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A/N: The dates here go back instead of forward to in the beginning to give more of Severus's thoughts and feelings. Then I will give some of Lily's POV due to the situation and then both of them again. Also, I got a few PMs about the title of the last chapter and what it meant. It's just from the euphemism for pregnancy "She has popcorn in the microwave." I shortened it to simply "Popping Popcorn." That and because of the turmoil/craziness here.
*Some slightly graphic imagery at the end so if blood and stuff bothers you-you may want to avoid. I apologize for any emotional triggers ahead of time.
*Some suggestive language here too regarding feelings of attraction and sexual desires in the first part.
Chapter Seven: Cwellan Wambastarda
15 January 1978
Severus sat alone in the common room. It was empty since everyone else had gone down to bed for the night. As he looked at the clock, he sighed. It was a quarter to four in the morning. He couldn't sleep though. He pressed his hand to his forehead and rubbed his temple. His mind was heavy and his stomach ached with his churning nerves and empty belly. He had not eaten much that day. He hadn't eaten very well for the past couple of days. Ever since Lily had come to him with concerns of being pregnant and now that she was indeed that, he felt torn and confused and did not know what he wanted.
"Lily's pregnant. Lily is pregnant and you are having a child with her-whether you like it or not." He said out loud, but to himself.
He watched the second hand of the old clock tick and ran his fingers over the open page of his Potions text. She was having a baby and that baby was fathered by him. He was having a very difficult time accepting that reality because the very thought of him as a father was a laugh. He was not the fatherly type at all.
"Dammit, Black. Damn you!" He felt like ripping one of the pillows open on the couch and pulling out all the stuffing because he was so ticked off at the moment.
"I damn myself for ever making that stupid potion!"
Of course, even though he was upset about the notion of having a child, he was not upset about his night with her. If only the result hadn't been a child maybe it would have been better. He had loved every second of being that way with her and they had both enjoyed it quite intensely. He wished he could have another night like that with her. He remembered the way she stroked him and the looks on her face when he had managed to pleasure her and how happy she was when he showed his own pleasure to her. Severus recalled how it felt to touch her and hold her and love her.
"Stop thinking about that." He had to stop thinking about it because it made him horny and right now was not the time to get hard over memories of her in the buff and them sleeping together.
He did not know how they would handle this or what they were going to do about it. Right now, neither a good solution worked out for what came next. He didn't want to force Lily to marry him even if that would be expected. With James, Lily could have everything. With him, she would not have anything, unless he could somehow convince her that the Death Eaters weren't so bad and they could have a nice life that way. It was his only chance at being able to provide something.
Giving up on his ideas of being a Death Eater meant he would have a better relationship with Lily. He knew deep down he could never convince her to be a part of them. This baby was going to destroy everything they ever wanted. It wrecked Lily having a wealthy, athletic, handsome boyfriend. It wrecked her friendship with the Marauders and would wreck her friendship with her housemates too when they found out. He did not have any misgivings on that fact. He was the one they told her to stay away from and now she was pregnant with his baby. Severus could only begin to imagine their reaction.
This situation had wrecked his chances of becoming a Death Eater like he wanted. Becoming a Death Eater meant losing her and leaving her alone with their baby and he would be abandoning his responsibility and it was his responsibility. Despite the fact that he was not ready for child in any way, shape or form, it was still his responsibility and he would not forsake his duties in that matter.
It was ultimately a matter of what he wanted more: The Death Eaters or Lily. He couldn't have his cake and eat it too.
Severus slinked down to his dorm and crawled into his bed without waking his roommates. He awoke the next morning late and missed breakfast, barely making it to his first class in time. Lily was in his first class. She looked at him when he entered and gave a little smile. He could tell it was forced just like his back to her.
Severus wasn't looking and tripped on something. He caught himself before he hit the ground. Before he got back to his feet and turned around, he heard some laughing.
"Watch where you're going, Snivellus." James Potter said.
Severus gave James a murderous glare.
"What-no threats this time? Losing your touch!" James looked daggers at him.
"I have nothing to say to you." Severus turned, trying to hide a genuine grin.
"I have plenty to say to you!"
Severus turned back around to see James fuming. "Do you?"
"I know you did it. I'll make you pay."
"Did what?"
"Don't play dumb." James snapped quietly. "You slept with Lily. You got her drunk and shagged her!"
Severus grinned slightly. "Did I now? Drunk, you say?" He held his smirk firm, revealing in Potter's anguish made his current troubles disappear for a moment.
"I know it was you."
"How so?"
His eyes glared daggers at him, daring him to slip up and admit it, but Severus refused to cave. "Black told me all about your conversations with him and his conversations with Lily."
"Tell Black thanks for the stings on the back, but he can hex me all he wants and I will not reveal any details of my life or anything Lily tells me to him. I believe those conversations to be between us."
"She's my girlfriend." James spoke with bitterness on his tongue.
"Was your girlfriend. If she wants to let you know anything about herself or her personal life, she can tell you, but I will not do so. What she tells me is between the two of us. Get that through yours and Blacks thick, useless skulls." While he was tempted to hex Potter, he wouldn't do so lest he end up with detention.
The door opened and Severus glared once more at Potter before moving to his seat. He put his hand to his forehead as the Professor started class. His eyes were tired and he was barely able to stay awake through that class or the next. He nibbled on the food at lunch; his stomach still in knots.
"Snape!" He heard someone yell into his ear and he lifted his head up and grumbled. "What?"
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Nothing." He mumbled. "Tired."
"Yeah, because you're not going to bed until four. I'd be dog tired!" Rosier said.
Severus grumbled slightly and mumbled to himself, wishing they would all leave him alone. Mulciber poked him with a wand and Severus was ready to explode. He was fucking tired and not feeling well due to lack of food and sleep and his life was royally screwed up forever and the idiot was attempting to poke him.
"Touch me with that again and I will take it, turn a few curses on you, snap your damn wand in pieces and toss it into the lake you fuckin' imbecile!"
"Damn, you're more grouchy than usual." Avery stated.
Severus huffed and looked over at Lily at her table. She was nibbling on her food too, looking at it like it was a pile of slugs. She didn't seem happy. He wasn't either.
He didn't know what he wanted anymore. He didn't know anything about anything anymore. All he ever wanted was to be successful and influential and to have Lily as his girlfriend. Now, he had slept with her and he didn't know where his life was going now or what to do. He guessed Potions apprenticeship would work. The reality of choosing her or the Death Eaters weighed heavy on his mind all the time. The reality that he was going to be a father in about eight months or so was something he just couldn't grasp at all. Lily was more excited about than he was, but he could tell she was very frightened and nervous. He was too, but he didn't dare show or mention it. He wasn't a coward and refused to show anything that might make someone think it. He just didn't know how this would turn out and something told him this would not end well at all. All he wanted was for him to have his chance as a Death Eater, have Lily as his lover and for the potential baby to disappear because his life was pure hell right now.
Valentine's Day
Lily went to breakfast. She was single this year, but pregnant, which wasn't much fun, especially since the smell of bacon made her nauseous. She sampled some fruit, hoping something in her stomach would make it settle. She wondered how long the puke feeling would last and how much longer she had to deal with it. Lily thought about her mother, whom she was afraid to ask. She had yet to gather up the courage to write to her mother and tell her that she was pregnant for fear of what her mother would say. Regardless of the reasons of why or how, she was afraid her mother wouldn't understand because she didn't understand how powerful love potions were and how it rendered the person out of control.
She just wanted to not feel like she was going to barf again and get out of school for good so she could have a life again. All she felt like doing anymore was eating, vomiting and sleeping. She had to pee all the time too and was always tired. She was hungry one minute, puking the next. She was pissed off at nothing one moment and in tears over nothing the next. It was driving her crazy and she wondered if it would get easier once she moved to the next phase of pregnancy. For some reason she doubted it would get easier as she would likely start gaining weight and eventually people would begin to wonder why her robes were getting tighter around her middle.
Lily went to the common room after breakfast to rest before she was forced to go to Hogsmead this afternoon. Someone whistled for attention and she looked up to see Sirius standing on up on a table. Everyone from third year up was in the common room and it was rather crowded.
"Since it's Valentine's Day, I propose a toast to all the lovely couples here today."
Lily rolled her eyes and looked back at her book.
"I've got a lovely girlfriend, but my best mate needs one and he is willing to consider any girl in this room to go with him to Hogsmead today."
She watched several girls raise their hands eagerly. She suppressed the strong urge to roll her eyes and call Sirius out for being a dickhead.
"Lots of takers. You want to know why my friend doesn't have a girlfriend to go with?"
She quickly turned at that, but before she could even shut her book or say anything, he smirked at her and spoke.
"Because Lily Evans, your model head girl cheated on him and got knocked up."
The whole room gasped into silence, even the younger boys and then she heard some whispering all around. Lily felt her face get hot as she tried to think of a response to Sirius that would be nasty and appropriate to the occasion.
"You want to know who she cheated with?"
Lily got out her wand.
"She decided to get drunk and spend the night with-"
Sirius never finished that sentence because Lily had hexed his tongue to the roof of his mouth.
Lily got up with her hand pointed in Sirius's face and her eyes glaring accusingly toward him. "When I unhex your tongue, you will tell everyone exactly what happened!"
Sirius shook his head.
Lily looked at him, her eyes slits. "Fine." She said cooly. "Then I will do it for you." She turned to everyone. "Sirius here thought it would be a lovely thing if James and I had a night together and was too stupid to think before he acted and screwed up and mixed up the potion with a strong aphrodisiac instead and mixed James's bottle with someone else's. I won't take the blame for anything that's not my fault."
Before anyone could say anything, she stormed out the common room. She didn't dare listen to any of the voices whispering and she didn't dare look back.
That afternoon
Lily walked with Severus through Hogsmead. By lunch, the whole school had learned that she was pregnant and lots of odd rumours were being spread already about who it was with and where and when and how it happened. The biggest one being that she was drunk and had screwed Lionel Milson, head boy of Ravenclaw, in the head girl's shower stall. Sirius kept saying that it was with Severus Snape in her dorm during the break, but many didn't believe that and she was glad they didn't because Severus stayed out of trouble. Lionel was a rather attractive man and one of the top of their year in academics so it seemed more believable to them apparently.
"You think when it gets to the Professors they'll treat me different? Maybe kick me or both of us out?" She asked.
"No. I doubt it. If they believe it's with Lionel they will let it go. If they discover I was the one who fucked you-then who knows."
"They won't kick me out for being pregnant, will they? If I want to stay. I'm so close-just a little more than four months and it will be over and they can protect their reputation."
Severus touched her back. She sighed. He was the only person she could trust right now and the only person she desired to be around anymore. She knew that as much as she didn't want to believe it, she definitely had strong feelings for him that overwhelmed her at times and made her feel sick to her stomach. Looking at him gave her butterflies. She certainly felt them right now. The situation had made them grow closer because he was the only person who truly understood what she was going through. He couldn't understand physically what her body was going through, but the situation and hostility was something they were both facing.
"It'll be fine, Lily. You have such good rapport with the professors that you will be okay. Just never admit that I am the father of it and things will be dandy for you."
"I can't claim Lionel is the dad when he's not. He's got a girlfriend and that's not fair to either of them."
"I didn't say to claim Lionel, just don't ever say it's me. I suggest neither confirming nor denying anyone."
Lily sighed. "I know-I'm just nervous."
"I know." He wanted to say 'me too', but didn't.
She took his hand and he felt himself tense up in surprise at her loving gesture.
"You are holding my hand? People are going to think-"
"We are a couple? Is that a problem?" Lily asked with a little smirk.
"No-of course not, but if we want to lay low-"
"I can love who I wish."
"Love?" He asked. Was she saying she loved him? She was-hot damn!
"I'd say you'd make a suitable one-boyfriend, that is." She took him toward the shrieking shack and into some trees out of sight.
"What are you doing?"
She smiled and ran her hand through his hair. "I just want to thank you properly."
He looked at her. He didn't know what she was saying, but something told him he was going to like it. "What?"
Before he could say anything else, her lips were over his. He was shocked when she removed them.
She smiled at him and tucked a lock of her hair back, her body dangerously close to his still. "Thanks."
"For what?"
"Everything."
Severus figured she was going to leave him here, but she didn't move and seemed as if she was hesitating on saying something or moving herself away from him. He refused to let her get away so fast, his heart racing and his body pulsating. He placed his lips over hers. She didn't pull away. He heard her moan slightly and he felt desire for her all over again, wanting her body to be so close that he would inside of her. Her hand slid to his back and he put his free hand on her hip.
Lily felt his lips on hers and felt herself melting in her desire. She didn't dare move. She hoped to get more than a kiss from him, her desires for him haunting her since that night. Oh, how she wanted another night like that all over again and an even better night because it wouldn't the first time and they knew ways to satisfy the other now. She moved her hands to his back, tempted to grab his buttocks and stick her hands up his robes. She desired to feel him where it counted and get him hard and horny. At that moment, she had a fantasy of taking him to that old shack and not leaving until tomorrow. No one would miss them anyway.
Severus was tempted very strongly to get her on the ground and make love to her as hard as he could and have her make love back for as long as she wanted. He desired her so strongly, he felt he must be under that silly potion again, but he wasn't. He wasn't crazy and he wanted to shag her in a way that was just as strong as before, but held back. He dared to move his hand up and touch her breasts. He heard her groan slightly as he did. Her hands started to slid from his buttocks to his legs and he realized she was moving up his robes.
"It's awful cold. You want to go somewhere and warm up-together." She asked as she kissed down his neck.
He grinned. He wondered if he had dosed on the luck potion instead of a love one-maybe both. Lily wanted to sleep with him on Valentine's Day. Did it get any better than that? "Our clothes are a bit damp too-we should go somewhere warm and take them off and find ways to keep warm while they dry."
Lily couldn't believe she was agreeing to this, but she wanted it again so bad, her pelvis ached and throbbed for it. It was Valentine's Day. It was the perfect day to have another lovely shagging without any potion and she would be content to do it as long as he wanted. It would make what started off as a crappy day into a lovely one. "I know somewhere we can go to-warm each other up. No one will miss us."
Lily took his hand and started to guide him away from the woods, but before they were out, he kissed her lips hard and she fervently kissed his back. They ended up on the ground instead with snow biting their bare legs as their robes rode up in their heated passion, but neither cared. She was enjoying the moment of making out with him and she would get to the old shack in a few moments for the more intimate things she desired to do with him. Having already been so intimate with him before, it was easy to do this all again.
They were so steeped in their affection they were unaware of approaching guests until they heard a twig crack. They were startled apart. She gasped.
"I knew it! I knew it was him you slept with! You were about to shag again too! How long has this been going on?" James spoke with his wand out and his hand shaking with rage. "Were you doing this the entire time we dated?"
"No. I told you already."
Severus gripped his wand through his pocket, waiting for the right moment to strike.
Sirius and Peter came out from behind the trees, but Lupin was not anywhere to be found.
"Likely knew what they were up to and ran off to pretend he wasn't involved-the coward." Severus thought.
James went for the strike and missed just slightly. Severus immediately attempted to get rid of Potter's wand. He'd show the arse. They were quickly engaged in a duel. Lily somehow ended up in the middle of it, trying to fight off Sirius and James's strikes toward them. Others joined the fold and a few people struck at them as well.
"Locomotor mortis!" Lily shouted at Sirius and a curse whipped by her that wasn't from Potter or Black.
Sirius shot something Lily couldn't hear toward Severus and she deflected it back at him, but he ducked just in time and it hit the tree nearby. Something hissed and flew away from the tree, squawking at them.
Severus was trying to fight off James and Sirius and ended up on the ground, choking on soap bubbles. Before Lily could do anything, she heard a strange curse from someone in the crowd.
"Cwellan Wambastarda!"
The curse hit her stomach. She gasped. Sudden sharp pains hit her in the abdomen. She fell to her knees. She felt herself shaking, the light layer of fluffy snow going up her robes, her already raw, bare legs stinging at the cold, causing her to cringe and shiver this time.
Severus undid the hex on him and looked over at Lily and gasped. He got to his feet and swore at Black and Potter before hurrying over to Lily. "What's wrong?"
"They hit my stomach."
He could tell she had been injured, but he hoped she only had the wind knocked out of her and nothing serious had happened. "Which one?"
"I don't know. Someone over there." She pointed straight ahead. "Said something weird-cwell wam tarda-bastarda or something."
Severus glared at the crowd, who was laughing and jeering. "Come on, let's get out of here. Let's go home. I'll take you to my dorm. No one will get us there."
She nodded and got to her feet. Her stomach still ached from the hit. "What if damaged it-our coming baby?"
He kept a straight face. "You want to see Pomfrey?"
She shook her head. "No-yes-I don't know."
They left the area. James looked shocked and Sirius looked confused at what had just happened and it was obvious neither one of them had shot the curse. The crowd quieted as they disappeared into the trees. As they left the village, Lily couldn't take it.
"I have to stop. I don't feel well. I think I'm going to be sick." She walked away from him, trying to stop her terrible nausea. She felt bile ran up her throat and she couldn't stop it. She threw up.
Severus hurried over. "Are you okay?" He asked, rubbing her upper back.
She shook her head. "No-no, I'm not okay."
"Let's get to the castle quickly and see what Madam Pomfrey can do."
She continued to become ill along the walk back-throwing up little more than bile because nothing was in her stomach. It was making him feel sick and he wasn't very squeamish.
She suddenly stopped again with a pained look on her face and she was nearly waddling now.
"Lily, we need to get help. This is bad. Whatever that curse was did damage internally. We can't stop."
Lily was trying to fight back tears. "I can't go any further. I need a bathroom."
"You've already thrown up about six times. Just puke again and let's go."
"No, I really need to use the bathroom. I have to pee-really bad."
"We aren't near a bathroom."
Lily shook her head. "I need one now. I can't make it to the castle."
"Go then. Just hurry."
She didn't like the idea, but she was desperate. "You've got to be joking." She huffed. Screw it, she didn't care. "Fine. Just wait a minute."
He sighed and waited while she went into the trees. "It's not like I haven't seen that side of you, no one's around, just squat. We need to get you to the castle. I'll carry you if I have too."
Lily attempted a smile without retching. "I prefer more privacy."
Severus huffed as he waited for her to answer nature's call. She looked really pale and more tired than normal when she came back to the road. As they walked on, she felt weak. Severus figured she was probably a bit dehydrated. He took her around the waist and held her close, ready to catch her if she collapsed. He would carry her if she couldn't walk anymore, but they had to get back.
Lily couldn't take another step. "I can't go any further. I need to sit down." She sat on the ground. He kneeled down to her.
Lily felt something wet on her undergarments and reached up her robes. Severus was puzzled until she removed her hand and saw, to his horror and hers, bright red blood.
Severus saw her eyes fill with tears and she was shaking. She gripped her stomach again and cried out in pain. He knew he didn't have time to waste. She needed help now. "Get on." He said, pointing to his back.
"I can't. I'll get blood all over you." She said in a quiet sob.
"I don't care. It'll wash-just come on."
Lily unsteadily got to her feet with his help, feeling light-headed and got on his back. He carried her the rest of the way to the castle. Neither said much along the way. Neither dared say what they thought was happening: The curse had caused her to lose the pregnancy.
A/N: Cwellan-to kill in O. English. Wamb/Wamba-womb. Bastard-illegitimate child.
*Apologies for the hex error-Locomotor mortis-the mort got cut off-my bad. And should have said steeped in affection. You can't be stepped in affection-at least not that I know of anyway.