How Do You Keep Love Alive
.seven.
"Can I get an encore do ya want more?" Nathan sang loudly and off-key. For a while, Haley had been highly amused at Nathan's antics but the rap and hip-hop was getting old fast.
"Nathan," she whined loudly. He continued to sing oblivious to her demands. She let out a somewhat loud sigh but still he sang. Finally, the music faded signaling the song had ended. Quickly before Nathan could even glance in her direction, she had ejected the CD and grabbed his binder full of CDs.
"Haley," he groaned, hitting his fists on the steering wheel in frustration.
"Down boy," she teased light heartedly.
"It's my pre-game mix! You're gonna screw me over for the game!"
"Bull. You've played fine without listening to that crap," she called him on it knowing full well he never had a specific pre-game mix while she leafed through the pages. Tucked in the very last page was a blank CD with Nathan's simply scrawl of 'HJS'.
"Is HJS some new band?" Haley questioned.
"umm, yeah…something like that," Nathan mumbled while eyeing her nervously.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she questioned, glancing at him with an arched eyebrow. "What is it, porn noises on CD?"
"No, Haley! Just put it in and the play the damn thing already," he grumbled in annoyance. She was making a big deal over a stupid CD but at the same time, he desperately didn't want her to listen to it. It was one of his most embarrassing ones in his entire collection. She popped in the CD, Nathan's left leg began jiggling up and down, and it wasn't because of a case of pre-game butterflies.
She jabbed the play button and covered her ears anticipating rap to come blaring out but to her shock, it was something entirely different. The soft strands of a piano that come through the speakers are instantly familiar to her. She glances over at Nathan, disbelieving. He doesn't look at her, just staring straight ahead while driving.
She had sung this song almost every night on tour, because it always, always without fail reminded her of him. It was her voice…
"Of the time and in between…" she drew in a sharp breath as tears stung her eyes. She glanced over at Nathan again this time looking much more relaxed since she had first put in the CD.
"I believe that this is heaven to no one else but me," she sang along quietly. She loved the song but it still had never meant as much to her as it had during the solo performance for Nathan in the safety of Karen's Café. The song went on and Haley turned the volume down slightly.
"You know…whenever I missed you the most, I sang this song," she said softly.
"I listened to it," he replied honestly and their eyes met for a moment before they both looked away.
"My heart never left yours, Nathan Scott," she said with complete vulnerability. She didn't care that all her defenses were down because all she wanted to do was prove to him that she was all his and she wasn't leaving anytime soon. She had done it once for stupid, selfish reasons and it wasn't going to happen again—she wasn't going to leave her heart, her soul, her everything ever again.
"Mine never left yours, Haley James Scott," he blurted out to her. For once, his heart thinking before his mind, she glanced at him again. He hadn't yet used her full name since she had come back.
The CD changed into another one of Haley's songs.
"It's October again…leaves are coming down…" Haley was bewildered at how to respond. First, him having a CD of all her songs and now he was talking to her…she didn't know what to do.
"You do realize that a year ago, I didn't even know you? I just thought you were something I could use as a weakness against Lucas…you were just his weird best friend…"
"Thanks," Haley replied dryly with the roll of her eyes.
"But I didn't know you then…besides what did you think of me?" She hid her grin at this one.
"You were the biggest jackass on the planet," he grinned as she proved his point. They had really had no clue about each other back then.
"Oh, shut up! Are we almost there yet?" she asked jokingly and that was it. Nathan felt his walls coming up again and closing in on him. Haley was getting too close to him again and he had to detach himself from the situation and fast. The panicked feeling began to bubble up in his stomach.
"Nathan, I was kidding," she soothed and still she got no answer.
"I can't do this right now," he said tightly with clenched teeth.
"What are you feeling sick or something? You know, I can drive, Nate," she reminded him gently.
"No, driving's fine," he half-snapped at her with her blinking in surprise, he let out a long, tired sigh. "Us, I just need to focus on basketball this season, okay?"
"Yeah, sure," she replied non-committal (despite her feeling of utter helplessness which she wouldn't dare show Nathan), reaching for the CD button when she hears the lyrics from Ophelia. "…And this holy mess I made…"
"Wait…isn't this from the tour…Nathan?"
"Not now, Haley," he responded, his jaw ticking. "Okay," she said weakly as she popped out the CD and re-inserted Nathan's rap CD. The music blared out but Nathan wasn't singing along this time. Haley looking longingly out the window…how could something that seemed like such a perfect plan…turn into utter and complete ruins. All she wanted in this moment was to be out of the car, to be at home, eating ice cream. She was going to murder Brooke for this scheme…she knew it was all Brooke's fault.
But then again…what was Nathan's problem? He kept going hot and cold on her and she was getting annoyed. She knew that he was having trust issues with her and that was understandable, but to be playing her like that, it wasn't fair. One minute, they'd be kidding around with each other, getting along perfectly (full fledged flirting at some instances) and then he acted as if she had the plague. Yes, she knew that she'd hurt Nathan badly but this tired victim act of his was getting old, fast.
"Nathan Scott, you are a lifesaver!" Brooke Davis trilled, rushing to the car. "I'd kiss you right now but I don't want Haley to be pissed," she joked with him adding a playful wink.
"Why not…she kissed Chris," he snapped harshly.
"Low blow," Brooke muttered lowly. "Just open the trunk. I thought I was helping you out, jeez."
"Oh that's right…the only Scott you like are the ones that don't want you full-time, right?" Nathan smirked at Brooke coldly.
"Okay, you know what Nathan? I don't know what the hell happened in the car but she's fighting for you. She is fighting tooth and nail just to get you to talk to her and I'm starting to wonder why. She loves you and she messed up but so what! It is not like your Mr. Perfect, Scott. Let me count the way…the drugs last year…the porn incident…going off to visit Taylor with not such perfect reasons."
"That's enough, Brooke," Nathan said gruffly.
"I'm not done. Haley forgave you. She loves you with your flaws and somehow you don't realize just how damn lucky you are. I'd kill for that!"
"It's right in front of you," Nathan said abruptly, her words seemed to have some sort of impact on him.
"Right, you can't see that that's what Haley is to you but you can see who that is for me? Please…let me guess, Tim, right?"
"Lucas,"
"Okay, this conversation is officially over!"
"You look so happy!" Peyton cheered to Haley as she walked into the gym, looking frazzled.
"You have no idea," she deadpanned.
"Uh oh, sit down and tell me all about it,"
"Well, first of all, thanks for the heads up!" Peyton shrugged and smiled weekly.
"I was sworn to secrecy, Hales."
"Right and keeping secrets is your forte,"
"Hey…bitch!" Peyton exclaimed.
"Slut," Haley zinged right back and Peyton looked shocked.
"Wow. That was quick!"
"Been storing them up, I guess," she commented wryly.
"Guess so…so what happened?"
"The usual, I finally get somewhere with him and then he shuts me out,"
"Aww…Hales. I'm sorry," Peyton reached out and hugged her friend. While stroking Haley's hair she continued to talk, "I warned Brooke but you know how she is,"
"I just feel like we take a step forward…a baby step and we go two giant steps back immediately thereafter. I don't know if I can do this anymore, Peyton," she whispered softly. Peyton pulled her closer, letting her get it all out. "I know sweetie," she looked so utterly defeated that Peyton could feel her heart break just a little for her.
"This is the best thing you could be doing though. You're around him constantly reminding him that you're back for good and I'm sure it means the world to him,"
"I don't know Peyton…"
"You've got to give it some time, okay?"
"Okay," she agreed. "I'll give it some time but if he keeps shutting me out--," Peyton interrupted letting go of her and looking at her straight in the eye.
"Don't let him. If anyone can get through to him, it's all you, Miss Haley James Scott. Now go get him!"
The game was tied and that made Haley nervous. Nathan and Lucas were not cooperating; it was turning into the beginning of their junior year all over again. That too made Haley nervous. Someone was going to get hurt at this rate and as soon as the thought popped into her head—it happened.
Haley couldn't pinpoint exactly what had gone wrong but something had. The next thing she knew Nathan was on the floor, clutching his knee. Haley's heart flew into her throat and she felt as if she couldn't breathe. She made a beeline behind Whitey to Nathan.
"Haley," he whispered hoarsely when things came back into focus from the pain for him.
"Nathan, its okay…I'm here for you," she comforted, running her hand through his hair. "It hurts really badly," he whimpered.
"I know it does, babe. Can you move it at all?" she questioned him calmly while on the inside she was flipping out over this. The trainer was by her side examining his knee, saying that he should be able to get up with the help of Haley.
"We have to get you off the court, 'kay?" Whitey just stood overhead, letting Haley handle the situation. With help from the trainer and Tim, they were able to get him off the court. Luckily, Dad had decided to skip the game after last game's debacle otherwise, there would've been some trouble.
Haley and Nathan were in the trainers' room, she had helped bring him in and when she had tried to leave, he had grabbed her hand and wasn't making a move to let it go anytime soon.
"How you doing?" she asked worriedly. He shrugged and looked grim in response.
"Not so good," he said weakly.
"What happened to those great knees," she teased, trying to lighten the mood.
"Car accident," he spit out and Haley's half-smile faded immediately.
"I'm going to check the score and find the trainer; I'll be right back," she tried to pull away from Nathan but he wouldn't let her.
"Don't," he pleaded with his broken voice.
"Why should I, Nathan? You obviously don't want me to be around you."
"That's not true," he protested.
"Yes it is! If I get any closer to you outside of school or basketball, you shut down on me. I don't know what to do about it and I'm starting to think it's time for me to stop."
"Stop, what?"
"Managing, trying with you…everything,"
"Why?"
"Because it's getting us nowhere…can't you see that? I love you Nathan with everything that I am and I don't know else there is to give you," she started crying. "When you fell down tonight I was so scared…I was frozen because I couldn't bear the thought of losing you but then I realized…I've already lost you. You're different…you won't let me in anymore and I'm afraid that you're turning into Dan…getting to a place when no one can reach you."
"Haley, I will not turn into him," he said firmly.
"How do you know that?"
"Because I married someone I love," tears were still streaming down her face. He grabbed her other hand and pulled her close to him.
"You're being basketball manager makes me want to come every day. You hate sports, Hales and yet here you are all because you want to be with me and I think that's great, I do. It's made me realize just how much I love but Haley…it's so hard to trust you again. I'm trying…honestly, I am but I just keep thinking of that summer with my mom. When she left, me with Dan and I had the most hellish summer of my life. Just…do not give up on us, okay…please don't…ever," he added softly. She swallowed and shook her head, biting her lip.
"I won't…I'm just so exhausted with fighting for this…for us…I just want you to hold me," she said quietly and melted into him, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, her forehead touching his. "I'm not going anywhere without you," she breathed out. He didn't answer, instead just held her closer and breathed in her pure Haley scent that he had missed.
"But Nate, you have to promise me something too," she said pulling back and looking at his face.
"Anything," he promised. "You can't give up on us, either," before Nathan could answer the trainer finally came in and they had to pull apart, neither wanting to. However, Nathan's eyes never strayed from Haley's…and finally Haley felt there was finally some real progress occurring between them. They were finally connecting and communicating…she hadn't fully realized how much she had missed it but she definitely had.