven't really had a chance to talk to you in awhile. I apologize for that, Hidan," my mom told me kindly. That was thing that I loved about her. Not only was she nice, she was sincere. "So, how has school been? Have you made any friends – besides Deidara?"

"School's been…er, interesting. The teachers are either extremely nice or crazy and the kids are just about the same. So far, Deidara's my only friend but I've been talking to this guy…" I trailed off, waiting to see if she was interested or not. She nodded, encouraging me to continue. "He seems really weird but he also seems like he could be really nice. His name's Kakuzu and he's in my algebra class. He also has my lunch but I haven't had a chance to sit with him yet because he's always sitting with his friends. And he's the guy I'm going out with this Friday." I smiled brightly, trying to catch my breath after talking so fast. I wasn't used to describing people and Kakuzu was particularly hard because I didn't know much about him. "It's sort of a date except it's more to get to know each other…You know?"

She laughed. "Yes, I do. And he better not be an asshole or I'll be pissed." The kettle screamed and my mom hurried to pull it off the stove. She poured the hot water into our mugs and then set it on a back burner. She went to the silverware drawer and pulled out two small teaspoons. After dipping them into our cups, she picked them both up and walked over to the bar. She set a steaming mug of green tea in front of me and I mixed in the sugar eagerly. "Well, at least you're not bored in school, then, right? What with the crazy teachers and strange kids."

I grinned. "Yeah, that's true." I spooned up some of the dyed water and tasted it before setting the spoon aside and dropping the teabag into the garbage that my mom brought over after tasting her tea. We talked some more – keeping off of boring topics such as school and work – and drank our tea. I was actually enjoying her company and even though I heard the soft hum of the voices in the back of my head, I wasn't listening. When we were done talking, my mom offered to watch a movie with me. I agreed, challenging her by asking if I could pick the movie.

"Your nails look nice," my mom commented as I sat down after putting the DVD in. "Deidara did a nice job." I glanced up at her to see her smiling again. I smiled back and concurred, glancing down at my nails before the movie started. I turned my attention back to the TV as the movie commercials ended. My mom and I stared at the screen intently as two men walked into a room and started talking. I needed the laugh.

--

I went to bed with a grin on my face and woke up fighting back sobs. My throat was sore and my door was open more than it had been when I'd gone to bed so I was sure I'd been screaming during the night. I glanced at my clock to see that I had only about an hour before I was supposed to get up. I wrapped myself up in my quilt and turned on the radio on my clock, turning the sound down a lot. I found my favorite station and closed my eyes most of the way, relaxing into the hard beats and screaming voices. My dad's alarm started blaring and I listened as he turned it off and got up to get ready for another day of work. I turned my attention to the door as I heard him walking down the hall. He peeked in and I smiled unconvincingly at him. "Are you alright? You were having nightmares all night."

"My throat hurts a little," I told him, my voice hoarse. "It even sounds bad! But, yeah, I'm fine." He smiled, nodded and went to the bathroom to take his shower. I looked back at the numbers on my clock as the minute turned from three to four. One of my favorite songs came on and I concentrated on it, falling into the distraction as though it was a sea of dark. My bedroom light flicked on and I opened my eyes, staring up at my mom.

"Hidan, hon, it's time to get up…" she whispered, smiling at me as she touched my arm. I nodded sleepily and stretched, watching her back away to give me space to get up. "I'll go down and start breakfast." She quietly took her leave and I sat up, glancing at my clock again. The music was still playing but I could barely hear it. I turned up the music and climbed out of bed, going to my closet to find an outfit for the day. I took my time to look for something different but neither of the two outfits I could potentially wear the next day. I finally decided on something and quickly got dressed, eager now that I could smell breakfast. I hurried downstairs and my mom greeted me with a warm breakfast. I smiled at her and thanked her before eating hungrily.

Maybe my mom did care but I knew that my dad still didn't – no matter his attempts at trying to convince me he did.

When my mom was convinced that I was full, I dashed to get all my stuff together and get my jacket and shoes on. I called goodbye to my mom and hurried out the door. I was a little surprised to see that everyone else was already at the bus stop. I glanced down at my watch and my surprise disappeared. I walked over and Deidara greeted me enthusiastically. Suddenly, it started raining. I gasped slightly and looked up at the sky, deciding that today was going to be good. As it started to rain harder, I glanced down at the gutter and watched the water sweep down the road, dragging some ice and slush with it. "The snow is going away…The world is unfreezing…" I whispered, knowing that no one heard me over the pouring rain. The bus pulled up, windshield wipers working overdrive. We all climbed on and I walked to the back with Deidara who was delighted that I was going to sit with him and his friends.

Maybe Jay had been right. Maybe all I had to do was put a little more effort into this and everything would turn out all right. I stared out the window, listening to the orange-masked boy – now dubbed Tobi – try to talk to the dark black-haired boy – now known as Itachi. Deidara and Sasori talked to each other animatedly and I just watched water drip down the window. Just a little more effort…

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A/N: The next chapter will have the date, ha-ha. Anyway, I hope you're still enjoying this. Please review.