Apologies that this took so long!

Chapter 7: The Terrible Fate of Some Very Fine Antiques

Kaylee didn't put on her best dress to go planetside, because that would have been ridiculous. But she chose a little flowery number, donned her turquoise silk tunic, put up her hair and even brought out the good old lipstick and mascara.

"Hey," said Simon as she entered the shuttle, "you look…" He stopped, chewing air. "…nice," he finished lamely.

"She is beautiful," said River with a look at her brother that said 'Boob.' "Almost like a Companion."

"River!"

"'s all right, Simon, I don't mind. Ain't nothing wrong with resembling Inara, not that I ever could." She sighed. "I just wish we didn't have to do this."

"It's better this way," Simon said gently.

"I know, but –"

"Feels lonely. Feels trapped. No more rats, no more hunting." Dreamily, River gazed at the ceiling. "Can't live here anymore. He told me."

"And she did seem a very nice lady, and experienced with cats," added Simon.

"Yeah, well, I'm a nice lady, too." Kaylee picked up Hunter and hugged him tight. His wounds had healed, but there was no denying that he had been out of sorts since they'd left Persephone. Most likely, River was right. "Come on, then, let's get it over with."

They stepped into the shuttle and took off, departing just minutes after Inara. Serenity continued onwards to the rendezvous point with Limpton.

oOoOo

"So, you're really gonna go through with this, asking Limpton to pay extra for the papers?" asked Jayne as he loaded his gun.

"Don't really have much choice," replied Mal.

"What'ya mean?"

"Papers are in a post office locker on Albion."

"What?!"

"You heard me."

Zoe grinned.

"Hang on, did you know about this?" asked Wash.

"You have to ask that, Honey? What do you think we did in Birmingham? We sure didn't stop on a planet just to pick up cat food and sticky tape."

"Great," said Wash. "I'm looking forward to negotiations with a man who expects a delivery of piping hot secret documents and gets a musty sofa instead."

"Well, at least he'll have somewhere comfortable to sit while we tell him."

"Yeah, like that's gonna be any gorram help." Jayne spat on the floor.

Mal shrugged. Meanwhile, Serenity prepared for landing in a large open area flanked by warehouses on three sides. A couple of fork lifts and a mule stood in the shade of a hangar-like open door, but otherwise the place looked deserted. An advertising board on the side of one of the warehouses showed a music video.

"Not exactly very busy," growled Jayne as they stepped off the ramp. "Isn't it a bit early for everyone to be off for lunch?"

"Hello?" called Mal, hand on his holster. "Anyone here? This is freighter Serenity with a delivery of very fine antiques!"

There was no answer. A skinny yellow dog padded across the yard and disappeared behind some kind of tool shack. Apart from that, nothing moved.

"Should we just start unloading?" asked Wash, rubbing the back of his head.

"I would advise against that," came the voice of Shepherd Book from behind them.

"Good morning, Shepherd," said Mal without taking his eyes off the scene in front of him. "Are you worried about back injuries if we tackle these very fine sofas on our own?"

"No," Book replied. "I am worried that this is a trap."

"Could be," said Mal, taking a cautious step forward. "Though I'm not sure who'd want to trap us here and why. Let's just take it slowly and carefully. Wash, you stay here with the shepherd. Have the ship ready. Zoe, Jayne." He motioned forward.

They walked out into the yard towards the open hangar door. When they were about two metres away from the entrance, a bullet whizzed past Mal's head, and a split second later the rattle of gunfire filled the whole yard. Diving for cover behind a forklift, Mal pulled his gun and returned fire. Zoe and Jayne ducked into the doorway and did likewise. They opponents seemed hidden behind the tool shed, from where they had free range over the whole yard and effectively cut off any retreat to the ship.

"Ta ma de!" Mal hissed. "Why does it never go smooth?"

oOoOo

"You go ahead. I've got, um, some other business. Meet you back here in an hour? I'm sure you two girls are more than capable of handling this."

Kaylee frowned. It was very unlike Simon to let River out of sight voluntarily, let alone of his own volition, whilst planetside. What other business? She wanted to ask, but he had already disappeared round a corner.

"Well, I guess this is it," she said and rang the old-fashioned doorbell. Beside her, River turned her feet in and out and muttered something about ballet shoes.

Seconds later, the door was opened by a tiny white-haired lady in a flowing blue dress.

"Hello, girls," she said pleasantly. "I'm Lily. Come on in."

Kaylee and River followed the woman into the house, which was shady and cool, a welcome change from the brooding heat outside. Hunter squirmed in Kaylee's arms, wanting to be let loose, but he held him firmly.

"Please, sit." Lily gestured at a pair of armchairs beside a low table. She held out her arms. "Is this the handsome prince?"

Reluctantly, Kaylee let Lily take Hunter out of her arms. Hunter pushed his head under Lily's chin and began to purr.

"What a gorgeous cat!" exclaimed Lily. "Yes, he is just like my dear old Baron. He was a ginger, too, you know." She leaned her cheek against Hunter's ears.

"And what happened to Baron?" asked Kaylee with just a slight trace of suspicion.

"Oh, he was old, rather old, you know," replied Lily sadly. "He went out a couple of months ago and didn't come back. It's often like that with cats. They want to find a secluded place to die." She stroked Hunter's back, blinking away tears.

"Under a shrub," said River earnestly. "Cassiope mertensiana. Tiny white flowers. She thinks he felt safe there."

Lily nodded, only slightly disturbed by River's speech. "Perhaps," she said. "There are lots of shrubs in the gardens round here. Now, would you girls like some lemonade? And I have a little treat prepared for my ginger prince."

oOoOo

The gunfight have been going on for nearly ten minutes and there was no sign of progress on either side. If he didn't think of something soon, it would come down to which side ran out of ammunition first. Mal considered the scene. Wash and Book were firing pot shots from the ship, but couldn't get the right angle towards the tool shed to have any hope of hitting something. Scanning the buildings, Mal took note of a number of skylights on the barely slanted roof, one just a few yards away from the tool shed.

"Zoe?" he called.

"Sir?"

"Let Jayne have a nosey around in there. Maybe lift his head to the Lord and pray. Seems to me that we might need some help from above."

"Understood, sir."

About a minute later, Mal saw the hatch of the skylight being pushed open. Jayne's gun appeared, followed by Jayne's head. Four shots later, all noise suddenly ceased.

"Got them, Mal!" called Jayne.

Mal and Zoe stepped out from their cover. Before Jayne could close the hatch, a loud crackle of static came from the advertising board and a familiar face filled the screen.

"Ah, I see you have survived my little welcome committee," purred Adelai Niska. "Was meant to remind you of deal we had. Deal that was broken by you, right, Malcom Reynolds? Would have been good for my reputation to take revenge on you this way. But don't worry, I have, shall we say, back-up plan?"

The screen went blank and at the same moment, an entire squad of armed and armoured figures cordoned off the open end of the quadrangle.

"Put down your weapons!" came a voice from a loudspeaker. "This is Federal Marshal Tomlin. I repeat, put down your weapons."

"Son of a bitch," said Mal and took out the advertising screen with a single shot. Then he dropped his gun.

oOoOo

An hour had long passed and Simon now sat with them in Lily's breezy living room.

"…so even though I never had any pets of my own, at least I had a hamster named after me," he concluded his anecdote.

Lily smiled. "How nice," she said. "It must be so rewarding, being a doctor. And are you and your sisters on holiday now?"

"We're not –" River began.

"We are doing a five week tour of planets," Simon cut in. "It's one of those package tours. We picked up Hunter as a stray on Kerry, but the tour leader won't allow us to keep him for the rest of the journey, so we had to find him a new home quickly."

"He'll be in good hands here," said Lily.

They all looked towards the open door into the garden, where Hunter could be seen scrambling along a picket fence.

"He's happy now," said River matter-of-factly. "Three lady cats in this street."

Simon blushed. "Well, perhaps it's time for us to go now. We must get back to our ship, um, cruiser. Thank you for the lemonade."

He stood up and ushered River towards the door. Kaylee leaned against the frame of the garden door.

"Good-bye, Hunter," she whispered. "Ain't no cat quite like you."

Gently, Lily patted her arm. "I'll look after him well," she said. "I promise."

oOoOo

"Are you sure?" Federal Marshal Tomlin frowned and scanned the heap of ripped upholstery and broken timber which was all that remained of Serenity's cargo of very fine antiques.

"Perfectly sure, sir," replied his second-in-command. "We left no millimetre unsearched. There are no papers."

Tomlin turned his gaze on Mal, who sat sheepishly on an overturned box.

"Do you expect me to believe," he said, "that your client is paying you to transport this pile of junk that he could have picked up at any jumble sale halfway across the galaxy?"

Mal shrugged. "Sentimental value, he said. Who am I to argue with a man's attachment to his old granny?"

"You had no suspicion that the old furniture was just a cover for an illegal operation?"

"I'm a simple man, Marshall," replied Mal. "A man tells me he loved his granny and wants nothing more than to park his ass on the sofa where she'd parked hers for the last sixty years, I'm inclined to believe that man. Aren't you?"

"And where exactly is this excessively sentimental client of yours, Captain Reynolds?"

"Ah, there you've got me. Never turned up."

"Do you have any explanation for this?"

"Yeah, Marshall, I think I have become the victim of a prank."

"A prank?"

"I wasn't very popular at school."

"That is –" The Marshall was interrupted by a subordinate who stepped up and whispered something.

"Aha!" He turned back to Mal. "Is that what it is? You've been harbouring fugitives!"

"You've seen my crew," replied Mal. "Ain't none of them fugitives, unless you want to count the shepherd fleeing from worldly vanity to the austere silence of the Black."

"I'll have none of your nonsense, Captain. We will search the ship again. The whole ship."

He nodded at his second-in-command, who began issuing orders to the squad. Hasty footsteps dispersed all over the ship. Tomlin returned his attention to Mal.

"Where are your shuttles?"

"Away planetside."

"I can see that. Where are they and who is flying them?"

"They are both rented out to Companions, who are attending to clients. It is strictly a business arrangement and of course the names and addresses of their clients are confidential. I have no idea where they are."

"Then we will wait for their return."

"Make yourself comfortable."

oOoOo

"Hi, Wash, I'm –"

"Freelance freighter Serenity to Shuttle One. Miss Serra, the ship is awaiting your return. I repeat, Serenity is awaiting Miss Serra's return. Docking permission is granted and we are standing by."

Behind the controls of her shuttle, Inara raised an eyebrow.

Minutes later when she stepped out of her shuttle door, she smiled sweetly at the squad lined up in front of her.

"Gentlemen, how can I help you?"

Tomlin stepped forward. "Can you prove your identity and registration with the Guild?"

"Of course. If you want to come in for a moment." She moved aside and let him enter the shuttle. Three armed officers followed.

oOoOo

"This is Serenity." Wash glowered at them from the screen. "Docking permission given to second Companion shuttle. I repeat, we give docking permission to second Companion shuttle. I am glad you're finally returning, Miss Kaywinnet. We wouldn't like to think you had run away from us–" The transmission cut out.

Simon frowned. "What did he mean, second Companion shuttle?"

"He didn't smile," said Kaylee. "Ain't like Wash not to smile. Something's wrong."

"What shall we do?"

"I dunno. I think Wash wants me to pretend I'm a Companion."

"Alliance," said River. "On the ship. Got to hide." She tugged at Simon's hand.

"Just as well I gussied up," said Kaylee and smoothed down her tunic. "Should have worn my best dress after all. How do I look?"

"Ravishing," said Simon over his shoulder as River dragged him into the bathroom.

"Right," said Kaylee and lifted her head. "Right. Ravishing."

oOoOo

The search lasted less than five minutes. When Federal Marshall Tomlin emerged again, he looked flustered. Across the corridor, the clank and hiss of the second shuttle docking was heard.

"And your colleague is registered with the Guild as well?" he asked.

"But of course," said Inara with a smile that could have melted polar ice caps. The door to the second shuttle opened. "Kaywinnet, darling, I hope your day went well. This is Federal Marshall Tomlin."

"Marshall," Kaylee breathed and inclined her head gracefully. "I am delighted to make your acquaintance, but unfortunately I cannot accept any new clients at this time." Tomlin glanced at her, then back at Inara, then shook his head.

"A waste of time," he muttered angrily. "Looks like the prank was played on us." He signalled to his second-in-command, strode off, and the whole squad marched out behind him.

"Close one," said Mal.

oOoOo

Safely off Beaumonde, the crew reviewed their adventure in the living area.

"You really think the entire thing was Niska's plot?" asked Wash.

"Absolutely," said Mal. "Planted the papers, threw in the rats for good measure, had some henchmen await us and tipped off the Feds to make sure. I bet there never was a Limpton. Just one of Niska's men posing on the Cortex."

"We were lucky," said Zoe. "We're not going to be this lucky a second time."

"We'll be on our guard," said Mal grimly.

On the couch, Simon sat next to a pale and quiet Kaylee.

"Well done," he said. "I wasn't able to see your little performance, but Inara tells me it probably saved us."

Kaylee shrugged. "Ain't a big deal."

"You're sad about Hunter, aren't you?"

She nodded.

"I, um, I thought … I kind of anticipated that much and, um, well, here." He placed a small, silk-covered box in her hands. "That was the business I went into town for. Maybe it will cheer you up. A little."

Wide-eyed, Kaylee flipped open the lid of the box. "Simon!" With trembling fingers, she pulled out a slender silver chain and held it up. On its end gently swung a pendant: an enamelled ginger cat.

"Oh, Simon!" she cried and planted a quick kiss on his cheek.

River stuck her head round the corner.

"Don't be a boob now," she said.

The End