Maquis Ship

She wasn't jealous, that would be a ridiculous concept, given that they were the same person. But she saw it, the way he referred to her, the way he spoke about her was the same way that this Chakotay spoke about her. What was so wonderful about this woman who was exactly her, minus being the Captain?

Was her job really altering her personality so much?

'Are you ready to go home?' Chakotay asked her.

Not her Chakotay.

She smiled. 'I'll go and change back into my uniform. Lieutenant, I suggest you do the same.'

Paris nodded and left the Bridge. She did the same, although was very closely followed by Chakotay.

'Captain, are you intending to help me change, or did you have something to say?' she questioned, continuing to walk towards her quarters.

This felt more familiar. Walking down a long corridor together, him following her.

'Did you see his face when you appeared?' he asked. 'That man loves you as much as I do.'

She had to tell herself to ignore it, this wasn't an admission from her Chakotay, this was an entirely different man who just happened to be exactly the same.

She entered her quarters and he followed.

'You haven't answered my question,' he said quietly.

'It's not appropriate for me to answer,' she responded, grabbing her Starfleet uniform and turning to face him.

He looked disappointed.

'As you wish,' he turned to leave.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him back around, until he was only an inch from her, then slowly she leaned in and kissed him. She knew it was wrong, on so many levels, but she needed to know. This was the safest way to find out. What she thought was the harmless way.

But it was anything but harmless.

As he pulled away, almost instantly, the wave of disappointment hit her with force.

She never wanted to leave that moment, and there it was, over in a matter of seconds.

'Kathryn,' he said quietly. 'I'm not the one you should be kissing.'

'I know,' she whispered, closing her eyes.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. They stayed like that for a few moments, completely in silence, and finally he spoke.

'Don't take the easy way out. It's worth it.'

With that he left her in the middle of her quarters, holding her Starfleet uniform in hand. Alone.

Paris had reached his quarters before realising that he had left his Starfleet uniform in Captain Janeway's quarters, as his quarters were more of a large storage closet than actual quarters.

Rounding the corner, he hadn't quite expected to see the Captain grab Chakotay and kiss him.

He had suspected something was going on since they had arrived (well if he was honest, a long time before they arrived), but this was a whole new level of unexpected.

In an attempt to get as far away from the situation as possible he found his way back to the Bridge. B'Elanna was sitting at the helm and looked over at him.

'Are you lost?' she asked.

This was the last chance he was going to have to talk to her.

He walked over and sat down next to her. She seemed shocked.

'Tom, that's the Captain's chair – '

'I don't care,' he replied. 'I'm sorry.'

'Don't apologise to me, it's Chakotay that's going to be mad – '

'Not for the chair,' he cut her off. 'I'm sorry for what happened to you and I want you to honestly know that he loved you more than anything in the world. He would have married you and you would be pregnant with his child.'

He almost stopped as he saw the tears developing in her eyes, but she looked away, making it a little easier for him to reach out and touch her shoulder.

'But you need to know that he would never have wanted you to feel like this,' he continued. 'He would have wanted you to be happy, to live your life, to date something else.'

'Like who?' she snapped at him.

'I don't know, Harry?'

Somehow that made her both laugh and cry at the same time.

Then she launched her around him, and he returned the hug, squeezing her as tight as he could.

'It makes me feel better,' she whispered. 'To know that somewhere out there that life exists.'

He didn't say another word for a few minutes, tears finding their way to his own eyes. Finally she pulled away.

'Thank you, Tom,' she smiled. 'And I hope you have a wonderful life.'

'Don't give up,' he took her hand and squeeze it. 'I am not the only man in the universe.'

'Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd hear you say,' she laughed. 'But you need to go, get ready, or I might get my dream of you staying here after all.'

He stood up, smiling at her one last time as he walked off.

At least now he felt a little better.

USS Voyager

Chakotay smiled as she entered the Ready Room, now back to being dressed in her Maquis outfit. She folded her arms as she stopped in front of him.

'I need you to promise me one thing before I go home,' she said sternly, then paused. 'Actually, I'm making it an order.'

He laughed. 'I'm not sure who's actually in charge in this situation, but I feel like it's me.'

'Take her to some planet, get her drunk, dance with her, then pull her aside and tell her how you feel,' she unfolded her arms. 'She won't be able to resist it. I promise.'

He stood up from his chair, rounding the desk and taking her hands in his.

'I'll do what I can,' he spoke softly.

She shook her head, smiling. 'Stubborn, as always.'

'I think it's time for you to leave.'

'I know, and as enjoyable as it's been to have real proper coffee again, I am definitely looking forward to going home,' she joked.

He pulled her into a hug.

He wanted to keep this moment, just in case things stayed the way they were. He had this horrible sinking feeling that they were going to. After all, nothing had really changed, what reason did his Janeway have to change the rules now? After seven years?

It was almost as if she read his mind.

'Even if she turns you down, know that she loves you as much as you love her – '

'But she loves her job more,' he finished.

She pulled back from the hug and look at him in surprise.

'Not at all,' she whispered.

Her surprise was confusing to him. It had always been his assumption that that was the reason, but the said smile now crossing the face of the woman in front of him – not his Kathryn, he had to remember that – seemed to suggest something else.

'I love you more than any job,' she continued. 'But she owes it to these people to get them home, this was her fault, and having her heartbroken by the one person she needs by her side to do that, that's what she can't face.'

His heart leapt a little at hearing her say she loved him. Whether it was his Kathryn or not, hearing those words from her mouth meant the world to him.

But he also understood that the rest of that explanation wouldn't change upon her return. Things could still end badly between them and it would make their journey home that much more difficult.

'Thank you,' he said, simply.

There was nothing else he could say. With one sentence she had both given him all the hope in the world, and destroyed any hope he had of things working out.

But he always did what she told him.

He was going to try.

'You ready to go home?'

'Let's do this,' she smiled.