Lee3: Okay kiddies, the last chapter didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.
Angry Reader: IT SUCKED (throws a screwdriver at Lee3 who caught without flinching)!
Lee3: Damn, nothing ever pleases this guy…wait, didn't I already kill him? This chapter is pretty serious.
Angry Reader: SELL OUT (throws a hammer that missed Lee3's head)!
Lee3: It will probably offend people.
Angry Reader: ASSHOLE!
Lee3: Excuse me (takes out his cell phone and dials some numbers).
Unknown: Hello?
Lee3: That kid is still here.
Unknown: Isn't he dead?
Lee3: No he's not dead.
Unknown: What's his condition?
Lee3: He's bandaged up pretty good.
Unknown: I'll take care of it (hangs up).
Lee3: (follows suit and puts the phone away, three seconds later the door opens) Later kid.
Angry Reader: What are you (Unknown shoots Angry Reader with a 357 Magnum)…YOU SHOT ME!
Lee3: Okay let's…
Angry Reader: YOU FUCKIN' SHOT ME IN THE CHEST! YOU (gets shot in the head and dies)…
Hanku: (rushes onstage) Sorry I'm late (sees the dead reader) OH MY GOD!
Lee3: Better start the disclaimer. I do not own Love Hina or its characters. If I did, there would be fairies in it. I don't own the character Hanku, Hanku does.
Hanku: (sings) Still redundant.
Lee3: (sarcastic) Thank you Captain Obvious. I do own the SI, Fiona, Venus, Demona, Angel and references to a certain Succubus Queen who won't be revealed until much later.
Warning: This chapter contains self-mutilation, suicidal thoughts and acts. Anyone who is sensitive to those subjects should bail out NOW, even at the risk of missing a crucial part of the storyline. Anything you want to add Hanku?
Hanku: Yeah, don't cut yourselves, accidental or otherwise.
Love Conquers All…That's Crap
After two hours of crying, Lee warped out of the Love Hina dimension and was currently running through a dark forest at midnight. After a few minutes passed he reached a lake, which he jumped over and continued running until he saw a clearing were a bunch of angels and demons were in a circle surrounding something Lee couldn't quite make out yet. As he neared the circle he slowed down to walking speed and two 19-year-old girls an Angel-girl and a Devil-girl approached him crying.
Lee: (concerned) Angel, Demona, where are they?
Demona: (hugs Lee and buries her head in his chest crying) Oh Lee, I'm sorry.
Lee: No, this can't be real…tell me what I sensed was wrong.
Angel: (tears in her eyes) Lee, they're gone.
(The remain angels and demons revealed an opened coffin exposing the bodies of the two Fairy-women he loved in their battle attire, Fiona had on a white dominatrix outfit, while Venus had on a similar outfit only it was red. Lee rushed over to them and broke down crying.)
Lee: Fiona, Venus, wake up, c'mon wake up…PLEASE WAKE UP! You two can't be dead, you just can't be, YOU BOTH PROMISED ME!
(After twenty minutes of crying, cussing and shouting in misery, he closed the casket to reveal several jewels on it. He then floated over the casket and took off his black T-shirt exposing several scars on his upper body. Then he took out a big dagger that had jewels embedded in the hilt.)
Lee: (saddened) I am sorry I failed to protect you both (plunges the dagger deep into his chest and carves a circle with an upside down Triforce symbol inside it). If I can't be with you both in life, then I will be with you in death (bleeds all over the casket causing the jewels to glow as Lee lost consciousness and fell on the casket).
(Flashback)
A young Lee was playing in a magical field with two little Fairy-girls. One of them was an 8-year-old 4 ft blonde girl wearing a long white dress that exposed part of her back and her small wings. The other was a 12-year-old 6ft. red head with blonde bangs, wearing a long pink dress exposing part of her back and her more developed wings.
(A.N.: Damn, this sounds really gay. Maybe the chicks will like it.)
Fiona (at age 8): Lee, if I were in trouble would you rescue me?
Lee (at age 9): Of course I would, what brought this on? Don't tell me you still fear humans.
Fiona: (innocently) No, I don't fear humans anymore. I just want to know that you'll protect me when I need you (blushes).
Lee: Don't worry about it. I'll protect you for as long as you need me.
Venus: (at age 12): Hey, I want to be protected too.
Lee: (looks up at Venus) But you're big, you can protect yourself.
Venus: (picks Lee up and hugs him tightly) But tall girls want to feel protected too. Promise me you'll protect us, please?
Lee: (smiles) Okay, I promise I'll protect you both. Just call me and I'll come to aid you both.
Fiona & Venus: (excited) do you mean it (Venus squeezes tighter)?
Lee: (feeling his bones getting crushed) Yes, yes I do mean it.
Fiona & Venus: Oh Lee, we love you (Venus squeezes tighter and one of Lee's bones popped)…Lee (notices Lee passed out)?
Fiona: I think you squeezed him too hard again.
Venus: Opps, I keep forgetting how fragile a human child is.
(Flashback ends and Lee wakes up after four hours have passed.)
Lee wakes up and rolls off the casket. While he was out he felt two feminine hands stroking his body, mostly his head, he also thought he heard Fiona and Venus' voices, but no one was there to confirm that. He got up, picked up his shirt and dagger and walked off.
Lee: Damn, still alive. Did I dream up those feelings and Venus and Fiona's voices? Blasphemy, they're dead and even I can't bring them back (the ghosts of the two female fairies appeared over the casket, but disappeared right before Lee turned around to confirm he wasn't seeing or hearing things). I know someone is here, but I'm too depressed right now to care (he turned back around, put on his shirt and teleported back to the dorm).
(4:00am at Hinata House)
Lee teleported back inside the dorm and laid down on the couch while wallowing in his depression.
Lee: I can't believe I failed them (lifts up his shirt to find the carving gone). That's weird; I didn't have my healing power on. The spirits can't heal me either…then what…aw who cares (falls asleep).
(10:00am)
Female Voice: Hey, hey, wake up Lee.
Lee: Hmm (opens his eyes to see Motoko on top of him)? What's going on (sees the other residents around him)?
Motoko: (concerned) Are you okay?
Lee: (uneasy) Yeah, why?
Naru: You were crying in your sleep.
Lee: I was?
Keitaro: Yeah, did something happen?
Lee: Yeah, but I won't say what (gets up and tries to leave, but is stopped by Hanku).
Hanku: Why don't you tell us, we may be able to help?
Kanako: He's right.
Lee: I don't want to talk about it.
Shinobu: But Lee…
Lee: (annoyed) I SAID I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! Just leave me alone (phases through the ceiling).
Kitsune: (opens her eyes) He's hiding something and you know what that means.
Su & Sarah: (does some Pretty Sammy pose) Find out what wrong!
(A.N.: Translation: Pry until he gets really pissed and physically or verbally attacks someone.)
Kitsune: Let's go (runs upstairs to Keitaro's room)!
Su & Sarah: Yeah (follows suit)!
Hanku: (stoic) Nothing good will come from this.
Keitaro: And yet we still do it.
Hanku: And that's not odd to you guys?
Naru & Kanako: No.
Hanku: You all are stupid.
(12:00pm)
Lee is on the roof while Motoko was practicing behind him. Kitsune, Su, and Sarah ran up to Lee so they could ask questions.
Kitsune: What's this (shows him a picture of him and Venus)?
Lee: (sternly) Give it back (reaches for it but Kitsune pulled away).
Kitsune: (smirks) Not until (Lee's tail wrapped around her neck)…
Lee: (eyes glow red) Give it back or else I'll snap your neck (Kitsune threw the picture to Sarah and Lee threw the fox-eyed girl off the roof)! Give it up McDougal.
Sarah: Up yours (flips the bird)!
Lee: Little bitch (charges at Sarah, but she threw the picture to Su while Lee kicked her, sending her into orbit).
Su: (takes off running) I got it, I got it! Catch me if you (gets clotheslined by Motoko)…
Motoko: (takes the picture from Su) If he wants it back, he should have it back.
Lee: Thanks a lot (receives the picture from Motoko while he puts some pressure on Su's stomach). It was pretty obvious that they were digging around my shit (kicks Su off the roof).
Motoko: Who is that girl anyway?
Lee: A friend.
Motoko: When was this taken?
Lee: About…two months ago.
Motoko: How tall is she?
Lee: 7ft.
Motoko: (freaks) DAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNN!
Lee: Why does everyone make a big deal about that?
Motoko: (shocked) THAT'S NOT ODD TO YOU?
Lee: No, maybe it's because I deal with the Jabberwockies a lot.
Motoko: What are…
Lee: Ask Keitaro and Naru.
(A.N: I'm not going to tell you all about the Jabberwockies, if you want to know go read the prequel to this fic. GO NOW!)
Motoko: (notices the wings in the photo) That's a nice costume, did she make those wings?
Lee: (stoic) Those are real, she's a real fairy.
Motoko: (even more shocked) OH MY GOD, FAIRIES GET THAT BIG?
Lee: That's her human form, which is the form she preferred to be in. I think it was because she was fascinated by humans (sees a catatonic Motoko). Uh, Motoko…Motoko…she's catatonic again. Thanks for getting my picture back (phases through the roof).
(3:00pm)
Lee is eating alone and is still sad, but it was better than the mood he was after the incident with "Team Annoy the Fuck Out of Lee".
Shinobu: (worried) Lee, are you okay?
Lee: Why do you ask?
Shinobu: Well, um, you look sad.
Lee: (stoic) How do I look sad?
Shinobu: Well, you haven't pulled a prank today.
Lee: (gets pissed) Wait a second, you are saying that because I haven't done anything funny I'm sad?
Shinobu: I'm not…
Lee: What, I have to be funny all the time?
Shinobu: No, I…
Lee: I'm supposed to amuse you everyday?
Shinobu: You're not…
Lee: I can't be sad or in this case mad about something?
Shinobu: I know you…
Lee: YOU DON'T KNOW ME! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME! NONE OF YOU ALL KNOW SHIT (takes a bowl full of salad and shoves it in Shinobu's face, then he teleported away)!
Hanku: (standing next to Naru from a distance) I told you nothing good would come of that (Naru punches Hanku while looking at Shinobu).
(4 hours later)
Lee has retreated to his subspace room while everyone else was looking for him. He thought he was alone, but then he found Hanku beside him.
Lee: (surprised) What, how did you…
Hanku: I figured you'd come here seeking salvation.
Lee: Damn, you're astute.
Hanku: Okay spill it, what is wrong? There is no one here it's just the two of us.
Lee: (sighs) Fiona was killed in battle last night.
Hanku: (semi-shocked) Holy shit, that fairy girl? Who killed her?
Lee: A Succubus Queen, I sensed…
Hanku: You sensed her death last night right?
Lee: (annoyed) Thanks for pulling a Kitsune.
Hanku: Sorry…when is the funeral?
Lee: I went and closed the casket last night after crying in here for two hours.
Hanku: Nice to know you don't have a heart of stone.
Lee: Was that sarcasm?
Hanku: No, just a compliment and relief.
Lee: Relief, what do you mean?
Hanku: It tells me that you're human (walks off).
Lee: Sometimes I wonder if I am human.
(10:00pm)
Lee: (holds his dagger close to his right arm) Fiona, Venus, I'm sorry I failed you both (cuts his forearm).
To Be Continued…Antics: Warning
Lee3: I am taking the opportunity to warn you all that the next chapter is about suicide. If any of you feel offended or are sensitive on the subject or just a plain ole pussy to not read it, so I don't get flames later on.
Hanku: But you just warned the readers at the beginning of this update.
Lee3: So, there's always that one dumbass that doesn't listen and later wonders why they are fucked up.
Hanku: Oh yeah that always is a nuisance.
Lee3: it's not that hard to listen to a warning. That's like watching an anime porno and ignoring the three warning disclaimers they throw at you. Especially the last one that ends with "We really, really mean it!"
Hanku: (notices Lee holding a rotten apple) What's with the apple?
Lee3: Watch (Naru turns a corner and Lee throws the apple at Naru, making contact).
Naru: Aww, shit! Who threw that?
Lee3: Keitaro!
Naru: WHAT (sees Keitaro talking to Shinobu)? YOU LITTLE BITCH!
Keitaro: (sees an enraged Naru) HOLY SHIT (runs like hell)!
Hanku: She's gonna hit him isn't she?
Lee3: In five…four…three…two…one (Keitaro gets hit and goes flying).
Keitaro: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (becomes a star)!
Hanku: Take off your top!
Naru: (turns and sees Hanku and Lee) WHAT?
Lee3: (impersonates Milk-chan) YOU DUMBASS (starts running)!
Hanku: What (sees Naru charging at him)? OH SHIT (starts running)!
Naru: COME BACK HERE!
Lee3 & Hanku: Only if you take a dildo and stick it up your ass!
Lee3: That's it for this chapter. Read or review if you want to I'll see you all in May.
Hanku: Wait, no gag?
Lee3: I'm saving ammo for chapter 9 see you all next time.