July 17, 2017
Champagne and Sparkling Cider are chilling in my fridge, awaiting the posting of Chapter 14, somewhere between now and July 31st! Can't wait!
As you read, kindly bear in mind that this story is far out in the alternative universe, more so than most, but that's part of the fun! Reviews are always appreciated, but most of all, just enjoy the ride.
SITTING IN A TREE, BACKWARDS
Part III
Secret Identity
CHAPTER SEVEN
Rick stood in the middle of his loft, staring at the door Kate had closed behind her. His jaw worked as he struggled with his emotions. Exhaustion didn't help. He swallowed and bowed his head. Maybe it was selfish, petty of him to react as he did, especially in light of his own daughter asleep upstairs, but—Hell! This isn't the same at all! Kate knew about Alexis all along, plus, she's on the verge of adulthood! No raising required! No braces, no shots, no… parent teacher conferences or midnight feedings….
A hot ache filled his chest as he dropped back onto the sofa, head in his hands, overwhelmed with confusion, disappointment, and anger. Assuming she doesn't divorce me over my reaction. Why didn't she tell me years ago... or at least before the wedding?
I thought she trusted me.
He left their tumblers on the coffee table and wandered into the office, awakening his laptop with the touch of a finger. He stared at the login screen without seeing it. Why hide Hannah from her fiancé? Why the deception? Did she think I'd back out if I knew? He shook his head and prowled back to his bedroom. The covers lay in disarray from rising in the middle of the night. He glanced at a clock and grimaced. Alexis and Mother would be down in just two hours and….
He couldn't face them, couldn't face anyone. His head swam with the overwhelming weight of Kate's story, anger, exhaustion, and self-recriminations. Not to mention his own. He fell into his bed and slept.
The night had grown substantially colder. She'd left her scarf at Rick's and the respite from the cold motorcycle-ride back into the City somehow made this ride exponentially worse. She played and replayed the conversation in her head.
The product of you and some other guy.
Her Harley glided to a stop at a light, and one booted foot touched balanced it against the pavement. No, Rick! she wanted to shout at him. She's yours! I should have told you…. She closed her eyes, overwhelmed. Why didn't I? Tears slid over her icy cheeks. I love him. Never had she guessed how much, never suspected… If I lose him because of this… if he can't forgive me.…
She'd be devastated.
Numb, she stared at the stop light without seeing it. If only I told him years ago. Better yet, found him and told him about Hannah Joy before she was born. Things would be so different now. Years of what-might-have-been flitted in and out of her conscious thoughts. Gina and Rick lingered. Would I have been the second wife instead of the third? The second and last, or would we have spun out of control, shriveling like him and Gina?
She scowled. Stop with the 'what ifs'. I can't change the past, only the here and now.
If only the here and now weren't so bleak. There was a hot ache in her chest and she gave a choking gasp, hot tears rolling down her cheeks beneath the visor of her helmet.
I thought I was okay with the risks.
"The product of you and some other guy," he'd said, his voice deathly quiet.
I should have told him, right then, and let him meet Hannah, knowing he's her father. At least then, he'd understand why I… kept so many secrets.
Fuck.
All the blood seemed to drain out of her, taking with it her hope, her joy.
A horn blared directly behind her. Her eyes startled open. The light had changed. Shaken, she gunned the engine, steering toward home, holding herself at hyper-alert, she struggled to keep her mind off Rick, not to allow herself to soften to the drowsiness barely held at bay. Her thoughts shifted constantly, attacking the fight with Castle from every angle.
I knew he'd be angry, but that Rick would not accept Hannah never crossed my mind. The temptation to fling Hannah's paternity in his face came and went. They had to go through this one step at a time. Let Castle have time to get used to the idea of her daughter, then they'd meet. Then… she'd tell him the rest.
Arriving home, she dropped her bag beside the door and barely secured the locks before staggering onto her living room sofa. She tugged an afghan over her, and fell into a deep sleep, forgetting even to set an alarm.
Kate did not stir until the phone pinged with a text at 9:18 the next morning.
Yo, Beckett, you gonna tear yourself away from Castle and come in?
She groaned. It was Esposito. She'd been so wrapped up in her drama with Rick that…. She stumbled to her feet, struggling to shake the cobwebs off. No, I can't wimp out, not today. I've a job to do.
Give me an hour, she texted back.
She rolled to her feet, thinking wistfully of calling in sick. Instead, she staggered slightly, groaned, and headed to the bedroom for a change of clothes. Twenty minutes later, still feeling like roadkill, she yanked her hair into a ponytail, and grabbed a granola bar. Thinking longingly of Rick's coffee, she rushed out the door.
Esposito and Ryan had looked forward to her return, that much was obvious. She saw the mischief in their eyes, knew they'd anticipated harassing her about being late, about, being newlyweds, and Castle. Their grins died the second they saw her face.
"Bring me up to speed," she said by way of greeting. Her voice felt grim, even to her.
They exchanged a look and filled her in on the status quo.
"Oh, and Boss wants to see you," Espo said, swiveling back to take a call. "As soon as you're up to speed."
She frowned, staring at Montgomery through the plate glass window between them. "Did he say what it's about?"
"Nope."
She'd hoped for a fresh murder, then felt ashamed of her selfishness. She just wanted an excuse to call him, to tempt him out to the precinct, or a crime scene, with a coffee in either hand where they effortlessly bounced ideas off each other; just working, no personal drama. But, there was no such reunion. The boys had handled several investigations, and were following up on cold cases in the absence of a warm one. We need space anyway. Then again, Kate jumped into her work instead, as she always did, with both feet, immersing herself.
"You look like hell, Detective," said Captain Montgomery as Kate entered his office.
"Yeah, well, I'm running on about two hours of sleep."
Montgomery took a step back, and gave her a probing look. Kate did her best to ignore it.
"You wanted to see me?" she asked.
There was a long pause before he answered. "You don't look like a woman who just returned from a two week honeymoon."
She pressed her lips together and said nothing.
"What happened?"
Her frown deepened, and she shifted uneasily. "We had a fight, Sir. It won't affect my work."
"Your work." Montgomery shook his head. "Do you think that's all I care about?"
Kate hesitated. "Sir?"
His forehead was lined with concern. "What happened?"
The corner of her mouth pulled down. She sighed and turned to stare out the window. "I… finally told Castle about Hannah, and… he didn't take it well."
Montgomery didn't speak but folded his arms, leaning against his desk. "When was this?"
Her voice sounded hollow. "Last night."
"Last ni-" He straightened, gesturing with a report in his hand. He took a step toward her. "You waited until after the honeymoon?" The whites of his eyes stood out starkly against his brown skin.
Her eyes flicked to his. Giving him a bare nod, they dropped to the floor again, as she summarized last night's conversation for him. "Obviously, he's upset," she finished.
"All right, Beckett. I told you not to keep your work family in the dark about Hannah, but the fat's in the fire now. Go home, sleep, and get your shit together."
"But, Sir—"
"There's nothing but cold cases here, Beckett, and I gotta to watch the personnel hours. So rest up, have makeup… whatever, and be back tomorrow. A body's gonna drop soon and I need your head in the game."
She turned to leave, but he called her back. "I've seen the way he looks at you, the way he always has your back. He deserves better than all this deception. Think long and carefully about what you want from him, what kind of a marriage you want, cuz you've already given him grounds for divorce." He tapped a stack of folders on his desk to straighten them. "Now get out of here."
It was nearly noon when Rick finally left his bedroom, showered and dressed, but still feeling confused and angry. He found his mother and daughter in the kitchen, Alexis chopping leftover chicken breast, and Martha drinking a martini.
"Oh, Richard! I'm glad you're up, finally. Is Katherine here? I have something to tell you all, and it would be nice if she were here, too."
"Uh," Rick paused, scanning the room in confusion. "I'm not sure what her plans are after work and…. Alexis? Aren't you supposed to be in school?"
"It's President's Day," she reminded him. "Which is perfect because I only just finished my project this morning." She dumped the chicken she'd been cutting into bite sized pieces into a bowl and ducked behind the fridge door.
Martha lifted her glass in his direction. "Clearly, she inherited your talent for procrastination."
Rick nodded and slumped over to the coffee pot, pouring himself a cup. He leaned into the counter, staring moodily, not noticing his mother's concerned gaze.
"Richard?" she set her martini on the counter and approached him. "What's going on?"
Alexis, hands full of romaine lettuce, slammed the fridge door, watching.
"Nothing," he sipped his coffee without meeting either's eye.
Alexis and Martha exchanged a look.
"What's wrong, Dad? That coffee's been sitting around all morning, and you didn't even notice." She dropped the lettuce next to the sink to give her father her best I-know-what's-good-for-you,-so-you'd-better-start-talking look.
Rick ignored it. "Nothing's wrong." He took another swig of coffee, grimaced, and dumped it into the sink. He reached for the lettuce. "Kate and I had an argument, that's all."
Alexis set about making a new pot of coffee while Martha settled on the stool opposite the sink and waited for him to continue.
His brow furrowed, and finally he sighed. "Kate has a daughter."
"Whaaaat?" Alexis's long hair whipped around her shoulders as she spun toward him, mouth agape.
Martha carefully set her martini on the counter, inspecting her son's impassive face.
"How old?" Alexis asked.
"First grade, I think."
Martha didn't hesitate. "And this is the first you knew of her?" she asked softly.
Rick nodded, snapping lettuce leaves off the head, running them under the water. "She's been back and forth with Jim forever, but she's been with him full-time for a couple years."
Martha nodded thoughtfully while Alexis exclaimed, "How could Kate not tell you before you got married? That's kind of important."
"You think?" he snapped. Then he sighed. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm not angry with you, I just—" He stared into space, leaving the water running.
"It's fine, Dad. I understand." Alexis turned off the water.
"When do we meet her?" Martha asked, breaking into his thoughts.
He shrugged and shook the lettuce vigorously, sending droplets everywhere.
"Did Katherine say who the girl's father is?" Martha asked as Alexis slid a cutting mat and knife in front of him.
"Thanks," he muttered to Alexis as he arranged the greens on the mat. "Whoever he was, it doesn't sound as though he was present for more than the necessary." He picked up the knife.
Martha nodded again. "Luckily, you've always liked kids." She looked up to find four gray eyes staring at her. "What?"
"Don't you think that's kind of an odd thing to wait until after the wedding to share?" he demanded.
"Well, of course—"
The knife thumped rhythmically through the damp leaves as Rick's voice rose. "She made sure I wanted kids, but didn't bother mentioning I'd be a stepdad to the one she already has!"
"Well, the marriage did happen extremely fast…" Martha mused.
"There's no excuse for keeping that kind of thing secret!" Alexis interrupted.
"Oh, I don't disagree, Darling. I'm just wondering if there's more to the story."
"There always is." He frowned. "I just wish…" He viciously hacked at the lettuce, scowling.
"You've every right to be upset, Dad," Alexis soothed.
Martha waved a hand. "Upset or not, Richard, your first consideration is your marriage and her first consideration is her daughter. What it comes down to is this, is it a deal killer?"
Rick's scowl deepened as he hacked away.
"Richard, you have a daughter, she has a daughter… is it really that different?"
"Why, yes, Mother, it is." Still holding the knife, he gestured emphatically, "Kate knew of Alexis from the beginning, no secrets."
"Dad," Alexis tried to break in, staring at the knife in his hand.
Rick didn't notice as he gestured with it again. "Also, she'll be 18 next summer. In a year and a half, we'll be sending her off to college."
"Richard," Martha said in a sing-song voice, leaning away from him.
"So, yes, there is a great deal of difference." Abruptly, Rick realized how wildly he'd been gesticulating with the chef's knife and it clattered on the granite counter.
Alexis and Martha exchanged looks again as he rubbed his face with both hands.
"But you told Kate you wanted more kids," Martha clarified, as Alexis slid the knife away.
"Ye— Yes, but I wanted to make them!" Rick glared at her. He pushed away from the counter, prowling the kitchen. "What difference does it make? The point is, it was a dishonest, deceptive secret to keep all this time." He looked from one to the other. "Who keeps their kid a secret from their closest friends?"
"Spies," Alexis answered as she peered into the salad bowl. She glanced up to find her father and grandmother staring at her. She began slicing more lettuce. "What? Spies have secret identities for their children and spouses so they can—"
Martha's palm slapped the counter top. "Katherine Beckett is no spy!" she said sternly.
Rick stared into space. "No," his voice was grim as he continued, "But, she is secretive and deceptive. Something's not adding up."
In the following silence, the snick of a key turning in a lock drew their attention to the front door. It swung slowly open, revealing the subject of their conversation. Kate's jaw tightened as she stepped inside without speaking and secured the door behind her.
Martha's voice was bright with false cheer. "Katherine, darling!" She slid off her stool and swept toward her, the loose sleeves of her cape fluttering behind her. She hugged Kate, their hands clasping as she drew her in. "Now, Alexis and I were just leaving, it's our annual President's Day shopping trip." She threw a glance at Alexis as she draped an arm over Kate's shoulders to steer her toward the kitchen. "It's an all-day outing, you know. You'll come next year, I'm sure. Alexis, darling, come. Let's give your father and Katherine some privacy."
"Ummm…." Alexis hesitantly laid down her knife and eye-checked her dad, who nodded. "Great idea, Gram." She ran off to locate a jacket and purse.
The door closed behind Alexis and Martha before Kate moved or spoke. Rick dumped the lettuce into a salad bowl and retrieved a mango from the fridge.
"Rick?" Kate crossed the room, slowly, and deliberately.
He peeled the sticker off the mango and ran the fruit under the water, rubbing it vigorously.
"You must…" she bit her lip. "You must be furious with me for…" She gave a half shrug, "this."
He set the mango on the cutting mat, and sliced the cheeks off either side of the flat seed. He reached for a paring knife and began scoring the flesh of each mango half with deep cuts. Finally, he set his knife down. "How can you possibly think it's okay to marry me without telling me you have a daughter first?"
"Castle… Rick." She slid her coat off, draping it over one of the stools. Slowly, she dragged her eyes to meet his. "I… made a bad judgment call… years ago. Then, I—"
"Years ago? Try two months ago!"
She caught her lower lip between her teeth. "That too." She took a deep breath. "I didn't know how to bring it up, how to tell you in a way you'd understand." Her voice rose. "The longer I waited, the worse it got."
"Why? What is so difficult about opening your mouth and saying, 'I have a daughter!' " The two mango halves lay, abandoned on the cutting mat as he held her gaze, his shoulders were rigid.
"Yeah, I tried that, on our wedding day." She moved closer. "I swear, Castle, if it hadn't—If there'd been time, I would have told you. But there wasn't. You breaking up with Gina, becoming available just before the stipulated time elapsed in Grandmother's will…. There was barely enough time to pull the wedding off as it was." She circled the bar, walking toward him, her voice still low but her words came more and more quickly.
He watched her come, his expression unchanging.
"As much as I want to have this behind us, to focus on building our life together, this is exactly why I delayed moving in with you. I want you to meet Hannah, and have everything out—everything settled first."
She was near enough to touch him. She didn't. Her arms hung at her sides, her fist working as her lower lip was caught between her teeth. "I am sorry, so sorry that you're finding out after the fact."
He pursed his lips finally. Going to the fridge, he stared into its depths in silence.
"Look, you didn't know about Hannah Joy, if you need time…."
At length, he withdrew an avocado and a package of jicama. "I'm upset, yes," he closed the fridge and faced her, "that you didn't feel you could trust me with knowledge of your daughter for the last two years. And I said some things last night I didn't mean, things I regret." He sighed. "Anger and exhaustion are a deadly combination in a fight. You were right to leave when you did." He dropped the food on the kitchen counter before casting her a look and slicing mango cubes off the peel. "I need to get used to this… whole… stepdad thing, but…" he faced her at last, laying down the knife.
Kate's eyes were riveted to his face, hers was flushed with emotion.
He was about to speak, but hesitated, his eyebrows quivering as if struggling with something. He captured her gaze with a direct stare. "Curiously, what would you have done if I'd said 'No'?"
She blinked at him. "N-no?"
"When you proposed."
Her eyes widened. "Oh." She looked away, as if thrown by the subject change. "I… suppose… I'd have been looking for a way to tell you about Hannah anyway."
It was his turn to blink at her. "Hannah? You—" his brow furrowed. "What about your inheritance?"
"Oh, that." She shrugged. "It would have gone to my cousin."
"You came to me desperate to keep the estate. Now, you're telling me you'd have just let it go?"
Her brows knit in confusion. "What else could I have done?"
Rick dumped the jicama into the salad bowl and set to work on the avocado.
"Why not Josh?"
She shook her head. "I didn't—Why are we talking about Josh?"
"Why do you keep bringing up Gina?"
"She's part of the story," she said slowly.
"So's Josh." Salad finished, he pushed the bowl aside, dumped the utensils in the sink and rounded the bar to where Kate stood.
She crossed her arms, perplexed. "There was no backup plan, if that's what you're wondering."
He nodded slowly, the lines of his face smoothing out somewhat. "But you took a chance with me."
Her breath caught in her throat and her arms gradually unfolded. Her hands clasped and unclasped, mouth hanging open as though hesitating to speak. "Yes," she finally whispered, her voice soft.
The corner of his mouth curled upwards, and he nodded. He reached for her hand, cradling it in both of his. "Why?"
The single word was a caress, a soft puff of warm air breaking over her face as her cheeks flushed and her eyes widened. Her lips quivered slightly as she struggled to speak. "Why?" she finally managed, "Don't you, don't you know?"
"Only in my imagination." His voice was husky. "Tell me."
Liquid pooled in the corner of her eye, spilling over to slide over the curve of her cheek. "I... You were the one, the one I… wanted." She wet her lips. "Almost from the beginning, I thought—I wanted something with you, but I never believed it could be mutual."
His hands fell to his sides, but he kept his voice neutral. "What changed your mind?"
"N-nothing. I gambled." She shook her head, "I still—"
His eyebrows knit. "You gambled?"
"I proposed, and you started talking about forever, and I… I was stunned, I never dreamed you'd want that—"
The sounds of the street below and the gentle whir of the furnace were the only sound.
"Castle," she whispered, "If I could go back and change things, I would. If I could go back and tell you about Hannah years ago, I would."
"Sshhh." His thumb caressed the back her hand.
"I know how messed up this is." Golden-green eyes stared into his.
"Sshhh," he whispered again. "I know." He cupped her cheek, his thumb resting against her lips. "If Hannah doesn't have a father, then… well…."
Kate's lips parted, and her breath came very quickly.
He smiled then. "When do we meet?"
"Oh…." Kate's eyes rounded, and for a moment she couldn't speak. "Rick, I—"She drew back, pressing a fist to her mouth. Her eyes glimmering for a moment before she wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in the crook of his neck.
He held her in silence, one corner of his mouth curling up in a tender smile.
"Kate? Are you…" His voice was soft.
"I just… I'm fine." She swiped at her cheeks as she pulled away. "Do you want to go upstate to meet her? As soon as I can manage another day off, I mean." A tremulous smile flirted with the corner of her mouth.
"You don't want to bring her here?"
"I do… we could. I just…" She laced her fingers through his. "I want you to see Kensington Manor," she murmured as the smile spread over her face. "Remember I told you about my grandfather? His magic studio is intact and Hannah loves doing magic shows. I want you to see it, the farm, the brook…. I always imagined you meeting Hannah there."
"You always imagined?" a corner of his mouth curled upwards.
Kate ducked her head slightly and bit her lip, but squeezed his hand tightly. "I may have looked forward to this longer than you suspect."
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