"I'm engaged. Kisuke and I are getting married." Those words echoed painfully in my mind as I stood in front of her unable to register the words that had been uttered from those beautiful lips. A foggy numbness encased my mind, cushioning the pain that would have ripped me to shreds, had I not let the numbness envelope me. She began to blur before me, a hazy image in scarlet, her lips moving yet no sound was audible. Had I blocked the sound of her voice to spare me the heartache of hearing more painful things? As I backed away her hand reached out towards me, a look of deep concern in her golden eyes. I felt like a wounded animal, a stray backing away from the unknown, or perhaps backing away from something that I wished I hadn't known. Her lips moved soundlessly calling my name, yet I wasn't able to respond, my brain had shut down, my vocal cords paralyzed as I stood there refusing to acknowledge her. The moment the fog is lifted from my mind, I know I will feel terrible anguish, the whirlwind of confusion, bitterness and anger hurling me to a dark void from which I won't be able to return. I could feel the emotions seeping slowly through the pores in my body, wedging their way through the tiny cracks, squeezing their way through the crevices trying to melt the foggy shield of nothingness. I desperately clung on to the veil of numbness, fending off the slightest hint of emotions that were beginning to arise, willing myself to not lift the veil.
"Please," she whispered, the sorrow in her golden eyes melting the shield in a matter of seconds. "Please don't be angry with me Soi Fon." And in that instant, the veil was lifted and a thousand daggers pierced her heart as everything became crystal clear.
"I'm...I'm so confused...You made it seem like I had feelings for him. The way you kept teasing me and making fun of me. I thought...I thought you thought I liked him." she choked.
"Everything just happened so fast Soi Fon please try to understand. He's my best friend and we have known each other for over a century. When he told me how he felt I realized that deep down inside I had feelings for him too," she said in desperation, her voice rising.
"How did you not know for all these years?! Spending everyday with him it never occurred to you that you could have feelings for him!"
"In all honesty I never saw him in that way. I was too busy being in several open relationships that I didn't give him much thought. I had just assumed that we would be friends all our lives," Yoruichi finished quietly, her golden eyes shimmering with emotion.
"It's always him...You always pick him," Soi Fon whispered, turning away from Yoruichi's blazing eyes,
"You are important to me Soi Fon. I want you to understand that I still value our relationship and I want you in my life," she said softly, moving towards Soi Fon.
Soi Fon backed away quickly, "Don't come any closer. Just answer me this question, how long have you two been together for?"
"It's only been a week."
"A week! You are getting married to him after only dating him for a week! That's ridiculous Yoruiuchi-sama! How do you even know whether you love this man?"
"Actually it's not that ridiculous. We have known each other all our lives and while most people have to date in order to get to know one another we already have. The only thing left to do is to get married."
"That sounds too conventional. I didn't think you would ever consider marriage," replied Soi Fon glaring at her.
"I think when you meet the right person you would consider it as well Soi Fon."
"I thought I did meet the right person. But I guess I was wrong," Soi Fon finished quietly, immediately regretting what she said as she averted her gaze from Yoruichi. "I really thought you felt something for me. I thought that maybe with time you would eventually return my feelings even though you rejected me at first," she continued, unable to control her emotions.
"I'm really sorry I hurt you Soi Fon," she whispered tenderly. "That was the last thing I ever wanted to do. If I had known that you had feelings for me I would never have suggested living together. I didn't want to encourage anything but I know that I have without meaning to."
"I guess I'm not good enough for Yoruichi-sama. I wasn't able to protect you when you needed me to, and I wasn't the person you could lean on," she replied her voice thick with disappointment.
"Please don't say things like that Soi Fon. You know that's not true."
"You couldn't even tell me," she said bitterly. "You couldn't even say goodbye when you left. You left for him and I understand how much you value him in your life. You would do anything for him. Having your title stripped as leader of the noble Shihouin clan you just left Soul Society because he was in trouble."
"I don't care much for nobility and titles you know that Soi Fon. What I do value is my friendship and relationships with the people I love."
As Soi Fon hung her head she could feel the anguish seeping into her veins, feel the black blood surging towards her heart as she weighed her own words realizing that Yoruichi will die for the man she loved. She always had loved him and there was nothing Soi Fon could do except come to terms with it and move on.
"Do you have a date for the wedding?" she asked hesitantly.
"We don't have an exact date but it should be in about eight months. I understand if you aren't able to attend. I won't force you to."
"I'll see how I feel at the time," she replied rubbing her temple in frustration. "I think it's best if I spend the next two weeks in the real world somewhere else."
"You don't have to go anywhere Soi Fon. I can move out for the next two weeks until you complete your mission and head back to Soul Society. "
"That wouldn't be fair to you since you are the one that found this apartment for us. I think it'll be less painful for me if just stay elsewhere."
Yoruichi wanted to reach out to her, to take her in her arms and tell her the truth, but she knew she couldn't and so bit her lip, letting the silence stretch out between them. "Perhaps you would consider staying in a motel?" Yoruichi finally asked, choking back the words she really wanted to say.
"Hmmm, I guess that wouldn't be too bad. I have nowhere else to go," she finished quietly.
"I'm really sorry Soi Fon."
"You did nothing wrong Yoruichi-sama. Who wouldn't end up falling in love with you? You are the perfect woman. I know Urahara will treat you well and I just hope that this will make you happy." She didn't want to shed tears in front of her and so abruptly turned around. "I'm going to go pack my things. I...I need some time alone if it's okay with you?"
"Of course Soi Fon. Anything you need."
"Thank you Yoruichi-sama. You really are the best mentor and friend a woman could have," she said smiling sadly. She briskly made her way towards the bedroom door and shutting it firmly behind her she stood against the door, letting the carpet catch her silent tears. She slid to the ground and clutched her knees to her chest as she heard Yoruichi leaving. She wasn't prepared for such an unpleasant shock and no matter how hard she tried to be happy for Yoruichi she just couldn't bring herself to do so. The wounds in her heart weren't healed and for them to be torn open bloody and raw, the pain was unbearable. Soi Fon let the anguish into the very depths of her heart, allowing herself to feel the pain, becoming one with her pain.
She didn't know how long she had wept and as the light of the sunset streamed through the window the tears had dried on her face. She unsteadily got to her feet, the emotions replaced by a sense of hollow emptiness. Emptiness so vast and so deep that she feared she would never be able to feel anything ever again. As she robotically made her way towards the closet, hurling it open she grabbed her shihakusho, a few pair of jeans, her home clothes and methodically began folding them, placing it in her backpack. Swinging it across her shoulder she grabbed a scrap piece of paper on top of the desk and rummaged in the drawers for a spare pen. She wanted to write a goodbye letter for Yoruichi knowing that she wouldn't be able to face her in two weeks when she had to leave for Soul Society. After she had penned down her last words she scanned the apartment quickly and a wave of nostalgia crashed against her chest as she remembered the fond memories they had shared the past couple of months. The nights they had spent cooking dinners and patrolling the streets reminiscing about the olden days, their practice sessions in the training room, and snuggling under the covers at night. Sighing heavily Soi Fon left the apartment and walked towards the sunset leaving behind a wake of sorrow.
As twilight gave way to night, Yoruichi slowly made her way towards their apartment, the heaviness in heart making her feel sluggish. It was unusual for her to feel weary and drained, the energy sucked dry out of her body. Her heart ached for Soi Fon's plight and all she wished to do was ease her pain. Their relationship had shifted into something that was much more complicated after Soi Fon had confessed, and while it was different Yoruichi still enjoyed every moment of it. As she opened the door to their apartment she cursed herself for being overly flirtatious with Soi Fon, giving her false hope, for allowing her to think that perhaps things could work out. Throwing the keys on the table Yoruichi made her way towards their bedroom and threw the closet open. Soi Fon's things had been cleared out and her heart sank as she viewed the empty closet, making it seem vast and lonesome. A cool breeze blew through the window ruffling the curtains and as Yoruichi made her way to close the window she saw a piece of paper on top of the desk, the whiteness standing starkly against the dark mahogany. Unfolding the piece of paper she sat on the bed and started reading,
Thank you for everything Yoruichi-sama. For helping me become the warrior I am today and for being more than just a mentor. Living with you for these past three months have helped me grow as a person and as a soldier. Please don't worry about me. I'll be okay. I think it'll be too painful for me to say goodbye before I leave for Soul Society so please don't think badly of me. Hope to see you at your wedding in eight months. Good luck with everything. I will always love you.
- Soi Fon
For the first time in over a hundred years, Yoruichi felt the tears trickling down her cheeks. She had never felt such terrible guilt and pain eating away at her consciousness, eroding it to dust. She so desperately wanted to stop keeping her in the dark, to remove that blindfold and bring her into the world of light. She could have dashed out of the apartment and raced towards the motel demanding to speak to her, to reveal what she had sworn to keep secret. Yet, her silence was unwavering and as she curled up on their bed clutching Soi Fon's heartfelt letter she was unable to stop the tears from falling all night long.