s e v e n .
Our relationship changed that day, with one simple movement. Our hands locked and everything was different immediately. Emma and I were the only ones that would notice the difference, to other people it either looked like she was my sister, or she was my lover. Depends on how people looked at her, depends on how they looked at us.
Everything was going perfect, I drove and she talked about everything. Conversation began to flow with us, it was hard to stop us from speaking. Emma had an opinion about everything, and I mean everything.
"I think gay marriage should be legal."
"Everyone should be forced to get at least one tattoo."
"Nuns should be allowed to get fucking laid."
"Lays ruffles are much better than classic."
"I hate west side story, don't you hate west side story?"
Emma made me laugh on a daily basis, but not forced laughs. Its laughter that's so hard, and so carefree that one time I actually had to pull the car over, clutching my stomach because it hurt from laughing.
Despite the fact that I knew it was wrong, despite the fact she was a huge brat, and she got on my nerves 30% of the time I was with her, I was in paradise. It was bliss, being around her, listening to her speak, listening to her laugh. We've been on the road together for a total of four very long days, but it feels like four weeks. I wasn't sure I wanted this trip to end.
And then on the fifth day, Liz called. Everything changed.
Emma reached into my pocket slowly, her fingers wrapping around my cellphone and pulling it out. She checked the ID, then pressed talk and held it to my ear for me. Usually she just talked to whoever was on the phone for me, so when she put it to my ear, I knew it was Liz.
"Hello?"
"Hi baby." Liz said, a smile in a voice. "How's the trip going?"
"Its good." I stated, offering no other explanation.
"How's the girl?" She asked, a weird sound in her voice.
I smiled then, "Better than I thought."
"She cute?" Liz asked, I sighed softly, my smile falling.
I cleared my throat, "She's sixteen, Liz."
My fingers brushed Emma's as I reached up and took hold of the phone myself, driving with one hand on the steering wheel. She instantly moved away from me, pressing her forehead against the window.
Liz sighed, but let it go and began to talk about wedding plans. I blocked her out most of the time, only putting in an occasional "Uh huh" and "Yeah" where I thought they would be needed. My eyes stayed on the road.
"I can't wait til you get home, babe. I miss you so much." Liz said softly into my ear. There was a twinge of pain in my chest.
"I miss you too, Lizzie." I whispered, frowning. I did miss her.
"I gotta go though, baby, I'm driving." I added.
She sighed softly, "Alright. I love you."
I paused, my lips pursed tightly. "I love you too."
I hung up the phone, slipping it back into my pocket. Emma was quiet, so I turned to look at her quickly, raising my eyebrows.
"You okay? You're quiet all of a sudden." I stated, reaching over and squeezing her knee lightly. She pulled her knees to her chest instantly.
I released her knee when she did, my hand feeling cold.
"Emma? Are you mad at me or something?" I asked, shocked.
"No. I'm busy and you're distracting me. Please don't speak." She said slowly, and I glanced at her again, seeing her holding her blackberry in front of her eyes. Her thumbs ran across the keyboard faster than I've ever seen.
I turned and stared at her when I could, hating her silence.
"What did I do, Emma??" I finally blurted out.
She looked up from her phone over at me, opening her mouth to speak.
"I -.." Her phone rang loudly, she looked down at it and smiled.
"I need to take this." She stated, I sighed heavily.
"Nicholas.."She murmured into the phone, her voice soft and sweet. I wanted her to use that voice on me.
"I know...I know...I know!"She laughed, "I miss you too."
"I can't say that.."She giggled, "Because I'm with somebody."
"No, not with somebody. Just in the presence of some guy." I stopped myself from closing my eyes when I heard that. My heart burned.
"No!"She giggled again, "Okay, hang on."
My hands tightened on the steering wheel when Emma climbed into the sea of bags, which turned into her hiding space when she was angry with me.
"Emma.."I murmured, but she ignored me and disappeared.
I let out a long sigh, my hands still clutching the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. I glanced at the empty space next to me, feeling very alone all of a sudden.
I could hear her giggling in the back, and then heard her muffled talking.
"Hang on." Her voice got clearer, and then her face appeared next to mine.
"I have to pee." She stated, holding the phone to her chest.
"Ok." I barely whispered, keeping my eyes straight ahead.
"Yeah, I'm still here." She said into the phone, her voice fading again.
I barely blinked as I pulled off the highway to the nearest restaurant.
"Emma, we're here." I called out, opening my door and climbing out.
I waited a long moment before Emma retreated from the car, slamming the door behind her. She slid her phone into her jeans slowly, looking up at me.
"Em.."
"Can't talk. Gotta pee." She turned and ran inside without another word.
I frowned, slowly dragging my feet as I went inside. I grabbed a table and waited for Emma to return, which she did a few minutes later. A waitress came over and asked if to take our order. I asked for a beer, because I felt the immense need to drink a lot of alcohol right now.
Emma stared down at her menu for a moment.
"Can I have a hot fudge sundae, please? With extra cherries?" Emma smiled up at the waitress, who smiled back, nodding. "Thank you."
I stared at Emma from across the table, watching her rearrange the salt and pepper and put the packets of sugar, splenda, and equal in order by color of packet. I smiled, but it was a very weak and a very tired smile.
"What do you say we crash here tonight? I'm exhausted." I asked.
"Fine." She said flatly, still not looking at me.
"Why are you mad at me?" I was holding back from yelling at her.
"I'm not mad." She stated, and just then my beer and her sundae arrived.
"Thank you." Emma smiled at the waitress again, I sighed.
Why won't she smile at me? Why won't she look at me?
"So how is Liz?" She finally asked, and our eyes met. She held a cherry by the stem, and the second after I looked at her, she had it between her lips. I watched her suck on the cherry gently before biting into it, pulling it off the stem. She chewed and swallowed, raising her eyebrows at me.
"Want to see me tie a cherry stem with my tongue?" She asked, smiling.
And there's my Emma.
I smiled back immediately, "That could cause trouble."
"Yeah, but it can cause pleasure too." She said quietly, popping the stem into her mouth. She stared at me as her tongue worked on the stem, and she pulled it out with a knot in it.
"How hard was it to learn that?" I asked, she laughed softly.
"It took quite some practice. My ex boyfriend taught me." I frowned.
"How did he teach you that?" I asked, she blushed.
"You don't want to know." Emma looked away slowly, her cheeks red.
"Try me." I stated, taking a long sip of my beer.
"He tied it in my mouth for me a few dozen times, then made me tie it in his mouth until I got it right. He was a very talented kisser." She smiled slowly, "I think he was the best kisser of all the guys I've ever kissed. And he told me that I gave the best blow jobs." She laughed, shaking her head.
"Wow." I murmured, raising my eyebrows and looking away.
"That was too much information, I know. Sorry." She whispered, I looked up just in time to see her lick her spoon slowly. I swallowed hard.
"Why wouldn't you talk to me earlier?" I asked suddenly, she looked up.
"You did the thing again." She stated, shrugging.
"What thing?" I asked, my eyebrows pulling together.
She sighed softly, "She's sixteen. You keep saying that, like it's a bad thing. You keep using it as an excuse to people. She's cute, Adam said and what did you say? She's sixteen. Why is my age an excuse for you, John? Why does it matter to you?" She looked away immediately, blinking quickly.
"Because you are SIX-TEEN, Emma. You don't listen to me when I say that. You're sixteen years old, I'm 31. Its not as big of a deal to you, because you're not the one that could go to jail." I stated quietly, leaning toward her. This was the first time I said something like this to her.
"Oh? I wasn't aware. I've never put anyone in jail for that before, you know." She snapped, standing up and storming away.
I sighed heavily, throwing money on the table before running out after her.
"Emma!" I shouted, racing to her, grabbing her elbow lightly.
I turned her toward me, seeing the tears running down her cheeks, and my heart broke. She looked so sad, so hurt..I caused that.
"Do you know what that was like?" She asked through her tears, sniffling and shaking her head, "To have to go to court and tell a judge about my entire relationship with this man that I was forbidden to be with by law? To watch his face fall when they found him guilty of rape?? I loved him, John. I loved him so much and they took him from me because of my age!!"
I frowned deeply, wincing when her voice cracked, watching the tears fall down her cheeks like waterfalls. Her mascara smeared down her cheeks.
"Do you really, honestly think I want to go through that again?"
I continued to frown, reaching out to her, but she retreated.
"Do you really think I'm going to let you go through that?" She whispered, her tears stopping cold. "Do you think I'm ever going to let that happen to you? They took Jack from me and they are not going to take you too."
"Emma.." I barely whispered. "Emma, Emma..come here.."
I pulled her into my arms tightly, her body relaxed against mine instantly.
"Shh.." I murmured, smoothing her hair down gently. "Its okay.."
"Nothings going to happen, Emma. It can't..it just..it can't." I whispered, sighing heavily into her hair, feeling her grip loosen on me.
"You want to save yourself from the hell that will come with being with me. I get it." She whispered, pulling back from the hug slowly.
"No, Emma." I shook my head. "I want to save you from that hell."