"Oh, this is so not what I had in mind when I heard 'ceremonial robes'," John muttered darkly.

When they had arrived in the Ahyderian village, John and Teyla were quickly ushered off to a tent. They were met by a group of insanely pretty men, who were also eunuchs, and were stripped naked behind privacy screens. Both he and Teyla were the recipients of a sponge bath given by two of the men. John could honestly say he had never felt so uncomfortable in his entire life. It was one thing that he was in a woman's body. It was an entirely separate and weird situation he was in now. He was too creeped out to even voice his protests. His mouth just kept opening and closing in silence.

After the entirely too long and awkward sponge bath, one of the pretty boys dressed him in a long skirt similar to that of Teyla's sparring skirt and a tight fitting leather top that couldn't really be called a top. The scrap of fabric was tied in the front and smooshed his boobs together. It was rather uncomfortable.

Now he and Teyla were sitting together in similar outfits getting their hair and makeup done. "These aren't even clothes!" he said to Teyla.

She didn't reply. She was too busy looking violated. But she didn't look near as violated as he felt. Her degree of violation was at the 'I went to the Doctor for a physical' level. His was off the scale.

One of the pretty boys – Mednai – sat down in front of John, wielding a tool that looked like a paintbrush and a pot of something thick and black.

"Uh, Mednai, no face painting please." None of his protests thus far had stopped the blond in his process, and this one hadn't either.

Mednai offered a gentle, soft smile and dipped the brush in the pot. With swift, artistic movements, he painted a symbol into John's forehead.

John noticed that no one was painting Teyla's face. "Why am I the only one getting painted?" he asked the room.

"You are the Myiah'Ur. You must be marked as such," one of the other eunuchs answered.

"There's that word again," John muttered. He groaned, closing his eyes. Mednai took this chance to paint black streaks on his eyelids.

With the soft smile still in place, Mednai gently placed his hand on John's arm.

"Uh, what?" John looked from the hand to Mednai's face.

"I believe he wants you to stand," Teyla said after watching Mednai for a moment.

"Ah, yeah. Okay." John's eyebrows twitched and he stood slowly.

Mednai stayed on his knees in front of John, paintbrush in hand. He set the pot of paint on the floor and raised his now-empty hand to John's stomach. Lightly, just barely touching the Colonel's skin, the blond traced a symbol with his fingers. After, he retraced the same path with his paintbrush.

The bristles of the brush tickled and John's muscles contracted involuntarily. "Uh," he stammered nervously. And he thought he was at the pinnacle of uncomfortable before. "Can someone please tell him to stop? He doesn't seem to listen to me."

"Mednai is mute. He does not listen because he cannot listen," one of the other men replied.

Teyla hid her smile as John paled. Now that he had learned that fact, he couldn't even find the courage to voice his weak protests when Mednai began painting symbols and patterns on his exposed leg.

The entire time John and Teyla were being 'prepared' took two very long, arduous hours. By the time they were done, John just wanted to curl up in a hole somewhere far far away. He usually had a high tolerance level for embarrassment, but everything that happened today had seriously overstepped those bounds. He just wanted to get this meeting done with, have Jackson do some translating, then go home as his good 'ol masculine self.

~oOo~

It had been two hours and McKay was on everyone's nerves. Daniel and Ronon had been content just being silent and standing guard. Rodney had not.

"How much longer are they going to be?" Rodney demanded for the umpteenth time.

Finally, Ronon snapped and pulled his energy pistol. Daniel was surprised it had taken him this long.

"McKay, if you don't shut up, I will shoot you," Ronon growled darkly, "And I don't know what setting it's on."

A nervous giggle escaped Rodney's throat and he eyed Ronon's pistol. "You wouldn't."

"If he doesn't, I will," Daniel added. He was a little antsy as well, but years in the field had helped him learn the emotions of a solider. In other words, constantly look menacing and angry. He still hadn't mastered that, but he could at least hide his true feelings most of the time.

Sighing inwardly, Daniel shifted his stance. Colonel Sheppard and Teyla had been in there an awfully long time. He didn't feel as though anything bad would happen, but he was considering checking on them. "Okay, let's-" His sentence was cut off by a low, harmonic hum. Like a didgeridoo. Soon it was joined in by another one from the opposite side of the village. Daniel looked around to see what was going on and saw all of the men dropping to their knees. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen any women in this village.

The music continued as the flap of the tent Colonel Sheppard and Teyla had been ushered into opened. A young, thin blond came out of the tent, bowed and stepped to the side. Behind him, their friends exited the tent.

Daniel blinked a few times to make sure he was seeing properly, and stared open mouthed at the pair while McKay tried very hard to stifle the laughter that wanted to escape. It seemed the threat of being castrated and/or shot was still on his mind.

Colonel Sheppard was showing more skin than appropriate, as was Teyla, but the military man was painted with interesting patterns and symbols. All down his right leg, across his stomach and chest and in the middle of his forehead were dark brush strokes that stood out on his pale skin. He looked very much the part of a tribal leader or Noble.

"Ah, Colonel, we were just going to, um, come get you," Daniel said as they approached.

Sheppard looked at him from under his eyebrows.

"Colonel-" McKay began, but Sheppard cut him off.

"Not. One. Goddamn. Word," the man-turned-woman snarled. Showing he clearly wasn't in the mood, he turned back to their blond escort and followed silently behind him. Teyla, a little more hesitant, trailed a few steps behind.

Trying to hold back laughter, Daniel, McKay and Ronon followed. At a safe distance, of course.

Chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip, Daniel watched the back of Sheppard's head. The Colonel turned and looked over his shoulder. The movement was so subtle he almost missed it, but the Colonel indicated for him to come forward. Daniel obliged.

"Colonel?" Daniel asked, coming up to walk behind him.

"Have you learned anything?" Sheppard asked, keeping his eyes ahead as they were led through rows of tents.

Daniel shook his head. "Other than what we already know…not much. All I can tell you is that there are no women around."

Sheppard's shoulders tensed. "Not that I'd ever admit this in front of McKay, but I'm starting to get worried. I really wouldn't make a good wife."

Daniel couldn't help but smile at that remark. It almost felt like he was still at home, on a regular mission under the then-Colonel Jack O'Neill. Sheppard hid his distress with humor the same way.

Falling back to stand with Rodney and Ronon, their group came to halt in front of the only permanent structure in the village. It was a large, flat-roofed building with large windows. It almost looked like an upturned box.

A dark haired man stopped in front of them. "Mednai will inform Nidrah of your arrival."

Their guide disappeared into the building, leaving the team relatively alone. They took this opportunity to talk.

"What's up with that blond kid?" McKay asked, looking everywhere but at Sheppard. He could look at Teyla easily enough, though. And did.

"That would be Mednai," John answered simply. He was looking everywhere his team wasn't.

"He is a very kind young man who has taken quite a shine to Colonel Sheppard," Teyla clarified.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "You're kidding! Another one? Sheesh. I've seen hotter women…"

Sheppard was not amused. "He's a eunuch, McKay. Just like you're going to be soon."

"Geeze, you must be freaked out. You're repeating threats."

Daniel was content to just watch the two men argue while Teyla and Ronon conversed quietly. He could see why McKay's hackles were up today. Well, more than usual, anyway. The first word that came to mind when one looked at Colonel Sheppard's new body was 'beautiful'. No one could deny that. For lack of a better phrase; it freaked them all out. No one could deny that, either.

As he observed Atlantis' flagship team, Mednai came back out of the building. Daniel wouldn't have noticed if not for his bright blond hair that stood out amongst the dark fabrics and woods of their surroundings. The young man grabbed Sheppard's arm, wearing an excited grin. Sheppard sighed heavily and followed Mednai inside.

The interior of the building was lush. The long hall they were being led down had thick braided rugs, animal pelts, tapestries and pottery lining the floor and walls. It looked like a mini castle, the way it was decorated. There was no distinct culture here. It was almost like a mishmash of a dozen Earth cultures. Daniel would have liked to observe and admire it more, but they were escorted into a large room. In the center of the room was an oversized chair, and in the chair sat an elderly woman. Nidrah, no doubt.

In a commanding voice that didn't suit her frail and sickly face, the woman spoke. "It has been many, many years since our Ancestors have blessed us like this. The Fvet'Ur has not had a suitable male to make the next Myiah'Ur. Your people must be proud!"

Sheppard cleared his throat and replied. "Uh, not so much, actually. I would very much like to go back to my normal self, but we don't-"

"Not possible!"

"Not possible?" McKay spat out. Daniel knew he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut for very much longer.

"Silence, tekdah! You will not speak unless spoken too!" the woman growled.

One of the guards that had brought them to the village pushed Rodney to his knees and held him there.

Sheppard spared him a glance that said Now will you listen when I tell you to do something? before he turned back to Nidrah. "Excuse me, but why isn't it possible?"

Slowly and painfully, the woman pushed herself to her feet. "Why do you not want this great gift bestowed upon you?" she asked in return. "Clearly you have superior genetics, or the Fvet would not have chosen you. Why let that go to waste?"

Clearly Sheppard didn't know how to answer that, because his eyes went to the floor and he rubbed at his neck. "No offense, but my genes were just fine where they were," he finally answered.

Nidrah came to stand in front of him, looking up into his eyes. She studied him for a few silent, tense moments. "You are not Ahyderian, yet the blood of the Ancestors flows within you." She didn't give him the chance to answer before she turned to Teyla. "You are Caydlile. Natural. From where do you originate?"

"Athos," Teyla replied proudly.

"You are a leader, yes?"

"Yes."

Nidrah turned back to Sheppard, glaring up at him. "You could learn much from her. Women are meant to be leaders!"

Sheppard had gone eerily still and silent. Everyone was watching him, Daniel included. It was a damn good thing, too, because without word or warning, Sheppard's knees gave out and he fell backwards. Daniel was standing close enough that he caught him and lowered him to the ground.

"Colonel! What happened?" Teyla was on her knees beside him, looking at Daniel.

"We need to get him to Beckett," Daniel replied calmly, checking his pulse. It was steady.

Mednai was at John's side as well, holding onto his hand and looking very distressed.

Teyla looked up at Nidrah. "We need to get him medical care."

"Yes, of course," Nidrah answered. She looked concerned for a brief moment before she turned and left through a side door.

"Ronon," Daniel looked up at the big man who nodded and scooped the Colonel off the floor. Mednai did not let go.

"What should we do about him?" Rodney asked in a panicky and slightly angry voice.

"Bring him. We gotta get Sheppard to Atlantis either way," Daniel answered, leading the team at a run out of the building. They didn't have time to deal with the distressed boy. Daniel wasn't sure how long Colonel Sheppard's heart rate would remain steady.