I apologize for moving so fast through this story, but right now it's just pouring out of me and I figured I better write while it's coming so easily, because at any point i could hit is snag or get really busy. Hope you all don't mind.
Gen allowed Dixie guide her into the break room. Seeing johnny spitting up blood had pushed her past her breaking point. She'd done what she'd needed to to help. She'd started his IV, took his pulse and blood pressure and even managed to draw blood for testing, but she hadn't been able to stop the tears.
The moment she'd allowed a small sob to escape, Brackett had Dixie escorting her from the room. Maybe it had been for the best. It was one thing to work on people she knew, but she'd never had to treat Johnny for anything more serious than the occasional stitches or minor burn.
Her mind, being the continual purveyor of everything bad, immediately drew upon memories from when her father died. The CPR she'd provided in his last moments had been the last time she'd treated anyone she seriously loved. No matter how much she'd wanted to be there for Johnny right now, she simply couldn't.
Feeling defeated and ashamed for not being stronger she'd kissed Johnny on the forehead then left without a fight. Now, as she hit the security of break room she let the tears flow.
"Now why all the tears? You're usually stronger than this," Dixie asked.
Gen wiped her eyes and sniffled. "I know, it's this being pregnant business. Don't get me wrong when I say this, because I love Olivia with all my heart and I already love this one so much, but I really hate being pregnant." She practically flopped herself down onto the couch."It turns me into a blubbering idiot."
Dixie gave her a small smile as she eased down next to her. "It's all the extra hormones you're dealing with."
"I know and I hate it," Gen grumbled. "Normally, I can think logically, even when my mind wants to spin everything out of control, but when I'm pregnant it's as if logic takes a vacation or something." She looked up at Dixie as a fresh batch of shame washed through her. "I couldn't do it, Dix. Johnny needed me and I couldn't hold it together. What if I'd been his only help?"
Dixie reached for her hand, held it. "Then you would have held it together and done what was necessary, but that wasn't the case here and somewhere deep inside, you knew that."
For a moment she considered Dixie's argument. "Maybe, she sighed. I'm just so scared right now." With her free hand she once again swiped away her tears then placed it protectively over her belly. "I've never loved anyone the way I love Johnny and I'm terrified I'm gonna lose him." She shook her head. "I don't want my children growing up not knowing their father."
"Now you stop that right now," Dixie scolded. "We all know Johnny is tough and there's no way he's going anywhere without a fight. You'll see. He'll be back to his old self and ready to spoil that new baby in no time."
Gen thought back on the fight she and Johnny had that morning. It seemed so trivial in comparison to what they now faced. Oh what she wouldn't do to take it all back right now? "I hope so, This day has been so hard. I'm not sure how much more I can take."
"Come on now," Dixie replied. "God doesn't give anyone more than he thinks they can handle. Besides, you know what it's like being a fireman and you knew when you married Johnny what you were getting yourself into."
Gen managed to give her a small smile. "I know. I did and I married him anyway."
"That's right, you did and why?"
Gen's heart flooded with love as memories of their first kiss bubbled to the surface and her stomach did that same familiar tumble that happened whenever he kissed her.
Her thoughts immediately fast forwarded to the night when they'd first made love and the new and wonderful feelings he incited. Nobody had ever made her feel that way, and even now all he had to do was look at her a certain way, or simply place a hand on her and she was his to command.
"He's my soul mate," Gen whispered as she held Dixie's gaze. Even as she said the words memories continued to flood her mind. She remembered how he'd reacted when they'd found out she was pregnant and the way he looked at her when they got married, as if she was the most beautiful, most important person on the planet.
Thank you for walking into my life. For being my friend. For falling in love with me. Thank you for giving me everything I ever wanted, even if I didn't know it at first. His words from when Olivia was born rattled around in her head. He'd been so sincere when he said them and with the exception of her prior miscarriage they'd been insanely happy. Until now.
The sound of the door opening caught Gen's attention and she looked up to find Doctor Brackett staring at her. Embarrassed by her inability to keep it together and frightened for Johnny, she couldn't bring herself to say a word.
"He's gonna be fine," Brackett said.
He's gonna be fine! Gen felt the power of those four little words as her body slowly began to relax.
"Really?" Oh man, she was going to start crying again. What a freaking baby she'd become. Stupid hormones.
Kel smiled, then crossed to the room and eased down next to her. "Would I lie to you?"
She smiled. "No."
"It looked a lot worse than it was," he began. "Now he is in pretty bad shape, but I'm confident he's eventually going to be okay."
Feeling a little better about the situation Gen ventured to ask, "So what are we looking at?"
"Well, for starters he has a mild concussion, a second degree burn on his shoulder and a myriad of cuts and scratches. Some which needed stitches. The most serious injury he's facing is a pulmonary contusion to his right lung."
Gen did a quick check of her mental library. Pulminary contusion is a brused lung. Side effects can include shortness of breath or wheezing, fast heart rate, chest pain, coughing, spitting up blood...
"So that's where the blood came from?" she asked.
He nodded, "He must have suffered a blow to his chest during the accident. The x-rays revealed a hairline fracture to his sternum and three cracked ribs. All were over his right lung. I'm actually kinda shocked that he was able to do much of anything, let alone perform CPR on Ridley."
"Johnny's a tough cookie," Dixie observed.
"That he is," Brackett agreed.
Gen nodded in agreement. "So what's next?"
"I sent him for surgery to insert a chest tube."
She eyed him with some concern. Johnny never did well coming out of anesthesia. She suspected it had something to do with the car accident from his childhood that took his parents lives, but he refused to talk about it and she'd never pushed. Still, considering the type of injury he suffered a chest tube was a smart precaution. Still, it meant Johnny would be hospital bound for awhile. "You're worried about his lung collapsing?"
"Among other complications," he replied, then patted her leg, "Just so you know, I'm bending the rules a little."
She cocked her head to the side. "How?"
"Well, once he's out of recovery instead of going to the ICU on the operations floor we're going to put him on our recovery floor in a private room. "We've already worked it out that one of the floor nurses help you keep watch over him."
"Me?" Gen gave him a grateful smile He was giving her a chance to make up for her earlier misstep. This time she wasn't going to let him down. "You have no idea how much I appreciate that."
He smirked. "It's the only way I knew I could guarantee that you'd get some rest." He leveled a look at her that made Gen squirm. "Now I mean it when I say you're going to have help watching him. The room has two beds and I expect you to use that second bed to get some sleep, got it?"
"Got it." She paused as she thought back on the last few hours. So much stress. So much chaos.
Nearly losing Johnny. It was a risk she knew existed long before they'd gotten married, yet she'd accepted it because she loved him. Only when real life and death situations arose it was so much harder to accept. Thank God she was surrounded by such goodhearted, understanding and talented friends.
Speaking of talented friends.
"By the way? How's Ridley and Philips doing?" she asked, knowing Johnny would want an update once he got settled.
Bracket's look turned somber. "Philips suffered two crushed vertebrae and second degree burns to his right leg, arm and chest. Once he's out of surgery he'll go to the burn ward."
From his body language, Gen was sure Brackett was leaving something out. "And?" she prompted despite not really wanting to know.
"And he's most likely never going to walk again," Brackett added.
She took a deep breath as she processed the information. "Are they sure?"
"We you know as well as I that medicine isn't an exact science, Gen. They're probably about seventy five percent sure right now, but they'll only really know once the swelling goes down."
Johnny certainly wouldn't take that news well. "What about Ridley?" Knowing Ridley arrived in worse shape that Philips, she suspected the news wouldn't be any better.
"He coded on the operating table," he replied. "I'm sorry, Gen. There wasn't anything anyone could do."
Gen closed her eyes and took another deep breath as she struggled to deal with the news.
It was only a couple of months after Johnny became Captain at 51 when Ridley, fresh out of training, was assigned as one of his two new paramedics. After hearing story after story about Roy and John's multiple rescues, Thomas Ridley had been awe struck at having Johnny as his Captain.
Before long he was spending time with Gen and John on his days off, learning everything he could from Johnny and doing everything he could to impress his new Captain.
On more than one occasion Johnny had mentioned how he could see so much of himself in Ridley and how he begun to consider Ridley to be the younger brother he never had.
They'd grown so close over the past couple of years. Johnny was going to be devastated.
"So-" She cleared her voice and tried again. "So out of 5 victims, 3 died and while the other two will survive, they'll never fully recover."
Brackett frowned. "Now that's not necessarily true. Johnny's injuries should eventually heal without any lasting effects and there's always the possibility that once Philips' injuries heal a little, we might find out they're not as bad as they appear."
"Right, Doc. Maybe Philips might walk again...maybe. And yes Johnny's physical injuries will heal." She leveled a look at him. "I'm not so sure about the emotional ones."